₦airaland Forum

Do things like this challenge we Africans to stop and think if we are part of the planet or not? I am tired of hearing about Witches, wizzards, inherited curses, spiritual wives and husbands, HIV, Ebola, Wars, Famine, Hunger, etc in Africa for over 4000 years. Look at where other people are.

Stillfire: Absolute rubbishhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
You should thank your stars every single day of your life, that Nigerian women are managing your uncountable faults.
Go on international websites and see the reputation Nigerian men hold. Did these foreign women also play games or make you evil?
The Nigerian male is inherently evil, and it takes no woman to bring this innate inclination to his evil lusts.
Foreign women have tasted just a pinch of what you are and blogs and posts have been set up just for you narrating their cold hearted experiences with the biggest liars and criminals in Africa.
I say thank your God every day and night that Nigerian women are managing you. Nonsense!

If they like they can setup a TV network to discuss Nigerian men.

1. The fact is every 'mugu' who fell to a Nigerian 419 man was a greedy person who thought he was dealing with a senseless unintelligent 'Ape' from Africa. Then he got shocked by what he got-that these are not 'Apes' afterall. Otherwise no intelligent person who has respect for Africans will even read those badly-worded, ill-conceived, unbelievable offers that has fraud written all over it.

2. Most of your so-called foreign colleagues who scream foul in the hands of Nigerian men think every Nigerian man has an oil well. I dated a foreigner who confessed to me later that she dated me hoping I was a typical Nigerian man they hear about..who buy their girlfriends cars on birthdays, open bank accounts for them, and give them credit cards to go shopping spree. She was disappointed when I couldn't & dumped me.

Unless Bible tells lies, that people shall reap what they sow, then you must agree that your mindset attracts people like you. It's not about what you say. Law of Attraction!

Stillfire: Can you people get lost for real? Because Nigerian women are managing you? Any sane person should avoid a Nigerian man.

Yes, they actually did. Many of them got lost from your life as you want. The result is the anger in your post. It's still not late, dear. God heals and wants you happier if you humble yourself at His feet. It's neither by power nor by might. Many honest Nigerian ladies are enjoying rewarding relationships. The liars will continue rove around with rage from man to man until there are no more men left to fool.

It depends on many factors:

1. your own qualification. Women tend to marry up while men tend to marry down. Simply put a man who only has an undergraduate degree can marry a lady who has high school, a man with masters can marry an under graduate but usually not vice versa- women should marry up (Someone who is either same level better or financially and academically than they are) to instill respect

2. If the person's work/ life experience can be substituted for educational qualification. Meaning the person may not have a university degree however has same level of exposure as a graduate due to his/ her work

3. Depending on where the person lives. Eg High school students in the USA are ready to go and can compete with many college students in Nigeria due to the falling standard of education in Nigeria. In order words there's no reason for High School graduate in USA cannot marry an undergraduate in Nigeria.

In the end you are no marrying book and paper you are marrying personality. It's all about him or her.

fernandoc: @op u need an award.

If you give me one I won't reject. But I am just stating the obvious here. Those who have been in these shoes know what I am saying.

First, the ladies claim they don’t have se*x, don’t drink any alcohol, and don’t enjoy going to night clubs. They claim they spend most of their free time reading novels at home, attending church programs and therefore had no time for men. They tell men they want to take the relationship slowly and would like to be just friends for now yet they expect gifts on their birthdays and to be taken out to expensive restaurants. The gentlemen respect them, being careful not to even touch them romantically during visits. If we serve them alcoholic wine they remind us they don’t drink alcohol and turn it down. When we mention se*x in a discussion they frown and say that’s disrespectful.

Then as luck would have it both of you visit her one-time roommate and close friend (who obviously is talkative) and she served both of you alcoholic red wine and your date surprisingly began to drink alcohol (obviously not like a first-timer). Then her friend began to tell tales of their last outing last month, how it was a blast, and they had so much fun, clubbing, drinking, partying, and your date was all through quiet. Her friend even innocently asked her if she still sees Patrick, the guy they went out with last time, then your date murmurs inaudibly “Not really”. Now the poor guy have just heard enough and begged to leave politely. From then on with the help of his die-hard, full-blooded, naija buddies he plots his own deadly game against her, and when the man strikes that’s the story you hear. Nobody ever tells how that game was started by the lady. Then she comes back visiting pretending she suddenly want's to move to the next level, and tried to serve herself alcohol from the fridge. (Obviously she has been exposed). However, the smart guy has laid out his own routine, which noramlly spans months if not years.

