₦airaland Forum

Toks2008:
Marry yor friend and be ready to be a stupid forgiver. You won't regret it.

How do you mean by marrying one's friend?

Many people have been saying it. Do people not marry girlfriends who turn fiancees?

Joydan95:
I have been married for a while now and I can say marriage is beautiful. It has its up’s and down’s but when there is love,understanding and respect you will definitely scale through.
The first step to enjoying your marriage is going into it with someone you truly care for and feel comfortable with, vice versa. During quarrel, observe your temperaments, two of you shouldn’t spark at the same time else it will lead to physical fights and that is terrible, one person has to be cold when the other is hot. I am naturally hot but when my husband is upset I just keep calm and in the end we talk about it calmly and apologize to each other. It has been working for us since 2018
In terms of chores, lol.... we both work voluntarily as in my husband sometimes wakes up and say he wants to prepare so so dish today and he doesn’t want to see my legs in the kitchen, when it’s like that I usually help to slice onions, blend the pepper , wash the meat and leave him to cook. He goes to the market without me asking especially if he is coming back home through that route. I am currently pregnant and I can’t count how many times he does that , he cleans the house without me asking or begging and serves me food (breakfast in bed and dinner).God bless him
Marriage can be boring at times so make plans to go out together during the weekends or go spend time in an hotel if you can afford it. Travel sometimes or just get away for some days, it makes the heart fondlier.
Trust is built when there is transparency, you need to be open about your finances and life. The moment you want to start creating privacy in marriage, trouble and distrust sets in.
The emotional need of a man is love, respect , food and s*x, never deny him of these unless you are pregnant, the s*x part is understandable. The truth is if you marry because of sex, you are doing yourself more harm than good cos there are times you will have to stay without it. Also take note that sometimes a man may break down emotionally due to work or money problem, support and pray for him
Last last, protect your marriage. The perfect marriage is what you create yours to be, live right, love right and be happy. Pray for your spouse, temptation too plenty ....never raise your hands on your wife no matter how she talks back at you( sometimes wire Dey touch for our head).

Thank you very much, ma.

justhairs:
kai Marriage is not easy. I am speaking out of my 8 years experience. See the love is usually strong at the beginning especially when the responsibility is not much but with time it becomes harder to fuel love because there are a lot of things begging for your attention. And this includes children, house, financial burden, relatives, and so on. some people are super selfish in marriages they don't want to assist in the marriage but they want to be taken care of. See if you want to maintain the love in your marriage first as a man, You must form the habit of taking things out, help your wife with domestic chores especially when she is pregnant that is, if there is no house help, don't neglect her because she is going through at lot of changes in her body. some of them are very aggressive that period because of the kind of treatment they receive from their uncaring husband and as a wife pay attention you must give your husband attention, make sure to always talk things out with your husband don't assume he is fine. most of the reasons why some men feel unappreciated is because of lack of attention and communication. spice things up and please don't joke with his food nomatter how difficult it is for you. always help your husband understand your situation and ask for help if need be and above all a family that prays together lives together. Marriage is hard when you fail to take care of your responsibility or feel unconcerned and hope that it will take care of itself.

Thank you sir.

Juliearth:
I understand your concerns. Couples are supposed to enjoy each other's company, amongst other things. However, some marriages these days are nothing to write home about and a lot of reasons can be responsible for this (PS my analysis are borne out of what I see around, but you can take these information to the bank):

1. Intending couples waste a lot of time on the ephemerals, forgetting the crux of what marriage entails. A man that focuses his attention on a woman's look/build (not that it is not important) whilst ignoring other things such as her personality, how she relates with family, friends and strangers, etc may end up disappointed when he is confronted with her ugly character. Whilst you may be attracted to a (wo)man based on looks/accent/fashion sense...please ensure that you do your due diligence on other aspects of these person so you can have a deeper understanding about the person you are about to marry.


2. Marrying for change. It is very bad to marry a partner hoping that (s)he changes. Unfortunately, that is one mistake a lot of couples have made and are still making. A man who smokes,drinks, womanizes; a woman who shows certain anti-marriage vices may not change even after marriage. Yes, change is inevitable, but this inevitability is not triggered by marriage and most couples realize this only after signing the dotted lines.

If a prospective couple displays traits that are deal breakers and has refused to change whilst courting, please let that person go.


3. Sexual compatibility: This is undoubtedly a reason for concern. If your partner's libido is high and you do not have the strength to meet up, its best you take a bow. Couples often times assume that this orientation would change after marriage, but it hardly does. This leaves the man at the mercy of sexual enhancers, disregarding the health risks that they trigger. The woman may also consider the use of aphrodisiacs that may put her on the ever-busy path of contracting cervical cancer.


