₦airaland Forum

Dear Overwhelmed,

If your family resides in Lagos, the external/part-time campuses of Lagos State University [LASU] at Yaba, Anthony Village, Ikoyi etc are another option to the National Open University. They offer flexible part-time university studies over 5-6 years; classes run during the day and evenings as well. The academic programmes are approved by the NUC. A family friend's daughter was expelled from her university in 3rd year for irregular admission. She enrolled at LASU and eventually graduated with a 2:1

Perhaps, our son can get a part-time job or start a small business while studying. That might help induce a greater sense of personal responsibility in him.

Why the assumption that the size of Aki's manhood must be proportional to his height or body size?

Nobody here went to boarding school or lived in a male hostel at university?

For those who did, you never saw tall, hefty guys with miniature manhoods?

Aki could be packing a real monster whopper between his legs for all we know.

Are there not numerous dwarfs that sized tall kids?

Abeg, leave matter

You are also missing mine

For a man like you, yes indeed, it would be a case of "i nick from u today, i 'borrow' from u tomorrow, God no vex"

But for a man like the OP (as expressed by gluckdude) even if the wife was putting down more on the table, that N600 derived from inflating prices would still be an issue for him.

And there are many, many men like the OP in Nigeria

oyb:
first of all - i am a man

second, you are deliberately missing what i am getting at - which is this - a marriage is give and take. all the ops noise s only applicable if he is the only ne making financila contributions

if both are working and both are making fiscal contributions - he wont be able to talk - if he is paying for pampers and she is paying for baby clothes or some , he wont be able to make this noise

as per the husband arrogating sole pillar of fiance to himself- we are nigerian men , and a lot of us , especially those who are fiscally strong, are into this. even when our wives have income, it is something under our control - which is why u see people talk about setting up a shop for their wife.

of course, it is already clear the story is BS, so most of this argument is moot.

a marriage and life is too short to be keeping track of the issues the op has raised. you will just find that your wife will change color once she gets empowered and does not need to put up with your bs.

My apologies for mistaking your gender. Yes, we all already know the story was contrived but the discussion is now on the hypothetical level.

To my mind, the grouse as expressed in the original post and subsequent posts by gluckdude spoke more to the dishonesty rather than the amounts involved per se. So even if she was contributing to the running costs of the household from her own independent income, the OP's concern about dishonesty remains valid - at least for the OP as voiced by gluckdude and men of similar disposition.

Some men regard petty lies/financial dishonesty from their wives as part and parcel of the baggage that comes with marriage; so to them its no biggie. Other men demand full and absolute disclosure/honesty and will regard petty lies as potentially leading to bigger lies, infidelity etc. Different strokes for different folks.

Also, several working women have stated here that they do inflate prices and pinch their hubby's money even though they earn independent incomes; obviously there are women who believe that its okay to inflate prices to their hubbies even though the amounts are trivial and they don't really need the money since they have their own autonomous sources of income.

oyb:
^^^^^

i don't really think any of the analogies apply

a married couple is different from a public trust

the long and short of this , for me will always be the same - the woman should get her own source of income, preferably one that the husband did not assist in getting.

thats what all this noise is about

in a family in which both spouses are bringing something to the table, this n600 will not be an issue, esp when the man knows that tomorrow it may be madam who is putting up money for something important

the man is making all this noise because he has arrogated himself as sole provider. if madam was earning money and making her contributions, at one time or another she would hav mad significant financila contributions and the man will not be able to open his mouth - this is all a case of after all the money i have spent on you. . .

this is one of the reasons why naija women who become nurses in yankee and leave their husbands behind start acting up in the first place - because they no longer have to take the mans sheet.

Several working women (including career professionals and business owners) have stated right here in this very thread that they also pinch their hubby's money and inflate prices and that they do not consider this to be dishonest behaviour because the amounts involved are trivial. So your claim that "this is all a case of after all the money i have spent on you, " is entirely baseless; your own fellow women have admitted that the mere fact a woman has her own income from employment or business does not stop her doing the same as OP's wife.

BTW how do you/we know that the OP has arrogated the sole provider role to himself or that he prevented the wife from working?

Gaggi:
I dnt knw why u are arguing blindly,

Mba nu!!!!

Talk true, you still neva decode im format?

Attention moderators - please, this thread absolutely needs to be stickied!

Our sistas are entertaining us with the true confessions of married women!!!  

