I have never spoken for or against GEJ for once. The case of this guy will let us know if GEJ will perform well or not. If he fails to bring justice to the families of these victims, then he has failed already.

For me, I think various factors are responsible for all these. First is the general beliefs of people back home. Second is the attitudes of those abroad, third is individual attitudes and the last is family background.

The general beliefs of people back home

I am not talking about those who travel abroad for business or vacation. I am talking about those who have never traveled out before. Many think that money is everywhere on the streets of places like US, UK and other countries unmentioned. So the moment any one steps out of Nigeria, they believe his life is automatically better than the life of any other resident of Nigeria. Just within my first week in the US, a friend back home was already saying "How is work?". I was like; what the hell? Just like that? I don't even know where next I will go after my hotel bills expire and you are talking of work? So funny.

The attitudes of those abroad

I think those abroad (not all of them) are contributing to this problem too. On getting abroad, they are not sincere to themselves and to those at home. Many live fakes lives. Why will you take photo shots besides the latest Bentley, Range Rover Sports or other fast machines (which is not your own) and you think people at home will not think you are rich? Funny enough, people at home automatically assume you own it. When the rational ones among them ask about the ownership of those beautiful houses and cars, some of us here will still tell lies that we own it, simply because those at home are too far away to verify the truth. So, can you tell me why those at home will ever stop begging for money?

Individual Attitudes

Not everyone living abroad is guilty of point 2 above. Some of us are actually sincere with people back home. But some people will never stop begging for one thing or the other. They are just like that. Even when it is evident that they are richer than you, they will still want to collect the little you have. The same way they are begging from you, the same way they are begging from those back home too. It has nothing to do with you living abroad.  The only slight difference is this; if Mr Lagbaja in Ikorodu can give them N5000, you in US should be able to give them $5000 or do better. Shikena!

Family background

Regardless of points 1,2,3 above, family backgrounds matter a lot in this. When the rich ones keep dishing out money through wire transfer to their children to sustain them here, the other way round is the expectation of the poor families back home. The poor families do not know anything about work permit, SSN, green card, red or blue passport. They do not know or care to know if you have the right to work abroad or not. All they know is; "don't marry oyinbo oh! and why are they saying this? So that you won't spend all your money taking care of the oyinbo. So that you can always have enough to give to them.

How to handle the situation

1. Know when to say Yes or No. Everyone can never like you even if you cut your neck for them to share
2.  Be honest with your situation here. Do not deceive yourself and don't keep deceiving them. Else they wont stop!

How I am handling mine

1.  I do not change my contact details because of anyone and I will never do that

2.  I was very open to my friends and parents. I do not let them feel that I am better off here. I took my time to let them know my class of visa. I told them I am on student visa, and I am not allowed to work. Yes, USCIS said I can work 20 hours as a Masters student, but I told them I can't find a job. So, instead of my younger ones expecting to get from me, they were willing to send the little they have in Nigeria to me, but I have always told them never to bother. I am also open to my friends back home too about how life is here, and no one is bugging me with requests. That is it!

Thunder fire you for disgracing your mother land like this. No matter what you eat, if you never wash am down with beer you no go dey satisfied. You no even get stable brand. Today Tusk, tomorrow 33, next tomorrow trophy. When other boxers go drink small wine after them gym finish; you na pepper soup you go drink. 6 plates before exercise; and after 5 minutes exercise, you go some back come drink the remaining 4 plates, making just 10 plates just in the morning alone; and after that, exercise don finish be that. You see wetin e dey cause? You see your life? Na by force to fight boxing?

mstchew. As if the votes of the true citizens will count

From what you have typed here, your plasma TV is much better than that lady described. Leave that lady alone, get a new plasma TV (if need be) and enjoy it with a new lady. You have just been delivered if you don't know

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

I should point it out that my boyfriend works. . . .he is not lazy. . .  just that he does not get regular hours from the company he works for. His job is far from decent. Also, all the time he was studying, he could not work more than 20hours weekly.

