₦airaland Forum

To change that man, you have to get someone in your family to speak with him. If there's no one to call on, I am sorry, you may have to endure for as long as possible. A trouble-filled inter-tribal marriage like this without anyone on your side, may leave you devastated for a long time.

His mother tied him up so bad that he listens to whatever she tells him, right? Then, get someone in your family to tie you up and get you the benefits/rights that you seek in that marriage. It is that simple.

I suspect that man is taking advantage of you because you have nobody to "fight" for you. If this is the situation, then you should have been extra extra careful with your spousal decision.

Heiterkeit:
As you already know, I am happily married to a real man. So, I should be the one to pity you in that department.

Everyone here who has known you over the years know that you are not the kind of man any sensible woman will take serious because you are like rainbow with seven colours always speaking from both sides of your mouth.

So, now we agree that women and men are equal, good that I have knocked sense into your head again.

Meanwhile, do you still use ruler to measure yam? Stinginess and poverty are bad.

Oh, you still remember Idowuogbo, I am glad that she later saw through the real you like others did.

Uninformed clown, always posturing and seeking validation.

Which Idowuogbo again? The one your father sent PM on my behalf or the Idowuogbo that your broke uncle helped me to woo?? Shey na your papa date Idowuogbo on my behalf ni, egbami?? And which others? That you date people all over Nairaland until you became useless doesn't mean we all do that. I don ever send your papa any PM here?

You're one hell of a frustrated woman, trying too hard to get me on the defensive side with "facts" that exist only in your head.

Me wey no dey eat yam don dey measure yam on Nairaland Was it the yam your le.prous boyfriend stole at the village market and begged me to measure ??


Wait, you're married?? Oh that's a good and a bad news. The good news is that you're married and can now bear a Mrs. title. The bad news is that you're a frustrated woman. Your stability in that marriage would only be based on your husband's ability to tolerate your lies and frustration.

Biglittlelois:
You have a way with words I'll give you that, you twist words to suit your narative by inserting both genders as your point, so as to be seen as fair, whereas your previous comment I quoted was mainly about women who have had several sexual experiences being solely the adulterous ones, you are right anyway.

That was intentional.

Heiterkeit:
Why are angry now that I borrowed your own limited mind and thought. You are the same person who said that women are not equal to men, meaning that men are superior to women, while I continue saying that both women and men are equal. I am not superior to my father, but you are sure superior to your mother in your limited mind.

Direct me to where I made this statement? These are your own words based on your personal insecurities. I never at any time claimed that men are superior to women. I don't use those words (superior, equality, etc.) in my "limited mind".

Ladies like you who have failed at being women are the ones seeking validation from men. Love yourself as a woman and if you're too insecure so much that you need to be weighed on a scale, pick up role models from your gender and get yourself validated. Your being equal with a man on paper still won't get you the fulfilment you seek until you learn to love yourself as a woman.

To think that you are well-known on this forum for living off women due starting from when you were always asslicking Idwo... back then up to now that you have a new catch could claim superiority over women is laughable.
Bye-bye uninformed clown.

LMAO This is the best you can come up with?? I know you're hiding under a strange moniker to vomit the nonsense in your head but I won't give you that chance.

How can Acidosis, a traditional guy (as you people call me here) live off women?? You dey madt?

Please don't tell me it hurts you then to see Idowuogbo and I relate on Nairaland?

Heiterkeit:
So, since I enjoy more privilege than an uninformed clown like you, I am superior to you, and using you and I as the base for a general comparison between women and men, women are superior than men.

Now you see how dumb you sound when you compare people on the basis of their distinct gender? Are you superior to your father?

Heiterkeit:
So, since I enjoy more privilege than an uninformed clown like you, I am superior to you, and using you and I as the base fr general comparison between women and men, women are superior than me.

As the word equality left her totally confused about her state of mind and purpose, weyrey switched to superior/inferior.