4. Change is inevitable, but in some cases undesirable. Women should please ensure that they maintain a healthy weight even after marriage and childbirth. Men should please be patient with their wives as they try to bounce back. You don't have to cheat because your wife is out of shape. Woman,you don't have to keep eating as if food is going out of fashion, because there are a lot of desperate w***hes that are ever ready to take your place in your home. Please women, even though your fashion sense may slightly be altered after the junior and associates arrive, try and ensure that the change is not very drastic. Also make sure that the bedroom affairs remain hot. Be spontaneous!


5. Don't get married because you have come of age and/or because your peers have all settled. You should only marry when you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially ready. I am of the opinion that a man should not be the sole financier in a marriage. Thus, woman, you have to earn your own money. I have also discovered that a woman who earns is respected by her husband and in-laws. Your in-laws won't have the tenacity to make baseless conclusions on the source of your wellbeing because they know that you earn.

6. Woman, whatever you earn should be for your family as well. Set out a percentage for your home. If you earn more than your husband, then you two should run a joint account, where you two would deposit a certain percentage monthly. This way, nobody feels less or more important than the other. This cheap talk of a woman's money is her money and that of her husband is their money needs to stop,whether it be a joke or not.

7. Husbands, please make a conscious effort to support your wives in the kitchen, especially if her job is tasking, when she is pregnant, nursing or indisposed. Don't listen to that voice in your head, telling you that as a man, you need not do that.

8. Marry your friend. A few married couples that I have related with would corroborate this fact. There will come a time where marital stress would zap out the love off your relationship. What would keep you going is friendship. So whilst you are courting or before that phase, try to build on friendship as well.
Let me stop for now


What I am trying to say is that marriage is fun and if couples can put in the work before and after getting married, it should be bliss galore.


Op, don't draw conclusions based on what you see around you. I feel you brought this here because you have found a jewel, but you are scared to commit. You need not be, set your own standards and leave by it. Love/court with your head and you will enjoy nothing but bliss.

Thank you Juliet.

gabicon:
The fundamental ingredient for a successful marriage is love, however just like a car requires petrol/gas to function, it also requires, brake fluid, engine oil, transmission fluid, coolant etc. So if the only thing you depend on to make a successful marriage is love, you will soon realise that no coolant on engine oil can ground a car. Commitment, patience, understanding, maturity, integrity and respect etc are all required to make marriage work. Marriage is no cheap talk, marriage is hardwork. Personally I believe marriage is a social contract, and as every contract has a scope and underlined stipulations so also should marriage, most of your questions are tied to stipulation that need to be agreed on before marriage and documented.

Thank you sir for this.

Lexusgs430:
After marriage, you simply become brother and sister....

I'm getting scared already. I want to see her as a friend instead. A very close friend.

femi4:
The first mistake you ll ever make going into marriage is to think that LOVE is enough and BEAUTY is permanent


These guys below will help you keep your home forever. You must have them in abundance.

1. RESPECT

2. PERSEVERANCE

3. FORGIVENESS

4. FORBEARANCE

5. PATIENCE

If you check any marriage in chaos, It's either one or more of the five keys above is missing or they are not in abundance

You are right.

Thank you for these points.

Difrent:
EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER

One quick advice ,have enough sex before marriage because that is the first casualty and it's power wanes with the coming of children

My 10kobo

I shouldn't engage in premarital sex.

It's rather a religious issue.

franchasng:
Op stop listening to hearsay from people on issues of marriage, especially people on the internet aka social media platforms.....most of them will paint marriage as one evil institution or another maybe out of their own failed experience they then go about generalising.....whereas millions of people around Nigeria and all over the world are all enjoying blissful marriage, so aspire to be those enjoying being married and that's what you will get because "law of attraction" works in life. You can use the power of attraction to attract all the goods things you want in life to your life, and you can also attract the negative to yourself. So always focus on the positive.


Now talking from my own personal experience as a young married man.....I have no single regrets....in fact I am enjoying being married than being single because it seems my life is now more organized and purposeful than when I was single. Mind you, I was doing well financially when I got married so I didn't marry out of no choice, I married at my own pace, not that I was a rich guy as in million million dollars oh, but I think I should be considered among the buoyant guys Nigerians see as rich; 2 tokunbo cars, live in a flat, own some landed properties being developed, owned my own business and few travel experience lol......but despite all that, when I look back at when I was single and compare it with now that I am sweetly and happily married, I can boldly say that my life is more organized and peaceful now than then lol.


