Promise him that u and ur baby will not depend on him or his salary, till when he is ready, that he should just get you pregnant. When you give birth, take care of your kid with the little you have and think of side hussle until he is ready. Don’t leave ur marriage for anything. If people tell you what they go through in their marriage, you will thank God for urs.

HEAVEN4444:
here is wisdom. your husband is a wise man. your husband does not see children as blessings, and really children are not blessings, they are curses if the LORD has not blessed you with resources to properly take care of them. you see, part of the curses in this world is looking after another human in poverty and struggling. this is a prison planet where people are reincarnated into to come and struggle and deal with past life karma. having children under poverty is part of the curse. and so your husband being an ascended person does not want to partake of this curse.

here is where i blame him ? he should have stayed clear away from women. why marry ? just be single and you dont have to deal with another demonic entities desire to plunge into the pit of earthly hell aka intensified struggling. i mean just the hospital bill alone from delivering a baby is 500,000 naira

Ogbeni which hospital? What nonsense are you talking here? Be careful how you talk. Your dad did not even spend up to 1k during your birth.

ogwuche4u:


Fighting to succeed at 35 you say? I bet you he will keep fighting to succeed till he gets to 70. You know why? Slave mentality of working. And at the end, regrets. Had I know will set in. Human need is insatiable. If he knew he had plans, why involve the innocent woman into this? Let's eschew selfishness from this discussion.

Leave him, let him take his chances.

It's better he takes his chances and fail than to bring kids into this world to continue generational poverty.

If the wife is not okay with that, she should leave.

Simple!

JuanDeDios:
How is it obvious he doesn't ever want kids?

one thing is certain....he doesnt want kids now, and that should be the end of this dscussion.

There's no evidence they discussed it before marriage - that's your ASSUMPTION. They likely didn't - and that's a common mistake.

whether they did discuss it or not, this man doesnt not want children now and that should be the end of this "lets have a baby" discussion.

Of course, if he wants kids and she doesn't, going their separate ways is the right thing to do. But the lady seems to think his reluctance is because of money - she said so and it seems you didn't read those parts. That's why she's trying to make him see reasons with her

she "thinks" his reluctance is because of money...isnt that also an assumption?! what about asking your husband the simple question: WHY? ... and accept whatever answer he will give you?!

sadly, in this day and age, staying married at all cost (to fit with the Joneses) is more imprtant to people than anything else.

mechanics:
hmmmm, you don't like responsibilities abi?

Never have, never will.

You don get belle B4 den abort am, if no. No vex but your guy might be impotent, he dey use delay tactics till you hit menopause. Those supporting him that he should get money first Una dey forget say Nigeria life expectancy nor go anywhere and you can die when your first child is 10. Which one worse be alive and support your kids with the little you have or be dead when you children are still kids. The money he dey find he still fit nor get am....

Raalsalghul:


Leave him, let him take his chances.

It's better he takes his chances and fail than to bring kids into this world to continue generational poverty.

If the wife is not okay with that, she should leave.

Simple!

Can you just listened to yourself. This is the height of wickedness. At 29 he married her and she has given 3 good years of her life to him. At 29, she had other suitors coming her way. If the man knew childbirth was not in his agenda, why marry the lady or better still, why didn't he discussed it with the lady? Let's not reason like this please.

Romanoff:
A lot of ignoramus here don't know that once a woman hits 35, she's termed a geriatric in obstetrics.

Her risks gets higher with pregnancy at that age.

These are things that should have been discussed before marriage.

In my opinion, one child is enough if you both can get your finances together by evaluating your current financial situation.

Does any of you have HMO, does it cover pregnancy and delivery?

Can you buy okrika clothes rather than new ones, can you do exclusive breastfeeding for three months and do you have three months maternity leave?

Can you afford formula and daycare after the maternity leave?

These are questions you both should come together and address.

Factor in the price of diapers.

If you have lots of friends, talk to the closest so they can throw you a modest baby shower.

You can get gifts there.

The diapers I got from baby shower and naming ceremony, I'm still using them and haven't even touched the ones I bought.

I pray he listens. He can have kids anytime he wants, you're the one who has the clock to consider.

Women who have kids late sometimes are lucky enough to have multiple pregnancies and I agree with you but that said you should also highlight that men's sperm begins to decrease once they enter 40.

This hasn't been focused on much in this part of the world but it is true,some of them even find it difficult to impregnate women and use sex enhancing drugs too,their sperm quality reduces and the number of sperm they produce reduces with age.

So even the husband is at risk, men also experience fertility decline too and the husband should be made aware of this he shouldn't think it would be easy for him as we are highlighting that of women we should highlight that of men.

And besides I will reiterate again I would not advice anybody interested in having children to have them late this includes men and women because the 60's and above should be for enjoyment not responsibilities of paying fees and raising children NO NO NO

Thank you for your concern and advise, next year hopefully we intend to bring in the last child in our personal house. Those baby food (Nan, Aptamil, Friso, SMA) and cloths can be overwhelming.

