Fatasy:
hmm

Which one is hmm?
Ain't it true?

Most people who desire relationships will look up to people for a piece of advice and follow through. However, not all advice will help you in your relationship.


The following piece of advice might be great but not valuable.


Celebrating Minor Achievement


It is fine to celebrate with your date, but it becomes to stupid when you celebrate every achievement. There are some achievements that you can call to congratulate them. You can tell them sweet celebratory words and even a few words of prayers. But posting it all over social networks and throwing a party is not a wise thing to do.


You should know the achievements that are important and celebrate it wisely.


Don’t Talk About Your Previous Relationship


There are lot of relationship counsellors who tell people not to talk about their ex. Well, this could be wrong. If you can’t talk about what went wrong in your previous relationship(s) with your new date, it means you’re not matured enough for the next one.


It is with learning what went wrong in your previous relationship that you and your new date will know how to tailor your lives to each other. Besides, the previous relationship helped build the person you are.


While it’s important to talk about your previous relationship, make sure the discussion is more about the lessons and not about the ex. Don’t be vindictive when talking about them. And do not talk about them as if you regret the breakage of the previous relationship. There’s a difference between talking about your previous relationship and talking about your ex.


Pamper Females Because They Need It


This advice is common in this part of the world. You will things like “women like it soft”, “make your woman comfortable”. It is for reasons like this that you see some men opening doors for a woman who sat at the front passenger seat. Now, I’m not saying opening doors for a woman is bad but don’t make it excessive.


Most women I know are not comfortable with a man pampering them too much. It makes the man look cheap and that he’s up to a motive, although everyone has a motive. It also makes the woman feel as if she can’t take care of herself without the man being around.


If you as a woman has a man that always pamper you, be careful. If you want a real relationship, you should be with someone that’s real with you not someone that try to create a make-believe world for you.


Be Always There for Them


We have had people break up with us because they called us at 2:am and we didn’t pick up. Because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you should not have your life.


You are yourself before you entered a relationship. You should be your priority before your spouse comes in. Now, I’m not saying you should be selfish but if you’re always there for your date, a time will come when it will look like a facade. God save you that you don’t break up because if you did you would be telling yourself that you were used. Most girls that say they were used were too available for their partner.


Make time for them but not to your detriment.


Make Perfect Plans


This one!


Some relationship advisors will advise you to create a plan. “Ensure the plan is perfect”, they tell you. Then you keep seeing the lady drifting away from you.


A friend of mine met this girl when she was in 100 level. We advised him to ask the girl out. He said he wanted a perfect plan. He watched this girl grow to become a lady. When he finally walked up to the lady, her response was shocking. She said, “So you mean you have a thing for me all this while? I actually liked you, but I thought you were seeing another person since you hardly say ‘hello’ to me.” It turned out that the lady dated for the first time in 400 level and she’s engaged to the guy today.


Don’t wait for a perfect time for you to plan a date. In fact, the perfect relationship plan takes years to form and sadly you will have to plan it with your lover.


Be Yourself


This advice is not only a relationship advice but has become something that motivational speakers give.


So, you hear things like “be yourself”. Then on your first date you begin to do foolish things around the date because you want to be yourself. Well, that’s stupidity at best. What you should rather do is to improve yourself. Be a better version of yourself.


If it’s cool to be yourself, you will have carried those senseless attitudes that you did when you were younger.


You should rather be responsible instead.


Be Honest with Your Date


Honesty is important in relationship. But not all the time.


What you rather need to learn is to be tactical. Because you want to be honest doesn’t mean that you should tell your new date that you had an abortion, or you did some hurtful things in the past. You might say these things later.


It is foolishness to start saying “My mother was arrested for selling drugs” because the date asked you to talk about yourself.


Play Hard to Get


Some people because of their beauty or privileges will make someone pass through stress before they go out on a relationship with them.


That’s not good. If you want to date someone, do so. Don’t make someone’s life hell because you want to feel important in a relationship.


Age Doesn’t Matter


Age is not maturity, that’s a fact. You can be 35 and not be mentally developed as a 20-year-old. However, age is a reality in relationships especially if you decide to go long term with the person.


The truth is most time decisions of relationships do not even rest in the hands of the partner but their friends mostly. Since exceptions is not the norm, you should expect the partner to take advice from his/her peers. You will guess what the decision of a 31-year-old will be when she consult her friends compared to if she’s younger and have young friends.


Let Them Figure Out Your Feelings


In climes like ours, it’s a kind of crime for a lady to tell a guy she likes him and so will keep thinking someone who wants friendship to want a relationship.


Be clear about your objectives so that you know what you want early enough. That’s better than dating someone with their absence for years.


For more relationship tips and advice, check my signature.

So what should we do?

Should we fry beans?

I can only but laugh.

