₦airaland Forum

princessayesha:
My friend's hubby of 5 years divorced her earlier this year with two kids because he has met a rich fine babe on facebook. She was so heartbroken that it affected her studies and her health.
He is now back begging her to forgive him and take him back, we later found out that the facebook girl he was so in love with turned out to be an old lonely woman in Maiduguri.
Please advice my friend

kindly forgive him, he should have learnt his lessons. However, you need to be financially independent. I want to believe you will not be completely down the way you were the first time in case it happens again.

Psoul:
Let us take this write-up to married couple, cos it's best fitted there. This girlfriend and boyfriend of a thing these days are just for fun and a complete joke.

If you are really determined to build a "home" ur level of maturity and forgiveness must surpass that which u have when you were courting or doing ur so called boyfriend and girlfriend things.

Forgiveness is highly needed in a relationship. The only factor that can make u forgive easily is love. That is why u should try as much as possible to marry who u truly love. Not who u love cos of money or cos of facial or bodily beauty.

Another thing u need is sacrifice. Sacrifice without mumbling. Most times, problem in the family starts when one partner feels he/she is sacrificing more than he/she think is too much. No sacrifice is too much to keep ur home peaceful. If u think otherwise, try a broken home.
The time u start feeling giving too much, forgiving too much or sacrificing too much, you have created a hole for ur family to start sinking.
Young boys and young girls will not understand this, hence they will condemn what i am saying. They will tend to label u Jew man when u behave this way, but never mind them. When they grow, they will understand it.

I love my wife so much and love my family so dearly. When i look forward and think of not bn wt them, i have a great fear and thereby try all i could to enjoy the absolute peace i enjoy with them. This include, most times, saying sorry even when i am not supposed to. Sometimes When i wait for that apology to come from her and it is not coming and the silence is growing, the communication gap is widening, strange feelings are coming in all i do is to go to her and pls let us forgive each other and lets be the way we were. That solves the problem. It doesn't reduce who i am. I doesn't make me less than a man, rather it makes me more matured man and makes her to love me more cos most times in her sober mood, she will say to me; Honey, do u kw that no other man can love me and treat me the way u do.

So if i think i am giving too much and stop this character that God blessed me wt in this relationship, the next thing is that just a minor quarrel will tear us apart.

So don't think that multiple forgiveness coming from u to keep ur relationship is bn a weakling.

marriage will definitely start from somewhere, you know tree cannot be climbed from the top and it is what you do now you build upon. Everything in life us stage by stage.

Rorachy:
Are you tracking my comments

oh! Now you just know, i might be quiet in the sections but i mention everyone when my topic is based on what they usually talk about when they reply on post, it will be someone else's turn next time.

asuustrike2009:
My brother it goes beyond google. Take for example you're in a group chat of 100 persons and more persons are interested in such group because of information what will you do as an admin?.Take for example a department of 800 students, how would information be passed by the class captain? Do you think he or she would create 3 groups with different admins? And if he or she does that don't you think one group would benefit more than the others? That is the issue WhatsApp hasn't addressed yet.

you have time sha... Just ask him this, in Nigerian Universities how many student makes a class not to talk of department? So he is saying the whole class should be denied access to firsthand information which may grant them extra year?

selflessmaya:
OP, nice write up but this theory is wrong and somewhat pretentious...

the reason siblings stay together and bicker and make-up is cos the love of siblings is different from what partners share, there are things that i would forgive a sibling for no matter how hard it is for me but every relationship has boundaries and if my own sibling crosses an unforgivable line, the relationship is over and we'll become estranged. if my sibling stabs my mother to death multiple times or rapes my child who went for holiday in his house, i will never EVER forgive that and we will never be the same again, even sibling bonds can be broken by wrong-doings of unbearable gravity. same with partners. there is no such thing as "love knows no offense" if that was true the phrase "love is forgiving" will not exist since there's no offense in the first place and the phrase "love is forgiving" does not count if a devastating harm has been done, the fact that u love someone does NOT mean they are good for u, simple.

