₦airaland Forum

timpaker:
Yuck!!!!!
Good luck with that bro.

not a fan of it o, just something I read on the net.

firestar: Gross.

one man's meat is our mutually shared poison.

timpaker:
Heheheheeh. Yes. Like cockroaches.
Disgusting isn't it?
I'm scared of it. In fact, it creeps me and gives me the hibidigibi
But wait oooo. Condom ke?

hey Tim, its for your mouth o.
Cockroaches are fantastic creatures, good for eating and really rich in protein (true stuff).
Just think of them as flying fried meat .

timpaker: Ahrghhhhhhhhh! !!
I could hear the echo of my scream
As my eyes glued the creepy beast
I felt my garment of courage tore
Into rags unveiling fears;
I was choked with words of silence
As my breath spoke the language
Only the beast understood - fear!
It sensed it and came closer

My feet suddenly became stiff
Heavy as lead
Quivering like an idiopathic being
I saw it became bigger from the wall
And my eyes too heavy too to remain open...
Taaaah! Taaah!! Taah!!! Came the sound of my saviour
(My brother! My Superman!! Yes indeed!!!)
Life's juice plasters the wall
And I felt some on my lip
Yuck! These roaches...

roaches? Like cockroaches? Roaches fluid? Yuck really. Yuewhjdsjhd yuewhjdsjhd.
Next time use a cond0m.

Once I died,
Now I live.
Free of grief,
With sweet relief.

My past conceived,
Pregnant with doom.
To mature in time,
Nurtured by fate.

My present frowned,
Anticipating that which was sown.
Caught in the web,
With motion uncertain.

Locked in a stare,
With no intent to scare.
Past and Present trapped under trance.
Spell bound by earth's eternal music.

Sinking slowly,
Deep in quagmire.
Reaching for straw,
I am grabbed by you.

A bright future,
The Product of life's mystery.
I ride this certain train,
Coasting through this uncertain terrain.

The past no longer casts its gleam on tomorrow's dream.
©

My Beloved Fear.

I think of the fears we had,
How as a youngster they seemed to lay deadly grips on us,
How we'd stay cramped in that little conner believing we were safe,
How we shared our fears,
How our cares shed pure tears,
How time struck its deadly blow on our fears,
How our cute fears died leaving behind arrogant confidence,
And how our bound turned to dust,
And how like ghosts,
They disappeared, fluttering away like illuminated bats.

We stepped into life believing we were invincible,
Invincible to fear.
Care became what fear was;
Something to overcome.
We stopped caring,
So our fears did seize.
Seating in that little corner,
I did feel at ease,
but I miss my fears,
strange?
I discovered what I really needed was one to care,
and not to fear,
I long to care.
But in truth,
they come in pairs.
My cares lead to fear,
Its a trick on life's sleeve,
Can't have one without embracing the other,
Its a load I am forced to bear.

Thanks man. Its my pleasure.

You poem is lovely. I liked the narrative technique employed, your diction is excellent.
While reading I could help feeling like this was written by a female. Was it?
Your metaphor, and you ability to convey you emotions is impressive.
Kudos.

Wow 33lines? That's in my view too long. It would have been nice to see it divide into stanzas or made shorter.
Your punctuation need work too.
Your ending (my opinion) is what I enjoyed the most.

"I knew our fate was set
As friends, as lovers, as enemies"
its like saying, she is a stranger, who will become your friend, then you'll get closer to become lovers, in which you know you'll break her heart (or cause some form of hatred) and become enemies. But either way you'll do it all the same.
You should also try to be consistent with your message. In line 4: "That you were the one for me" so if she is the one for you, why would you become enemies?
Line 3: "I knew our fate was set"
line 32: "I knew our fate was set". Which fate should we uphold? One can only have one fate.

Nice write up though.

@badmusace
you are on point with your observation. "U could have used a clearer diction to paint that picture, maybe something like, 'the popular sound of couple's rancor' or sth like that."
@Voice of an Ink, okay. Makes sense.
Since we are sharing similar work. I beg to be excused, cause I've not written one on this subject .