AmazonTopaz:


Even as a man it isn't advisable to have kids late because in your 50's your sperm quality would reduce and can lead to deformities not all men can perform and produce children when they get to their 50's it isn't easy and asides that I wouldn't advice anybody to have kids late to be paying fees in their 50's and 60's when they should be enjoying their old age they would be shouldering themselves with responsibilities.

Make hay while the sun still shines.

people need to understand, children are not blessings. they are curses. another demonic entity from past life reincarnated through you for you to take care of till their real soul emerges ( in the teen age years ) and then the real entity from past life is manifested before your face. could be a killer ( seen many cases where the children kill the parents ) , you dont know what demonic spirit the LORD put into your womb. the entity stays in the womb for 9 months, comes out and is needy and cries all the time and is demanding, then gets to teenage years and is moody and then goes into the world to manifest its soul purpose after which trying to even contact you the parent is like hard work for them. like will this old man or woman just die already, i cant be dealing with old parents lol. i mean are people still romanticising having children in 2021 ? this whole matrix was unravelled during the covid thing and proved to be nothing but a matrix. all your programmed desires are just that, programmed desires. you better unprogram yourself from the matrix and start desiring things of higher value

now you may be highly favoured of the LORD and he allows a good soul to come through you, but for the most part, most of these souls out here are curses if they come through you

Jbiz2008:

I get your point but I think he is also considering their self con apartment. He might not want to give birth to a child in sef con apartment, because friends will want to visit and see the child, mother or mother in-law will want to come around for omugwo so all these can't happen in a self content. The apartment might actually be what he is considering

I have seen family build their own house on salary of 80k. Life is all about planing. This is not an excuse please.

Was he forced to get married, if he knew he was not ready to father a kid why get married and ruin someone else's life? Y'all be saying bull sh**t

I don't trust your husband, he might be diabolic, there is a motive to his decision. Just like someone said up there, children are blessing and who knows if that's where your blessings is hanged on.

Raalsalghul:
I like your husband already.

35 years old man

Although i no get clothes and foodstuff for this festive period that is not my major concern



I need cash to repair this laptop that someone dash me(battery and keyboard needs to be changed) so i can join the virtual web development training that will commence by January



I really wish I'll see help so i can aquire this web development skill..

HEAVEN4444:
people need to understand, children are not blessings. they are curses. another demonic entity from past life reincarnated through you for you to take care of till their real soul emerges ( in the teen age years ) and then the real entity from past life is manifested before your face. could be a killer ( seen many cases where the children kill the parents ) , you dont know what demonic spirit the LORD put into your womb. the entity stays in the womb for 9 months, comes out and is needy and cries all the time and is demanding, then gets to teenage years and is moody and then goes into the world to manifest its soul purpose after which trying to even contact you the parent is like hard work for them. like will this old man or woman just die already, i cant be dealing with old parents lol. i mean are people still romanticising having children in 2021 ? this whole matrix was unravelled during the covid thing and proved to be nothing but a matrix. all your programmed desires are just that, programmed desires. you better unprogram yourself from the matrix and start desiring things of higher value

I guess you are a curse to your family. Just imagine this nonsense here. Where are you having this thoughts from? I see you a SADISTIC human being

duduade:
you earn 70k.. and you are not working on how to improve on yourself to earn more.. no desire to live a better life... your only desire is to be pooping children out abi...

Aunty u are the one frustrating yourself

Is life suppose to be a single lane or you just prefer one way ... how does having kids stop her endeavours to improve herself careerwise, if watching your seeds grow n giving you sense of responsibility is not a better life then what your definition? eating chicken? wearing gucci? driving rolls royce? winning all career awards ? when you have all that without a family have you for a minute imagine what your next of kin will do with all you gathered.



How about there is time for everything, sometimes we should be considerate, OP reasoning is very normal, naa man need do normal

ogwuche4u:

Can you just listened to yourself. This is the height of wickedness. At 29 he married her and she has given 3 good years of her life to him. At 29, she had other suitors coming her way. If the man knew childbirth was not in his agenda, why marry the lady or better still, why didn't he discussed it with the lady? Let's not reason like this please.

What do you mean by "she gave three years of her life to him"?

Relationships/Marriages are just like any business venture.

You can give it your all and the shit doesn't bring the expected result.

So doesn't it make sense to check out?

If she is tired, she should leave and leave the young man to forge his path.

Kutunban:
Thank you for your concern and advise, next year hopefully we intend to bring in the last child in our personal house. Those baby food (Nan, Aptamil, Friso, SMA) and cloths can be overwhelming.

I understand,and the both of you were smart enough to have one,that is what I will advice the OP to do for now until things get better but she shouldn't wait and have nothing.
Hopefully things get better for you and your wife and what you are planning on doing and working on will materialise.
I pray it gets better for your family and your children are blessings to you and your wife.Amen

All the best.

