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Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice - Romance (7) - Nairaland

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Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by NoToPile: 12:56pm On Jul 14, 2022
begoniaa:


Shame women for jumping at marriage, shame women for taking their time to study whom they want to marry.

What else is new? smiley

I just don't understand all these romance section boys.

She marries him within 3 months wahala they will call her a gold digger

She says she doesn't know him well enough to marry within 3 months she also get blamed for it.

4 Likes

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by missidy: 12:56pm On Jul 14, 2022
@iamyemmie nairaland is the worst place to seek advice. It is boys with low mentality that full here. Go on Instagram and follow beyondintimacy and couples therapies. Send your story there and you will get reasonable relationship advice.

By the way, that guy is a time waster. Start focusing on the other men that like you and want something serious.

2 Likes

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by rickleye: 12:56pm On Jul 14, 2022
Iamyemmie:

Thanks for the advice
To answer your questions
-He came to see me last December he left January
-No we did not(we met when he came to visit his parents in Nigeria)
-Yes he comes everywhere and I go to meet him at his parent’s house
-Yes he brings stuffs for me when he comes and he gives me money
-We talk and chat everyday and video calls too
We talk atleast 10hrs a day
-Yes he introduced me to all his family members and they call me too

Our relationship is solid to me ,don’t know where this is coming from

Thx for replying. From your response thats a lot of commitment from him . 10 hrs a day . Introduction to family members etc.
You will have to be coy on the way you handle this. He may be influenced by a lot of things he’s read about marriage being a scam etc or he may not yet be ready for the big M yet.

How old are you both ?
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 12:57pm On Jul 14, 2022
cooooooks:
Loool

3 months marriage? Even his family will try to block it.

Shey if I talk now, you will say I am attacking men unnecessarily. smiley

Look at how "EVERY" guy is suddenly faulting a woman for rejecting a marriage proposal from a guy living in the US. When they've only known each other for three months.

But if the same lady accepted and kasala burst, they will be the one to come here castigating her on how she is not a prudent woman.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by NevetsIbot(m): 12:57pm On Jul 14, 2022
chatinent:

Uncle met you. He said he wanted to marry you within four months while in Nigeria.

You said no. You said it was too early. You said you needed to know him better. You didn't even give him a timeframe as to when you think it's possible. No wahala.

Uncle travelled oversea. Some 24 months later, you are feeling insecure about what he'll be doing with ladies there and wants to settle down. Uncle is pissed off because he feels he had asked you before the abroad plan and you rejected because you wanted to seek God's info, but now he is abroad, you are certain he relocated from one estate in heaven.

Hanty, so you no know say man wey tell you e wan marry after three months of dating has no time for the long dating waiting process...and fit don marry within two years?

I know you didn't want to agree then so you wouldn't look cheap or desperate, but how can you look cheap then! No bi him suggest am? No bi him meet you? Una Naija girls tho. If you no fit marry am you tell the person, no bi say it's too early. It's too early for marriage but not too early for dating for two years? Na diploma? Na this same “I don't want to look cheap and desperate” don make Bisola turn 49 and all her prayer points don bi “God when.” Of course, because society has time to remember every lady out there unmarried and getting overripe.


Person propose to you, you reject am. How dare you propose now? You get mind o.


I no dey force you into marriage but if you mah know say he is marriageable, by now una for don marry with kids, probably with him overseas.


NOW, THAT'S YOUR OWN STORY. HERE'S WHAT I THINK HAPPENED:

You didn't want to marry him while in Nigeria because he seemed broke to you!

Na as you hear US later, oil begin commot your body.

You ladies are funny sometimes. You need revelation from God for six months to know if a not too wealthy guy is for you but a rich man is the answered prayer and your opportunity comes but once...and you feel the rich guy has no common sense? You feel he doesn't feel he is doing you a favour?

A lady who says she is not ready for marriage then that is now disturbing for marriage is actually inviting sb to use and dump her. If you say you aren't ready for marriage then, keep quiet until he asks again. Repeatedly saying it is suspicious abeg.

To me, dating is for marriage straight-up. Since I don't cheat, I no get time to come dey share girlfriend with dick-hungry Nigerian wild guys. Now imagine the girl disagreed and I come travel from that location she come dey yarn okoto later. No nah.

If you wanted to end it, you would have...na the abroad string wey dey make am difficult for you.

Believe me, if the true story is that you rejected his advances while in Nigeria but are now eager for marriage while he is abroad, you have been dating yourself....and will continue to be used by him...yet the one thing about you that will relocate abroad will be your imagination.