By the way, you possibly can't be superior to me. Take that fact to your husband or whatever it is you're dating. Go and prove your gender superiority in your home.

..

Heiterkeit:
You must be a chauvinist. Or how are men superior to women?

Even if I tell you that a woman is superior to a man, how will that help your life, knowing very well that you don't enjoy the same privilege with Buhari's son?

No basis for comparing a woman with a man. In men's world, people are not equal. And in marriage, people play different roles.

Biglittlelois:
Women cheat because of the desire for sexual varieties? Lol, and here I was thinking sexual varieties are solely men's forte because they are "polygamous in nature", I didnt know it applied to women, good to know

So you are saying all married women who have had several sexual experiences are the ones presently cheating? None can be or is faithful? Women who married as virgins are faithful to a 't', they can never cheat on their husband? A human still thinks this way in this 21st century? Lol ok.

No, I didn't say that. We are talking about married women who commit adultery and the reasons for such act. Asides from multiple sexual experiences, I cited other reasons.

But to clear the doubts, having multiple sexual experiences certainly increases the likelihood to cheat. It applies to both men and women. You can't certainly tell me that a man who cheats and sleeps with anything under a skirt before marriage will be as faithful as a timid guy who rarely approach women.

This is not a virgin Vs nonvirgin issue, but go and check the stats of women who complain about their husband's cheating habit. How many of them married virgin men?

Biglittlelois:
Of course

Why else? Sex is the end game here, or if there is another reason, let's hear it.

Sex is the end game but poor sex is not the primary reason women cheat. Poor sex won't even make the top 10 reasons. The main reasons are desire for sexual varieties (because the body has been trained to move from one man to another), situational factors like vacation/holidays/parties, being drunk, etc.

We don't have much of these issues in the previous generations because women were told to preserve their bodies for their husbands. These days, marriage is the worst place to be for anyone who's had several sexual experiences.

Heiterkeit:
This 'I am equal to a man' so you do not believe that women and men are equal?

Why do you want to be equal to a man? You don't like being woman?

IbrahimSkiba:
Well I am an Efik girl and I have a good heart, I can only vouch for myself...

Efik women are very good cook, we are extremely beautiful, plumpy, soft, strict, and we give good head too

You're confused. First you can only vouch for yourself and then you went on to speak for all Efik women.

I really don't know about her..

I really don't think it's because of her ethnicity that made your mother to dislike your girl, she
could have seen something else in her that she dislikes, or she could be TRIBALISTIC,.. I mean, what do I know.. the sex we give is usually Out of this world

You don't know about her but you know the sex that Efik women give is out of this world? It is not compulsory to advise people, yunno?

There goes a parable which says that

what an elder sees while seating, as a young person if you seat ontop mountain Everest you won't ever see it
Which means that, your mom knows better...

In other words, what Buhari sees while seating in Aso rock is best for you, right now??

Please don't ever try to be a relationship coach. You can consider Nursing or something.

See wetin grown men dey do? Ko ni da fun yaya-bello for real

This is bound to happen na. Someone slept with more than 20 men within 25 years, and you expect that same person to stick with one partner for 70 years because of wedding band? Kolewerk na.

Go to a typical university campus and see what young girls do with their bodies. You can't have a body count of 30 before age 30 and expect that same body to adjust to one count for life because of vow. The raging hormones you failed to put under control do not give a fvck about your vow or whatever it is you did on your wedding day.

The decision to remain faithful to one partner MUST begin in your teenage years. You can't possibly train your body to remain faithful few weeks to your wedding.

Old wine ALWAYS taste better

Your nude pictures can be taken without your consent. The only remedy is to stop dating e-diots.

Balenciagabrain:
we can choose to be silent on any other issues but not issues of human rights.

But I'm not surprise because Africa does not understand the language of human rights.

Today we are silent, tomorrow we may beckon on others to speak for us and perhaps they will be silent

Okay. Thanks

Balenciagabrain:
Abstention means they abstained from voting. They chose not to vote, in other words.