Ladies when you start out a relationship with lies, and with the intention to fool a guy don’t expect your man to be honest to you. Liars beget liars. It’s a natural cycle. I have heard the phrase “I hate lies” by same people who will tell lies and cheat at every little turn. You can delete numbers and unfriend people each time you are exposed but until you change your lifestyle for good the entire neighborhood will have their turn on you. It’s very dangerous to hang in and try to fool a man who obviously knows you don’t love him.

Remember when men strike, it makes blogs. Therefore shape up and be real! Naija men invented the word 'Mugu'.

Hmmmmmmm! I hate manipulative people. They are as terrible as liars and dishonest people. In any case do things for the sake of God not men, you will reap your reward. Needy people are ungrateful, that's why they are needy anyway- they often have character issue! Poverty is not about how much you have. it's about the state of your mind, and your reaction towards wealth.

Because most parents these days act and behave like adolescents but simply with bigger bodies. When a daughter watches her dad having and chatting with his girlfriends on Facebook and Whatsapp, when a dad tries to date his daughters friends, when a mom turns 'contractor' at work always entertaining mail 'clients', when mom and dad are too busy and allow kids to raise themselves, when pastors teach kids they can solve every problem through prayers rather than personal efforts, when 'holy people' feel that s,ex-education for kids is a sin, etc then kids test and explore possibilities by themselves in se.x.

I have a problem with all stories of witches and Wizards in Africa. All the people alleged to have confessed about witchcraft are always, almost all either very poor people, very old people (obviously incoherent), mentally ill people, and young helpless people from very poor backgrounds, and they are always forced to confess, yet witches and wizzards are supposed to have supernatural powers. Why are the rich, powerful, and children of wealthy people never found to be witches and wizards in Africa?

Methink, superstition and blind religion will forever hold Africa down if we don't shape up and accept responsibility for our failures.

Friends, if you observed that someone you are abt to date & get into a serious relationship has a history of deleting & blocking his/her past date’s numbers from her phone, de-friending them on Facebook, blocked their numbers on Whatsapp, refused to pick calls and even blocked their in-coming calls whenever he/she got upset & ended a friendship.

1. Does that say a lot about a person’s character, and suggest he/she is proud, arrogant, unforgiving, and unfriendly, with low tolerance level, low conflict resolution skills? Is it an obvious sign of someone who may not be fun and will be very unstable in a relationship, or

2. Do you see him/her rather as a strict, serious, no-nonsense, focused person who avoids either petty people and being petty?

Is de-friending people and blocking numbers a sign of arrogance\pride and will you have a relationship with a person who has a history of doing that?

If you find out your wife has become dangerous and only after your money, and perhaps regrets marrying you why on earth will you use her as your next of kin and facilitate your own exit from this planet to benefit her? Same applies to a husband too. There's no automatic ticket to trust in a relationship. You must earn it, dear. you shall be tested and found worthy in character, love and understanding, otherwise you lose on every front, not just life insurance.

I guess it would have been more appropriate to say these are the remote causes. Usually people do not hear or tell the remote causes of a problem. If there's a sudden loss of affection in a relationship, something caused it abi? If a working woman suddenly stopped helping her husband financially with bills, something triggered it - perhaps the suspicion there's another woman somewhere.

phabulous88: Guy stop spewing thrash. I met a man somewhere around Bissonnet in Houston whose wife was gonna divorce him. According to him, she had become arrogant, boastful & resented him cos she earned 3 times what he does and felt she had no use of him anymore. How was that caused by home-based Nigerians?

Peeps divorce for a variety of reasons, notable amongst these being: loss of attraction, infidelity, insecurity, distrust, work commitments, the desire to be free... So do ur research well and stop blaming the good people back home.

Do you think the lady or man in question will openly admit to you that he/she is divorcing because she/he has been seeing someoneelse behind? No party tells the truth during a divorce. It's all buoyed up stories to look good and make the other person look evil. Moreover you heard from only one of the couple & concluded that's the cause. Have you heard from the other side?

eleojo23: I believe that no matter the influence, one is still left to make his/her choice. Everyone is responsible for his/her life. That is why marriage is only for the mature minded. To say that people back home are responsible for failed marriages abroad is pure fallacy. Methinks someone just wants to play the blame game.