I and my wife didn't officially court for a long time, we were on and off boyfriend and girlfriend all thanks to my stubborn and womanizing self lol, and her too much shakara too. I liked my wife when I first met her, she was so sexy like I desire my ladies as in, but this girl was not yielding to my moves....she indirectly accepted me oh but to fully put herself into the matter was an issue, which pushed me away to other ladies....and I always tell her that she was lucky cos I almost married another chick like that if not that she failed my final stage tests and all that.....pls ladies if you like a guy stop doing too much shakara for him cos you can lose him that way, my wife was lucky or maybe it was destiny that we would be couple at the end if not, her shakara was too much that pissed me off a lot.


But in all these, we still dated; officially for 2 years, unofficially for 4 years.....when I leave she will be the one to reconnect via Facebook chats or WhatsApp chats, especially during festive seasons, she must send me season greetings and ask how I was doing, which always got me confused and happy somehow lol. She was doing shakara but still giving me green light not to go that she likes me lol. She said her mind told her that I was a playboy that came to play her, so she was just scared of committing to me; I found out after we got married lol



So back to topic; if you are single guy, especially today, please and please, focus more on your finances; this is very important in having a successful marriage.....work work work work.....when I say work, not going around looking for job when you can't find one, if you cannot find a job, create one yourself. This is not impossible.....start something no matter how small......internet has even made it easier to start business today without any shop or office.....just have an online presence, find a business niche and be consistent and patient in your niche, it must pay off. Don't jump from one business to another just because some of your friends or people you know are making big money from it.....stay on your own lane and master it and be consistent.....and then have a clear vision of what you want, dream big oh......and always confess your heart desires without fear. Chase your dream.....while you lie down on the bed be visualizing what you want in life, I hardly sleep and it has become a part of me since teenage hood. This worked for me.


Working in an oil company or communication company or IT company or Bank or Telecom company or medical field or wherever is not the only way to be financially successful in life.....people are becoming rich from all fields of life, I am a living witness.....I have friends in virtually all fields of life and these guys are killing it money wise.....even in the things you despise and look down on.....I have a friend that's rich today through scrap recycling business......another in sound business......another in construction.....another in farming.......another in normal market trading business.....another is doing excellently well as a teacher, yes teacher......he now runs an online tutoring platform coupled with the fact that he owns a lot of physical tutorial centers in 2 different states.....so there is money in all fields of life, find a field and master it, dream big, introduce unique ideas into that field, monetize your new ideas.......multiply whatever that's working and keep doing it and you must be rich with time....remember success takes time. I started desiring to be rich from when I was a teenager lol....it may sound funny.....but while I was in higher institution, I was running businesses; extra morale classes for first year students, doing runs lol for WAEC, JAMB, etc students God forgive me, owned a call center, a photocopy center, game center......this was all as a student. I went for NYSC and launched a laptop selling business where I was serving and sold lots of laptops to fellow corpers lol



My whole point is, you need steady income to run a successful marriage today. But if you have done all your best and the money is not stabilizing the way you dream, please don't let it stop you from getting married.....but then, you must marry your friend to succeed in that situation if not, she will chicken out with time. Marry a lady that understand your vision in life, who also believes in your vision and efforts. Marry a lady who believes in time, who is also patient with life. Not all ladies are patient. Not all ladies believe that it will be better tomorrow, so don't marry such ladies......which brings us to communication during dating or courtship.....talk talk talk...don't keep mute around your partner while dating.



I have friends who married broke but today they are almost rich. Don't do this unless you have the inner conviction to do it, and like I said you must marry your friend to succeed in that condition and she must believe in you and time. Avoid lazy ladies....she may be working today but if you examine her, she is lazy. She maybe unemployed today, but if you examine her closely, she is not lazy.....avoid lazy, entitled, prideful and greedy ladies,they will frustrate your life.


Sometimes, marriage can bring you fortunes.....it can bring you luck, I don't use to believe in this, but ever since I got married, I started seeing my efforts yield more fruit than when I was single....and the moment we gave birth, it was as if my life entered a high speed.......things started working faster.......more results like its a charm lol.....I still give God all the glory.



Marriage is sweet if you marry the right person and if you prepare financially as a man. Don't have the mindset that you and your wife will share all bills....plan to cater for your family all by yourself and God will empower you for that....my wife works but I have never asked her to bring a dime for any of our family expenditure......not that this is ideal, but this is what every woman wishes for in life, even Billionaire Mrs Alakija wishes for this, and when you as their husband give them this, they will give you their best......but she must not hide her income from you, if she does, its a sign of worry. I know how much my wife earns even though she doesn't contribute, but sometimes I will jokingly tell her that I know she is planning to build a sky scrapper for her kids.....that its good....I also encourage her a lot to help her family members that stood by her while growing up....and to help people in need wherever she meets them with hesitation. But don't ever put your whole eyes on your wife's income if you want peace in your home, pray to God to empower you financially not to depend on your wife's income and you will enjoy peace in your marriage.



