₦airaland Forum

Sanboy25:
Of course I'm in love, but with myself.
Willpower OK, but do you really believe that objectivity can be fueled by something as subjective than love ?
Hard to imagine...
I'm glad to know that love has things work out for you.

Yes. Because objectivity changes with changing circumstance. Plans etc of today can be made redundant by factors outside of our control and then the true test comes. It doesnt affect objectivity a great deal however.

Sanboy25:
So the solution is that women should work hard but not too much in order to not scare away men,
she must give the kitty-cat for free,
then wait to get married to earn big but not more than her man, to not hurt his ego... That's it ?
Poor women, we have it difficult in this world...

Take it easy babes. I didnt say that

Women can earn more than men. Women can earn nothing. Earnings is subjective to the man they want. The kitty kat should be free or they are pros. Women should try to target men with more in mind than financial benefits. Women would be advised to try and make something of themselves, career, education, general development. Also, there are character traits that can aid. Also, love plays a role

But the woman decides because, they are the ones who choose their man. So they should decide what they want.

Sanboy25:
With willpower and an objective view on the matter.
But you can continue your ministry for love, many people need it.

But you dont. Are you sure you are not in love but dont just know it?

Willpower and objectivity can be fuelled by love to really push when things look bleak. I have been tested and seen the true benefits of love. I have also seen the downsides too

Sanboy25:
I also want both me and my man (when he comes) to work together, there is no ambiguity on this point.
I also don't know why most women put themselves in this situation...

Precisely. Women can work through it. Not all but a lot can. It is the wealth factor in the country creating problems for both.

Sanboy25:
When women works hard to get things, you guys are insecure and don't want to marry them.
Then open threads like: 'The consequences of Women leaving the kitchen'
Here is the adress: https://www.nairaland.com/1301657/consequences-women-leaving-kitchen
Let's not turn this into a man vs. woman threads, it's pointless.
'Peace be with you.'

The bitter irony. I myself have indulged in such foolishness

But a traditional woman is not my preference. I know a lot of guys want that. And also, why must a woman look at only 2 alternatives, either he is rich and loaded or she is rich and loaded. Why cant they both work together to get there?

haitto99: facing d fact,getting a guy like dat in naija nw is like looking for an iroko tree in d desert,for christ sake what else do u want,he makes u happy n dats what matas,u just said it,u guys just graduated,give him sometime,and fortunately u did proffesional courses u can start with dat,with wat u wrote,i give ur guy 2ys to be a lil bit ready,abeg o girl stick to ur man,ur happiness matters d most,but most importantly talk to him and know his plans for u and d time frame,and also try to get sometin doin,good luck

Same here. I said the 2 years thing too

spikes C: They sure do

Believe me... they do

8 years both ways. Amy more and there might be other considerations. But it all depends on the partners flexibility of course.

Sanboy25:
Hahaha, you should have faith in mankind.
Men can't create problem and expect women to solve them...

We didnt create the problem. How did men create the problem? It was women who wanted the good things in life and didnt want to work hard for it. Men always want nookie, why do they get it by barter now when it was not always so?

Oh yeah. And maybe poverty has escalated it.

Stegomiah: Nope! Do you bliv in love?

of course I do

Sanboy25:
I didn't mean to put all the blame on men.
But if they are ruling the world, they are also the sources of the problems in the system... (and the remedy too).
Hum ok, peace.

Remedy? Men? I doubt it. Unless they stop wanting nookie then maybe

Sanboy25:
I wouldn't ever marry out of love.
To me marriage is a contract for life and don't have to be taken lightly.
I see love as something frivolous, it comes and go...
I can't plan my life on something so inconstant...
If my husband love me, that's a plus and nothing else...

But surely love adds to all the other mentioned traits. Without love how do you fight through the difficulties?

Sanboy25:
That's too much for me, why would a man be walking around with ex-foliating creams...



They are wannabes, for me it's gays that are obsessed with their looks, not the average men...
I guess I'm too old fashioned for this new era which pushes men to act like women...

yes you are. gay people are diverse. just like normal people. Most people thought lesbians wer all butch but we are seeing loads of hot, feminine lesbians too.

And as for looks, why not maintain it?

spikes C: My oh my

The ladies love it

Sanboy25:
As long as there will have a demand, it will have an offer.
If they didn't have customers, they would find another 'occupation'...
Yes both parties must want to change,
but I believe that it's men who set the rules in this relationship thing.
They must try to change their women that's it.
A lot of men also marry women that are not good in bed e.g vir/gins...
S/e/x is not the only thing in marriage for both men and women.