And how much choice did you have in the religion you pratice today since you think external influence plays no role on how people turn out?

I was in a think-thank last week when the issue deviated to the large number of Nigerian marriages abroad that’s ending up in divorce. The discussion shifted to the role people back home play in breaking up marriages abroad.

If you are involved in any of the identified groups below, please withdraw and desist now before you regret like others.

1). A young wife/husband abroad who spend hours chatting with either a man/women or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend back home on Facebook, Whatsapp,BBM etc, getting deceived into dumping or divorcing his/her spouse for them. Foolishly some people do and end up with a manipulative green-card-seeking fellow back home. Before they knew it the damage is done – a 2nd divorce. Emotional infidelity is more dangerous than physical infidelity.

2). The pastors back home who set up prayer lines targeting people abroad seeing visions and prophecies for them and end up seeing problems for them where there was none before. The worst is a pastor who convinced a man to divorce his wife because she’s not the wife meant for him by God. Really creepy pastors back home! Beware!

3). The so-called best friends and besties back home who feed their friends abroad with bogus news of peers that made it big, who built what house and bought what car, who is doing well and who is not, etc indirectly creating some sense of insecurity and disenchantment and lack of fulfillment in friends’ marriages abroad.

4). The all-knowing Aunt, friend, mentor, etc who has strings of failed relationships but is an expert in reeling out relationship advice to young people abroad. They call you and send you texts as best friends all filled with mind-poisoning messages. Before you know it little issues with your spouse will escalate and end in divorce. Then you end up like them – All-knowing yet full of life’s problems.

5). The family members who put undue financial pressure on their relatives abroad to start business, buy property, ship cars / goods for sale, pay bills back home etc but end up squandering the resources entrusted in their hands thereby creating financial hardships for their relatives abroad which end up affecting marriages.

6). The se*x tourists who travels home very often in the name of doing business in Nigeria but actually patronizing cheap girls back home. Some already have secret babies by girls back home thereby maintaining two families, one abroad and another at home.

7). The naïve girls back home who fall in love with married men abroad without proper investigations and foolishly accepting marriage proposals from them.

9). Dating and marrying needy girls (so-called humble wives) back home whose ultimate goals is to uplift their poor families. They see marriage through the greencard lens and see of dollars and cents.

. Nollywood films. The belief in these storylines have adversely affected the psyche of some people. They forget it’s what it’s- an acted scripts.

Therefore do we blame people back home for most failed Nigerian marriages abroad?

The wife must be of the young generation Nigerian, not the old school. The only love language they understand is money, more money, and a lot of money. You have it they will love you even if you have HIV and EVD combined; they can cope. You don't have money, if you like embed love in your heart with laser surgery you will be lonely most of your life.

Sorry doc, na so e be. But God has just revealed something crucial to you,; hope you got the message. If you like remain there like mumu.

Richy4: Sorry to ask this question man but did you really study in any of the Nigerian institution? I am asking because you sound like someone that studied in maybe private university in Nigeria where they have chaplain and soft cult members.

If you actually studied in State or Federal university in Nigeria, I will be really shocked by you talking about reporting to chaplain. those contributions above that you called drama has saved a lot of girls in higher institutions

I did actually, but I faced my studies, which paid off more than cults. On getting to USA I also saw violent gangs that are better organized, better armed, and more violent than cults in Nigeria. But I noticed that an average person in the USA is not afraid of anything (perhaps except weather) maybe because a very large population of their men and women have at one time or the other served in the military and saw real combats and battle, and not cult fights. they will handle situations like this using law enforcement agents.

This may sound funny because a girl is involved, however it's no different from a man who cannot quit a very stressful job with a harassing boss because he has to put food on the table for his family. Usually people in this type of situations feel powerless and helpless. Only outsiders can help them.

Wished we could get real practical suggestions not as dramatic as some suggestions above. Not everyone enjoys being a 'drama queen'. She could solve one problem and create another.