Control your penis no matter what.
You'll be free and better for it.


https://www.nairaland.com/5273679/forgive-yourself-after-heartrending-situation

You have entered into her. Is that your goal or you want to see her naked?

You said you like her but your fears do not show that you like her. You are more concerned about seeing her naked body than her life goals or how compatible you are with her. Is it that you want her to be naked all around the house while she's around?

Because you had sex with a woman doesn't mean that you have her body. Because a nurse sees your unclothedness doesn't mean that anytime you arrive at the hospital, the nurse will have to see you naked.

Brother, I'll advise you get your priority right.

This is pure bullshit at best.

You expect someone that was emotionally blackmailed to move out?

It's for people like you that others refuse to tell their stories because of your judgmental and irrational nature.

A bad situation might leave you hating yourself even if you did little or nothing for it to happen.

Most of the time, you will rationalise the event while telling yourself things like "Why did I even travel that day?". It happens that whenever you replay that event in your mind, you will keep hating yourself.

Now, hating yourself drains you of positive energy. Despite whatever you do or achieve you will never be happy with it.

Then, you begin to exist instead of to live. Like a dying tree, you move about swaying to wind.

But that's not how to live. You have to forgive yourself to live a great life.

These tips will help you to self-heal.

It's Fine to Feel Guilty

Studies have shown that people who felt guilty after an incident are more likely to change for the better than those who don't. Most of the time hating oneself comes from trying to feign an air of innocence. When it becomes too much to bear that you realise you had no strength to draw upon. However, guilt is different from self-condemnation. You have to feel remorseful so that it'll not happen again.

In situations that you were clearly not at fault like in a case of rape, guilt might set in. But remind yourself that you wouldn't have been able to protect yourself. Instead of blaming yourself, deal with the misconceptions that you're responsible for it.

Remember What Happened

The Polish-American scholar, Alfred Korzybski, was famous for saying “God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won't”. There's no way forgiveness will happen when you downplay the event. Own up to what happened because the pain is deep inside you. If you try to imagine it didn't happen, you will end up hurting yourself.

A big part of forgiveness is that you will not only acknowledge the event but try to make it not happen again.

Did you cheat on your spouse? You can forgive yourself only if you don't dismiss the event.

Bad Memories Will Arise

During the forgiveness process, it even happens after, you will have a flashback of the event. This usually happens when events or people prompt the memory to come back. For instance, you cheated on your wife in a hotel, it’s not uncommon for you to remember the events that led to your cheating.

You need to prepare for such memories. Some people react violently to these memories. Try to limit places or situations that awaken these memories at least for the early stage.

Try breathing techniques to calm yourself. You can also try walking around if you have a chance to do so.

Confide in Someone

One of the best ways to forgive yourself is if you tell someone you trust well enough. That person will help you in the healing process. Be careful of judgemental people. They might rollback whatever gain you have made.

We are social people and tend to relate to people. Look for someone you can feel safe in their arms. This person might be an older and exposed person that will not blame you for what you did or what happened.

Make sure you tell everything. Because if you hide some details, those details might come back to haunt you.

You might need to publicise if it’s a situation that might need others to be wary of. Rape incident, for example, is something that someone might need to know of to be wary of the rapist.

Another instance is my mum who lost her son due to hospital negligence. Part of the forgiveness process was making the hospital pay for what they did. This also protected others who might want to visit the hospital.

Draw on a Higher Power

The world is a spiritual one. You can draw on a higher power available to you.

You can meditate.

You can pray.

You can even use natural processes like yoga and massage.

Try any of these processes to give you inner strength. You need to understand that you need help to forgive yourself.
Remember Time Heals Everything

Warren Buffet quip about patience when he said, “You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant”. This is the same with forgiveness. No matter how you try, you can’t heal yourself immediately. It’s a conscious effort over time that will help you heal.

Forgiveness is very hard to do. But if you do, you will find out that you will live better and people will begin to notice the change in you.

To get more of helpful relationship tips, check my signature.

obailala:
VEry typical! This one obviously did not read beyond the title before rushing to be first to comment.

He is even the OP

Money answers all things says the Bible. In all thy doings make money for this is right and just in every ways.

Man killing man since 1990s...

Thank God for the Internet. Maybe I'll find my long lost uncle soon.

internationalman:
And you hardly see Nigerians applying for China.

Yet they are quick to support china whenever that trade war topic is brought to the fp.

Bunch of hypocrites...

America is bad, bully spyware, meddler...

China is taking over bla bla bla.. But they won't go to China and leave America alone.

Thank you brother.

How a pastor will lie and keep a straight face baffles me.

But, that's how Dolapo fell for him. With the lies.

Need relationship advice and stories, check my signature.

Beautiful story.

Love is truly beautiful and it takes surrendering to do that.

Check out my signature for beautiful song story.

Michaelkings:
Somebody should hook me up with a sugar mummy

Why do you need a sugar mummy.

Nice one. Maybe we'll get it right someday.