It is all the mens fault

Men are only part of the problem. But let us not argue on the topic.

Sanboy25: That's a stereotype, I take care of myself and don't spend much time in the bathroom.
You're saying because you have never met a real metro, they are so obsessed with their looks that it's disturbing...
I have a friend who's man walks with a mirror in his pocket for him to check his face through the day.
he even waxes his brows! that's a sacrilege for me...

Sacrilege!!! lol These men arent gay? Their bedroom antics might even match the so called "macho" dudes. And I bet with all your talk about macho dudes their is still an expected amount of bathroom time you expect of a man. I carry a mirror too and a soap case with lots of exfoliating creams. I need to look good and sharp in todays high flying world. And youth ful too

Sanboy25: Sure, but I can't walk with a wannabe Gay by my side... Sorry for them...

And how do you know they are gay? Do they eye up men or hit on other guys?

Sanboy25:
We're just putting back the blame on each gender, it's a vicious circle...
I believe that if there must be a change, it must come from the men.
Because it's men who makes the world go round (sad to say...)
I don't find anything wrong with your two scenarios:
'The end justifies the means' as they say.
AS long as they consider s/e/x as something extremely valued that they should not have for free,
women will continue charging them in/directly.
Good morning to you too.

tSure, sure. I agree but Take a look at pros.titution, in Aberdeen, they brought in laws to hit the male customers hard with the intention that it would reduce pros.titution and hence eradicate it (or reduce it thoroughly). All it did was force the pros out of the red light district and into the clubs and bars... and even Union street . The reality on ground is that at least both parties must be willing to change.

But this is really more about women than men. Women in Nig view se.x differently to how men view it. A lot of women can easily marry a man that does not fulfil a role in bed adequately. What does that say long term about the marriage?

Stegomiah: Sure, most pple av

Cool... cool... are you still in it

Monicasque: Heyyyyy Ath all is cool babe. How is your thursday coz mine is sooo super chilled

Really? Isnt too early to be super chilled? Anyway enjoy yourself and dont party too hard

Im good by the way.

Sanboy25:
I don't want a man who spends as much time as me (or even more) in the bathroom...
I put metro in the same basket than G/a/y/s (I don't have nothing against them).
They are between the 2 genders (men and women), I just can't bear it:
either you're a real man, either your effeminate (so gay).
I'm not looking for an aggressive man neither...
I am kind of tall 168cm (don't what it gives in feet and inches...) and I don't want a man shorter than me.
And you definitely has to be charismatic, it is not so difficult...

A tip for you babes, any lady who takes care of herself can never be matched by a metrosexual man in terms of time in the bathroom

Gayness or homosexuality has nothing to do with looks. There are some very macho gay men who look more macho than an average thug. Yet they are gay. It is se.xual preference rather than character.

Sanboy25: I suppose that you're in the West to say these kind of things.

I am in the West. The UK to be precise... London.

Sanboy25: Why would Nigerian women believe in free s/e/x if Nigerian men don't.
Each time a man has the kitty-cat for free, he brags to his friends and even come on this website to do so,
he presents it as something that is valued and that his malice took advantage of for free.
I've seen it numerous times.
Women in the West don't have the same traditional values as the local women when it comes to s/e/x.
Nigeria is still closed up on this matter compared to them.

Are our Nig girls doing any better? Go on facebook, 2go and whatsapp and see what they all get up to. They just only do it where there is some sort of financial reward. And There are loads of Nig guys who like free se.x. It can only add more spice to a relationship. Virgin issue aside of course (which is all hypocrisy anyway because they still cheat on the virgins with experienced women)

Sanboy25: Can you bring your girlfriends (not wife) at home (to your parents) to sleep overnight ?
Can a girl tell her father that she has a boyfriend that she don't intend to marry and that she is s/e/xually active ?

Why not? I did. And they all got along well. Though I regret it now

Even though a girl cannot tell her father it doesnt stop most of them from doing it anyway. They all have se.x they just dont do it for free. The only innocent parties are the virgins. but a virgin is a virgin right. They arent sleeping with anyone.

Sanboy25: Also the economic situation in Naija is not the same than in the West, people (and women yes) are more concerned about making money or getting 'things' than considering s/e/x as some philosophical part of life.
I can't blame women for not giving up the cat for free.

The point above is agreeable. Most women in financial difficulty are sort of strong armed into doing things they might not be proud of. We all understand that. No one can blame them. I just feel it is right to call a spade a spade.

So what about these 2 scenarios:

1. A girl sleeps with 50 men, each pay her amounts of money, support her financially through school and get her a job, she is now a career high flier.

