₦airaland Forum

Mellow, sorry ehn. Shit happens, no mind bad belle people, they only know how to cause mischief. But a piece of advice, if you wanna be with Iice, you better be ready to cater for the provision of an unlimited supply of butter oh

And another thing, if you be Muki friend, abeg helep me to begging her please, she is hell bent on wounjuring me

Mukinatu starts training

_{Ajadrage starts shaking and buckling in the knees, his teeth starts chattering, he is shivering all over his body and fear of the expected wounjuring and more brushing engulfs his entire being}

Okay Muki, until you succeed to finish the small of me wy remain you no go rest abi? I go tell my family make dem send delegation come Gambia to come plead for some presidential pardon from, emmm, who be dat president again oh, I think na my former classmate for kindergatten, mmm, yes, no be Yaya Jammeh. Yes, I believe that if he talk to you on my behalf una go leave me finally _{I hope and pray}

Ehen, did not know that we got some changeling's in here, e be like say Mellow dey consider sex change so him dey use style do some sampling of reactions of people. Used to think that shit did'nt give in Naija. Iice thanks for the clarifications on Mellows on and off gender issues.

_{But when he's a guy, it seems he got the hots for you sha}

Everybody seem to love your royal coolness , even Muki the "headbanger" and "braintwister". See how she dey miss you since. As per the money Muki, make Mellow manufacture am now now now

Iice baby, I don rise since oh, but na now I enter the world. Some petty thief people go thief for we neighbour house, so you can imagine the neighbourhood gossip mill wanting to get the best information to supply to the grapevine. Infact, me I turn CNN correspondent for the matter so

Eeeuuuwwwyyyuk , Mellow a male, na wa oh, I did'nt realise. See me be dey happy say I don get one amazon in shiny armour, more like a guy now though. E no make sense say guy go dey rescue prince na abi? What's going to happen to the romantic kissing after the saving, eeeuuuwwwyyyuk again
_{That mano a mano shit has to be the least thing on my mind meeen}

Iice, everybody in da house, una good mornin oh, Mellow my guy, sorry yesterday, I believe I was gender blind due to the trauma in my mendula oblangata courtesy of Muki blows and knocks. Muki, you don begin dey see the impact of your brushing abi, see you don wounjure my brains now

I am not responsible for the above oh. Infact I abhor violence in all it's entirety, that's the reason why I dey beg una make una no dey beat me again

In fact Mukinatu, to ease up some tension between us, see one offline when I see early this mornin. Na one of my crazy people send am. So smile small please.

"A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? the man responded "Militants have kidnapped, OBJ, IBB, Atiku, Buhari, Tony Anenih, Ahmadu Ali, Dariye, Nnamani, Odili, Ibrahim Mantu, Tinubu, Kalu, Ibori and Igbinedion. They're asking for a $500 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. So, we're going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone contributing, on the average?" the man responded "About a litre of petrol and a stick of matches."

Baby, I no preach again abeg. Infact I will never do anything to consciously antagonise you or to make you lose your cool, you know na

I sure say she go pay for me, I dunno, but I just got this revelation, it's like a vision of an Amazon in shining armour coming to save a prince who is at the mercy of one mighty Dragon.

Muki, did you read what's on her byline, as something between a womans something, afraid no go let me talk am as I read am oh

If I dey talk now, dem go begin beat me again

Who be this person, you see I have been vindicated. Alleluya. Mellow, whoever you are, na God send you come oh

Na now naim you dey do like the Muki when I be know. I be come dey fear say that trip to space when una embark on don make one alien creature possess you oh as the old Muki na very loving and cool and kindhearted and fun and humorous and sympathetic and caring and empathetic and understanding and etcetera. But the way the Muki of last week take aggressive ehn, I for true true run comot for nairaland.

