₦airaland Forum

Zane2point4:
Babe, man own pass, not only domestic but extended o.
I mean full blown responsible family man, no be OP level o.

E only pass for men who are trying to be what they are not...
One of the most adult things in life is to know when to say “NO”!
>

Baawahala:
Nawao,women dey enjoy ooo
Somebody's child will decide to carry all your burdens just like that...
But in all these man,do you even remember your siblings and your parents,before throwing money around, which most times is like throwing money in the wind.
Some Jezebels have been released into the world.

You sound like one of those LAZY siblings who is always holding his greedy hands out instead of going to get your own...

Parents are a different thing (not least because Nigeria does have a social security system), but people have to understand the concept that married couples are beginning a new and DIFFERENT family. His couch is no longer your couch (or bed, for the lazy ones).
>

bignero:
Wow

Sister.. Sincerely i was tired of reading.

But please learn.. If a human being man or woman boy or girl say "you arr not serious is an insult".. Please respect their wishes, you didn't grow up together and every ones back ground and growing up is different, stop forcing what you think is right on another.. Besides that, if you love some one, how hard is it to not use certain words that make them uncomfortable? Simply you don't love this guy.. Hes sensitive to the way you talk and your attitude to that is take it like that.. Which is wrong,

There tooo many did you tell them etc.. You're storing up too many things to come fight this guy.. And sincerely a lot of things you wrote are in consequential.. I didn't finish reading please.. Ill read and edit if necessary..

Long story short, you don't love the guy, you guys should go your separate ways..

Edited and read to the end..
He bought car same price for what he could have gotten from America, i want quality blender etc, bla bla bla.. The guy isn't perfect.. But you're petty and self centered sister. End of discussion

Zane2point4:
Honestly o, i hv bn in this trend since, i wan read am till finish..
So person wey no get money for quality blender shouldn't buy cheap one again??

You see all these ppl forming classy ontop person own money, i deh hate am.

If u want quality blender, use ur own money buy am na, na even her suppose buy since na kitchen utilities.

This is what happens wen women get money.

Folks like you are the reason people like her “you no dey understand English?”

The simple illustration about the blender is that she wanted to buy one that lasts longer (that’s actually the “quality” she seemed to be referring to) rather than a cheaper that would breakdown quickly (and she even gave an example of precisely that happening), which makes all kinds of good common sense - at least to rational people (which by definition would exclude a lot of “penny-wise-pound-foolish” Nigerians). Similarly, with the car, she was saying if they used the import guy connection, he could get a better car for cheaper than he paid for his current car. Not sure why anyone would think that’s not a good thing for a girlfriend to suggest - and yet if we all had a penny for every time a dude suggested where his girlfriend or wife should buy a guy, or a generator or some other equipment, we would all probably be billionaires.

Meanwhile, funny that you think her litany is “inconsequential” (and I am pretty sure that she was writing in a ‘stream of consciousness’ since it was a hurried response, unlike the dude who obviously sat down to compose his whine), but yet it was the dude who was complaining about where they bought water or drinks, which restaurants or lounges they would go to, and whether she preferred to shop at malls than the market.

Conversely, I agree with you that if someone is offended by one’s words and verbalizes it, the least the speaker should do is try hard to refrain from repeating same. However, curiously your counsel only goes ONE WAY. Instead you casually wave off her litany of complaints variously “inconsequential” and “petty”. In fact, you nary utter a single word about her complaints of being insulted and denigrated. But then again, I do not really blame most Nigerian men for this sort of mental blindness. They have been raised and immersed in a largely partrimonial, sexist and even misogynistic culture that it has become inherently ingrained and normalized in their skewered worldview. Accordingly, stripped of all intellectual pretensions, your advice basically boils down to: make yourself smaller, suppress your views and voice, and supplicate to the man.

Frankly, the sole useful counsel she should take from both your comments is that they both should move on.
>

carlos1:
I hate selfish women aswear. Marriage is a partnership and should be so.

In my house while growing up, my mum ran our family so well and u will hardly hear Dem qurell.

Mum was a school principal and dad is a medical doctor and owns his own private clinic.

Mum buys bags of rice, beans, Large quantities of tubers of yams, potatoes and cartons of indomie, spaghetti, ton tomatoes etc all from her purse.

Popsi on the other hand payed our school fees, house rents and bought food stuffs too.

Mum never failed to buy new sets of clothes for popsi every month all from her own money because popsi was almost always busy at d clinic.