Nigeria inclusive. Very unfortunate

How?

MeghaneMorgane:
Once you stop the communication, the feelings will leave. It is only normal. What fuels feelings is communication.

Feelings has no place when there is no communication.

That is why I cut constant communication with all my male friend when they get married. If we are constantly communicating, just know that the phone is on speaker and his wife is mostly in the conversation.

I’m glad you overcame

When married couples stop communicating, just know that divorce is on the way.

You cut communication with all male friends once they're married but not when they're courting or in a relationship/dating? What are you trying to achieve?


You communicate with your crush, yes??

Fiscus105:
If she stops having male bestie, her weakness will remain inactive, no advice or play that opposite sex wants to give u that ur own gender can't offer, let stop pretending and latter blame devil.

Fact, your recommendation is valid but certainly not sustainable. Someone this vulnerable will still fall unless you block them off the cyber space and make them sit at home.

Fiscus105:
Her "friendship" with the guy led to that, there are some qualities which you would not see or notice when you are not closer, such qualities would be as if it's not exist if you are not aware of them in a particular man or woman (Yoruba adage, if u dnt hear particular story you may not be bitter).

If she wasn't closer to her colleagues more than necessary, (after all, not only that man in that office), she wouldn't have discovered the quality in him, After discovery of such quality, nature would must definitely make that quality fascinating and render her vulnerable to go beyond her boundary

So for how long will she continue to run away from her vulnerabilities? That's not an healthy lifestyle for anyone. In fact, failure thrives better in the midst of fear. Sometimes, one doesn't even have to get close to people to lust after them, yunno?

Why not condition her mind such that certain things wouldn't matter to her?

I still maintain my position that friendship is not the issue.

Fiscus105:
Read and read the illustration of op and use it to align with ur own, if it's the same,

Colleagues, acquittance, neighbors, church members are quite and complete different from bestie (very close)

Going by illustration of Op, you should ask urself , after discussion in office which was supposed to be office affair, what are they discussing again that two of them are now almost inseparable? Which type friend is that oga?

You also ask urself, if you come home and seeing ur wife colleagues in ur sitting room almost daily basis after office hours and be telling you that it's just friendship and nothing more, after all, he is my colleagues, how will you feel?

You've only reiterated my view. The emboldened text is the issue. How did they move from friendliness and office chats to inseparable love birds? She found in him what she thought her husband didn't have. That's a very wrong mindset. Your spouse won't have it all but you can intentionally place your spouse above everyone else.

The "friendship" isn't the issue per se. Everyone must condition their mind and be content with whatever qualities that made them chose their spouse in the first place. Getting your mind wander away from your spouse because of how someone talks, walks, or poo is a sign of self-control deficit and matrimonial immaturity. If you're truly married, these fickle things won't matter at all.

She simply made a mistake. And she has herself and no one else to blame, not "friendship".

Ishilove:
This bolded right here is the root cause of her straying.

As for the rest of your post, you are reminding me again why I started following you years ago. Too much sense

Thanks Ishi

cayorday89:
For me, cutting off relationship with a married female friend is not because it might lead to anything on my part but because the husband might not trust either her or me enough to understand.

I understand your view. To make sense of the friendship, everyone involved must be on the same page.

I don't have a problem with keeping friends of the opposite sex as a married man or woman. The distance between you and your spouse and the excuse of incompatibility are the main issues here and not your friendship with the opposite sex. I see this a lot and wonder why people just love to deceive themselves.

Cheating is a deliberate act. Friendship or no friendship, you're never always going to be with people of the same sex. You will meet fine men and women, you will meet good public speakers, great writers, excellent political analysts. Okay fine, they speak better than your spouse, so what next?? Open your pyant??

You cannot tell people to cut off communication with the opposite sex because you're now married, please. That's a sign of irresponsibility, evidence of total lack of self-control and a red flag.

