₦airaland Forum

Aren't you Joyce Banda?

Am I the only one who likes to wait until the season is over to watch all the episodes together? I'm bad about waiting each week or being consistent.

Mad Men (I watch it online)

I used to watch the show at ridiculous hours when I couldn't sleep. Talk about DRAMA! I think it's real. People are foolish in relationships.

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Dads...

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it"

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Sir, you've been carjacked...

Bridge joke:
A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads Low Bridge Ahead.

Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"

The trucker replies sarcastically, No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of fuel!

First, that chick cray. Second, no she did not have a right to violate your privacy. Third, it's stupid because you could delete anything incriminating and she'd never see it. There are more effective ways to build trust in a relationship.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idi0t and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Yo mama so bald-headed she step in the shower and got brainwashed

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died of rug burn when you were born

Yo mama so old, when God said let there be light, she flipped the switch

Yo mama so greasy, she sweats palm oil

If I don't pick up the phone, because I have a life that does not center around you DO NOT CALL ME 10 times within an hour. It looks crazy and I'll regret giving you my number and probably not calling you back. Now, one call and maybe a message, you'll hear from me by the end of the day with a sincere explanation of why I could pick up my phone when you called.

Free drinks? Mmmmm I'm guilty, but I'll never pretend that you are going to get something that you are not. I would never ask, but if you offer, I'll assume it is out of your own generosity. Aren't men usually buying drinks with motives anyway? Well if you have a motive and I have a motive, then what's the problem?

Beautiful designs!

I'm plotting to divide Nigerian into 20 countries

While the home is a partnership, my husband is going to want to feel like the primary contributor. We can split expenses 50-50 if we have comparable jobs, but any extra money I make, I intend to keep separately to save for retirement, my children, investment. I don't planning on hiding the fact that I have money put away, but I don't expect to be asked to sacrifice it for any reason. Women have traditionally been placed at extreme social and economic disadvantages.

Especially with the short life of some marriages these days, separate funds are a matter of prudence and good planning. The way some men run off with younger women? You can leave me brokenhearted but you won't leave me broke. Also, sometimes good people fall into bad things in a way that if all of the money is together one spouse may ruin the household finances: an addiction, a bad investment, a scam...

The point is partners have a responsibility for each other and should help each other, but that does not mean that all individual interest dissolve.

Cookies:
I tried this recipe from online and they turned out great
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips (16 ounces)


Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 375°F. Line 2 large baking sheets with parchment or wax paper.

Whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt in a small bowl.

Beat together butter and sugars in a large bowl with an electric mixer at high speed until pale and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Lightly beat 1 egg with a fork in a small bowl and add 1 3/4 tablespoons of it plus 2 remaining whole eggs to butter mixture, beating with mixer until creamy, about 1 minute. Beat in vanilla. Reduce speed to low and mix in flour mixture until just blended, then stir in chips.

Place a table spoon of dough at least 1.5" apart so they don't stick together. Flatten the dough into rounds.

Bake, 1 sheet at a time, until golden, 10 to 15 minutes.

Adoption is a normal part of most African cultures, just not the formal kind regulated by the state. How often to families take in younger relatives, take care of them, and send them to school? My cousins would stay with my aunt (their father's sister) in the city during the school year and she cared for them like her own children. Black people are used to extended blended family networks. The isolation of the nuclear family and a "us v. them" mentality is not African.

I would happily adopt if my resources allow for it.

I would be hostile to the idea. I have two younger brothers and I still baby them. I also wouldn't want the mixing of those two worlds. Think about it...When my friend is having man problems, she'll be badmouthing my brother to me. I know they have to grow up some time, but I would not be happy about such an occurrence.

sorry

I love dessert! Please post descriptions and recipes of your favorite desserts from anywhere.

I'll go first:
Quick Peach Cobbler: I can cook but who has time...
1 large can of sliced peaches in heavy syrup
1 pkg of refrigerated pie crust (2 crusts for top and bottom)
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1 stick of butter

Use some of the stick of butter to grease the casserole dish. Fit the first pie crust into the bottom of a glass casserole dish. Bake the bottom pie crust for 10-15 minutes. Drain most of the syrup from the peaches and mixed in brown sugar. Remove crust from oven and spoon in peach-sugar mix. Cut half of the stick of butter into small chunks and distribute evenly over the mixture. At this point, you can place the top crust on and pinch into place or you can design the top crust to be fancy. Bake until the top crust browns, remove from oven, cover with foil, and bake an additional 30 minutes.

When finished, remove from oven, dust with cinnamon, and let cool for 20 minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream.

Top crust design ideas
Hearts: Roll out top crust flat, cut out hearts and place them evenly over the dish
Lattice: Roll the top crust out flat and cut it into 1 1/2 inch strips and cross them over each other

Part I: No one really wants to put himself/herself out there and make the first move. While I won't ask a man out, I will let him know that I'm interested and that it's okay to ask me out. I feel like if both parties indicate interest in each other the plans to see each other again will come naturally. The key in either case is to openly express interest and gauge if the interest is mutual. I may say "let's keep in touch" or "do you have a card?"

The problem arises when I have shown no interest in you, you haven't started a real conversation with me, and you act entitled to my number. I'll be polite at first. Asking more than once won't elicit anything beyond resentment on my part.

Part II: Why won't I ask a man out?
I don't have to ask nor do I want to make him feel that I took something from him. Some men like the conquest of asking a woman out. Also, if it's a first date, I don't intend to pay, and you shouldn't ask if you don't intend to pay for the date.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Bumper sticker: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, I CAN SLAM ON MY BRAKES AND SUE YOU.

Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

"Aye, so I have. It's Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and of course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"


Share your driving jokes

Someone is cheating on a spouse

Someone will be violently slapped

Magic will either be the cause of the problem or the solution or BOTH

The actress changes between part 1 and part 3 with no explanation

The bad characters are completely evil and the good characters are completely good, one track personalities

Inexplicably the Nigeria in the movies is one where everyone is upper middle class and drives nice cars

Poverty is only in villages and it will be overcome by moving to the city or marrying a wealthy stranger

Economic exploitation
Political unrest
Violence towards women
Poor national infrastructures
Lack of quality, accessible education for all
Lack of quality, accessible health care for all
Stunted technological advancement
Extreme instances of poverty and disease

Certainly different countries are experiencing different rates of growth and improvement in some areas over others, but these are the things I've noticed

I would never use the term "backward," because the "West" damn sure ain't forward...I would say that the continent is in a state of economic, political, and social warfare where most of the violence is experience by the poor.

Safest Way to Drive


Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving
habits, offers the following advice:

The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's
exposure.

One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds
are caused by non-drunk drivers.

Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.