Samantha124:
What if she takes the kids and they end up catching whatever sickness the relative has?

Who are they going to blame?

True. But she's doesn't have to make silly excuses everytime. Her relatives are always sick. Com'on she just don't wanna go out with the kids. She should take care of the kids and let the husband make money. If the husband keep coming home to look after the kids, they are going to end up living in the street.

Samantha124:
1. You don't see it as a risk because you're ignorant.

2. What if she wasn't lying? Don't start making false accusations without proof.

3. I'm not giving excuses for anyone, the op doesn't want to be involved in his own children's lives and he's trying to do anything to paint his wife as a bad person just because he wants to go and watch football at the viewing center alone... What if he's the one that's having a secret lover and he's just trying to start trouble where the isn't?

1. In that case, op and his wife are also ignorant because they also don't see it as a risk. So why is the wife not wanting to take the kids along since she sees nothing risky in it?

Now, the OP didn't complain of children issues alone. But you're only particular about his flaws as regards the children. Why did you not talk about his wife's flaws too:

My wife lacks respect for me as a husband. Sometimes, the way she talks to me is as if I'm her boy or her mate. This woman called my wife is also very ungrateful. She never appreciate anything. I can't correct her when she's wrong without her getting angry. Most times when i send her to buy something, her mood changes or she starts complaining. I can't tell her to cook what my appetite yearns for without her complaining, especially swallow.

At the bolded, if she saw nothing risky, she'd have been taking the children, but she values her children's health by leaving them behind... Children can also be easily traumatized from seeing sick people.

Those other minor issues can be easily resolved and don't require a third intervention... All marriages have ups and downs.

It's not every time that when married couples have issues, they should run to others for help, that alone would show that they were never ready to get married in the first place.

As long as there's no extramarital affair or physical abuse, then everything can be resolved... They made a vow that they'll be together for better and for worse.[quote author=LINSAR post=125345933]

1. In that case, op and his wife are also ignorant because they also don't see it as a risk. So why is the wife not wanting to take the kids along since she sees nothing risky in it?

Now, the OP didn't complain of children issues alone. But you're only particular about his flaws as regards the children. Why did you not talk about his wife's flaws too:
[/quote]

Samantha124:

At the bolded, if she saw nothing risky, she'd have been taking the children, but she values her children's health by leaving them behind... Children can also be easily traumatized from seeing sick people.

Those other minor issues can be easily resolved and don't require a third intervention... All marriages have ups and downs.

I noticed you're ignoring some issues I raised just to be biased towards the wife.

You never blamed his wife for referring their kids to him to poo while she is idle.
You never blamed her for being disrespectful to him.
You never blamed her for being ungrateful and unappreciative to her husband.
You never blamed her for refusing to take corrections.
You never blamed her for always refusing to assist her husband when he asks.
You never blamed her for refusing to cook his favourite meals when he asks.

But you blame the man because his wife is using kids to disturb his work for his daily bread. You even accused him of not wanting to be involved in his kids lives.

The hardworking and responsible man is the bad guy while the idle woman who does nothing other than visit ever sick relatives is the good lady.
Speaks volume about the kind of wife you will be.

Shalom!

I said those other issues can be easily resolved, but since you've already made up your mind that I'm biased, then okay.

LINSAR:


I noticed you're ignoring some issues I raised just to be biased towards the wife.

You never blamed his wife for referring their kids to him to poo while she is idle.
You never blamed her for being disrespectful to him.
You never blamed her for being ungrateful and unappreciative to her husband.
You never blamed her for refusing to take corrections.
You never blamed her for always refusing to assist her husband when he asks.
You never blamed her for refusing to cook his favourite meals when he asks.

But you blame the man because his wife is using kids to disturb his work for his daily bread. You even accused him of not wanting to be involved in his kids lives.

The hardworking and responsible man is the bad guy while the idle woman who does nothing other than visit ever sick relatives is the good lady.
Speaks volume about the kind of wife you will be.

Shalom!

Let darkness walk with darkness, and light walk with light. Never wife up a wicked woman. Let her rot in her wickedness alone. - Pansophist, 2023.

Tuale Baba.

pansophist:


Nope. No battery and assault, that's not a solution. It's like trying to melt a butter with a hammer.

The question here is, why wife such women up? There are women that will never respect a man, which is understandable, but why wife such a woman?

If you as a man bears the burden of performance, why carry such burden for a devilish woman? Does he hates himself?

Cases like this is typical in situations where a man begs a woman to marry him. She is a trophy to him, and she used him to bear the marriage tag.

Her strategy is to have a man at home that gives her the security, surname, and to fulfil societal demands, while she go back to the corrupt lifestyle she is used to.

The man is weak. I blame him, not her. Same way I won't blame a crocodile for biting you, instead I'll ask, what are you doing with a croc?

