₦airaland Forum

Okay see now, I don do yanga reach. You know say it is better to love than to war. Like my great grand father's second wife's immediate younger brother used to say in the day's when men were lovers and not fighters, whats the need to fight when after the fight na settlement go end am.

I think it's gonna be better if we just settle the matter right now and sweet sister Iice, could you please be the facilitator of this roadmap to peace. If Muki brushing dey hang on my head in these times of my recuperation so, I dey fear say no be my bones go suffer, na the kind high blood pressure wey fit cause me hypertension I dey think of, I'm 2 young for that meeen.

_{In a mellow coaxing voice}, Iice dear, add your sorry join my own na, I don't wanna get chopped by anyone meeen _{I can hear the last words of poor Spawnie doggie in the inner recesses of my mind meeen} Abi, una wan see a grown man begin dey shake like leaf?

See, infact I no dey fear again sef. If Muki try anything, you know I get many pro bono lawyers wey you fit help me reccommend wey no go collect money from me. We will sue Muki for indecent harrassment and unwarranted assault on an innocent defenceless citizen. I get the idea of how much the money go be. Maybe somthing in the range of emmm, like about 200 Zillion Trillion Nairas ^{(so that by the time Soludo people redecimate the naira we go still rich pass Bill Gates)} .

No worry Iice, plenty money go dey yanfu yanfu wey we go share this time around, just turn join me file the suit, no worry, Judas no get feminine gender and the pay go plenty pass 30 odd silver pieces

Iice, thank you jare for leaving me be. I no know wetin I do Muki oh, she just wants to make sure that I cry like a baby . See, if my pre wife see all my stylish pleading for mercy, she no go marry me again oh. She go say the brother no man enough, but nobody remember say I dey recuperate from metatarsal thrombosis.

If this constant harrassment from Muki no stop ehn, I dey go PH go hire some of those strong men come oh. Make nairaland bear me witness, abi I no try?

Haba, Muki self, you no just wan understand say I dey use style say ^abeg no let Iice hear sha

Just kiddin y'all My middle name is gentle and my surname na man

^{In a sing song voice} I no be gentleman at all (Fela go dey turn for him resting place right now)

Ehen, now wey una no go see my body beat, make I help una look for person wey go suffer wetin I for suffer. That lovemajek guy, him be like who need beating well well, see him telling Muki to work on her image! Imagine the effrontery. Infact, all these my bulging muscles wey I develope for just few minutes of training, I go donate am give una.

Muki, you go take my right biceps and triceps while Iice will do well with the left biceps and triceps. By the time una combine the two blows for one person head togrther with the Million dollar Baby punch wey Iice pack, oboy, the TKO wey lovemajek go see, him go get immediate Parkinson's disease (All due respect to the greatest of all time, Muhammed Alli)

_{I just dey happy say I no get beef with these girls again}

All this people self, una dream see me? Wetin I do una na. See as I dey training yesterday, I come sprain the metatarsal bone wey dey my right fist. Infact I was flown to United Kingdom yesternight for an emergency surgery and the doctors advised a bed rest for 6 months.

I don even call my pre-wife say we go postpone the weddin oh, so I no need to tell una say the fight go dey on hold.

Make una no think say I dey run oh

_{infact e dey pain me say I no go come fit show my secret weapon for the world to see} 

But there are other days

Oh, abeg make una no vex for me oh. Since my system crash I no dey fit browse as I like again. I am not too comfortable surfing in cafes so my times are kinda short while there. please, I hope my apology is accepted, becos sometimes, the way I take dey logout reach make person dey vex. Me I go think say the person wan style, but that ain't me meeen. I'm really sorry for my erratic moves .

And coming to the fight of the eon, I wan go begin train so o, becos these girls don embarrass me too much. Na only my Hiiiyaaaaa! and one kick I need, even the walls of Jericho go fall. Hmmm, make una beware o, muki and Iice wan begin rouse a sleepin giant from sleep

Iice, see ehn, I no go only DHL your invitation, I go EMS am, infact, I go both SMS am and MMS am, no be so far you get IV. Muki, we don get new name for you oh, "The Instigator" gban! gban!

I know Iice recognise me as a formidable opponent . Iice my dear, no worry, your poundo go dey inside cooling van dey wait for you ok

No Muki, don't get me wrong. I am only making a tactical retreat

See due to my spirit of nationalism and my loyalty to Naija, I go sorry for Iice make I no fight am. Atink all of una know say our own "Nigerian nightmare", Samuel Peters get one heavyweight championship fight soon with one Maskaev guy. Him send Don King to come beg me say if I agree to this latest challenge by Muki and Iice say them no go see who go come watch their own fight.