what makes a relationship stronger is memories of good times, mutual satisfaction and hard times(experienced together) emphasis on the words in bracket!! when 2 ppl go through something and feel it just as equally, if they get through it together, it can bond them but if one person is hurting and the other, not so much, it does not bring them together at all, even worse if one person caused the pain of the other. if 2 friends are broke and starving, when they finally get food to eat, they'll both laugh at how hunger dealt with them, it's not the same as one friend is starving and the other is there eating indomie and saying since he's in the same room with the starving friend, it'll make them closer. false! if an experience is not equally shared by both ppl, only the hurting person is affected and it strengthens nothing, only breeds resentment.

also false, the fact that a person cant forgive an act from a partner does not mean they stop loving them, they just decide to not be with them anymore for the sake of their own happiness and move on. everyone has their own breaking point and it's better for u to walk away than to stay in a toxic relationship. some ppl have gotten into use of narcotics with their partners, they go to rehab, get clean and go back to this same person and relapse into the same toxic cycle, their partner is their enabler and they have to quit him/her in order to kick this addiction, they either walk away or stay till they die of an overdose. some ppl have partners that can never close their legs or control their dicks, they keep forgiving and crying their eyes out in private and finally get their wake-up call when they're given the gift of HIV, some ppl have gone back to partners who get angry and lash out of them and eventually left in a casket.

love is never enough to sustain a relationship, it takes work from BOTH SIDES and if one side is malfunctioning to a point the other side begins to break down, a dissolution becomes absolutely necessary, a relationship is not everything, yes, it's nice to find a good person to be with but it's better to be happy alone than utterly miserable with someone you love.

Nice criticism. Thanks for taking your time.

azeezhy:
In my case, she has over spent my forgiveness... Most times, you can forgive..But then your mind will always be there... If I should forgive her, she can't have her happy home again.. I can't even lay with her again...cause my mind does not forget..I can't imagine wanting to have intercourse with my wife and all I can visualize is one old jack grunting on her and she also moaning... Forgiveness is overstretched..

apologies on your experience. What you have said has shown you have forgiven even more than once. Some people are just like that, they don't know what is takes to be forgiven. I know it is hard to keep imagining that unpleasant experience and like i use to say, only the person it concerns will know what to do at that point.

Smartty68 i am here.

To the issue of discusaion:

First, no one is perfect, we are all struggling and no matter how hard we struggle to be perfect we will still become more imperfect.

If you know you are not ready just let her go, she needs a man who is ready, this is more than obvious.

Even if you don't want to hit the nail on the head, a woman will know if your plans for her are negative or not through the words of your mouth, it is not until you say you want to marry a woman that she will know you really want her forever, however, she will want you to hit it very hard for confirmation which you are denying her.

You started it and you cannot finish it all. I remember my best friend who happens to be a female asked me that question back then and i was so smart to tell her she is my friend because i know i don't want any feelings to grow, women are weak when it comes to emotional matters, the moment you start calling a lady pet names she will start thinking there is a special feelings for them let alone when you now mention those sweet words, you are a murderer.

You caused it so you should try all you can to withdraw what you have created in her.

This is the fact, she is ready to settle down and you are not, so, if you have nkt explored her i think you should create the space so that she can really see that you are not ready for what she thinks you are ready for.

Rorachy:
I refute your claims, its actually ladies that easily forgive cos they have soft mind.

The thing about forgiveness is just that if you love someone, to forgive the person won't be that difficult .

i mentioned you, now i see reasons, you have broken everything into pieces with the bolded.

azeezhy:
I doubt if you are married yet... The greatest sin in marriage is infidelity.. If your partner does not respect the institution called marriage.... If she is such a serial infidel that runs after anything in trouser and a car, tell me how many times you'd forgive and overlook? And please don't give me any biblical 70x7.

the bolded got me . I mentioned something that many didn't read, the last two paragraphs.

You don't have a choice after you have tried to be spirit more than at least 2 times. When your forgiven spirit it taken for granted several times many people will know you have even over tried. But there are some people who can forgive over and over again sha o, but before you can forget about forgiveness you should try to put others in your shoes, it fit be you ooo.

austinosita:
Very true!

Men can easily forgive. Atleast matured men! But ladies.....whether matured or not, can never easily forgive.

I'm saying this from experience, ask me why or reasons and I'll give you enough!

we are listening joo...

lonelydora:
My bible said you need to forgive 70×7 times.

thank you for this jare.

