@YoungandDepress

My brother.. calm dowwwnnnnn.

I was in your shoes like 15 years ago.. (except the gambling sha).. I was about your age in 200L too, and my mates had either graduated or in their finals.. After secondary school, i went to a polytechnic, finished OND, worked for one year (IT) before going back to university to start from scratch.

I was the capital B in "Broke", wetin i no sell? clothes oh, perfume oh, women's shoes oh.. Chai . To even cap it, there was this chic i liked that didn't agree to date me... mehn.. omo depression wey hold me ehn... i lost my erection ..i no fit sleep... na one nice deeper life woman who lived in our area that was just consoling me . Dey give me tracts to read..

But when the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. Today, its a different story.. To God's glory, now dem dey call us Chairman, Oga sir.

See ehn, there are two things you must never lose o.. Faith in God and Faith in a better tomorrow for you. Right now, face your book, and just paint beautiful pictures in your mind of a glorious tomorrow. I remember taking long walks just speaking in tongues and declaring words about my future.

Good company also helps. My good friend (Baba Dee).. we met in 100L and have been friends since then till today.. We used to build dreams with our mouths and to God's glory, things don balance.

Wo aburo (see my lil bro), just be positive, read your books, hustle, pray and speak good words about your future. Your destination (when things go balance) is not as far as where you are coming from. A lot of times, strangers were the ones that encouraged me so maybe now its my turn to do same to you. One day, one day, dem go call you Chairman, Oga sir!!! (positive oh..not dem 419 type)

Happiness is a choice. Choose it. And remember, when you balance, make you sef encourage others.

@OP
What a story! Hope you are now wiser and remember to be a good father. Nkan be...

@Sugargul
Madam.. leave this talk.. we all sin differently oh. I read your story on the TTC thread and remember you said you had committed an abortion because "you weren't ready". Nobody holy pass. So don't judge.

Sugargul:


When you see people say “don’t judge “, “don’t criticize “, just know you hit them hard with the truth. Are you married? If you aren’t, I doubt you understand what it means to promise a lifetime of commitment. I will not come here and mince words just to sound “unpretentious “. I am a married woman and reading this thread made me shed tears because the poster is just plain ignorant and pple like you are here to kiss ass instead of speaking the truth. Would you leave your wife just because you can no longer stand her medical condition and have fallen out of love as a result? What happened to working on the marriage? What happened to the promise you made to God? This is what you get when one marries a man who has no fear of God. [b]Keep supporting evil in the name of not being judgmental. [/b]You can also apply same to your marriage.

@ Marxxx
I usually don't make comments on such issues but I'll make an exception in your case.

For starters, change is a constant process. Everyone evolves overtime, albeit at different rates. You will continue to evolve as you grow/prosper... so will she..Trust me... stepping up the social ladder comes with its "baggage".

One of the "most" innate yearnings of Man (and woman) especially in his (or her) later years...is someone accepting them for who they are - stripped of all trappings of wealth and class. This you have from what I've read.

On your expectation of her rate of learning/ change, you'll be disappointed if you measure her with yourself. You are driven. You desire the good life. You want to go higher. She's fine with you - whoever you become. That's another plus.

As for clothes etc, some men are actually better at picking this than women. Some women could care less. Or just aren't exposed to the "in-thing". Worse case scenario. . You shop for her.. she'll learn overtime.

As for your colleagues, trust me.. no one gives a shiiit (pardon my french). And I'm serious.. no one gives a flying f**k.

Most importantly, do what makes you happy. Think deeply about your next move cos it has serious consequences on two lives - yours and hers.

There's no one that can't be "tushed" up. It would even become a source of yabs in your later years... ie if you decide to stay with her.

Lastly, staying with her doesn't guarantee a happy/successful life neither does leaving her doom you to everlasting unhappiness.

Whichever course you choose.... may it bring happiness your way.

@ pansophist

You can make a video like this......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YGc4zOqozo

If you can push it, you never know.....they may end up paying you for damages.

oliverjiad:
using grimaldi or AES is good to go for #9.5m
Yes I do have links at port
Regards
Jaid

What's a good number to call you on?

How much would it cost to clear a 2015 Mercedes Benz GL 450? Shipping line (possibly Grimaldi).
Do you have links at Onne Port?

Interesting thread. Hmm the nostalgia!
Fortunately, I learnt this while I was at the university (thanks to God, Robert Kiyosaki and other authors). Bought my first shares while in school. N5k lol!
Didn't piss off my nysc allowance. Started business on the side, as I worked my 9 - 5. Divested into real estate.

And it's all paid off in 7 years. My sights are set on bigger things now.

Kudos to the OP.
And for those just starting, it's never too late to start cos it's not as difficult as you think.

I will be angry ONLY if he doesn't add soft drink to push the meat down.

@duni04

duni04:

People that think life is a Hollywood movie

Just because yours is shitty doesn't mean others aren't having lives "better than Hollywood movies".

Get out more often.

@OP

Please tell your friend I said...

Marriage isn't a destination. When you set your mind on marriage, what tends to happen is that you "screen" every male that approaches you through your "husband" criteria - and where he falls short, your mind puts him in a box potentially missing out on other possibilities that could have happened.