1. I absolutely support the idea of trying to get his attention off her by changing her lifestyle but how can she do that without creating more drama? But one thing we forget is that this so-called man probably has 'tasted' her before and know how 'sweet' she is. That may be his motivating factor here not really love or care for her.

2. I also beg to disagree with the poster that said most girls who find themselves with cultist did so in search for money, fame, or validation. Cultists are boys and often from good homes, but simply following self-destructive paths. Some of them also need help to get out of it but can't for fear of being killed by their colleagues.

How about reporting to her school chaplain? Isn't this suppose to be one of the duties of school chaplains or are they usually afraid too?

Last time I visited home I read of a young, helpless girl who was tricked into dating a cultist who threatened her life when she tried to quit. In her last attempt the shameless man made good his threat and poured acid on her. I was reading out the newspaper story to a neighbor at Lagos when her female visitor looked so sober and said she's in a very similar situation now and tears rolled down her cheek. She said her family was poor. She lived in fear and reached out to people who only gave empty words of advice to pray about it. She tried to quit several times but each time was intimidated into returning to the man, who's much older, richer, and connected with police. She knew her life was in danger and that "A bad friendship can never result in a good marriage" but was too afraid to quit.

I'm a novice in relationships and advised her since police couldn't help her maybe she should get a more powerful friend than the man...but my neighbor chipped in that it won't work in Nigeria; that it must be a gradual process to avoid violent end as I read. Very sad!

1. What practical, feasible steps can you give to young girls to end relationships like this without risking their lives especially if the man is either a dangerous cultist, militant, or violent and richer?

2. If you have ended a relationship like this before, how did you go about it?

aisha2: You asked what works for us you didnt ask for scary stories, some of us have no stories to share, we cant manufacture it to feed your fear.
I was thinking you were looking for realistic practical advice I think I know wherethis all is going lol

^{Feminist things, at the end poster will bring out the scary stories and say allwomen should stay home and care for their kids, how is that your niece copying with her hatred for feminists after seeing a "feminist" church lady in a married mans hotel?}

Nawa for you sef. U be God that sees future? LoL! You don already siddon for ya house sabi where the thread will go in future. I SMH for some people sha. No wonder dem say Mind-reading cause more problems in relationships.

Me think this is a very matured, family-friendly thread. Every working parent, at some point, will have to make these decisions whether they like it or not. so cool down sista, make we learn abeg.

egopersonified: Op, oya choose one, which one of these are you?

Guess na. U never know you may be right

aisha2: Age bracket? 18 years and above or 16 years if she is done with school. Nothing less than that

18 years!!! Hehehehehehe! some maids I see these days..haaaa only God knows how the man in the house will cope if they become live-ins. I call them 'Maids in Minis' (mini-skirts). Women should quit asking for trouble. Long time ago in Nigeria, our neighbor's maid was an outstanding beauty- could pass for a paragon. I guess she was about 21 - 22yrs. Every boy in the quarters was after her. yet she was related to the woman but not to the man, and the man was a lecturer with a well-know history of collecting 'bush allowances'. Hehehehehehe! Ok o! no wahala! "trouble dey sleep, iyanga go wake am up".

Abeg! I'll go with a professional daycare if I can afford it (6am -6:30pm). If a live-in Nanny, MUST be above 50years and never shapely. Conditions of service should be discussed, agreed on, and signed by both parties. I'd rather hire from verifiable references (preferably church members) before someone turns my baby to a Witch..LoL! Moreover, I'm not bringing any relative from Nigeria to come babysit for me abroad. Never!!!

Please why do some ladies see warning signs in a boyfriend, but expect him to change as a husbands? Wasn't the husband the same man who was lavishing them with money, gifts as an over-protective macho boyfriend and now they expect him to change because they are his wife? Isn't a husband once a boyfriend?

Something tells me that we all see the evil traits in people we date but either choose to look away till we get married then then that evil trait becomes a demon. You knew how and where you got your boyfriend.