I must also say here that my boyfriend is sleek, goodlooking, very humble and you will never imagine for a second imagine that he has little or nothing in his bank account. As a matter of fact, my female friends actually think that he actually takes me shopping on his tab to get some of the nice things in my wardrobe.

I am quite sure that he has little or nothing because a few times we have checked his bank balance together at the cash machine and online and he has little or nothing there. So i am quite sure that he is not lying about his cashless state.

He has never asked me for money. It took a lot of smart probing for him to relax and feel free to open up to me on his financial state. The two occasions i have learnt him money, i was the one that offered to help because i felt the man  i love cannot be in such difficulty while i sit and do nothing. If i had not loaned him the money to sort out his visa issue, he would be preparing to pack his bags to go back to  Nigeria by now. I actually scolded him for not telling me about the problem until very late.

That said, despite the fact that he didnt have much, he got me an expensive and classy gift for christmas that left me dazzled and very impressed. I know he must have really saved for it. However, this is the first and only time that he has gotten me any gift although we do go out to cinemas, pizzas a few times and he picks the tab and at other times i pay for part or the entire bill.

I just felt rather sad yesterday when i saw my account balance in red but i get paid tomorrow and i am back in the green again. Besides, i have never dated any man before that had to rely on me so much and this is a new experience for me and i just wanted to seek people's opinion to what i am doing is okay or wrong or if i should adopt a different approach.

Can you see what I am saying? I said this guy in question might not even be as bad as you make people see him here. To confirm I said it before, check out the bold part of my initial comment below:

God bless you my brother for speaking my mind exactly. I am not saying it's good for a guy to depend on a lady. But if you are really sure you love him as you claim; why did you come here to make him a subject if ridicule? Can you read what every one is saying about him? What if he is not even as worse as you have made them to see him here? Why do many ladies like to marry or date men who are financially buoyant than themselves or even their fathers? Is it not directly or indirectly for their selfish reasons? If its strictly love alone; why should the kind of jobs that guys do, their earnings or swag mean anything to ladies? This is to tell you that other than "love", many ladies date men for similar reasons. I am not saying of its good or bad. My own concern is this; what's the noise all about? If you are fed up of him, just dump him simple! Rather than making unnecessary noise about what you have been doing for him. What if you were the one that actually sponsored his education? Or don't we have men doing it for women? I mean men who are aware the ladies can't even marry them? What would you have done in that kind of scenario? I mean if you actually supported him through school?

You said this guy is a graduate, who is financially unstable right? Did you say he is lazy? Or he has a good job but stingy? I will only support you if he is lazy. That not withstanding, I still do not support you wash the linen of a guy you said you love in public like this. Letter you will start clamoring for gender equality. As a lady, its acceptable if you are the one who depend on him in times of need, but unacceptable since its the other way round. Hmm, I can see the equality and fairness there.

If you want to dump him, just dump him and stop all these noise because i know that is where everything will resort to eventually.

Can you see yourself? I already have a feeling that this guy might not even be as bad as you have painted him here. That was why I never supported you on the first place. Now you here here defending him again. Now, you have allowed so many people who don't even know the details about him to rain all sorts of bad comments about him. I just wish he can have an idea of what you have done to him here. Now, you want to defend him again. I just don't know what is wrong with some people. Instead of you to sit down and handle your personal problems. Because of your little worry, you run to nairaland. People have various opinions, and you will only be exposed to noise by making your personal issues public. Now, you want o make them like the guy again, after bringing him down because you just received your pay check?

Na real wa for you

And my fellow nairalanders, lets always be patient to get full details before passing comments. I am sure this poster might have made some people feel stuupid for what they think or said about a guy they don't even know. I don't really see anything wrong in that relationship, except if there is something to prove that the guy never loved her or the guy is merely using her.