Uncle is now woke and has realized that after all, you aren't bringing anything to the table. I know you'll say you are the table. Well, you don't have table manners.


Please break up with him.
I have no option for peace.



Sorry, I don't mince words.
Have a nice century.



I had to log into my account just to quote this. grin.

Mahn, That was a good laugh

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by usagee36: 12:57pm On Jul 14, 2022
Yeah one Oyedepo was deceiving her somewhere grin grin
chatinent:

Uncle met you. He said he wanted to marry you within four months while in Nigeria.

You said no. You said it was too early. You said you needed to know him better. You didn't even give him a timeframe as to when you think it's possible. No wahala.

Uncle travelled oversea. Some 24 months later, you are feeling insecure about what he'll be doing with ladies there and wants to settle down. Uncle is pissed off because he feels he had asked you before the abroad plan and you rejected because you wanted to seek God's info, but now he is abroad, you are certain he relocated from one estate in heaven.

Hanty, so you no know say man wey tell you e wan marry after three months of dating has no time for the long dating waiting process...and fit don marry within two years?

I know you didn't want to agree then so you wouldn't look cheap or desperate, but how can you look cheap then! No bi him suggest am? No bi him meet you? Una Naija girls tho. If you no fit marry am you tell the person, no bi say it's too early. It's too early for marriage but not too early for dating for two years? Na diploma? Na this same “I don't want to look cheap and desperate” don make Bisola turn 49 and all her prayer points don bi “God when.” Of course, because society has time to remember every lady out there unmarried and getting overripe.


Person propose to you, you reject am. How dare you propose now? You get mind o.


I no dey force you into marriage but if you mah know say he is marriageable, by now una for don marry with kids, probably with him overseas.


NOW, THAT'S YOUR OWN STORY. HERE'S WHAT I THINK HAPPENED:

You didn't want to marry him while in Nigeria because he seemed broke to you!

Na as you hear US later, oil begin commot your body.

You ladies are funny sometimes. You need revelation from God for six months to know if a not too wealthy guy is for you but a rich man is the answered prayer and your opportunity comes but once...and you feel the rich guy has no common sense? You feel he doesn't feel he is doing you a favour?

A lady who says she is not ready for marriage then that is now disturbing for marriage is actually inviting sb to use and dump her. If you say you aren't ready for marriage then, keep quiet until he asks again. Repeatedly saying it is suspicious abeg.

To me, dating is for marriage straight-up. Since I don't cheat, I no get time to come dey share girlfriend with dick-hungry Nigerian wild guys. Now imagine the girl disagreed and I come travel from that location she come dey yarn okoto later. No nah.

If you wanted to end it, you would have...na the abroad string wey dey make am difficult for you.

Believe me, if the true story is that you rejected his advances while in Nigeria but are now eager for marriage while he is abroad, you have been dating yourself....and will continue to be used by him...yet the one thing about you that will relocate abroad will be your imagination.

Uncle is now woke and has realized that after all, you aren't bringing anything to the table. I know you'll say you are the table. Well, you don't have table manners.


Please break up with him.
I have no option for peace.



Sorry, I don't mince words.
Have a nice century.


2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 12:57pm On Jul 14, 2022
You guys haven't been intimate but have seen many times??

He has been watching too many bad stories about imported wives.

Some Naija girls abroad may be accusing him of looking for a "small girl who doesn't know anything" (which is usually false) to "use".

I think you need to hit this issue head on. Explain to him that you too are wary. Send him the many videos of husbands maltreating or even ending (deleting) their imported wives. If you search "Obodo Oyinbo" on Youtube, you will find a channel that has these stories like water.
Explain to him with examples of how you have not overreached so far. Also tell him that his doubt is personally hurtful (if you are sincere). Tell him you would like to see him, that this is a serious conversation. Tell him that you are not interested in going where you are not wanted.