This one na Marriage 101 for bachelors Now you know what to do if you want great coochie from your future wife

Bottomline - its all about the benjamins

Claus:
Lol! I love Nairaland.
Poor poster came here complaining about losing trust in his wife, now it's been turned full circle on his head.

Once again, guys in order to save time and effort, if there's ever anything wrong in your relationship/marriage, the first thing you must do is acknowledge that it's your fault.

I must admit women are absolutely brilliant at messing with our minds cf.

17 Female Rules
http://www.anvari.org/fun/Gender/17_Female_Rules.html

5.The female is never wrong.
6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.
7.If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding.

Apology accepted and thanks!

chaircover:
Of course If I was married to the likes of Blacklion and DK who don’t play with things like that, then I will give them an account to the last penny,

Chaircover,

I must protest vehemently at your misrepresentation of my comments on this thread. I much prefer to believe that you did so accidentally because you perhaps did not actually read through my various comments. Did you not see where I repeated several times that -

1. the OP's wife's actions were no biggie

2. the amount involved is trivial

3. most married women do it anyway

4. most sensible men know that married women do such things and will not make a big song and dance about it as long as the amounts involved are trivial

How much clearer could my perspective be?

My key point on this thread is that we all [men and women] tell white lies now and then in our marriages, at work, at school, in interaction with neighbours etc just to keep things smooth and avoid unnecessary aggro. But no one ever justifies or rationalizes wrong conduct or sinful behaviour as 'not a lie because the amount is trivial'.

We can be honest enough to ourselves by admitting that we all [male and female] do wrong things now and then in the course of daily life but we should not attempt to claim that wrongdoing is acceptable behaviour simply because it has become routine in our lives whether for good or bad reason.

For instance, I may lie to my wife about my exact whereabouts if I stopped on my way home for an hour or two of drinks with a colleague or friend of mine whom I know she does not like because I fear that she will be annoyed.

Am I now entitled to claim to the world that my action does not amount to lying to my wife just because I wanted to avoid a heated argument at the end of a long working day?

So why would some ladies here now claim that a woman who inflate prices to her hubby has not told lies just because the amount involved [N600] is a trivial amount of money?

A lie is a lie is a lie.

You are one of the few women whose comments I actually look forward to reading on NL hence my utter surprise at your misrepresenting my comments on this thread. I want to believe that its not deliberate.

I'm absolutely amazed that despite my many comments on this thread, you still lump me in the category of men that would demand an accounting to the last penny of N600 despite having stated repeatedly that IMHO the amount involved is trivial and most men would not get uptight about it. What have I said that gives you that impression?

Finally, married women cannot have their cake and eat it. If its okay for married women to fib now and then about money matters involving trivial amounts, then they should exercise some degree of tolerance when their husbands fib about money or other issues also which from a male perspective are trivial issues. Live and let live.

Gluckdude,

You really took the mickey out on us, didn't you?

Na wa for NLanders and their fake stories.

ronkebp:
Nobody is saying, what the woman did is right,

Not true at all. Several of your fellow ladies (including Chaircover and Ujujoan) have explicitly stated on this thread that a married woman has the right to inflate prices in order to obtain extra money from her hubby and that any hubby who complains that his wife lied about petty amounts of money such as N600 is simply a poor man and a stingy loser and whiner because mere N600 cannot purchase even the cheapest facial wash.

Chief Brown Jay,

No min all these wayo women, according to them, inflating prices when requesting money from your hubby is not lying because its only a small amount of money, 

I wonder if they will accept it as no biggie that if their hubby paid N1k for N400 worth of orange to that omo alata down the street with the perky b o o b s, 

after all, its just N600 difference that cannot even buy third grade tokunbo undies for omo alata at bend-down market,

OK O! Ujujoan and CC

Abeg, help me with this one. A married man is making 500k/month net. He decides one weekend to host his crew at their local joint to watch Premiership. He picks the entire tab of 5k even though his buddies drank most of the beer.

Is it okay if he comes home and tells missus that he only spent 1k, that it was only him and the next door neighbour at the joint and they only had a couple of beers?

Is that acceptable behaviour from a married man?

oyb:
there's a word accountants/auditors use

material

is this thing material to you?

eg - n5, n50, n100, n500 are cash amounts that are not material to me. if i lose them, no biggie

if the woman is pinching serious amounts of money, then its an issue.

just the same way your husband ogling women may be irritating, but certainly does not come close to actual adultery.

all this blah blah blah about trust

if the employers of 90% of these draconian inquisitors thought like this, them for sack the for theft longest time.