Before you marry, prepare financially....marriage today is financially draining if you want a standard family.....you can manage things also, but prepare, and tell God how you want your family or marriage to be, God is real oh, no let them fool you say there is no God, there is a supreme being above all humans oh.....I no be born again oh, but I tell you there is God. You don't even need much prayers to know your wife, just observe your inner piece and use your wisdom. If you are struggling financially, don't marry a jobless or unemployed lady, biko dont do it, its suicidal.



You see all those fashion designer ladies, they are good for marriage oh, that their handwork is good.....you can invest in her.....its far better than marrying an unemployed graduate lady hoping that she would secure job with Shell soon lol.....jobs don cast.



I am married but still feel like I am single.......no stress....my wife gives me freedom, peace of mind, space but she is also a monitoring spirit lol. The only thing she doesn't trust me with is beautiful ladies with big big ass because I love beautiful ladies with killer shape eh, na only that thing fit carry me go hell fire in case any of una see me for hell fire oh


and to the last part of your question, yes it remains....my wife didn't change.....in fact her love and care is even increasing to my fear lol.


Some ladies love more when they get married....so it all depends on the lady you married and how you take care of her.....but most importantly, marry a friendly lady with less baggage and keep working to have a steady income, it makes marriage sweet. Be positive and you will marry the best. I never imagined myself having marital issues while single....I use to ask friends then that why will I be fighting with my wife na.....that it cant happen and its what I am experiencing......and always encourage your wife to keep fit and watch how she eats......you must help her monitor her tummy, ugliness of a woman starts from the tummy, apology to all ladies struggling to keep their tummy flat, pls forgive my use of this word


As for house chores, I was lazy from childhood when it comes to house chores, that's the only reason my father flogged me then, but my mom always defended me then and I love her to pieces for all that she did for me then lol.


Even while single I hated house chores, it made me eat out often while in school to avoid washing plates and pots lol. So my wife know this before we got married and she never expected much from me and all thanks we have few domestic staffs that assist. But whenever I am around and in good mood then, I make her room bed lol, maybe dust her mirror stand, etc, but I bath and dress my little boy often (I cherish doing this one a lot)

I like you already. Can we chat privately please?

doggedfighter:
I was there yesterday and the atmosphere was so tensed.

Soldiers on the road were looking very mean.
Once you get to the check point. Everyone gets and start trekking. When they finish with your vehicle it will meet up with you.

Passengers everywhere on the road. No buses.

I was scared until I came into Onitsha.

You truly were in Imo state. Take responsibility; the government doesn't care about our prayers.

raphroye:
Married NLders should kindly help us to answer these questions

Thanks

While courting, you were better halves. What happens after marriage?


What happens after a week living together? and months, years? What happens to forever?


Does the love remain the same? Does it fade by itself? Are both parties always striving to resurrect it?


Of course, I understand it is not advisable to plunge into marriage!

What is life like in marriage?

What happens during a quarrel?

Does a partner always prove they are right?

Are there complaints? Complaints like one person washing the plates, and the other making it more tedious? Are there arguments about how the WC is to be used?


How and when are responsibilities shared?



What about insecurity?
Does it come on its own? Are there hidden thoughts one's partner may be cheating always?


What are the main responsibilities to keep a woman/man forever young in their hearts? What are the major needs?

What can make a woman still look very good even after childbirth?

Should the husband also do minor chores?

What happens when she becomes pregnant?

What is the major emotional need?

How is trust built?

To wives and husbands, what do you call satisfaction in a husband/wife? What needs does he/she fulfills make you feel satisfied?

What would you ever wish for?

Does the care and love remain the same?



I need experienced persons (married couples probably) to clarify me.


I've been thinking about these questions of late.

doggedfighter:
This pictures proves nothing.

I think it does, dear. I happened to be in Imo today, and there's really an upheaval.

I believe he was silenced.

This lady up tho. I think she likes me.

Let's talk.

Please contact me on WhatsApp. I can be a source of encouragement.

He knows sth.

He has to be silenced.


We live in a sense jungle.

Whatever happened to being single. Na wa o.

Well, I read some points up there.

Local men can no longer can.

Warrgidanairala:
No wonder you are too dry,go learn how to be naughty and fun and it doesn't stop you from been decent. Geez relationship with your type will be soooooo boring

Read your signature.

.

Ok o

You want to be Nigeria's sacrifice to BH?

Agu anaghị etu ọnụ.

Nna ehn. Them don focus on police.

Mtchw

To me sha, I don't do the social network relationship shit so I wouldn't care.


But bros, na you na. Which one bi friend again, ehn, Ndubuisi.

Nigeria is a joke. What's the need returning if they will still be pardoned? They've pardoned themselves.

Everything is legal in an illegal country.

All right.

All I see is campaign steps.