So the man just graduated and he isn't stable yet. You cook for him and occasionally lend him money, and that's the reason you are here shouting? Kai, women are so self centered. Were the situation reversed, we no go hear pim. Listen, if the man is not saying when he is going to repay you, and you need money, then you need to ask him. And tell him that in the future, you will appreciate it if he lets you know the status of moneys you lent him without having to ask. Shikena.

You really have not done much for the guy, to be feeling the way you are feeling. If the guy was living with you and you were paying all the bills, I will understand. But cooking for him and occasionally lending him money is causing you to feel like this? Na real wa,

God bless you my brother for speaking my mind exactly. I am not saying it's good for a guy to depend on a lady. But if you are really sure you love him as you claim; why did you come here to make him a subject if ridicule? Can you read what every one is saying about him? What if he is not even as worse as you have made them to see him here? Why do many ladies like to marry or date men who are financially buoyant than themselves or even their fathers? Is it not directly or indirectly for their selfish reasons? If its strictly love alone; why should the kind of jobs that guys do, their earnings or swag mean anything to ladies? This is to tell you that other than "love", many ladies date men for similar reasons. I am not saying of its good or bad. My own concern is this; what's the noise all about? If you are fed up of him, just dump him simple! Rather than making unnecessary noise about what you have been doing for him. What if you were the one that actually sponsored his education? Or don't we have men doing it for women? I mean men who are aware the ladies can't even marry them? What would you have done in that kind of scenario? I mean if you actually supported him through school?

You said this guy is a graduate, who is financially unstable right? Did you say he is lazy? Or he has a good job but stingy? I will only support you if he is lazy. That not withstanding, I still do not support you wash the linen of a guy you said you love in public like this. Letter you will start clamoring for gender equality. As a lady, its acceptable if you are the one who depend on him in times of need, but unacceptable since its the other way round. Hmm, I can see the equality and fairness there.

If you want to dump him, just dump him and stop all these noise because i know that is where everything will resort to eventually.

The order of importance (IMO)

1. Communication
2. Trust
3. If chatting, do not sign out until you have both thrashed out any burning issues you have. If on the phone, do not hang up until you do the same. Try and settle all scores as soon as they happen or at worst the same day. Else, both or either of you may not return again.
4. Never talk marriage online or on the phone. It's a face-to-face thing. Yeah, oju loro wa.
5. As for love . Don't start with this. With regular communication, that feeling me come. If it doesn't just remain friends. If you are not pleased with just friendship, just plan to meet physically someday. Probably, your swag or his swag or general impression could provoke that feeling you want.

On a general note. Long distance relationship may not work, just as the girl/guy next door or next street or next state broke your heart. Break up is not peculiar to long distance relationship alone. While I am not saying it is good or bad, I am sure majority of the people here have dated people who they physically see before or even cohabit with, and it still didn't work. So, what are we talking about?

@olas2u

The foreigners in Nigeria can afford to intimidate the immigration officers in Nigeria ,so forget about that work permit,it expires and they dont go after them,look i have seen a chinese on my way to Nigeria without a Nigerian visa,he sat beside me to lagos and showed me is passport and the dollars he will deliver to the officer,when we arrived i saw an immigration officer that already had is name boldly written in a cardboard to welcome him,he was taken into a room,guess what will happen from that room.

Oga ,Its really nothing to bleep in the car on the road side,but in all the countries you have mentioned ,once a police man parks and arrest you ,you will obey,in Nigeria with my koro koro eyes a lebanse man bleeping in the car told the police men to get away,they were intimidated by his white colour,it was near ocean view resturant if you know that place ,i told them not to feel intimdated ,and some Nigerian also said so,they were now confident and hit him with the butt of the gun,then he started to know it was not childs play,they took him away,atleast they will collect bribe from him that day,Look in lagos their is a night club which is only for white people and the bouncers were not allowing black Niger guys to enter.we scattered the place ,after we went there and insisted we must enter,the igbo rich guys scattered the place.it is our country.