My advice - keep an open mind. Have fun. Break some rules. Enjoy life. Fall in love. Fall out of love. If it happens fine, if it doesn't, no worry. Laugh uncontrollably. Never regret anything that made you smile.... and most importantly. ... BE HAPPY!

Happened to me when I was vacationing in Phuket, Thailand in 2011. A local walked up to me (with a smile on his face), touched my arm -to feel my skin and took pictures with me. I remember thinking "awkward.... "

Yes I'm satisfied.

I believe satisfaction is a state of mind. It doesn't connote lack of desire but contentment with where you are at the moment. I dare say that people that are satisfied are usually people with a long term plan and are working that plan. (Though not always)

Let me put this in context. If my plan/desire is to erect a building and according to my plan, it will take 9 months. If at month 3, I'm doing well/according to plan, and you ask me the OP's question - though I haven't finished the building, my response will be yes, I'm satisfied.

However when you focus on the future, your level of satisfaction is usually determined by the quality of your preparation and the depth of your conviction.

Now this is the most intelligent post so far!!!
I always wonder about Nigeria's undying love for "putting the cart before he horse".

texazzpete: I'm not sure which is more stupid.
This brainless policy or the ordinary Nigerians that defend it.
The tariff increase is NOT required to create jobs. tax breaks and import waivers for local manufacturers are more than enough incentive to attract more investment in this sector.
People will patronise locally assembled cars if the savings from the local assembly is passed on to the consumer. At this stage, the local assembly scene is still in its nascent stages, there are ZERO vehicles available for sale apart from a few lower end and tiny Hyundai or Kia vehicles. Where is the local car for anyone who wants to buy a reliable family sized Sedan?
It's strange...when it comes to fuel subsidy removal the FG is keen to stress that 'Market forces' will drive down prices of fuel. For some reason, they are incredibly reluctant to let these same 'Market forces' apply in the purchase of autos.
All this has done is to drastically drive up the cost for the average Nigerian to purchase a vehicle that they like. Only sycophants and traitors are in support of this tarriff increase at this moment.

God2man: Good people are not rich [/b]although there are some wicked poor people, [b]i can assure you that many of them are very poor, they are struggling now but they will soon make it. You can only pray to God to find them.
God bless you. God2man.

And this how good girls are suckered into having wrong perceptions, and ultimately making wrong choices when it comes to marriage. Money is neither good nor bad. It only amplifies who you really are. There are MANY rich good people and MANY poor bad people.

@OP
There are a lot of good people (in fact dem yapa ). My advice for you:
1. Just keep on being a good person.

2. Have a clear definition of what makes a "good" person. Is it being in church 24/7? Is it cramming all the verses of scripture? Is it being respectful to others? etc. You need to have a clear picture of what makes a person "good"?

3. Have good friends. Spend time with people who have values that you appreciate/look up to. Actively look for good people and don't be afraid to stretch the hand of friendship. Iron sharpens iron.

4. Keep an open mind. Not all good people are Christians. Not all Christians are good people.

@OP
I'm happy you enumerated a lot of great things about her and listed only one attribute you don't like. Well, there's no perfect person on earth, including you. The only reason it is breaking your home is because you've chosen to focus on it. Simple.

I don't subscribe to trying to 'change' people. The only advice I have for you is to devise a plan to live with it. Trying to 'manipulate' her as well may work short -term but that's only temporary and may have devastating consequences long-term.

Let me share an idea. I call it 'Stoop to conquer'. When the next issue comes, listen and agree with her position. Tell her, this is my position but I want us to follow your leading on this one. When results come in, if bad, don't blame her for them o, just try to resolve and show her you are in this together. After a while, you'll be surprised that she'll prefer to have you make the decisions. Peradventure, her leading was the right one after all, be sure to praise her for it and say stuff like 'I'm glad I married a wise woman'. See... either way, you can't go wrong.

The underlying issue may just be that she finds it difficult to let go completely, and it may take some sacrifices for you to earn that trust.

My 2 cents.

What's disheartening is that other "Men of God" have stayed silent on this matter. They must protect their own.

Alas, it has become more glaring that the sheep must protect itself.

What's more dangerous than a wolf in sheep-skin ........a wolf in shepherd-skin.

There are only 3 ways known to mankind;
1. Plenty Attention
2. Good food.
3. Great sex.

C'est fini.

dirk: This question has been on my mind for some time now. On getting one's first job, it is believed by some people (especially the yoruba culture) that your first salary should go to your parents for them to bless you.

....and after blessing you, your parents give the money back to you... (true yoruba culture)

Efemena_xy: ^^ I think you mean 50 rules, not 150 rules. Your title needs amending

The remaining 100 are on his blog .. Abi you don't want him to get the TRAFFIC he's looking for.

I give him "the look" and say his name sternly (and only once).

bellong:
When in Rome, we behave like the Romans and when in Nigeria, we must behave like Nigerians... You cannot exclude cultural practices from people irrespective of race and gender.