Tips:

1. -He dumped his girlfriend (your roommate) and started dating you - a potential cheat
2. -He had no savings but spent half his salary to woo you, and you enjoyed it then - Potential 'free-giver' (person who chases women with money)
3. -He stole from parents and relatives to buy you gifts - potential thief (free-loader)
4. -He spent most of his time with you rather tan going out there to hustle - potential lazy husband
5. -He berates, shouts down and even slaps salesgirls who didn't server you well and you hailed him as being protective - Potential wife-abuser
6. -He didn't like babies and complained he's allergic to baby products and smell of dirty diaper - potential 'baby-daddy'
7. -He lied to people that he was on travel while he was actually with you - Potential liar
8. -He has no known office but always has money and claims he's a contractor or 'Yahoo boy' - Potential robber or ritualist.
9. -Liked all your girlfriends and made passes on most of them but always confess and cry for your forgiveness- Potential 'sugar-daddy' with mistresses.
10.- Could not move along with neighbors, coworkers, family members and was always right- potential divorcee (sorry you may be baby-mama)
11. Had the energy of a bull, loved to make love to you at least 4 times everyday while you could not catch up- potential Ashawao carrier patronizer.

Shine ur eyes. No let sweet money lead you to untimely death in the name of marriage.

So on point. The trend is worrisome dear. But everyone has a hand in the mess not just irresponsible fathers.

- irresponsible girls who dated married men and caused grief to wives but they eventually marry and expect to have happy marriages forgetting there is karma. - Chai, there's God o!

- irresponsible woman who marry men because of money and not love, then the marriage becomes a theater of war because of lack of love - Chai there's God o!

- Irresponsible girls who abandon men who labored and trained them for years and married a man from oversea just to travel out - chai, there's God o!

- Irresponsible in-laws who help scatter their children's marriage because of greed - chai, there's God o!


- Some irresponsible wives who divorce their struggling husbands abroad in order get child support and wire money to Nigeria to build houses - chai, there's God o!

- and that irresponsible he-goat, man who dates his secretary, students, neighbor's daughters and keep mistresses everywhere- chai, there's God oo!

- that irresponsible pastor who sees fake visions for single girls telling them they have 'spiritual husbands' but yet sleeps with girls in his church - chai, there's is God o. No, in fact there's ifa, orunmila, sango, shopona, ela, amadioha,

My people, please should a married woman do a Live-in Nanny, or Live-in private duty home care job?

Private duty Nanny or home care nurse provides services to individuals who are in need of assistance with day-to-day activities. Some private duty home caregivers visit the home of their clients to help with activities such as cooking, cleaning, housekeeping, administering medications, personal grooming/ hygiene, etc. In the past, there has been cases where intimacy developed between some clients and women who provided care for them resulting in marital problems and divorces, especially in cases, where the client is a widower, or divorced single male still able to ‘perform’.

More Married African women are taking to this type of profession in order to survive financially abroad. However, some of them live-in with the families they are taking care of. This means these women see their own families and husbands only when their employers release them (in most cases only few hours a week, or every other weekend). Some of the women doing this kind of jobs see their husbands like only 4 days (2 weekends) in a month.

I have a family friend whose wife does this type of job. She only comes home every other weekend (She works 2 straight weeks and gets one weekend off). The marriage is now rocking like a 'paper kite dangling in the sky under a strong Lagos’ wind'. There are already accusations and counter-accusations of infidelity. S..ex starvation, and lack of affection. The woman in this case isn’t given in because she insists she needs the money while her husband is threatening to call the marriage quit – stalemate!

Please what advice do you have for families where one person is involved in live-in private duty to help them deal with the problems and complications it creates in families? Please divorce is not a good option, things can be worked out!

wezzybm: Wizkid YOU WILL DROP TEARS UPON READING
THIS
A MUST READ 16 year old boy asks his Mom:"Mom,
what are you going to get for me for
my 18th birthday??
The Mother answers, "son that's still a
long way".
The boy turns 17 & one day he faints. His Mom takes him to the hospital &
the doctors says:"Madam your child
has a bad heart".
Being the child On
the stretcher the child asks, "did he tell
you I'm going to die?? Mom Starts crying"
The boy finally recovers on his 18th
Birthday, he comes home & on his bed
was a letter his mom had left him.
The letter said"Son if you are reading
this its because everything went well. Remember the day you asked me
what was i giving you on your 18th
birthday & didn't know what to
Answer you?? "I gave you my heart"
take care of it and happy Birthday
S♥n" The mother was dead coz she
had to give up her heart to her son.
Nothing is bigger than MOM's Heart
and Love... . Write I LOVE YOU MUM
If you truly LOVE her

Nice and inspirational. It touched my heart. However, one correction. No doctor will take the heart of a living person. That's murder and against medical ethics. Except the person (in this case the mother) died naturally or in an accident, then her organs can be harvested. One kidney can be taken because everyone has two and can live on one. It's only in China, where harvesting the organ of death-row criminals is legal.