The bible said, light and darkness does. not walk together. There will always be light, and there will always be darkness.

Let darkness walk with darkness, and light walk with light. Never wife up a wicked woman. Let her rot in her wickedness alone.

So I blame him. If he doesn't have a child, I'll just say he should divorce her. But since three kids are in the picture, then it becomes complicated.

Yugoslavia247:
For me.

Are they your children?

If yes why ashame of taking them wherever you go.

Two you must sacrifice alot for marriage.

Don't be too rigid if not you will bring more problem.

Your wife dey house 247. Does the house look unkempt when you come?

You should be proud that you are doing that for your children. Atleast one of them go love you pass their mama.

Now you dey vex.
Tomorrow if children choose their mom over you. You go vex.

Does she deny you sex

If she does not.

Then try and be calm.

Marriage is a lot of responsibility.

Must you watch football.

Does football pay you.

If you don't want to miss it then buy data and watch it at home.

You are not a single man.

Even single people dey forget football chase money.

OP, be wary of stupid advice.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

OP, be wary of stupid advice.

Ok.

How is your family?

Yugoslavia247:


Ok.

How is your family?

We're doing great.

OP, If what she is doing doesn't go down well with you then stamp your foot and insist she does right. Don't waste time reporting to her mother since it is obvious she will side with her. You are the sole provider of your family so she absolutely has no right to treat you that way.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

We're doing great. If what she is doing doesn't go down well with you then stamp your foot and insist she does right. Don't waste time reporting to her mother since it is obvious she will side with her. You are the sole provider of your family so she absolutely has no right to treat you that way.

Patriarchy is vague.

Understand this and know peace.

Yugoslavia247:


Patriarchy is vague.

Understand this and know peace.

If she was the breadwinner of the family, you are the same people that will drag the poor dude and label him lazy, now he goes out, works his fingers to the bones, comes back home to rest only for the wife to push her baby with poo poo on the bum for him to wash while she sits and watch and you are here giving me a silly "patriarchy is vague" quote, whatever that nonsense means. Mstchew

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

If she was the breadwinner of the family, you are the same people that will drag the poor dude and label him lazy, now he goes out, works his fingers to the bones, comes back home to rest only for the wife to push her baby with poo poo on the bum for him to wash while she sits and watch and you are here giving me a silly "patriarchy is vague" quote, whatever that means. Mstchew

do you know what she did just yesterday again? She told me that her aunty wants to see her, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

We're doing great.

OP, If what she is doing doesn't go down well with you then stamp your foot and insist she does right. Don't waste time reporting to her mother since it is obvious she will side with her. You are the sole provider of your family so she absolutely has no right to treat you that way.

She told me that her aunty wants to see her just yesterday, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital

Samantha124:
So far you're not showing me anything here... I just see a man that is ashamed of people seeing him with his children.

She told me that her aunty wants to see her just yesterday, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital.

Sweetvie:
True. But she's doesn't have to make silly excuses everytime. Her relatives are always sick. Com'on she just don't wanna go out with the kids. She should take care of the kids and let the husband make money. If the husband keep coming home to look after the kids, they are going to end up living in the street.

She told me that her aunty wants to see her just yesterday, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital

Rtk4:
She told me that her aunty wants to see her just yesterday, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital

I don't recommend divorce, but you must refuse to accept what you can't live with, a woman will give you only the kind of treatment you show her you can accommodate. So far you provide for your home, she dare not treat you that way. As you see her, if she should be the breadwinner for just one week, you will be a total slave. Never pray to see that day brother, it will be bad.

Complains from married men these days is becoming worrisome.

From the look of things, this institution called marriage could go instinct in years to come, because peace of mind is getting scarce from it.
It is from one problem to another.

Sir, sit down with your wife and have a heart to heart talk with her... Tell her your likes and dislikes in a polite way to avoid fighting with her... Remind her how much she means to you and how you don't want the good relationship that you have to be destroyed by minor things that could easily be resolved.

Call her aunt to check on her, in that way, you'll be able to know if she's there with her.

And stop trying to involve third parties into your marriage, especially nairalanders because they'll only tell you negative things that'll get you suspecting your wife for nothing.

Rtk4:
She told me that her aunty wants to see her just yesterday, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital.

Rtk4:
She told me that her aunty wants to see her just yesterday, then she left around 5pm. Guess what time she came back? Past 11pm. Till now I refused to say anything. She kept on saying sorry for not calling to tell me that they took the aunty to hospital

I think you guys really need to talk, like real talk. If it ain't gonna work anymore you just need to cut your losses and let go. You need to be a man and talk to your wife, if you can't even talk to your wife and let her listen, how are you gonna train your kids?
I alws tell people, marriage is never a do or die affair.

wwwtortoise:


Nice write up.
You saved me from typing.