I think we have all virtually agreed that as long as the amount of money pinched by a wife from her hubby is trivial, its really no biggie.

The issue about trust is that since we are agreed that wives are allowed to pinch petty amounts of money from their hubbies, tell small lies about it and the hubbies should accept it as no biggie, then likewise hubbies should equally be allowed to tell small lies about their movements and expenditure and wives should equally accept it as no biggie.

Agreed?

Ujujoan:
Thank you o jare . . . .  

If the woman had her own money, the man sef go even pilfer from her too. Nonsense and ingredient!

Nne, talk true, its not about weda the woman has her own money or not

Both you plus  including several of your own fellow women right here on this thread (including the career/professional women) have already confessed that as far as they are concerned, its a wife's privilege/right to loot/pilfer/inflate/extort petty sums of money from their hubby. Myself and several other guys have equally stated that most men already know that this is naija women's mentality and so its no biggie as long as the amount involved is petty.

The bottomline (which most parties male and female) have agreed to is as follows - whether a naija woman is a fulltime housewife or a Wall Street investment banker, she has the innate belief that she is entitled to obtain or extract petty sums of money from her hubby as part of her God-given right or privilege in marriage.  

Na the koko be dat

Abeg, stop trying to divert attention thru sista solidarity from the real issue which is gender parity in minor dishonesty

If a man tells small lies about his movements or expenditure, you women are very quick to suspect him of infidelity. In fact, una no dey waste time to accuse.

So tell me - if a woman tells small lies about prices of foodstuff or household goods, why should the hubby not be equally quick to suspect her of swindling him of larger amounts or at least potential/intention to do so?

Its all about trust, baby

What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Mutual suspicion

Ujujoan:
It's funny how you guys are getting all self rigfhteous over some petty change when in actual fact that is not the issue here. I bet if you were married and your wife did the same to you, you won't see it as that big a deal as this poster's!

Since its petty change, why do it at all?

So what is the issue if not relative degrees of dishonesty.

I can understand a full-time housewife married to a struggling man having to fib in order that she can buy undies or make-up. But here on this thread, some of you who are career/professional women with your own independent incomes are busy rationalizing/justifying a wife inflating price estimates so she can skim some change on top. I don't get it.

In the real world, we all tell white/petty lies now and then just to keep things smooth. But I've never heard it justified as acceptable behaviour. Fine, I know (and so do most sensible men) that many or even most wives will inflate prices now and then and pilfer change found in a trouser pocket etc. But some of you are sounding like its normative conduct. If so, then its equally justified for a man with a monthly salary of N200k to blow N30k in one night at a joint while hanging out with his friends and then lie to his wife that he spent only N10k.

Ujujoan:
This is why some of us will NEVER be fulltime Housewives!

Well, its pretty interesting that even some non-fulltime housewives here on this thread are also justifying fibbing about the food money

Abeg, leave matter. This has nothing to do with professional/career woman vs fulltime housewife. Even female telco and bank workers earning armed robber salaries still do the same thing.

Ehen, let the banter go all round Inflating price and pilfering hubby's wallet is the wife's privilege; hanging out with the boys on Friday night is hubby's privilege. She should not ask ask how much he spent at the joint or whether it was only boys sitting at the table

Yes O! Life is indeed too short

Yes, its not really a biggie and the hubby ought to let it go since the amounts involved are petty. Indeed, any grown man with minimum common sense knows better than to demand a full and comprehensive breakdown of his wife's request for housekeeping or food money or to ask for the details of his wife's spending of money that he already gave her. Ask no or few questions and you'll get told no or few lies. Women are natural actresses anyway.

However, I hope what is good for the goose is equally good for the gander. Inasmuch as men are expected to tolerate or ignore petty dishonesty from their wives over minor amounts of money, one hopes women will be equally understanding about their hubby's fibs about money spent while "hanging out with the boys".

In particular, one hopes that the women making excuses/justifications for the wife's minor dishonesty on this thread will be equally very understanding when similar discussions come up on NL about minor dishonesty from a husband.


@ OP - once a man gives a woman money, its gone, dead and buried; no point whatsoever asking for details how it was spent. Now that you've discovered that your wife inflated prices, its your prerogative to reduce the amount you give next time but you don't need to make a big song and dance about it beforehand. Just take necessary action as a man and if she complains, inform her of your discovery and you guys iron it out from there.