Iamyemmie:

Thanks for the advice
To answer your questions
-He came to see me last December he left January
-No we did not(we met when he came to visit his parents in Nigeria)
-Yes he comes everywhere and I go to meet him at his parent’s house
-Yes he brings stuffs for me when he comes and he gives me money
-We talk and chat everyday and video calls too
We talk atleast 10hrs a day
-Yes he introduced me to all his family members and they call me too

Our relationship is solid to me ,don’t know where this is coming from

1 Like

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by fman(m): 12:58pm On Jul 14, 2022
Iamyemmie:

Thanks for the advice
To answer your questions
-He came to see me last December he left January
-No we did not(we met when he came to visit his parents in Nigeria)
-Yes he comes everywhere and I go to meet him at his parent’s house
-Yes he brings stuffs for me when he comes and he gives me money
-We talk and chat everyday and video calls too
We talk atleast 10hrs a day
-Yes he introduced me to all his family members and they call me too

Our relationship is solid to me ,don’t know where this is coming from

you go don sex video skata for this pal

2 Likes

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by usagee36: 12:59pm On Jul 14, 2022
Well Goodluck. I am good with my white women over here.
cooooooks:
We do if we met our wives in person in Naija.

We could if we love & trust them.

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by Nobody: 1:01pm On Jul 14, 2022
fman:
you go don do sex video skata
For this pal
Na thier work.. once u be abroad based when soft na u go tire for different nudes cheesy

2 Likes

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by NoToPile: 1:01pm On Jul 14, 2022
chatinent:

You have also judged without getting the facts.
She never said he was in US initially when we saw her post. She had to edit it later so as not to make her look like a gold digger from the criticisms dropping.

And so? Even if he was based here in Nigeria and later moved to the US or (even still based her in Naija), does that warrant the gold digger tag.
It's not wrong to say you can't marry someone after 3 months and you need more time, not everybody jumps to marry.

1 Like

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by Iamyemmie: 1:01pm On Jul 14, 2022
rickleye:


Thx for replying. From your response thats a lot of commitment from him . 10 hrs a day . Introduction to family members etc.
You will have to be coy on the way you handle this. He may be influenced by a lot of things he’s read about marriage being a scam etc or he may not yet be ready for the big M yet.

How old are you both ?
He’s 34
I’m 27
And he doesn’t even have any kid
Don’t know what’s wrong with him o?
Who suppose dey pressure who?
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 1:01pm On Jul 14, 2022
Zonefree:

Magnoliaa, is everything okay with you?

grin You see again? Tell me why you are not my bitch on a lease. I thought you were prepared to keep k'ing me 'til the Heavenly Kingdom come.

Oya, you don chook your head outside small. I will wait patiently for you to completely come out your shell, snail. wink
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by TOPCRUISE(m): 1:01pm On Jul 14, 2022
begoniaa:


Why are you adding conditions? Women can be studied in three months, and you obviously believe the guy in the story above has done due diligence to study her in three months?

Lol... so a lady that accepts your marriage proposal after three months of just meeting you is prudent not desperate?

You can marry a woman you don't know from Adam in three months?
3 years might be okay for some and might not be okay for some. Same with 2 years plus. The guy might have gotten over after 2 years as he might have seen it as long over due as too long. And because of that he could have gotten a good alternative somewhere that he is relying on.

1 Like

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:01pm On Jul 14, 2022
Come-on, let's not act like beginners.

People, of various self-ascribed "identities", have done these things you mentioned.

Magnolia comes to mind, but I haven't interacted or seen her (if the handle is really female) in months. There are others. There's another lady who is a bit older and purposefully bitter, I forget her username now.

All these gender fights are super stupid.

begoniaa:


Which feminist do you see running amok, calling men all sort of names and creating denigrating threads about them? What is weird about believing in equality and the humanness of women?

Can you count how many times threads about women get to the front-page and those guys flock to it as usual, talking down on women and using slurs on them?

1 Like

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by Zonefree(m): 1:03pm On Jul 14, 2022
begoniaa:


grin You see again? Tell me why you are not my bitch on a lease. I thought you were prepared to keep k'ing me 'til the Heavenly Kingdom come.

Oya, you don chook your head outside small. I will wait patiently for you to completely come out your shell, snail. wink
grin
K
You win.

Can I rest now?

1 Like

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 1:03pm On Jul 14, 2022
cooooooks:
Come-on, let's not act like beginners.

People, of various self-ascribed "identities", have done these things you mentioned.

Magnolia comes to mind, but I haven't interacted or seen her (if the handle is really female) in months. There are others. There's another lady who is a bit older and purposefully bitter, I forget her username now.

All these gender fights are super stupid.


It's how you admitted to me being bitter and fighting gender wars right to my face to me... smiley smiley
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:04pm On Jul 14, 2022
I can see someone proposing marriage to someone they hitherto knew but only DATED for 3 months. Especially if they're older than 27.

If it is someone completely new, that is crazy. I personally think at least 2 years.