You kept talking about intimidation. Now tell me; how is it the fault of the Lebanese that the Nigerian Police choose to be intimidated? Since you said you were there; why were you not intimidated? Non one intimidates you without your own consent. The police men chose to be intimidated until you intervened. You story is just like me being charged for murder, simply some one jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, because he is intimidated by 2011 Range Rover Sports HSE super Charged. How I'm I responsible for his death? Did I buy that machine because of him? Did I push him into the ocean? He choose to be intimidated, and killed himself, period! The same applies to those police men you talked about.

About that Chinese coming to Nigeria without a Visa, I will not say you lied. But I find it hard to believe that story. Its not because he came without a visa. It is because you said he told you he had no visa, and he told you he would would bribe the immigration officers. I find it hard to believe that any Chinese will want to take that risk, and open his mouth to tell you. What is you are a law enforcement agent? I expect this question to cross his mind. Chinese are intelligent and smart. I go not expect them to be this careless. I would have found it easy to believe assuming you said the Chinese came by land, and not through an airline.

I still maintain my stand. Let Nigeria not point fingers for her failures. Foreigners are only contributing a little compared to what Nigeria is causing for herself. Let Nigeria solve her problems. Let her respect and care for her citizens. That is the only way the foreigners will stop intimidating them (according to you). The foreigners are doing to unto us, what they see us doing to ourselves. They are only conforming to the standard they met here, as laid down by our leaders. So, why blaming them for conforming to the set standard?

@ olas2u

You dont know anything from your post ,if you fail to see in your country some people are seeing,the number of ilegal workers from abroad as increased  because of corruption,Nigerian oil workers are sacked and europeans who lost jobs after the reccession are getting the jobs,chinese people are now trading in the market place instead of manufacturing,they compete with market women with less finance and loans        they get from there country. Chad  is a recuriting ground for boko haram insurgents,niger  as people crossing the border to come to Nigeria and commit crimes, the lebanese  are engaged in different deals including bleeping the our women in their cars at night in victoria island just because they are white skinned.If you hate your country some people are willing to live in Nigeria okay.

I get your point, and you don't have to agree with my own point of view. But I can confidently tell you that illegal immigrants are not the causes of our problems in Nigeria. If you do not know, Nigerian visas are one of the most difficult to get in the world. If you do not know, ask some foreigners about how irresponsible Nigerian embassies are in their country. So, its difficult to get here illegally. IMO, the only people who get here easily are those from the ECOWAS countries who probably don't need visas. Are you now telling me that it is those people from the poor West African countries (who don't need visa to come to Nigeria) that are taking up all your jobs in the Oil and Gas industries?

the lebanese  are engaged in different deals including bleeping the our women in their cars at night in victoria island just because they are white skinned

@ bold statement above. So, how is that responsible for the bad roads and poor power supply we have in the country? These are normal things that Nigerians are even doing to themselves both home and abroad. Nigerians are also bleeping white girls in their cars abroad too. So how is that responsible for the challenges Obama is currently facing in the US?

I am not saying that illegal immigration will not have any effect on any country. My stand is this. Of all the problems in Nigeria, illegal immigration only has a tiny impact compared to other problems we as Nigerians are causing for ourselves. So, let's not point fingers. Let's face our problems internally. Nigeria has refused to set up industries that will employ her youths. Foreigners are taking the risks we cannot take, and they are employing themselves in their own companies, which they are setting up here, with their own money. So, how is it their faults?

Let Nigeria respect and care for her citizens first. The so called illegals will respect us! Like I said, the problems are not from the Lebanese, Americans or Europeans who have businesses here. The problems start from us as Nigerians, and the solutions must come from us!

In Nigeria oil industry and telecoms you find welders as expatriate workers ,fabricators as expatriate workers even the chinese now bring assisatnt from china,Nigerians do the dirty jobs why they supervise

Like I once said, our leaders allow that. So, its never the fault of the foreigners. So, blame our leaders. And by the way; how are you sure those people don't have the Nigerian Work permit? That is the only situation where I will agree with you that they are all illegals.

when will I ever stop laughing on nairaland? I can see people talking about illegal immigrants here. Who are the illegal immigrants? Who are the native Nigerians? Is an average Nigerian different from an illegal immigrant? To me, an average Nigerian is not different from an illegal immigrant, because we all lack the basic benefits that a true native Nigerian should enjoy. So, how are we different from the illegals?