2. A girl works hard to put herself through school and gets a job through determined hard work. She has lots of fun partying and sleeps with 50 men for pleasure and gratification.

Out of the two, which is the lesser evil? Gratification or necessity?

sophieLL: This is not only a real man, but also a perfect man. A real man for me is one that has responsibility, moral outlook, ability to earn money. And I hope he is not ugly as well.

If he was ugly, would you still consider him... assuming he has all the rest?

Monicasque: Am an with all the above

Good morning babes, hope all is well today?

BTW, are you sanboy

Does this apply to male virgins

Mynd_44: What if she ain't ready for marriage and commitment and all she wants is money? Some people are really shallow you know

As long as they know what they want. What if the grass really isnt greener on the other side.

Mynd_44: Nigerian men? Speak for yourself dude

A majority of them do want that. trust me... they do

The independent woman is not ncecessarily a trait they want.

Sanboy25:
A real man for me is one that :
- Can back up his chat
- Never forsake his moral values
- Has an unwavering faith
- Has pride and dignity
- Believe in his capacities

Physically:
- Not too pretty
- [b]Not effeminate or metros-e-xual
- Has to be virile (doesn't necessarily means muscle, it's like an 'aura' )
- Has to be charismatic
- Tall (because I am)

That's a real man to me. [/b]

Why, why, why, WHY? You were so on point until the bolded? Why no metrosexuals? They can be more manly than the most aggressive, scarred men.

andromida: You have already testified that he is good and he is all you want. Why do you want to walk up and down when you are happy.Listen to yourself.

But she still needs to look at the relationship. At her age, marriage is a likely next target for her and she needs to know that he is onboard. What if he wants a few more years to develop his career and she wants to settle now? These are questions she needs to ask at 28.

Godson201333: huh I should marry her just because i love her...HUH thats all [code][/code]

love is as good a reason as any other. Not the only reason of course.

Finances can change, other attributes/traits can change. People can even change character. So why not love. if it is there other problems can be better managed.

soft-touch:
Me still learning to be "soppy and soft with women" what an irony..

I need to man up

SLIDE waxie: I will give u several to choose from:

Like d book readers who follow quotes from writers like zombie: follow ur heart. If u think he is not good for u, leave him. Dnt help him to waste ur time.


Like d hypocrites: at 28yrs, still no job for him. U are getting old. a relationship shldnt be more than 6months before he proposes and u marry. Leave him and do something better with ur life!

Like d foolish ladies: sister, at 26yrs u are still young to entangle urself in a relationship that is bearing no fruit. I am not askin u to leave him, but av others who are ready to meet ur needs. Have fun and if he finds out and can't take it, leave him and enjoy ur life. Life is too short my sister. Cheers.

Like d dejected: my dear, i am 35yrs old, single with a good job and happy. I can't allow one man to turn me into a slave. Give him ultimatum to get a job, if he can't av, dump his ass or he will be collecting from u.

Like d b!tches: listen baby, any man who can't pay ur bills shld be dumped!

Like mynd: tell him ur mind. as in, what is disturbing u now. Tell him u dnt knw if he is worth holding on to.If he is a MAN, he will undstnd, if he is a baby, he won't. And if didn't, move on with ur life!

Okay, now, like me, KINGwax: baby, i dey short of words o. I tot both of u shld undstnd d present situation in Nigeria. It's hard to find a man dt holds a lady in high value. Pls, keep praying, and both of u cld set up a bizinez while it lasts. If u are not d get-rich-quick type of a lady!

Precisely. But you still need to classify things. 28 yrs old is no bones. So sit down and have a long chat as to where this whole thing is going over 2-5 years, marriage prospects, career, family (kids etc) and start basing your decisions on his responses. Who knows, 10 years later he might still be struggling. What then?

However, his attitude and character are key. if he is determined and strong mentally then he has a chance of making it. He treats you well and respects you so that guarantees your struggle wont be in vain if he can sort himself out financially. Your target should be to get married within 2 years.

PS: Are you working too and chasing a career?

Mynd_44: What if the present BF is a total wack off and a dog who chases after everything in skirt both on the internet and off?

She said "think twice". This is to appeal to women are too quick to throw away their man because another more financially viable guy is flirting with them.

ogugua88: [size=13pt]Attractive women stay, some are molested by their uncles, accused of adultery, and whipped as punishment. This guy is too handsome, is sent away from home, and receives a car. Na wa.[/size]

What are you talking about? Attractive women get a free ride in life. Being attractive opens up opportunities regardless of gender.