And we all know what pay per view does to the earnings of these kind of fights. Anyway sha, make una no go think say I don begin dey fear, we go postpone this "grandmother of all battles" till after them Peters own, then, even ten thousand Jet Li's no go fit teach Iice my super secret kung fu "Eaten up dog crazy finger" style. Na that style Bruce Lee no know say I get when I beat am that year

Moreover, no need to dey collect black and blue face just few seconds to my marry
_{That is in case by the most unexpected and outright unthinkable event that Iice really brush me}

Babeelove, sorry oh, but I used to know some Barbara girl, she in London now and your name just happened to ring bells in my head. If to say ur pix day ur profile I for know sha. Abeg no vex ehn. Only it just brings back memories

BREAKING NEWS !!!
I've discovered the secret of Udeme's greatness. Na say him dey toast both Mukina and Iice

_{Source: Creamish}

Na wa oh, can you believe that I've been spending all these times trying to make inquiries about a Saint Saviours Scholl that's located in Malaysia. Me na Edo College property in great BC, Naija. But if you want me to say I am from your alma mater, you gots to tell me the location sha

Muki baby, so you want make Iice do me strong thing abi? And I thought you were my friend, now I know say na you dey train Iice for all those oriental martial arts and you want to see the fruits of your labour. But dearie, sorry to dissapoint you, una no go see me take do punching practice .

Besides, I don tell una before, I don use all the money take go pre-marry, I no say marry oh, the word is pre-marry as anything can still happen. If una still dey find my bah, I guess y'all would have to wait till the post-marry day, at least if you join spray me well and Iice spray better too and all the rest invited and uninvited guests don spray finish, I believe that there would be more than enough money to distribute around.

Infact, I don go book some bullion vans ahead of that day, cos na dat day I wan comfortable myself for the millionaires club for this Naija.

_{So until then and even after, no Iice fists and kicks for me meeen, I go dey run from una now oh}

Great Edo. Una no see am, no matter how we dey bicker and fight, all na for the greater good of the greater number. Some no go understand, but naim make dem never fit stand. But those that identify with the roots, na up naim their stars go dey shoot dey go. Great Edo, no matter the lingua, I still call you my brother, even if the name na Franca, if you be from the homeland, you're still my sister.

Great Edo, na one we be aaight

Iice baby, na today you begin know say I dey craze? E don taaaaaaaaay when my matter start. Thank Baba God say no be PH I dey oh, I no fit handle all those dem bullets. U no see u, no be money again abi? Na food and drinks now, wetin all of una do dat poor doggy never belleful u, na my weddin food you dey find now ehn. Before person say "here comes the bride", Muki and all the rest squad go begin dey find their own portions too.

Iice, now y'all see my predicament abi? Muki say you go kung fu me, as I no hear am from you make I let the statement pass. But for all those wey feel say dem fit kung fu me and judo me, a note of warning, I get black belt for Karate and Taekwondo oh, in fact ehn, the one wey pass black belt sef, I get all of dem. Na me be Bruce Lee master wey him dey alive. Even Jackie Chan sef na my boy, infact make I no too boast because na me add Jet join Lee name the day when him graduate from my academy for Iyekovia for back of Ugbiyoko for dis Benin so.

Dat fly when breeze no fit catch so, him don escape tsunami and typhoon, so no be any how breeze him dey deal with. But the fact is dat I'm so peaceful, you go think say I be dove sef .

Since all these Nairaland babes dey diss my style, wetin una want make I do na, e no good say I wan make somebody life complete? E don tey wey I dey find my missing bone, now dat i think dat I've seen her, my head dey with una for space already.

Make all of una no worry, we fix d weddin for about two dacades from now when she go don mature so y'all can attend (just kiddin oh )

We just dey try to catch dem young

Ehn sha, but no be like that wey you dey reccommend so

Ha! Muki, dem tell you say I wan marry my mama age?

Where I dey since self? Ehen, all these women self, una no go forget about that movie. Thank God my conscience clear. I be say make una forward all una account numbers come give me make I put small thing, una just bone me .

The money don finish oh, I don go use am take pay for one fine virgin for my village, my mama say I don reach to marry. So if una still dey find my bah, una go see nather. But have some little patience, I never marry officially okay, so I never begin pay bills yet. We will have to put heads together to fashion out a new storyline for another production.

Good to know we got new characters in da house, infact na musical this one go be as Muki and Iice don dey rap already and there is somebody called "Lovemajek". Ha, this one go be hit meeeeeeeeen

Omoge, I use style take dey here oh, but I cannot answer the part 2 of your question. Even Wole Soyinka plus Chike Obi plus Alele Williams combined no go fit answer the question.

You no see all these people, dem don decide to go arrange colony for space with Muki as presido, na wa oh. You see the advantage of tekinology, na the winged okada contraption naim bring all these flying matter so oh. Hmm, me I am fully grounded here on planet Earth oh. Before you know now, all those aliens go come dey find all our beautiful women and girls. I no go blame dem becos I no sure say person (or alien ) go see fine things like Iice Iice baby, Lookable Muki and Kissable Kiss let dem pass by.

So brothers, make una begin dey lay hold of una property now oh, for behold the is come when our rivals will be things from other planets. No thanks to our space travellers.

I trust you too

Na wa oh, see me wey think say I don go off the top, I see plenty people here wey them psychosis critical pass me own. I hail all of una oh, una royal crazeness. I think I go come dey take lessons on Schizophrenic behaviour 101 and Neurotic Nuances 111 for here meeen

I believe I still got a few more things to learn _{abi Muki I talk lie?}

Omoge, I ain't never been to Ugboha sha, but I dey play enter iruekpen sometimes while I went visiting friends at the Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma. Iruekpen shares a boundary with the universoty town. Why do you ask?

Good girl, I wish you the same, only more