U.S, U.K, Australia are all talking about illegals and Nigeria is also talking about illegal immigrants. Please I need a pill which can stop me from laughing

With this kind of judgement, corruption will never end in Nigeria. Imagine getting just 6 months imprisonment for all these? when one of my brothers saw all she acquired, he categorically told me that he would not mind going to jail for 10 years if he can acquire all these either legally or illegally. Can you see? This is a man who has a good character, and who would be seen as a good role model. But look at what he just said! Because corruption is now fashionable. So, how does the country stop corruption when some people are hardly found guilty? And when the rich ones are found guilty, they get those kind of crazy jail terms? If someone I hold in high esteem says he would agree to go 10years for similar offence, then what is the hope for this country?

Let FIFA go to hell. You can't control us. Has the Super Eagles ever made us happy or proud for once? This Ban is even good for us. It will save us from the heartbreaks often caused by the super cockroaches. We have the EPL, Spanish Laliga and other league matches to watch. Not those good for nothing super cockroaches.

The problems seems to come when after receiving the money from God I am reluctant to pay Him back 10% out of it.The sharing formula is God gives me 100%, out of it I give Him back 10% and the remaining 90% is mine.
I solved that problem.I told God to deduct His 10% from source since he is the one giving me the money in the first instance and I assume that whatever gets to me is my 90%. By so doing,I no longer run a risk of "robbing" God.

Though I am a Christian, yet I found it very difficult not to laugh at that. Just look at the wisdom of men! Well, I'm aware that in the last days, the wisdom of men would be so much beyond imagination. I see it on the innovations of men, and I see it in their rationalities too. Logically, you are right but  

10% from source, lol. Is God your Human Resources Manager, employer or accountant?

Women like tall men because they want to feel protected. Tall men are also more sexually attractive. The biggest threat to the lovelife of a rich short man is a penniless tall hot guy

I have been silently reading the comments of some people here, and I find everything amusing. To break my silence, I will like to comment on the bold part quoted above.

1. How does a tall guy protect a short lady?
2. How many times has a lady been beaten or bullied beside a short guy? It might be happening, but is it rampant as other things that happen in societies everyday?
3. I consider Kanu Nwanwko and Peter crauch (sorry I don't know the spelling of that England footballer) as tall guys. So, as a lady; if you are dating Kanu or that English guy and you are walking beside him on the streets. Then, some bullies come around. You expect these footballers to pull of their shirts and fight like "agbero" guys in oshodi just for you? I hear you.

While I understand other reasons why ladies date taller guys, the reason of protection makes me sick. Most gentlemen that I know, who are rich and tall will never fight on the street or anywhere else. In Nigeria especially, what fights for men either rich or poor is their money, and not their heights.

I am not saying this because I am tall or short. We all have our different specs about who we can date. But I only don't buy the protection part of a man's height. A short Jasin Chan (jackie chan) will beat the hell out of tall Kanu if they are to fight. Remember one is a martial artist while the other is just a footballer.

@surgeon

@ aktunde,

Interesting indeed, the outcome of all the medical investigations you have undergone. Well, at least we know there is no life-threatening disease and I'm certain there is nothing harmful that you can pass to your child in future. Sometimes, it the worrying about something that makes the symptoms altogether worse.

Once again, I thank you so much. You are highly blessed sir!

My dad would never say sorry to any of his child even though he later realized he has beaten you unjustly. Even if its obvious he has realized his own mistake, his face will still portray "and so 4cking what"?. I just hate this. Even if he is feeling too big to say sorry, at least he can show some remorse or find a way of pulling you closer. But for my old man, na lie! He has always been like that even till date.