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goodnewscliff:
it hurt me to see a guy leading in dis relationship forgiveness thing!!! its either theres trust or not will u forget if u forgive is d issue abt infidelity?? once trust is broken,, it may or may never take years to rebuild

i rebuke the spirit of unforginess in you in Jesus name...

ironheart:
It's not a must to forgive, if you cannot handle it, let it go

i know some people cannot, but this post could cause some that cannot to be able, Saul was changed you know!

Afromalaika:
Try and acknowledge sources of your information. This is a direct lift/copy cunningly modified from the original teaching of Rev. Mrs. Funke Adejumo.

Nothing stops you from quoting or lifting someone else work BUT, you must always acknowledge them in the context wherein their work (s) were quoted.

Plagiarism is a punishable offence.
Be warned.

lol, i can swear with anything i wrote thise within 15 minutes as a blog reader requested for it. For your information, relationship topics ngba lorimi ni o. Check my blog i never do that, as in, i detest copy and pasting. And please don't accuse without concrete evidence, it is punishable and it has extremely positive effect on someone who work hard to achieve a thing. I don't even know that woman you mentioned let alone copying her work,God forbid.

shinarlaura:
Nice write u but then do u think u can keep on forgiving ur partner for committing one and the same mistake over and over again.

the last two paragraphs clearly anwered this. You should learn not to take that forgiving spirit for granted, by doing this the probability of offense is reduced drastically.

Danny287:
Hmmm funny enough it was discussed in our Seminar today

that's good enough.

Beadex1:
well if i catch my GF or wife cheating, i will forgive her but not forget.....the ugliest truth is that whatever pushed the gal to cheat on you will still come around. Some people don't repent from cheating but take another approach of not been caught again.

of cause it is hard to forget, it takes time.

Talk2Bella:
this is a good write up probably one of your best, but sometimes na from plat quarrel de start, when you begin to indulge and compromise your ethics and principles you begin to lose yourself, I'm not saying don't forgive, but the person whom you have been forgiving or want to forgive is he/she worth it?

this is another issue worghy of deep reflection, this time the offended can determine that only if patient can be allowed because serious measures need serious reflection.

Talk2Bella:
this is a good write up probably one of your best, but sometimes na from plat quarrel de start, when you begin to indulge and compromise your ethics and principles you begin to lose yourself, I'm not saying don't forgive, but the person whom you have been forgiving or want to forgive is he/she worth it?

this is another issue worghy of deep reflection, this time the offended can determine that only if patient can be allowed because serious measures need serious reflection.

Talk2Bella:
he many times do u forgive a cheat?

if a cheat for once try it again it means such person is taking you for granted. Cheat is in another category on it's own, it is not easy to forgive the first one let alone another. The first one should be enough to teach the offender the lesson.

If you care about my opinion:

First, age isn't the issue here, like you have mentioned it is just numbers, maturity is the in thing for any relationship. No matter how high or low a woman can be to a man she is capable of doing anything to the man.

Furthermore, talking about the religion, i think she will not even have wanted the relationship with you knowing full well about your mix religion and what you should have let her know is that if there is anything she needs to do as the traditional religion is concerned she will do it joyfully if your religion is so important to you.

Concerning the sugar daddy part, you need to stand your ground, good that she told you about him, but if you can ignore other girls for her then she deserves to manage with you till things get better, if she claims to love you that much she must be ready to drop Alhaji completely. Don't allow her to overpower your decision, you are the man here regardless of the age and it is not even proper.

If she refuse to drop Alhaji it is very clear she lied about what caused her divorce with her husband which calls for serious caution on your side. If she insist the money is also important as the good sex she get from you then you need to run for your life as she cannot deny Alhaji isn't sleeping with her even if he is not too good because the fact is that she want to have it all which is impossible for many.

Left to me i will advise that you just drop her from your list, she has 3 kids already which is enough for this economy. Her age and experience is something that beat you hands-down, the truth is that she is only selfish as she will do all so as not to be pregnant for you so that Alhaji will not stop his financial generosity towards her.

Marrying a divorcee isn't the issue, but the situation surrounding her is the problem. In case you sit her down and talk senses into her and she still refuse to drop Alhaji and also don't want to leave you too at the same time you need to call your senses back to reality and do the needful, there are many good, great, ambitious and ladies with successful children inside them you can give your all to as she is almost done.

If you don't have any source of manageable income just blog because vlog will cost you as you will need plenty data to sustain it.

IamLovely:
101% true uncle rock.

the last two paragraphs clearly anwered this, never take a forgiver for granted.