The same man will definitely leave u to av offsprings when menopause hits and u can't bear children or technology fails...if u are on pills go off it,if u are off sex,start getting it,try n get pregnant and keep it no matter d pressure,birth atleast a child and you guys can wait till you are ready...make we no hear stories that touch later...u both are capable of raising a kid

Your comment lacks bias from the beginning but you start to tilt towards the lady's defence. "Like he wants to wait, he should have found a woman willing to wait with him" what about telling the lady to have found a partner who needed a kid immediately.
They both ought to have really communicated this crucial subject before coming together as one.

cococandy:
I feel like you and your husband should have married partners who are interested in the same things that you are. Like he wants to wait, he should have found a woman willing to wait with him.
Since he’s not here and no one can talk to him according to you, what other advice can anyone give you except to either wait with him or divorce him?

ogwuche4u:


I guess you are a curse to your family. Just imagine this nonsense here. Where are you having this thoughts from? I see you a SADISTIC human being

its reality. the matrix is unravelling. children are not blessings. they are curses and punishment. you shall toil the earth in sweat and pain and tears to feed this entity that i put in your charge

cococandy:
I feel like you and your husband should have married partners who are interested in the same things that you are. Like he wants to wait, he should have found a woman willing to wait with him.
Since he’s not here and no one can talk to him according to you, what other advice can anyone give you except to either wait with him or divorce him?

U see this girls, when u are dating them, anything u say to them they will agree immediately u mention marriage. The man might have convened the message to her during courtship, but because she was eager to wear wedding gown, she will not think it deep. Anything u agree with a woman please document it and have her sign it. Their brain nor dey accommodate things

ogwuche4u:


Ogbeni which hospital? What nonsense are you talking here? Be careful how you talk. Your dad did not even spend up to 1k during your birth.

maybe hospitals in the villages are cheaper lol.

duduade:
you earn 70k.. and you are not working on how to improve on yourself to earn more.. no desire to live a better life... your only desire is to be pooping children out abi...

Aunty u are the one frustrating yourself

You are typing without sense. The selfish, perhaps impotent guy should have stayed unmarried instead of dragging an innocent woman along in his deceptive scheme.

Now that's what I'm talking about
Your husband is a strong Red piller, that's a man who understands reality and isn't move by your so called emotions.

Red pillers are highly successful men, so your husband is aiming right towards in that direction of success.

If you're looking for a man to control and manipulate, you could have just married a simp naah

Abeg let your husband be, He'll produce kids when he is ready! Respect to your husband, he's a strong alpha male and a red piller

HEAVEN4444:
maybe hospitals in the villages are cheaper lol.

Hahahahaha... not maybe. They are cheaper.

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

For Me, This Man Shouldn't have gotten Married Yet.

100k is Damn too Small for Child bath and Raising....without Acute Struggle and Suffering.
childbirth by CS..... is About 250k if Not More.

Then You will start thinking of Daily Things for Up keep.

and then House Rent, Transport etc are still there...
let me stop there....

The Best he can do Right Now is to Upskill to like 200k/month.....it might take 2 Years to Achieve....
But I hope You(Wife) will be Able to Wait it Out....

Your Husband's Priority is to Upskill.

But Your Priority is to Give Birth Sharp Sharp....(it not your Fault o)

Since you guys are already Married Try to Bear with him during this Upskill period so you all can Enjoy Later.

Family without Money is Frustration o.....

if He doesn't Upskill before Bearing Children...…Na Suffer for Everyone be That o

In fact 2 of You should Upskill to Make the Wait Shorter! that the best way to Go...

THAT ASIDE: for MEN: it almost suicidal to go into Marriage without Good monthly, steady income (like 200k)
and it still not a guarantee for a Happy Marriage

This is the REASON women go for man that are Ready to Start Bearing Children. I don't Blame them for this.....This is the Right way to Go

amnesty7:
Imagine! Oyinbo capitalist mentality. He never knows that the kids will definitely come with their blessings. And who promises or guarantees him tomorrow?
He may have to raise the kids in his old age.

Like the blessed cultism running our streets or the blessed children that have turned yahoo plus or the blessed children smuggling drugs or harvesting heads for money rituals, which of the blessings are you referring to?

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

Now that's what I'm talking about
Your husband is a strong Red piller, that's a man who understands reality and isn't move by your so called emotions.

Red pillers are highly successful men, so your husband is aiming right towards in that direction of success.

If you're looking for a man to control and manipulate, you could have just married a simp nah

Abeg let your husband be, He'll produce kids when he is ready! Respect to your husband, he's a strong alpha male and a red piller

@OP your husband is focus because he has something to hide with his focus

No need for all this story. When next you're having sex, tell him you want it raw. And then make sure you do missionary style with him. When you see that he is about to ejaculate, just pin him down with your legs like scissors, till he releases inside you. Raise your legs up, let his sperm go deep inside. Problem solved. Refuse to do abortion or take post pills. Congratulations on your coming baby