Popsi in turn drop cheques for mum which I helps her to cash most times and in most cases, mumsy fuels popsi's cars (popsi was earning more than mumsi Wella o).

That's partnership, and days d kind of marriage I pray to have.

These days, women (especially) Nigerian women have the mentality that ur money our money, my money is my Money. Very selfish mentality. May God almighty deliver me from such self centered ladies

Tufiakwa

Did you happen to read the story on Nairaland earlier this week about the dude that threw her wife of 39 years (and mother of his 6 kids) `out of the street and into the streets? A wife he met and married when he was a nobody but a lowly junior employee in a company? Do you think the woman had been “selfish” all those 39 years? Did you think that she did not “run the family well” or did not buy “bags of rice and beans”? Do you think she contributed nothing even when the man was a struggling junior worker? Do you think he would have gotten as wealthy as he has without the wife “running the household well” and raising the kids well (who all seem to have proceeded on to successful education and careers)? You think that she was salting away money the whole time and just waiting patiently for almost 40 because any money she made was “hers” while the money he only started to make well after got married she also considered to be “theirs”?

Dude, please feel free to celebrate your parents (although no one really knows what goes on behind the bedroom doors of any marriage), but please don’t make precipitous presumptions about any other relationship but yours. There are a million and one seminal life lessons why women should be financially independent even within a marriage.
>

aroundtheearth:
It takes two to make a marriage work but she wasn't cooperating. You rightfully did what was best for you and your sanity.

You mean she wasn’t subservient...
Anyway, agree it’s a bad relationship that should end.
>

Kondomatic:
One thing I find very annoying is somebody telling me how to spend my own money that's right inside my pocket.

Boss, you fall hand.

You see that place you buy bottled water for twice the price? Nah slap you deserve.

There was a time I was in Lagos for a seminar, I hanged out with babe and I noticed something about her. She used to come in the evening and leave in the morning[that's actually how I prefer my woman, like the moon. Show up in the evening and disappear in the morning] because of her work but this time she was free.

She likes to show off with my money.

We go here to eat, she will be like TIP this guy.

We go another place, TIP that guy.

The girl is nice TIP her, the gate man is kind TIP him, I was just laughing inside while TIPPING them here and there like a TIMPER.

When it was time for her to go, I brought the amount I usually give her for tfare, counted it so she know it was complete and then removed all the tips.

That was the last time that nonsense happened.

So you really need your lady to tell you to tip service people?
Tips are not supposed to be automatic, but if you get good service that’s the least you should do.

Most of these service people do not even get up to minimum wage and depend heavily on tips...
So folks shouldn’t come on Nairaland and form empathy with the masses and then shaft them in real-life.
>

bwambasolomon:
I have a fiancée whom I started dating about two years ago. We work together and we are on the same level, and earn the same salary. Each time we hanged out to just have fun, if we got to a place where prices were too expensive, I would say to her but this things are much cheaper elsewhere.

For example, we went to a place though inside the same premises, one part of the lounge sells bottled water for 250 while the other one sells bottled water for 500, she then suggested that we go to the part where water was sold for 500. Note that it was in the same premises and there was absolutely no difference between the two, it's not like one was VIP area and the other was not. We ended up going to the 500 naira side. All that we ate which of course was double the price, I paid.

Each time we went to the mall, we buy things normally. But there's something about malls which some of you may have noticed, certain things such as pots, plastic rubbers, electronics, and so on are usually unreasonably exorbitant. So I said it would be better for us not to buy things that were too expensive that we could get outside for cheaper prices, but we could buy other things whose prices were reasonable. The next thing she started saying was that I don't have class, it's classy people that buy such things.

So one day we went to a pharmacy in that same mall, because she wanted to get some drugs, the price they called for her was about three times what it was outside, so she said it was better to go outside to buy it. So I just told her that since she has class she should buy it now, the next thing she started insulting me, she gave me the insult of my life. That wasn't the only scenario, there were many other cases like that.

She had started to stay with me after a while. Every thing in the house belongs to me, and I made sure everywhere was conducive for us. Air conditioners every and so on, good house, good compound, surveillance cameras and so on. Initially I was shouldering all responsibilities like food, the car washer who washes the both of our cars, the security man, fuel in the generator, NEPA light, repairs in the house and so on.

Please note that we work in the same place and earn same amount. Sometimes when I was short of cash, since I knew that her own money would still be there, I would borrow from her to buy food stuffs and other miscellaneous, and pay back by next salary.