Next2Bezee:
Op's write-up is quite good for relationship offenders who hurt their partners a few times..probably once or twice.

But if someone keeps doing the same thing, even after numerous confrontations and apologies, then i believe forgiveness is wasted on them.

you are right, serious offence though not the small shewdren plays sha.

Our intention most times determines the success of our relationship, not what anyone says.

Like we know that it is never possible for two people who are blood related to stay with each other for little period of time without offending each other.

So also, it is paramount that we know that two who are not related by blood nor gender can never be together in the name of love and expect an offense-free relationship.

Personally, i feel when your partner go wrong it makes you know more about them and how to handle them in the future.

I understand there are some offense that are hard to forgive, but love knows no offense as it even forgives before any offense is committed.

I have heard, read and witnessed some extremely bad situations whereby the partners of those involved still overlooked the sin and moved on happily.

One thing i used to tell those who care to listen to the sense making relationship nonsense that i say or write especially when they need to forgive their partner is that it can be anyone's turn, and it can be the other way round the next minute because we are humans and not spirit.

In a relationship, which other offense is greater than seeing your partner whom you have sacrificed all for moaning in confirmation of a great sexual experience under someone else?

For your information, I have seen couples who still moved on together after the above happened.

Believe me, it is never easy to forgive one's partner after such experience, in fact, many people will tell you to even run as far as possible from such partner.

Most times you take some decisions on your own when it comes to relationship because other are blind when it comes to what you see in your partner as they don't know your desires and the point of attraction.

This is not about the sacrifice or desperate measures you've taken to sustain the relationship, but the love making you to be as foolish enough to see reasons why you must forgive your partner.

This post is not just about cheating, it can be anything else apart from cheating.

The fact is that offense and forgiveness is what makes many relationship or marriage to be as strong as they are.

Remember, you are not a perfect man, neither is she a better woman, we are all striving to be the best to our partner.

And as your partner is trying all to be better for just you, you need to be ready to give room for mistakes.

I don't want to give some of the examples I have witnessed so as not to look as if I am on the side of one gender, because to me we are all the same, what is good for one goose is good for another goose.

As I am preaching forgiveness, it should make us to try harder at achieving great union free of scandal and divorce which is rampant this days.

This should make those that cheat see reasons why they must stop as it harms the partner emotionally.

Those that abuse their partner physically and mentally should also stop as the pain inflicted on your partner is more than your understanding, don't take the spirit of forgiveness which accompanied the love for granted.

In case you don't know; the day your partner stops forgiving you is when they stop loving you.

Don't abuse the spirit of forgiveness, don't do it to the point that your partner will see nothing attractive in you anymore.

Love is blind they say, you may not be the one to share the experience when the blindness receives healing.

Cc: Talk2bella, Rorachy, tosyne2much,

Source: http://bamisepeters..com/2017/07/relationship-is-for-those-who-are.html

Donjazzy12:
Op remove male from your profile, please. What type of rubbish is this? I am so so disappointed in you as a man completely. Now do this. Compare the treatment for ladies now and how our fore fathers treated them. Which one is better? Now this question is for you. Inspite of the fact that our generation treats women better, how come more and more women are turning to lesbians and divorcees?

A woman needs s man who she can respect and love, who knows his value, not a wimp who worships her.

Yes, love your woman but don't demand less.

lol, yes, men deserves to be respected too.

You think it is only when you beat a woman that you maltreat her?

There are so many ways you can be maltreating your woman which includes lack of care, not spending time with her, not fulfilling her desires either sexually or outside it and so on.

The truth is that the more you maltreat her the more you show her the way to the arms of other men out there who are ready to give her multiple of what you are denying her of.

Many women can only endure hardship for a while, they can be manipulated easily, for this alone you as a man needs to be up and doing.

Do you know how hard they try to resist the temptation that comes their way? Let me even put it this way; do you know many men are dying to get just a minute of her time? and do you know there are those ones dreaming for them to have her in their bed or those even saying it to her that they are ready to give her whatever she want if she can grant them entry into her most sacred part?

I bet you, you wouldn't know how much it hurts to see your woman moan in response to sexual pleasure under another man.

If she is trying all she can to resist the temptations staring at her face which other women out there cannot resist and you cannot still deem it fit to be all she deserves then you need to really check yourself.