Now, let's talk like Nigerians. The poster does not know what is going in the man's home and she doesn't even have an idea if the wife have been accusing her husband of infidelity. Someone who knows the woman sees the OP going to the salon with the husband, the wife's suspicion is thereby confirmed that the husband is cheating on him. Ordinarily, in any part of the world, how many single girls go with married man to salon in the name of helping out? I understand cultural practices of few countries I have read about, I know they do not take that as platonic relationship.
She can buy the man a shirt, that's not a big deal if it is a present on a different day. But for the man changing cloth and going back home in a different shirt, trust me, the wife will ask when he bought the shirt. Except he lies to her, no woman will take it lightly with you for receiving a shirt from a single girl in the office. There is no way you can defend it that nothing is going on, not even someone under suspicion.

The girl may be innocently putting herself in trouble for her extreme action. I do not support her outright condemnation for her attitude but she needs caution in her actions so as to save her face too. She cannot withstand the violence of an angry and hurtful housewife.

Assumptions! Assumptions!! Assumptions!!!
Then again, this is the kind of stuff Nigerians love to gobble.

I rest my case.

greatgod2012:
we are not saying we dont get her message but all we, me specifically is saying is that, she shouldn't have gone to the extent she went, how will she feel if someone else do what she did to that her boss to her hubby. How does she want the wife to feel when ho got home with another shirt, does she want to cause chaos in that marriage? Is the boss' wife aware of everything she has been doing to him at workplace? I'm always of "do unto others what you want them do unto you"

and if you are conversant with this section of the forum, no married woman will kick against taking care of their hubby, except she doesn't love him or the man refuse to heed to advice.May God help us all.

This is precisely my point. Who determines the extent? I'm pretty impressed that she's very concerned about the image of the company and will not let her boss spoil it because of his "marital issues". The fact that she didn't mention anything about contacting the wife also shows that she isn't being meddlesome.

My main challenge with this thread, and largely the forum, is that there seems to be an ideal that we expect everyone to ascribe to just because we do. About being conversant with this section, trust me, i've been around for a while... No be by number of posts o.

It's not healthy but sometimes inevitable.

Mrs.Chima:

The irony of honeymoon bliss. Enjoy.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

kenosky: Aniffy... @1.11am, you still dey post.....

Hmmmm... Which way jare?

My brother.. na insomnia dey cause am.

I don't know why everyone's getting worked up . I don't see anything wrong in what the OP did. Who knows? she probably just saved the company by getting him to wear a clean shirt!

And please just because someone takes an action different from what you are accustomed to gives you no right to make scathing or abusive remarks, especially if you have some sort of "following"?

Jeez! What's wrong in buying a shirt for a man/ accompanying him to the salon? Must everything start and end in extra-marital affairs with you lot? Some people can still have good relationships with other people WITHOUT escalating to other dimensions.

Her advice is simple: Married women, take better care of your husbands.

Off topic: There seems to be a "gang" on family threads. This is not good for open discussions. Once one of them takes a stand, the rest align. It's a pity that one of these "gang" members complained of being an outsider a while ago.

which way.....

Past performance is generally the best predictor of future behaviour. People still vandalize PHCN cables, oil pipelines (tongue-in-cheek), and just about every public utility we can think of in Nigeria.

To solve Nigeria's electricity problem, i'll say a diversified mix of different energy sources (wind, solar, natural gas etc) will benefit power quality and overall security of supply, and this MUST BE led by the private sector. Whilst the government only provides a strong regulatory support.

But NUCLEAR ENERGY on that SCALE in Nigeria is a BIG NO-NO! Has the government done a security and risk assessment of this initiative? Countries can actually use this opportunity to arm themselves with nuclear weapons (China and India are examples). That's a risk too much for a fragmented country like Nigeria.

Annie2gud: @annify...please its not neccessary you must have to comment.you can eyes Shop and move on to the next thread.i dont mean to be Rude,but i think i am contented and comfy with him.thanks for you comment Anyway.Do have a Nice weekend!!!!

Why you come vex na? Oya take e-hug...

Annie2gud: You caught me on the ''praise the lord stuff.Lol.please there is no perfect humanbeing aprt from Christ.everybody gat Flaws.you just have to find a way to manage dia flaws.if they are Akin to takin corrections.Annify Bros ....Thanks for the Little chip-in.allah ya bani maigida nah,amma Godiya ne ke.sai anjuma.

Ba wahala...

Chillisauce:
What are you saying ,
Time you used to write this, you would have given your own advise or opinion and move on!
Joy killer

Truth hurts...

You met your husband THREE months ago and you've concluded that he's caring..outspoken...nice..to an extent heady.. and God fearing .. You've even done introduction...Ha!.. Alhamdulillah! oops.. sorry.. Praise the LORD!!!!

If the OP was a guy and told the story like this:

I bumped into one of my ex, one lovely morning i was about to head to the bank , but this time i decided to take Okada instead of driving down, just want to feel the cool natural breeze touching my face, as the okada man drives off... in the process of waiting for bike, someone called my name , i looked at the direction, i saw a white massive jeep with tinted glass, the glass slides down , and wow, my ex is the one driving.....


I doubt we would have the same number of "congratulations" from the ladies