She contributed just about 10% of expenditures in the house which was majorly just food stuffs. Note that I buy much more foodstuffs 5 times more than what she buys.

That was not just it, the relationship was usually filled with arguments, I can hardly have a conversation with her, she would begin to argue.

I want to ask few questions here:
(1)please is there anyone who doesn't know that Egusi causes pimples for those who are prone to having pimples?
(2) Is there any one who doesn't know that if something is very hot, it is not advisable to put in the fridge?
(3) here anyone who doesn't know that garlic is medicinal?
(4) Is there any one who does not know that it is not advisable to put on a generator when it has been drenched by rain?

But this girl will argue with me, insisting that I must put on the gen when rain has beaten it, because apparently, it is not her property. And the fridge is also not hers which is why she won't care if it gets spoilt. In short there's usually too much argument over what is clear for everyone to see, thereby it is always difficult to have a conversation with her.

I was later transferred out of the state we were, so I decided that because of her, I won't take anything away from the house, I would buy everything I need in the new place I had been posted to. So I bought a bigger TV for the house we both shared and took the smaller one to my new place of posting. I bought my mattress, kitchen utensils, got an apartment, and bought every thing I needed in the new place. So now, I have most things in two pairs, just so she would be comfortable.

Please note that we aren't yet married, and I agreed to not having sex with her because that was she wanted, I respected that. The only thing I know we do was romance.

So I started insisting that it was high time for her to be responsible, that we can't both be working and she won't be buying reasonable amount of food stuff because I noticed that sometimes, she would go out and buy 3 packs of spaghetti, which doesn't make sense to me. She said her dad is the one that buys food stuffs in her house and her mum contributes for petty projects. But I am not her Dad, I have my own mind. Also note that she didn't volunteer to bring any amount for my project oo, because I won't want a woman to contribute 1 naira to the houses I am building. All I said was that she should be contributing reasonable amounts for food stuffs in the house. We hardly stay two weeks without fights, she must look for one insult or the other.

We went for counselling and the pastors said she has to be contributing for expenditures in the house, we agreed on 60% to 40% sharing formula for all expenditures. So me as the man would contribute 60 while she will contribute 40. Please note that rent was not inclusive, as I volunteered to pay for the rent in the house we were and for my apartment in my new place of posting.
Later on, when she began to see the brunt of the responsibilities that I used to bear she started saying we (Me and the Pastors) are forcing her to contribute. But I didn't know these Pastors before, that was my first time of meeting them, she was the one who knew them before me. But simply because they told her the truth, she started saying we are forcing her.

Please I need your honest opinions on this issue.
Thank you.

I truly never get folks who come to whine on Nairaland...
Did anyone hold a gun to your head to spend anything? SMH

It seems many Nigerian men can only get/impress women by spending money...
Sad commentary on such men, but they should at least be smart enough not to spend more than they can afford.

Instead, about every relationship post on Nairaland...
Is invariably some dude b*tching that he spent so much on some female. Whiny men are such a bore.
>

evil1:
Truth be told even if I'm not happy with what most women do I still want to hear her own side.

you have just shared the sweet part of your own story.

let me hear her own side.

It’s on page 2 or 3 of the thread...
>

Akakanfirstclass:
mehn!!!...

so in summary..

a true Nigerian man should be doing all d taking care of a woman's diz and dat..

and a true Nigerian woman should just be demanding for care ?...

If this is true..
as I wan go masters for Ukraine so..
I dey come back with a true European woman..

They say ‘ignorance is bliss’...

You think Nigerian women are materialistic....
But you want Eastern European women? Talk about pot-to-fire! LMAO
>

Rawhumper:
To be candid., this your swearing doesn't hold any water. Women are good at swearing even when caught red handed. So drop this issue and lets focus on the important ones. Cos I for one, dont believe you till I confirm it.

I have had experiences where girls claimed to be virgins, yea I confirmed and some were true while others I didn't know when it entered and they were already wet and very slippery.

Its only a very naive and gullible guy that will be carried away by women antics .

All in all, I see you to be a nice lady that needs a guy with a matured mind and reasoning.(Am a blunt guy, didn't say that to make you happy but its just what I perceive)

Meanwhile, Nigerian men are known for their truthfulness and probity...
Unfortunately, these are the sorts of crude MISOGYNY most Nigerian women have to deal with. SMH
>

tellwisdom:
Shuttup.. .That guy is your god. Worship him.