The excuses you sort of gave yourself are the issues. Establish the kind of communication you have with those friends with your spouse and you'll be fine. If you don't have sensible things in common to talk about, simply gossip and make stup!d jokes. Life is not that serious.

A very lame excuse from a lazy and incompetent man. What have you done in the past 8 years to increase the so called poor revenue??

LeoDeKing:
I still don't understand why the no work no pay policy is optional. I think it should be automatic, regardless of whether the strike is justified or not.

Why will sectors of the economy be left at the whims and caprices of some people?

I think the regulation should be such that if there is a strike, all parties involved must lose something, and that is why efforts will be made to avert it making it the last option.

A situation where workers are free to just go on strike and all their salaries paid at the end of the day is a very wrong practice because they have nothing to lose.

Infact, they even enjoy more benefits because they don't go to work and might have used the opportunity for some side hustle.

So what is the government losing? I mean the people/individuals in government, from the Minister of Education to the President

What do you define 'luck'?

Double0h7:
So guidance is now controlling someone's life? Parents have always set boundaries and expectations for their children because they want them to thrive.

Men with mother issues is the norm now so I'm not shocked that you're here.

OP never said his father was poor. At old age, it is not unexpected to face the kind of issues the man is going through. You are probably ignorant or just chooses to not understand the term "musician".

The musicians I know are band owners who make cool money every weekend at wedding parties, burials, and other kind of events, etc. If your definition of the word "musician" is someone who spends his life in the studio, broke, and waiting for Don Jazzy to pick his call, then that's a self-inflicted ignorance. Don't project poverty on people who choose to take that path.

If the mother is not cool with that, she should have married a doctor or go back to school to study a career/course of her choice.

SensualMan1:
360-240 =120
Now is saving 120k worth the inconvenience of family of 5 squeezing themselves in a one bedroom apartment for one year? I don't think. And one bedroom apartment ain't that always spacious. What about neighbours wahala?

I still believe his rent is OK as a family man. The burden lies in his additional mouths to feed. 2 kids woulda bn fine, but since they are 3 young man gotta double his hustle and cut cost. Instead of driving to work, use public transport. No fanfare, no new clothes, no bottle water - drink tap water. And lastly don't look at the mall - bone face commot.

Oh right. 120k not 80k. Weak mathematics

J0hnTrevolt:
I wasn't feeling it much but my last baby just started school so the finances are now overwhelming.

Do u advise I shouldn't move out? 30k out of 109k salary is OK? Matter of fact is that the rent use to be 300k but it was increased to 360k so mine will expire by May.

Moving to a one bedroom of 240k seems like a good way to manage your finance but it's not the right approach to cut cost.

360-240 = 120k*

In your new apartment, you'll need money to fix electricals, paints, transportation, and agency/agreement fee. The 120k* you intend to save won't cover these expenses. So it's only right to stay where you are and find a way to improve the finance. You'll only reap the benefits of relocating after 2-3 years but think about the inconvenience. It's not worth the stress.

Francisanointed:
Another trend to abuse women. Your story may be true. But it is a fact that fathers abandon their children more compared to mothers. I am not saying she is right for abandoning her children but you should have told us about their father. The war against women especially mothers are too much. Give mothers some accolades

What's his business with the father? Whoever took the kids to that house should go get them.

It's possible she married a useless man but that's her personal problem, not the aunt's.

Double0h7:
His mother lived through the challenges of having a musician as a life partner and she made it very clear that this is not a career path that she is in support of. When he became stubborn to her warning she followed through with her condition and never supported his dreams.

My mother said if I ever enter the entertainment industry that she will disown me if she doesn't kill me so I followed her advice and went to school to find a path that would make her proud.

Op is the architect of his life and he should leave this woman alone and grow the heck up! Imagine an adult crying about their mother when they can go out into the world and do better. Op is a waste man but he won't see that.

Shut the fvk up! The fact that your mother controlled your life and threatened to kill you doesn't mean that's what mothers do.

Stop commenting on ideal motherhood. You don't have the experience to do so.