Good and bad coexist for a reason. Anyone who can absorb both while striking a balance is physically and spiritually formidable.

This brings me to a scripture I internalized even before turning 18 - Ecclesiastes 7:16-17

Wow, I didn't know there was a verse in Ecclesiastes that explained it so clearly.

Also, a lot of modern philosophical works can be traced to the bible. There was a time (a few years ago) when I was linking modern philosophical and scientific works to passages in the bible, and I linked at least a hundred.

And I lost the file.

I will try to do it again and post it here. The Bible is deeply philosophical and scientific, and if one removes their bias (e.g. being non-religious), they could see lots of material wisdom in its teachings. Lemme list some that I can remember.

1. What redpillers called the 80/20 rule is known scientifically as the Pareto principle, and biblically as the Mattew principle (Matthew 25;29).

2. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung always talks about the shadow, and that every person should recognize, accept, and integrate their dark sides to become whole. So biblically as you wrote, it would be Ecclesiastes 7:16-17.

I will be updating this page as I remember them, or probably just create a new topic.

Sweetvie:
I think you guys really need to talk, like real talk. If it ain't gonna work anymore you just need to cut your losses and let go. You need to be a man and talk to your wife, if you can't even talk to your wife and let her listen, how are you gonna train your kids?
I alws tell people, marriage is never a do or die affair.

but to her marriage is a do or die or..... Once i talk about separation she becomes so violent about it.

Rtk4:
but to her marriage is a do or die or..... Once i talk about separation she becomes so violent about it.

That's why you guys need to talk. If she want healthy marriage, she should learn to behave.

@wwwtortoise that Bible passage is really eye opening.

@Pansophist pls do well to look for the file. The Bible is filled with wisdom especially Ecclesiaste.

Ecclesiastes 7:15-17 (MSG Version)
I’ve seen it all in my brief and pointless life—here a good person cut down in the middle of doing good, there a bad person living a long life of sheer evil. So don’t knock yourself out being good, and don’t go overboard being wise. Believe me, you won’t get anything out of it. But don’t press your luck by being bad, either. And don’t be reckless. Why die needlessly?

pansophist:


Wow, I didn't know there was a verse in Ecclesiastes that explained it so clearly.

Also, a lot of modern philosophical works can be traced to the bible. There was a time (a few years ago) when I was linking modern philosophical and scientific works to passages in the bible, and I linked at least a hundred.

And I lost the file.

I will try to do it again and post it here. The Bible is deeply philosophical and scientific, and if one removes their bias (e.g. being non-religious), they could see lots of material wisdom in its teachings. Lemme list some that I can remember.

1. What redpillers called the 80/20 rule is known scientifically as the Pareto principle, and biblically as the Mattew principle (Matthew 25;29).

2. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung always talks about the shadow, and that every person should recognize, accept, and integrate their dark sides to become whole. So biblically as you wrote, it would be Ecclesiastes 7:16-17.

I will be updating this page as I remember them, or probably just create a new topic.

Calm down bro. There's still room for adjustable especially for the sake of the children. Is her father still alive ?

maak400:
@wwwtortoise that Bible passage is really eye opening.

@Pansophist pls do well to look for the file. The Bible is filled with wisdom especially Ecclesiaste.

Ecclesiastes 7:15-17 (MSG Version)
I’ve seen it all in my brief and pointless life—here a good person cut down in the middle of doing good, there a bad person living a long life of sheer evil. So don’t knock yourself out being good, and don’t go overboard being wise. Believe me, you won’t get anything out of it. But don’t press your luck by being bad, either. And don’t be reckless. Why die needlessly?

I'll look for it. It's probably hidden in some. Filders deep in my hard drive

pansophist:


Wow, I didn't know there was a verse in Ecclesiastes that explained it so clearly.

Also, a lot of modern philosophical works can be traced to the bible. There was a time (a few years ago) when I was linking modern philosophical and scientific works to passages in the bible, and I linked at least a hundred.

And I lost the file.

I will try to do it again and post it here. The Bible is deeply philosophical and scientific, and if one removes their bias (e.g. being non-religious), they could see lots of material wisdom in its teachings. Lemme list some that I can remember.

1. What redpillers called the 80/20 rule is known scientifically as the Pareto principle, and biblically as the Mattew principle (Matthew 25;29).

2. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung always talks about the shadow, and that every person should recognize, accept, and integrate their dark sides to become whole. So biblically as you wrote, it would be Ecclesiastes 7:16-17.

I will be updating this page as I remember them, or probably just create a new topic.

As you rightly said there’s more to the Bible than meets the eyes. I see it as a coded book with snippets of life nuggets.

Please do well to create a thread for this (when time permits) so we can run minds and share ideas.