Along comes yet another PRIMITIVE sexist!
>

Chris525:
iamafinegirl

I have read both sides of the story. Your man loves you and you love him too but you’re too protective of your own and yourself. That ends up making you selfish and self-centered which in the end would irritate the other party and in no time become reflective in the relationship. At the point when you both started staying together, you should have let alot of your guard down and try to warm up to the idea of a forever with him, you never did.

All the nasties you accused him of could have been true but I believe its a direct product of your lack of commitment & dedication to the togetherness. Considering your financial standing and the liabilities he was incurring, you should have been 100% responsible for food at least! How much are two working class people who are barely home going to eat in a month? The man pays rent, gas, power etc. on the same salary as you! I mean this man is buying new tv & all, you have the guts to bother him about blender, how much for blender? For your own kitchen?

You talk about him being broke before the 3rd. Yes, thats normal. Most of us men have to carry tons responsibilities from women, friends, family etc. We are always mostly broke. Na God dey help us. You say he’s got a 14M loan running and he hasn’t finished the house he should have etc. It will be bad for him if he has been squandering but that also reflects badly on you. Put him in a position where he looks back and says to himself I could never have achieved all of this without her. Be his partner not a competitor.

Why are you two building separate houses at this time of your lives. Looks like you lot are already preparing for the day you go your separate ways cus me I’m not understanding. You should be building a house together with y’all names on the papers. That would be your family home after that you can build for yourselves. Y’all have good jobs, na money dey shack una.

The man is the boss, you have to make him feel like it. My uncles wife will kneel down to serve him, call him Sir and all that. Na she dey control am� Whatever he wants to do if she doesn’t approve forget it. Who then is the real boss? Humble yourself, I know you can well survive without his money but its not always about that. He wants to buy car in naija, you think abroad is cheaper, he says he wants naija, leave him. Babe the gen is wet let it dry, even though you dont agree, e go still dry. Goan press phone if you’re bored. Stop being confrontational.

You no dey hear english can be worse than an insult when you’re intending to have the last word on a non-issue. It is annoying. Learn to understand your man, learn to be tolerant and you must compromise on certain issues but never lose your voice.

That marriage must happen this December. Na play una dey. All the best.

Primitive sexist clap-trap (and please spare us the lame “culture” excuse)...
If the man is truly the so-called “boss”, then he should do as bosses do and take care of everything without whining like a little b. SMH

Meanwhile, they are BOTH “too protective of theirs and their own”. Not just her, otherwise dude wouldn’t have come here with this epistle...
Ultimately, everything that I have read from BOTH sides shows an INCOMPATIBILITY (plus a seemingly insecure dude). Bin the relationship.
>

stupidmod3:
ur excuse are boring n lame

Quit being such a boring MISOGYNISTIC Richard-Heard...
How exactly is her side of the story an “excuse” or don’t you know what the term means?
>

KingAzubuike:
So because a Nigerian heads the WTO , we now rule the world ? We too dey make noise abeg. What will you now say about the Indians and Chinese who are everywhere..

Cc lekki1444

Which wan concern us about the Indians and Chinese?
Let them tell their stories while we tell our own as we see fit.

If this was a story about Nigerians prostituting abroad...
Doubt you will be pointing out that the “Indians and Chinese” do more.
>

SenecaTheYonger:
Anyways don't be too excited. It all boils down to brain drain. The best we have are seeking a better lives outside by every means possible. so don't be too surprised. You are meeting some of the best. If you want to see Nigerians in their true, raw, undiluted state, come to Nigeria.

Sorry, but all those Nigerians abroad selling drugs, prostituting, doing credit card scams, identity theft, welfare fraud, marriage fraud, etc., are hardly “some of the best” Nigerians.

The reality is that there is no single narrative of Nigeria and/or Nigerians, but it would be obtuse to try to dichotomize Nigerians from Nigeria (for better or worse). In fact, struggling in Nigeria actually makes many people stronger and much more determined to succeed.
>

wellmax:
These are our main issues;
Tribalism
Religious extremism
Bigotry
Fake news
Unnecessary hatred
Injustice
believing every political propaganda

Happens in EVERY (diverse/multiethnic) society...
Our circumstances are not particularly peculiar, but we are.
>

>
Perhaps because, out there, they don’t have to deal with Nigerians everyday...
As is often said, Nigerians can often be the WORST thing to happen to Nigeria!
>

>
Nigeria has fallen so much that this slowpoke is actually trying to run for president...
One can only presume that he figured if Jubril from Sudan can do it, pretty much anyone can. SMH
>

Peterobi90:
Job can be defined as employment, work or occupation, it is a person's role in society. More specifically, a job is an activity, often regular and often performed.