@ all - its funny how we are constantly bombarded with the propaganda that the modern naija women are independent, empowered, autonomous, can make it on their own, don't need a man to survive yet here we are being told that the independent, self-sufficient women still see it as their privilege to inflate housekeeping estimates. I mean, if you are all that independent and financially empowered, why then do you need to play 419 on your hubby?


The comments from some diasporan women are really amusing. One would have expected them to reason differently from the less financially empowered/autonomous home-based women. You can take a woman out of naija but you can't take that naija mentality out of her

This has been one of the most interesting and amusing threads ever on NL - at least for me.

Interesting 'confessions' from the ladies

Lemme see - when a typical naija woman catches her hubby telling petty lies about his movements after work, she swiftly goes gaga about how bigger lies proceed from small lies, how she knows he is keeping concubines outside, how she has good reason to suspect he has fathered a battalion of brats around the town etc, etc.

Now that OP caught his wife inflating prices and pilfering the change, we are told its the norm for married women and that OP is a stingy, petty and mean man and a loser to boot for complaining about 'small change'.

Chai!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man pikin don suffer for this world

Anyway, nothing new here really - have long known most naija women regard inflating food money and pilfering change as a wife's right/privilege but its interesting being reminded how naija women reason. Including even the so-called liberated and empowered women residing 'abroad'

most women are full housewives in nigeria.

Not true. You are prolly thinking about the urban elites and middle class. Most rural women are farmers, petty traders in local markets plus full-time housewives. Most urban women in the lower socio-economic categories (and they are the majority of the population) are petty traders/artisans plus full-time housewives. In pre-colonial Nigeria, full-time housewives were rare. Even wives and daughters of most kings and chiefs had to go to the farm or trade in the markets.

Na wa! Femi Kuti is out to beat his dad's record but Nairalanders have turned this into yet another  inter-tribal bashing thread.

The same Tinubu who unleashed his army of area boys on hapless non-indigenes in Lagos and gave them full leeway to harass and extort the non-indigenes as reward for the area boys rigging elections for him all throughout his tenure?

The Trade Fair complex markets were built within 2 years just so that the Igbo traders could escape the incessant harassment by Tinubu's foot soldiers at Balogun market. Many of the traders readily moved into uncompleted shops at Trade Fair just to escape from Tinubu's goons.

The same Tinubu never saw anything wrong with the extortion and harassment of Igbo traders by his area boys but was instead making excuses and justifying their nefarious actions even as Oba Akiolu of Lagos was denouncing the area boys' antics and disassociating Lagos indigenes from their activities.

Yeye dey smell!

How much is FIFA12 on Xbox? I mean the original Region 1 disc (US), not the pirated one.

Therefore the topic should be endlessly re-cycled?

What does any one have to say that is new? 

We already know 99% of Nigerian ladies (married and single) detest the mere thought of a visit by in-laws especially female; the remaining 1% might tolerate an in-law visiting provided it lasts not more than 10 minutes. 100% of Nigerian ladies pray to marry a guy whose mum is late and has no sisters.

So what is your novel insight or contribution to the topic?

Siena:

I'm married, and my wife has never dictated what car I buy.

That's what you think!

Odunnu:
Seriously ID, Ndidiamaka is outdated. The meaning itself isnt encouraging.
Have you heard names like
Kamdilichukwu- shortened to Kamdi (sounds like Candy)
Chizaram - Chizzy
Daberechi - Dabz
Lotanna- (sounds very foreign)

'Patience is good' is not encouraging? No wonder we are the most corrupt, fraudulent and lawless nation in the world with that sort of rat race mentality.

Those other names in your list are recent Pentecostalized/funky-fied names except Lotanna. This is why you can hardly find any Igbo person above the age of 25 bearing such names. They are not traditional Igbo names.  However, Lotanna/Lotachi/Lotachukwu (remember God) has been around for quite a while now. I know people in their forties with that name.

Ndidiamaka is an old and venerable Igbo name and it conveys a very positive virtue.

ID, abeg no mind dem

Idowuogbo,

Don't mind those messing with your lovely middle name. Nigerians and superstitions! It all began with the popular Nollywood movie of the late '90s - 'Nneka the Pretty Serpent' - with Ndidi Obi in the lead role. The film was very graphic/explicit for its time and the lead actress is light complexioned. The usual naija rumour began that Ndidi Obi is an ogbanje in real life. Next thing you know, Pentecostal pastors began using the movie as a sermon theme. From there, the rumour spread that all girls named Ndidi are ogbanje etc, etc.