In any case, the lesson is true. Nothing like a mother's love.

I also use this opportunity to beg Africans to opt for organ donation. Many black people are dying while waiting for organs such as kidney, heart, etc. The organ is taken only when you are dead (it's going to be buried and waste away anyway, while it could have helped someone). White people do not have this problem because there are more whites opting to donate their organs when they die. If you don't know how to do that, it's a little form you sign when you get/ renew your drivers license in USA. Please find out how you can do that in the country you live.

Save a life & keep part of you living even when you are gone!

Just be careful whom you take financial and investment advice from. Rule of Thumb: Anyone who want's to turn you into a millionaire should show you his/her own millions first if he/she has the magic wand.

Son, no serious person ever starts business with his personal money. Those who do that are road-side vendors. Even Dangote doesn't use his money to do business. He uses bank's money. Doesn't that tell you something?

Please set aside N100k for your 1st year in school and bank N150k in a good savings account for the 'rainy day', and find a company or manufacturer you can work for on part-time selling goods on commission. You can do that only on Saturdays and evenings as a student, and still have time to study. Part-time marketers have no overhead and work at their own time. Even if your monthly net sales is only N100k, your 10% commission is N10k a month. U can manage that as a student. Moreover, you are developing essential business skills, which you don't have now. Look for fast-moving products like women fashion, household item, etc. Explore supplying items such as ordour control, detergents, disinfectants, etc to hotels.

All the luck, son and may God bless your sincere efforts!

I can only say wow!!. And please why won't a beautiful topic like this be on the front page to serve as an inspiration to lead a good life? If this is about a nollywood actress flashing her bosoms, it will hit frontpage with only 2 comments only. This shows what matters to young Nigerians theses days and our value system. Mtheeeew!!!!!

MOD abeg send this topic to frontpage please. Very inspirational.

Thank you Madiba for inspiring us to be better persons!!!

I like to stay focused on a goal. As long as the goal is achieved, the process and length of time it took don't matter. The goal here is neither to berate her nor to investigate her. The goals here are:

1.To communicate to her a simple message, that a student from a humble background carrying about an expensive luxury like a flashy phone may send a wrong signal about her lifestyle and discourage people to help. (I've already passed this message across.- Achieved)
2. To discourage her from trading her dignity for gifts and cash from men just to belong (Work in progress)
3. Doing these without losing her friendship/ trust.

We are getting there gradually....

baralatie: do u really understand what u wrote and in essence what u are doing?

it is unfortunate!

ALL DAT U AR DOING IS 'THROWING EMPTY BLAMES'.u blame economy,budget,rich,culture,pressure in fact blame the earth!

And look very wel around u.young girls&boys graduating wit clas. ppl geting jobs. i'm nt talking abt igbo bys wey dey hama clean moni.
And ur quoting an american who is a woman!

I appreciate your passion but the bolded comment "... igbo bys wey dey hama clean moni..." really puts us in different schools of thought. I believe young people should work hard to earn wealth in a legitimate way, and not hammering clean money as you posted. I don't buy that slang in Nigerian context, except you meant making money in a clean way. We must rise beyond worshiping wealth gotten through any means...

kulyie: awwww.ok.i get.but still i still feel you should talk to her about thinking of setting up a buisness or learning a skill so that the ASUU strike wont waste her life.at least when shes occupied she wont have time for peer influence/pressure

Hillary Clinton once wrote that Nigerian youths are psychologically traumatized by what they see going on around them... The issue of peer pressure, societal influence, loss of values, and the way rich people, shove it in the face of those who don't have, put a lot of pressure on Nigerian youth to 'catch-up' at all cost. Look around, there are not even good role models. For the ladies it's sleeping around with men to get what they want, while boys take to fraud, dishonesty and crime to catch up.

It's not about age, approach, or even family background. Otherwise there are older women, working class ladies, married ladies, and even daughters of wealthy men sleeping around with men. I think we are underrating this problem. I just need a practical solution to nip one more statistic in the bud.