The mere mention of Mu got me shivering to the bones meeen, not to talk if dem come add the ki(ll), you see what I mean. See, no worry, even if una want make I come do personal delivery of the bah come Lagos, I no mind , as long as una no beat me again

M u k i n a t u

I go wire the money asap, but let the brushing cease small so I can begin to source for some more cash since you no gree for Ghanaian cedis

Mukina, common now, I take my grandmama beg you, she say make you no dey beat her favourite grandson again. She no fit recognise me after what you put me through friday

Before anybody begin beat me today, this is not "next time" oh. Muki dear, hope you had a nice weekend?
_{For those that don't realise, this is like an olive branch}

Okay since una wan kill me finish I ready. But my doctors say make I come first as dem wan perform some hydrosephalus spina endoscopy for my head to reduce it in size. I will be back when I regain consciousness as dem don sedate me with some anaesthetic.

Why I no do doctor self, see the way I just dey flow these medical terminology

Aaight ladies, guess I'll be with y'all later, make una no vex too much, this one wey una dey strategise on plan A and plan B so, una no go C me agaaaaiiiin, I don run

_{He that fights and runs away lives to fight another day}

See now, I don send you the code, just go the closest Western Union Office in Gambia, sender name na Ajadrage Ogbododbrsk, sender city na Benin City, Naija, amount sent na 2 Million Cedis, _{I mean coughing in a bid to avoid more interrogations} Muki, you go just dey feel good so

Iice, where art thou

Iice, football ke, my face itself na football already

In desperation, I just go western union office now, about 2,000,000 of Ghanaian currency in the name of Mukina in Gambia. The MTCN code na 1234567890. At least, 2 M Cedis na big money, and e no put big hole for my pocket. Confirm if you don go pick am up oh. Hope i am a free man now?

Mmm, sister Iice, you do well for my body oh. You just allow Muki counterblaster my head finish without any iota of intervention or sympathy for me. Okay, now wey my head`don quadruple in size due to the enormous unnatural growths arising from Muki's incessant and unrelenting blows, na you go provide the ice cubes wey I go take put for these lumps to bring the size of my head to the original size it used to be.

Chei! My sisters, una no do me well sha, I say my head big before, y'all need to see it's size now. It is gargantuan in it's proportions.

At least one thing dey make me happy sha, no anyhow macho forming male chauvinistic boyfriend can diss these sisters meeen, from what I've experienced, any guy when wan try am dey inside real ogbono soup because the kind pounding him go receive ehn

Sorry now, na the connection for here bad cos rain dey fall, I dey come now, athink you wan make movie, I dey come now

Halleluya, glory, a miracle has just occured, praise the Lord somebody _{speaking in tongues}

See now, every body don turn Steven Spieldberg. Muki girl, I dunno which currency you prefer, this one wey you say you dey find big notes so, I doubt if our`present naira go get the size wey you like.

Make we wait till August next year small, maybe Oga Soludo proposed new Twenty naira note fit get the kind size you like, I sure say dem go big well well if the value go rival the dollar

Na dat one you for talk since na, okay wait small, make I wake up from my fainting fit first,

_{slowly waking up from my fainting fit}

Ehen, I don faint now

Athink una see wetin dey happen so oh, this na lynching of the highest order, see as Muki blows dey rain on my head and Iice dey enjoy herself popping on some pop corn dey clap. Ye! Aah! Somebody please, heeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeee

_{passing into a state of unconsciousness}

"saa Bopa! saa tat! saa Muti! yes benna la!", I beg you in the name of whatever that means, sorry for me na. Fine girl, good girl, handsome girl

Aaah, my mama? Muki, na you just blow my eye so, _{bwu hu hu huuuuuuuu}

I woulda agreed for my mouth to be washed if that woulda appeased your venomous anger, but with this una stance so, how am I not sure say no be acid una wan gimme drink? Ehn?

Na so them do poor Socrates for ancient Greece go give the poor guy hemlock drink.

Kai! I don dieeee finish

No mind me oh, una know say I be half cast, my mama na oyibo and my papa na Naijan, so the left part of my body na white and the right part naim be African black _{in case una dey wonder who get the hand}

If una no sorry for me, abeg make una sorry for my finger wey wounjure na

Erm, emm, hmm, okay, mmmm, now the protagonist plus antagonist plus pianist and anything that ends with "ist", now that we're are all, Ehen, wait oh, una no see my pleas, make una sorry for me na, all na gra gra, I been think say I fit bluff my way to victory, but I have met my match(es) sotaay I nearly catch fire.

Can we come to the negotiation table now? I need to feel some love again, please, pretty pleeeaaase