₦airaland Forum

I have an uncle who is 48yrs old living in USA. He is a quiet decent guy. But he went through a costly divorce with his Nigerian nurse wife here in USA last year and lost a fortune (mostly on legal fees). Family members want him to remarry to start rebuilding his life and probably have kids who'll represent him in Nigeria. When he spoke to me last week about the idea, I enquired about his financial health after the divorce. He has only $7,000 in his savings though he retained his house and still has an office job. I don’t know his debt status (school loans, credit cards, and mortgage). I am sure he has some. He has a decent house in Nigeria. I am a bit skeptical about him remarrying with only $7,000 savings, because babies don’t eat love! Diapers cost money for real!

I wanted to suggest he re-marries someone with a stable job in Nigeria so the lady can live in his house in Nigeria without putting him under undue pressure to immigrate to USA right away. The lady can visit USA on vacations. Unfortunately, most young ladies in Nigeria want to rush to USA at all cost to scoop dollars not really to marry. He’s definitely not a womanizer and don’t even know where to find eligible Nigerian ladies in USA. Surprisingly he doesn’t even have a date since one year ago..really laid back..LoL!

Please if you live in Nigeria, don’t tell me to advise him to settle with his ex-wife. That’s not how things work in the USA. Once a court orders a divorce here and share things the marriage is permanently over before God and the law. He has two kids from that marriage and his wife has full custody because of their ages.

Any useful suggestion how he can rebuild his life at this age? I asked him to tune in on this thread as a guest. So he’ll be reading suggestions. Please let’s be sensitive before dropping hurting comments. Bad things happen to good people. No one is problem-proof anyway. To the best of my knowledge as an outsider the divorce started when he tried to relocate to Nigeria with his family, which his wife resisted with all might and filed for separation. Things went too far from there, and hatred ensued causing permanent scars.

I have been following the thread keenly. Isn't it amazing that 9 out of 10 writers here have ugly experiences helping someone living in Nigeria? I still don't want to believe that there's something in the water they drink or air they breathe in Nigeria that mixes up with the grey matter in the brain and the outputs are corruption, fraud, dishonesty, needy spirit, materialism....Nothing positive! politicians, Bank Managers, Bishops, Pastors, Imams, bus drivers, lecturers, students, etc none can be trusted.....

Siena: To be honest, I can't blame you for wanting to turn your back on Nigerians in Nigeria.

I've had similar experiences.

My eldest sister too has fallen foul of our kid sister (she's 36). She's the only one who was born in Nigeria, and it would have been a simple issue to get her to the UK as a dependent, whilst she was under 18 (as we were all orphaned quite young). My elder sister sent her money to sort out her passport, visa and stuff. She blew the money, and claimed she was "duped" by a "visa agent."

My elder sister sent her more money, and the same thing happened - this time, she said it wasn't enough, she needed to pay certain people. Again, it never happened.

Again, my elder sister wanted to open a Dom account, our kid sister said she could do it. She was sent money back in 2010, and till date, no Dom account, no money.

Lastly, she was sent £500 worth of goods to sell; the idea was she made a profit, and sent the balance back, then more goods could be sent. So building up a business that would benefit herself. This was at the tail end of 2010. She sold the goods, and never sent a penny back. She claims "her customers are owing her." For two years??

Never again.

...I am wondering why people from other African countries don't behave like this? We can't say it's poverty because Nigeria is not the poorest African country yet Nigerians are among the most religious in Africa...everyone is born-again attending tarry nights, Shilo, night vigils, crusades, prayer nights, etc. Now you understand why our citizens are rejected visas to abroad. We have very low quality of life, suffering and despair persist despite our so-called godliness, intelligence and smartness. Maybe Nigerians deserve what they are going through now. It is called 'Karma'....they have sights but lack visions..very sad!!