Voice of an Ink:
Lol... thanks for your contribution. The last line: 'today my mother killed me' rightly suggests that the child (unborn) not it's mother was killed. Giving a short title such as 'abortion' may make the reader less inquisitive and expectant. Your suggestions for an alternative title would be appreciated.

"The noise tickled my ear
I hear the popular sound once more
I have grown accustomed to it
Since the fateful night I was discovered"

what sound? Sound of rape?

I don't seem to understand the link with the eventual termination.

The unborn: unpublished memoir. if I come up with a better one I'll share it.

Why do I get the feeling you are a student plagued by boredom forced on you by the ASUU strike.
Your poem is nice.
For future references: When writing, you should make use of 'I' and not 'i'.

Your poem has a nice concept.
I feel your title is too long. I thought the poem was rather long but its a sought of memoir so its justifies.
Your ending leaves me wondering. Who died? The narrator or his mum (that's if indeed there was a death.)

Jadelord's My Alter Ego
in your words, your poem is a 'simple one', easy to read and understand. I wish you put more effort into making it a little complex.
Your poem fulfils the requirement of the topic (that's a good thing), but flare and colour was somewhat lacking (that's not a good thing ).
I feel like you were being careful so as not to step over the edge. You, no doubt are a good writer, you wet my appetite but left me unsatisfied.
There is more you could have done, break free and let your creativity bloom.

Pasionate's The Morgue.
It is an interesting topic, and your point of approach is revealing.
Your selected style of narrative doesn't exactly suit your message. Its somewhat too passive.
Your topic is "The Morgue", where is the anguish, endless sweats, frozen blood, trembling hands? All the emotions of loss?
You weren't able to make me see or feel your pain.
Your punctuation needs work, it makes it a bit difficult reading your work.
Your poem opened up with a fine first stanza, laying a good foundation for the poem. Nice description.
Stanza two: more description, expression of fear/disbelief.
Stanza three: lamentation.
Stanza four: the end, she is carried away, it all ends. No wails, no shock, just calm. Didn't feel the end. This is the point of no return a confirmation of her demise (if you ever needed one) and that she'll NEVER come back, emotions brother, emotions. Lets feel it flow.

Henryvirus's The Devil In My View.
I admire your courage and commitment to seeing the competition till the end despite your limitations. I'll be as sincere as I can.
Your poem is not what I expected at all. The angle of approach is direct (I would have loved it if the devil had been portrayed in a different manner other than the conventional way) and your poem was unnecessarily long. You could have concluded in two stanzas. (my opinion).
Your punctuation needs work.

InsaneTamie's Dreams Can Come True.
Okay? Lets start.
Thanks for making it short and rich in content. Its simple, straight forward and most of all, it makes sense.
You did justice.

Uniqueval's My Alter Ego.
One question: is the poem complete? I think not. Like there is a stanza missing.
Don't get me wrong I loved it, but can't help but think your conclusion was hurried. You ought to have explored the theme more.
Yours is a short poem I wish were long.
Nice message.

Oahray's The Demon In My View.
Kudos to you. Ethnicity/tribalism, the demon in our view. Indeed you are correct. A true poet, takes pressing issues from his surrounding and makes a book worthy poem.
You addressed this topic well. Your poem is indeed a good one. Congrats.

Pdizzle's The Demon In My View.
I have little to say about your poem. Its direction is appreciable, fulfils the topic. Its poem is easy to read. Its also revealing. Thanks.



Thanks guys for the quality of works displayed. A wiseman once said, "if you think that which lies before you is inferior, show a superior one and soon enough another person will call it inferior". Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and what beauty I have beheld here. Thanks again, to the organizers and competitors.

Tinkybabe: Did you study literature or poetry?Your critique of these poems is profound

No, literature/poetry is something I stumbled on while venting my pains.
*apologies for my delayed response*