Every good woman deserves to be cared for and mostly should share little of your time with you.

This is why i usually say that even if you are as busy as the president of a state you should try to make out time to be with your woman.

Money isn't everything you know? Apart from fulfilling your financial duties she also deserves to be cuddled and be listened to.

Remember that social networks now make it easier for you to get other people's attention, don't let the disadvantages of social media ruin your home as someone else might be giving her the attention she is lacking from you which might catapult to something deeper.

A woman who is shown care and all is still finding her way into other men's arms let alone the one you are battering or not giving little of your time just to put smiles on her face.

The truth is that she will soon find a place to hide and it will be in the arms of another gentle man who knows the worth of a good woman.

The truth is that you are the one that will regret it as you will not find someone like her.

They use to say it is only God that is not replaceable, humans can be replaced. I bet you, in this case when it gets to that stage when a good woman have to leave you for another man you will find her type to no avail.

Even when you cannot fulfil the financial needs of a woman she knows you want to through your effort but because of one thing or the other you are not able to fulfil them.

Women also understand situations most times but not when you want to take them for granted.

If you think you deserve to be happy in your home consider making her as happy as possible.

Source: http://bamisepeters..com/2017/07/when-you-maltreat-her-she-becomes.html

For someone who 1-5 posts per day you can keep using phone. But for the copy and paste blogger with almost 15 posts upward in a day it will be better to use laptop or system or else you will get tired easily. A system will be better when editing template and designs. http://bamisepeter.com

This I know will cause different controversies, however, the fact must be established.

I have heard of so many instances whereby the spouse never knew each other as they should before marriage which caused one of them to regret ever tying the knot with their spouse.

Not just me, most of us know there are many religious homes where it is their doctrine that you must not be too familiar with your spouse before wedding.

They even make it mandatory that you must go to visit your spouse with a friend when you are going for visit before marriage.

Restrictions upon restrictions, yet, homes that was established by great men of God are going down the drain all thanks to the restrictions.

I know this restrictions have worked for many, but in this century you shouldn't try to buy the market you have never tested.

You need to know your spouse completely before you even agree to be with them forever if you don't want to weep for life.

Well, divorce is not even new to anyone anymore, but my concern is this, why most you start what you cannot finish?

They give you restrictions and you think we the youth of this generation deserve such restrictions with several atrocities and so on we have committed.

You should know almost if not all about your partner before marriage in order to avert stories that touch the heart.

How will you be able to disclose deepest secrets to each other when you have a friend who has accompanied you to your partner's home?

Let's be sincere with each other, you need to even make love with each other to know the true nature of the feelings with each other.

I am not saying this for us to now use it as a yard stick to make love to as much as possible opposite sex, but because you need to know if your partner has the required attributes.

Have you forgotten there are some men who cannot make love with the opposite sex?

Have you forgotten there are some women without the entry?

There are so many issues I have heard and read about which you can actually avert if you know your spouse the way you should know them before sealing the relationship for life.

No one wished that their union ends untimely but we can make such happen if we don't know all about our partner before tying the knot.

The restrictions are good but not for the youth of this generation because advancement has led to many unbelievable things.

Our parents even don't know many things about us like they think they do because of those we mingle with and the things we see everyday.

I don't think i need to mention about medical test as it is more than important for you to know each other's stand medically.

Don't let love to overwhelm you to believe whatever your spouse say they are medically as some will never tell you the truth so that you will not leave them.

But no problem when you know your partner's medical condition and you stay no matter what, at least you know unlike when you think you know and that you think you know is complete opposite of the situation.

Did you know your spouse completely before marriage? What will advise young lovers about to seal the relationship as regards this issue?

Source: http://bamisepeters..com.ng/2017/07/know-complete-condition-of-your-spouse.html

tosyne2much:
I wouldn't deny the fact that I also get visitors from Nairaland when my topic finds its way to the front page.

But you know you can't compare Facebook views to that of Nairaland

i get you now my blogther.

holuwajobar:
i like ur template... Can you help me with it

my webmaster implemented the template. It might not be that huge like some webmasters will say but i cherish anything, budget matters too. If you don't have the budget to allow webmasters edit your blog template just google search for recent templatesand choose from the list, i once did same, blogging is stage by stage. Like someone advised keep working and get the crowd and authority before spending.