Jobs are not created from the blues, they are created via our daily specific activities.

They are coined from our daily habits alongside country policies..

The main purpose of this thread is the new habit of money cakes in place of actual cakes.. some might call it bluff, but its becoming a trend and gradually becoming a norm.

The activities that involve cakes are diminishing daily..

Weddings are on an alltime low, Birthdays are barely celebrated these days. How then do we want the bakers to feed when we deliberately kill jobs with trendy habits.

Of what use is a money cake to the society, what economic gain has it added to the economy?.. zero/zilch, but has taken food out the mouth of millions from that created through cake-baking.

Please let's be cautious, our money cake trendy habit kill jobs, our economy is at the brink on employment.. we cant keep harming ourselves. Coming from our so-called celebrities goes to show most dont think beyond their noses.

Note: I am not a Baker, just a concerned citizen.

Mr. Baker-friendly, who cake ‘epp?
Apart from the dentistry, diabetic care and weight watchers industries?!

With that money the celebrant can buy what she/he really wants and create JOBS for people making/selling those things...
Thing about economies is constant change and evolution (just like culture). Eg, if tap water comes to a community, water tankers disappear.

When GSM mobile phones arrived, phone centers disappeared, but MORE JOBS were created, not just in the GSM companies, but also in ancillary businesses from building/maintaining cell sites and towers to stuff like selling accessories and recharge cards, fixing phones, etc.
>

Uyi168:
...Will most likely end up as another white elephant project..

There’s the usual Nigerian spirit...
Fortunately, the NSIA doesn’t do white elephant projects.
>

olasaad:
It is called Oedipus Complex in psychology

Btw, not sure this is a case of an Oedipus Complex...
Oedipus Complex is an underlying SEXUAL attraction to an opposite gender parent.
>

JidennaJason:
Joke Silva seems share this eternal bond with her father while he was alive and even in death...

Not surprised Olu Jacobs allowed her to continue with her maidens name.

I have come to realize that Girls have this deep emotional attachment to their father, while guys tend to be more closer to their mom.

Continue to sleep peacefully sir.

olasaad:
It is called Oedipus Complex in psychology

Lilmanai:
this is proven psychologically.

She’s adopted...

Generally, adopted kids can turn out one of two ways...
Either a strong bond of gratitude towards the adoptive parents or alienation towards them and the world.
>

bouncin04:
How do you expect me to fall in love with a Nigerian girl .

Nigerian girls are useless ..... All of them !!

The MISOGYNISTIC defensive mechanism of a loser...
>

naturefellow:
your mum, sisters, aunties, nieces, grandma, are Nigerian girls/women.

Stop generalising!

Abegi, ignore him...
That’s the defensive mechanism of losers.
>

James4358:
I met imaobong while going to submit an assignment during my first year in school in 2011. As a shy guy then, i sum up courage to walk up to her, getting ther i lost my voice, only to end up telling her i missed my way & i asked for direction. Thank God the feeling was mutual, she kept smiling at me until she willingly gave me her number. She paid me a visit d following day, one thing let to another & we had a mind blowing sex. We've dated since 2011, Godwilling we'll say i do in december this year as plans are in top gear. Thank God it wasnt infatuation. She has been d best woman av ever asked God for.

A whole decade (10 years) just dating...
Unless you studied medicine, what were you waiting for? To see if anyone better will come along?

CONGRATS!
>

RainOnMe:
Country for the few elites

Is Nigeria the only country with expensive private schools?
And btw this dude lives in Ghana, so his kid’s school would be in Ghana.

Expensive private schools are NOT a problem...
The real problem in Nigeria is the POOR quality of public schools.
>

femi4:
Illiterate! There is a big difference between "cheap" and "affordable"

Most Nigerians live below the poverty line, hence they cannot even afford cheap commodities

Without prejudice, can people please stop regurgitating that line...
There could be more or less, but the REALITY is that no one knows.

We don’t even know our population...
So how can we figure out the income of a percentage of an unknown whole?

Statistical data in Nigeria is a crap shoot or at best guesswork...
Not once has anyone ever approached me for an income or statistical survey.
>

thebosstrevor1:
Things are really cheap in Nigeria.

I know he doesn't live in Nigeria, i can see the comparison and where he is coming from

He lives in Ghana, what’s the difference in terms of income?
>