I would point out that some other conditions could hasten marriage. E.g: I know of at least 1 couple that met in a group for single people planning (seriously) to japa. They met ~ 2019 in Nigeria, married late 2019, japa-ed in 2020 and already have 2 kids.

begoniaa:


Why are you adding conditions? Women can be studied in three months, and you obviously believe the guy in the story above has done due diligence to study her in three months?

Lol... so a lady that accepts your marriage proposal after three months of just meeting you is prudent not desperate?

You can marry a woman you don't know from Adam in three months?

3 Likes

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 1:05pm On Jul 14, 2022
Zonefree:
grin
K
You win.

Can I rest now?

Am I holding your blokos from not responding to me?

Goan rest if you want; I will drag you and stop whenever I wish to, nigga.

Win? Win what? smiley
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by Owen247: 1:06pm On Jul 14, 2022
Iamyemmie:

Yes

i no been wan talk until u open mouth waaa say yes. U no knw say with dat ans u have spilled it all.

im not faultin ur no ans to the proposal atm,but 2 years and counting it a v long wait for some dudes that realy wanna have a family.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:06pm On Jul 14, 2022
IS it you? It's another lady. She also posts on the food sections. An OG on the NL streets.

begoniaa:


It's how you admitted to me being bitter and fighting gender wars right to my face to me to me... smiley smiley
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:06pm On Jul 14, 2022
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery".

usagee36:
Well Goodluck. I am good with my white women over here.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 1:07pm On Jul 14, 2022
cooooooks:
IS it you? It's another lady. She also posts on the food sections. An OG on the NL streets.

undecided Mtcheeewww.

Is it poco's name that's harding you to mention? E say e forget. Forget, my yansh.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:09pm On Jul 14, 2022
Lool.
You are absolutely right. People are blind when they want to be.

Also, all these Alfa Mails with their rules are laughable. Any lady (and ladies are smarter than men in this relationship thing) can easily play them, tick all their boxes, and still control the relationship. Especially in the abroad.

These Alfa Mails are setup to fail.

People need to come correct: males & females.

begoniaa:


Shey if I talk now, you will say I am attacking men unnecessarily. smiley

Look at how "EVERY" guy is suddenly faulting a woman for rejecting a marriage proposal from a guy living in the US. When they've only known each other for three months.

But if the same lady accepted and kasala burst, they will be the one to come here castigating her on how she is not a prudent woman.


Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by TOPCRUISE(m): 1:09pm On Jul 14, 2022
begoniaa:


✏ ✏ Oh, I have also learnt today that if a US-based guy asks for my hand in marriage, three months after our first meeting, accepting it is PRUDENT of me. smiley smiley

That doesn't make me a desperado beech looking for a green card to japa and milk him.
Be careful that the 3 months should not become years. Also what both you were doing while studying each other even if it is within a space of 2 years should be consequential enough to be focused on marriage. It doesn't mean you should accept within 3 months.
But Bringing up buried marital discussions after 2 years will make one see the other party as desperate
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:09pm On Jul 14, 2022
Ooooo. Yes Aunty Poco.

Na you be dis.

grin grin
begoniaa:


undecided Mtcheeewww.

Is it poco's name that's harding you to mention? E say e forget. Forget, my yansh.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by descartes400: 1:10pm On Jul 14, 2022
chatinent:

Uncle met you. He said he wanted to marry you within four months while in Nigeria.

You said no. You said it was too early. You said you needed to know him better. You didn't even give him a timeframe as to when you think it's possible. No wahala.

Uncle travelled oversea. Some 24 months later, you are feeling insecure about what he'll be doing with ladies there and wants to settle down. Uncle is pissed off because he feels he had asked you before the abroad plan and you rejected because you wanted to seek God's info, but now he is abroad, you are certain he relocated from one estate in heaven.

Hanty, so you no know say man wey tell you e wan marry after three months of dating has no time for the long dating waiting process...and fit don marry within two years?

I know you didn't want to agree then so you wouldn't look cheap or desperate, but how can you look cheap then! No bi him suggest am? No bi him meet you? Una Naija girls tho. If you no fit marry am you tell the person, no bi say it's too early. It's too early for marriage but not too early for dating for two years? Na diploma? Na this same “I don't want to look cheap and desperate” don make Bisola turn 49 and all her prayer points don bi “God when.” Of course, because society has time to remember every lady out there unmarried and getting overripe.


Person propose to you, you reject am. How dare you propose now? You get mind o.


I no dey force you into marriage but if you mah know say he is marriageable, by now una for don marry with kids, probably with him overseas.