Cheers !

pansophist:


Wow, I didn't know there was a verse in Ecclesiastes that explained it so clearly.

Also, a lot of modern philosophical works can be traced to the bible. There was a time (a few years ago) when I was linking modern philosophical and scientific works to passages in the bible, and I linked at least a hundred.

And I lost the file.

I will try to do it again and post it here. The Bible is deeply philosophical and scientific, and if one removes their bias (e.g. being non-religious), they could see lots of material wisdom in its teachings. Lemme list some that I can remember.

1. What redpillers called the 80/20 rule is known scientifically as the Pareto principle, and biblically as the Mattew principle (Matthew 25;29).

2. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung always talks about the shadow, and that every person should recognize, accept, and integrate their dark sides to become whole. So biblically as you wrote, it would be Ecclesiastes 7:16-17.

I will be updating this page as I remember them, or probably just create a new topic.

I no dey read bible like that but I don read the book of ecclesiastes more than 5 times

pansophist:


Also, a lot of modern philosophical works can be traced to the bible. There was a time (a few years ago) when I was linking modern philosophical and scientific works to passages in the bible, and I linked at least a hundred.

And I lost the file.

I will try to do it again and post it here. The Bible is deeply philosophical and scientific, and if one removes their bias (e.g. being non-religious), they could see lots of material wisdom in its teachings.

Pansophist, abeg, how far with that your file, you don see am?

Would be very interesting to read. Thanks for mentioning Jordan Peterson in one of your posts...His EXODUS series has been an eye opener for me.

How did the relationship and marriage start?

That is probably where the problem started.

As for your wife who doesn't want to to care for her kids, there isn't much you can do. You have married her, gotten her pregnant and she has given birth 3 times.

There isn't much info in your post. You either pour everything out completely or go for counseling.

The excuses you put in shows that she is stepping out on you.

She has shown you that there is no love in her heart again.

Maybe she feels that the mere fact that she gave you children is enough. She no wan do again.

I promise you that your wife wont feel bad if you divorce. At least not at first. It will give her the freedom to do all her extra-curriculars in peace.

Rtk4:
Before i narrate everything, I would like to say that i swear I'm not a SIMP, I was just trying to be a good husband right from the beginning not knowing it was gonna lead to this.

I'm married with three children and my wife is not working for the past 7 years of our marriage. I'm responsible for everything in the house. I'm not complaining about the too much responsibilities but i really wanna end the marriage due to the following reasons, my wife lacks respect for me as a husband sometimes the way she talks to me as if I'm her boy or her mate. This woman called my wife is also very ungrateful. She never appreciate anything. I can't correct her when she's wrong without her getting angry, most times when i send her to buy something, her mood changes or she starts complaining, i can't tell her to cook what my appetite yearns for without her complaining especially swallow. The only thing this woman does consistently are as follows;

**Please could you stay with the kids i was called that my cousin is sick and they are in the hospital

**Please could you stay with the kids my mum's sister is sick and I want to go greet them

**Please could you stay with the kids we just lost our uncle

**Please could you stay with the kids my father's brother wants to see me

**Please could you stay with the kids, this, that and that.... I'm so angry because it doesn't allow me go out to Hussle. One of the most annoying part is when i have an important place to go, i'll have look for where to drop the kids or go with them? Sometimes you need to see the shame in me due to how people always look at me carrying 3kids up and down everywhere as if i don't have a wife. Even if i want to go and watch ball alot of times i'll have to go with them. She has 5 female elder siblings who are all married, why don't they behave like that to their husbands? Sometimes she'll be sitting or maybe she's doing something and one of the kid tells her he/she wants to poo, she'll tell the child go and meet your father, I'll have to go put the child on potty. The frustration is too much. I really wanna end the marriage. Most times when i report some things to the mother, the mother always looks for a way to cover for her daughter, the mother never sees anything wrong in what her daughter does. Do you know one of the thing she does that has gotten me fed up? I'll be in the middle of a very important work or meeting. This woman will start calling and calling, you will think it's something very important, the next thing she'll start texting me that won't you come home? She wants to go and check on her this or that who is in the hospital. So i should leave something very important which will give me money just to come and stay with the children so you could go visit a family member? This is a place you can go with the children. Please guys how do i go about ending this marriage because she is very violent and i don't want to create a scene because she likes creating scenes.

A bad mother or bad father is worse than no mother/father.

Samantha124:
Every child needs his or her mother... You'll only be punishing the children by separating them from their mother.

Never allow your issues with your wife affect the children.

GraciousWords:


Pansophist, abeg, how far with that your file, you don see am?

Would be very interesting to read. Thanks for mentioning Jordan Peterson in one of your posts...His EXODUS series has been an eye opener for me.

Which file be that? remind me abeg