Between 2007-April 2010, the relationship between my dad and I went so sour beyond our imagination. He told me he needed a broker, and my friend who is a banker recommended a stock broker to me. I connected the stock broker to my dad, and they initiated some stock transactions. Eventually, that stock broker sold some of my dad's shares without his consent, and tried to hide the evidence. He didn't give him his cssc statement for two years so that my dad would't find out. He kept telling him stories. He played my dad till re resigned from that stock brokerage firm and couldn't be traced. He resigned without telling my dad even though he managed my dad's account. By the time my dad eventually got his statement through another stock broker, my dad discovered that lots of his shares had been sold without his consent. His total losses was above 1million naira.

My dad contacted his siblings (my uncles and aunts) and told them I had connived with an outsider to dupe him. I was made a black ship of the family. I couldn't even go near any family member again because they all see me as a dupe. It broke my heart so much that my dad couldn't even trust me again. Only mum mom and siblings maintained their trust in me. Eventually, my elder brother, myself and my dad went to the cscs, the registrars office and the headquarters of the stock brokerage firm. Eventually, we found out the stock broker and the company registrar did the whole arm to my dad.

The most annoying thing is that my dad didn't even say sorry for my name that he had robbed in the mud among the family members. Till date, I'm not even sure he had try to convince his siblings that I am innocent. He just walked away as if nothing happened. I have forgiven him, even when he didn't say sorry or apologies. But I am not sure I love him as much as before again.

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Now its my turn to marry a Nairalander. Who will marry me abeg?

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chai! 11 views no single reply. Where are all the doctors and dermatologists in the house? I now understand why our leaders run abroad for medical treatment. Our health system here is a complete failure! Nigeria is definitely one of the wrong places to fall sick. No wonder why disease which could cost less than $20 to cure, is killing people here like chicken. Na wa o

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Look guys beauty comes in first, for instance how you go take know someone personality if you are not attracted to them?

You just said my mind! Just before I could sign in and say the same thing, you said it all. Thunder fire my fluctuating internet modem. chai!

All,

Nigeria is not overpopulated. There is no population disaster in Nigeria now. We have abundant resources. Our problem is leadership greed, mismanagement and corruption.

Everyone must not discount the fact that we are not utilising our economic resources wisely. This could lead to poverty on a larger scale - population growth or not.

Britain is not as rich as Nigeria in terms of natural resources, human resources and climate.

In fact Britain is mostly surviving on tax revenue.

Nigeria leaders should wake-up and lead the country.

Please permit me to complete that statement in bold for you " In fact, Britain is mostly surviving on tax revenue and the high Tuition fees they collect from International Students"

It amazes me the way I see Universities from UK, bombarding Nigeria Newspapers with their Admissions Information. You have to sit for some entrance tests/exams just to enroll into some universities in Nigeria, despite the fact that our standard of education is poor. Meanwhile, many great schools in UK recruiting from Nigeria will still grant you on the spot admission. Yes! just attend their seminars and be qualified and its done. For example, you have  Bachelors degree from Nigeria with 2.2. You might still not be considered for a Masters Degree in Unilag if you do not pass the post graduate entrance test. Take that same result to any of those U.K schools advertising in Nigerian News papers. You will be surprised to find out that you could be admitted the same day! Why? because they need your money to run their economy. Why do you think most U.K schools will require to pay your fees up front (even without their visa) while many accredited schools in US wouldn't do that?

What I'm I trying to say here? Britain will keep saying rubbish about us here. Yet they will never leave us alone. If they know we are this bad; why not do away with us? Take it or leave it, even as we have a stagnant economy or derailing one, they can't even hide it that they need us to survive. Well, I will not blame them completely. If not for our failing leaders and government; why do we keep giving them money despite how poor they say we are in the name good education, medical treatment, vacation, shopping and other reasons for which we give them money to run their own economy.

I still have hope in Nigeria and I believe that one day, our population could be to our own advantage.