NOW, THAT'S YOUR OWN STORY. HERE'S WHAT I THINK HAPPENED:

You didn't want to marry him while in Nigeria because he seemed broke to you!

Na as you hear US later, oil begin commot your body.

You ladies are funny sometimes. You need revelation from God for six months to know if a not too wealthy guy is for you but a rich man is the answered prayer and your opportunity comes but once...and you feel the rich guy has no common sense? You feel he doesn't feel he is doing you a favour?

A lady who says she is not ready for marriage then that is now disturbing for marriage is actually inviting sb to use and dump her. If you say you aren't ready for marriage then, keep quiet until he asks again. Repeatedly saying it is suspicious abeg.

To me, dating is for marriage straight-up. Since I don't cheat, I no get time to come dey share girlfriend with dick-hungry Nigerian wild guys. Now imagine the girl disagreed and I come travel from that location she come dey yarn okoto later. No nah.

If you wanted to end it, you would have...na the abroad string wey dey make am difficult for you.

Believe me, if the true story is that you rejected his advances while in Nigeria but are now eager for marriage while he is abroad, you have been dating yourself....and will continue to be used by him...yet the one thing about you that will relocate abroad will be your imagination.

Uncle is now woke and has realized that after all, you aren't bringing anything to the table. I know you'll say you are the table. Well, you don't have table manners.


Please break up with him.
I have no option for peace.

Sorry, I don't mince words.
Have a nice century.

Peace isn't taken, it is consumed by vawulence. For vawulence can neither be created nor destroy but it can be transformed from one state into another.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 1:11pm On Jul 14, 2022
TOPCRUISE:
3 years might be okay for some and might not be okay for some. Same with 2 years plus. The guy might have gotten over after 2 years as he might have seen it as long over due as too long. And because of that he could have gotten a good alternative somewhere that he is relying on.

Oga, this one no be the point. No be watin we dey talk about be this.

You are living in 'Murica and you find a complete stranger Naija babe, girl wey you never meet before and you no dey see o. Na long distance thing... and you proposed marriage to that kin babe in three months, she gree for you, you're telling me that is PRUDENT to you and doesn't raise red flags? grin
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:12pm On Jul 14, 2022
Leave the boys. Listen to the men. wink

She's playing her cards right. Our abroad boy is looking for someone to not use him, and is listening to bad stories.

HE could always do prenup (but what usually happens is that the lady will travel & start earning mad money).

NoToPile:


I just don't understand all these romance section boys.

She marries him within 3 months wahala they will call her a gold digger

She says she doesn't know him well enough to marry within 3 months she also get blamed for it.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by SunMusk(m): 1:13pm On Jul 14, 2022
That is it my brother.
Freethinker87:


I don't understand the romance section. Everyone seems combative, both men and women.

Alpha male, feminist, simps and all sorts of weird nomenclatures they call each other in anger. You guys should drink some water and chill so that we can discuss and learn from each other.

1 Like

Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by begoniaa: 1:13pm On Jul 14, 2022
cooooooks:
Ooooo. Yes Aunty Poco.

Na you be dis.

grin grin

Kai. *facepalms*.
Re: Problem With Abroad Boyfriend,i Need Advice by cooooooks(m): 1:14pm On Jul 14, 2022
Come, Bia,

What work will you do in the abroad?

If you guys have not discussed you career there, that may be what is making him think that you will milk him.

Even if he is one of those "Alfa Mails" who say that their wives won't work. For your own good, get a career, healthcare is one.

Naija girls who travel have insane work ethic. They almost always earn good money, even udner table (food, hair).

SERIOUSLY consider healthcare related work if you have nothing planned.

Iamyemmie:
Hi everyone, so me and my bf have been dating for 2years + now, no issues. He’s in the states and I am in Nigeria.

The problem started when I started talking about marriage cos I want to settle down.
Now he told me he feels I want to use him to travel abroad, that statement really pissed me off because at the beginning of the relationship he was the one that wanted to marry like 3months after we started but I told him I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know him enough.

So which one is I want to use him to travel now??

I feel like maybe because I keep talking about the marriage stuff, that’s why he thinks it’s because of traveling.

I’m thinking it’s only break up that can solve the issue. Cos if it comes from me, then that’s a clear message I’m not dating for abroad
Or how do I solve this issue??

Ps he has been U.S citizen from the beginning of our relationship.
Just didn’t accept cos he might be a serial killer or woman beater or something, I didn’t know him well enough.

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