I ran into a wealthy Malawian lady who narrated how she was made. A wealthy American family employed her as a babysitter for 12 years in her teens. She baby-sat all their three kids. They paid for her university in USA. On graduation they gave her one of their several houses worth $750k, bought her a car, stocks, and cash gift all worth over $1m. She'll be probably mentioned in their will inheritance someday. Eye-opening indeed! A Nigerian would have probably made away with their jewelries, get caught and sent to jail due to impatience, pressure from people at home, and materialism...

Please does anyone have the same experience as me?


1.I’ve opened three different business outfits in Nigeria (a business center, digital photo lab, transport biz with 4 buses) that all wound down due to theft, dishonesty and fraud by employees.

2.I have helped about 5 unemployed relatives in Nigeria to start businesses either by loaning them money or shipping them goods to sell. Once they got the money/goods they started the usually cock and bull stories and excuses. Today we are all enemies because they either can’t or refused to pay back.

3.My old uncle I trusted to help me fence my house in Nigeria ( a pastor) turned it into a private business; he used N2mil to fence one plot of land in the village.

4.I recommended a graduate female friend for employment at a friend’s company at Lagos, she embezzled the company’s funds and bolted away. My friend now views me with contempt.

5.The last straw is that my own 24yrs old little sister (unemployed graduate) has abandoned a business I just started for her and followed a mere boy who has no job and not even a place of his own, yet promising to marry her. She’s now at war with me.

In all I’ve lost over $350,000 dollars in the past five years trying to help one person or the other in Nigeria. I am considering a resolution to have a ‘blanket’ shutdown (no texts, no calls, no emails) never to help anyone living in Nigeria with finance again but my girlfriend is a Christian and keeps preaching to me to forgive and keep doing good for the sake of God. What’s your own experience helping people living in Nigeria and how did you avoid this type of situations? I live in the USA now.

I can advise young men going back to Nigeria to marry to stay away from potential 'Drama Queens'...nothing good ever comes from them except troubles an divorce...usually empty drums make the loudest noise. There are beautiful Nigerian ladies already adjusted to US culture/system you can marry..why travel home?

Sister,please it's suicidal! I tried it few years ago with almost $100,000 and nearly lost everything. I rushed back to USA begging for just any job. My Experience: Think about decent accomodation with good security (quite expensive in PH),renting a business premises, generating your own power on daily basis, people there buy things and won't pay, fraud, theft and shoplifting by your own workers, 80% are fraudsters and criminally minded, insecurity (armed robbers, kidnappers, militants, ritualists, etc)-robbers and bullion van security men were always shooting-out along Aba-PH expressway and at bank branches...only people with either political contacts or ready to sleep with politicians make it there...very frustrating environment. I will also suggest you waith till after 2015 elections.

Simply summarized:Some are good, make good wives at homes while some are best described as petty 'drama queens' who started making money they never expected in their lives. it got into their head. Other causes and solutions as you requested are:

Cause 1: Influence from older divorced nurses. Solution: Work with them, respect them but never have close association with them especially long empty, fable, phone conversations (gossips). They'll polute your mind.

Cause 2: Long working hours. many nurses work overtime, double jobs to make the so-called money. They come home, tired, stressed and apprehensive. Solution: Balance career with family. Raising a happy family is a full-time job also. Work your 8hrs, go home spend time wit your hubby. get rest, eatout together, be romantic! make sweet love rather than working long hours.

Cause 3: Lack of family values/good upbringing back home. some parents in Naija raise kids to believe money is everything; going to America is a gateway to dat money. Truth: The longer you live in America the more indebted you're, poorer you're because your liability (worth you owe) is higher than your assets (what you have) called Networth, d unhappier you are. Live within ur means.

Cause 4: Ungodliness! The so-called freedom/ enjoyment is usally fornication, partying, clubbing, drinking, ungodliness. Solution: Follow bible "Wives obey (respect) your husbands, be submissive to them...husbands love your wives as Christ loved his church..". You are partners for progress; not competitors/ business associates. Enjoyment is when a family spends time together, husband and wife hold hands in love, cuddle each other while watching their children play, laugh and be happy.