A FOOL AT 20

EPISODE 11

Since we lived in the same neighbourhood (with Enyo, but I prefer calling her Enyi ), it gave me a wide range of opportunity to execute my dastardly and pshycho-spirited plan.

I carefully and thoroughly prepared my well concocted love charm. I just couldn't wait to start my fairy tale love adventure with Enyi. I started trailing and monitoring her every movement. But the girl won't just pee outside. She just stopped peeing outside, why now?. What kind of a bull-headedly stubborn girl is this now? I always moved around with my love charm carefully packaged inside my ink stained pockets (virtually all my pockets, both breast and trouser pockets were permanently stained with biro ink. I was a pen mechanic by profession), in case of incasities/emergency. I kept at this for about three frustrating weeks, before luck shone on me.

"The stubborn grass-cutter that continues to evade the trap of the hunter will one day end up in the belly of the hunter"

" The patient dog, they say eats the fattest bone", while " the patient man chews the bulkiest flesh". She is too gorgeous to be a bone. And I've toiled so hard to eat a bone na. I was born in Kano, specifically zoo road. So I should have the devouring ability of a tiger na.

One fateful night, while we were playing under the bright watching eyes of the moonlight (we call it wasan dare in Hausa, I.e night play); it was normal then for children to play with their peers sometimes till around midnight before going to bed. This was mostly during holidays, as our parents hardly complain. I was beginning to get tired of moving around with my already exhausted love charm. Hope was almost lost. I started heading for home, when I noticed Enyo coming out from a nearby maize farm. I shrugged it and continued moving. Almost Immediately, I remembered I had a yet to be completed self imposed task.

I subconsciously began to brainstorm ( What took her to that place alone?). Before I could finish brainstorming, I'd already seen myself standing on a gorgeous and wet circular patch of pee that was beginning to move towards me like a snake. Up til now I really can't tell how I got there so fast. It was a rainy season, perhaps the soil around there was almost saturated with water. My eyes almost popped out of their sockets, and my heart dancingly jumped in utter relief and joy, just like a Cop who's finally caught this notorious criminal . This is a sight to behold. Alas! I've made it. The pee was almost done infiltrating into the soil.

Within nanoseconds, I had stooped and ejected the whole stuff into the impatiently vanishing pee, though I was told to just dole out a little quantity. I wouldn't take any chance, coz I wanted over doze of the love. I was told, once I could complete the task, she will come begging me for love, starting from the next morning. She would endlessly cry out my name until she sees me. I couldn't wait till the next morning. I wanted her to start immediately.

I kept a distance and jubilantly observed her, should she start calling out my name. I waited a bit but nothing was forthcoming. I became apprehensive. After a while she held her Younger sister's hand and they headed home. As they were going, I coincidentally and deliberately stood along their route home so she could clearly see me while passing. But she passed me as one will pass a stone. I began to pant like someone who just finished a 100 meter race. But I took solace in the fact that the charm will start working tomorrow, since the overdose did not trigger immediate response. We headed home after my sister was sent to call us ( my brother and I).

Ann2012:
Well done OP

Lol.... Thanks Ma'am...How r u now?

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE 10
We rushed and started stoning her.

Since she was up on the tree, the gown she wore was wide open for us to see her red laced panties that matched with her uniform. Fortunately for me, the morning breeze was intermittently aggressive. It will excitedly open wide the gown to my viewing pleasure (I started looking intently as though I'd seen a ripe fruit that was about to drop). From that time on, I stopped seeing any one there except my ripe mango. I guess, the other boys kept throwing stones. But as for me, I was in wonderland.

I stood there waving and now amiably telling her to come down. Any effort she made to come down, reduced my viewing horizon. I stylishly continued coming closer to the tree and directly underneath her to enhance a clearer and better view. If school were to be as fun as this, I'd come to school on sick bed, I thought. All the while, I didn't hear the ringing of the bell for the commencement of the assembly, until another bell rang in my ear. An ear-deafening slap landed on my excited earlobe that sent loads of vibration to my tympanic membrane. The shock immediately broke open my already collapsing ossicles and semi-circular canals. I instantly lost balance and plunged to the ground. I lost use of my senses for about two seconds before I came back to full consciousness.

That car owner must be jailed, I soliloquized in micro seconds. That slap was too hot to be from a human being. I got up to see the most feared teacher in the planet (Uncle Peter) standing in front of me. Can someone please teach me how to faint. If not because I had a piss some moments ago, I would have irrigated the whole school with my molten pee.

"The monkey that loves dancing on a broken branch might not live to tell his pathetic story"

Kneel down there, he ordered me. I was about to start crying, the next thing I saw was Enyo kneeling down beside me. I had to abruptly rewind and reverse the sobs that were about to start gushing out of my mouth. We stayed there till after the assembly. I was flogged about ten lashes, while she was given five. Enyo cried out profusely, while I managed to suppress mine until I was sure Enyo had entered her class. I couldn't continue suppressing the already accumulated cry ("e don accumulate reach my throat"). "I rush enter toilet, enjoy my cry". During break, I saw Enyo describing how strong I was, gesticulating how I didn't even feel the 10 strokes I was given. See celebrity. I thought I had gotten her with that single act of brave cowardice. Nah! It's like she hated me the more.

I didn't relent in my childish love for Enyo. I met my friend (Jinan) who's dad was a traditional doctor to help me with the recipe on how to make Enyo madly fall in love with me. We grew up believing the Agama Lizard and love myth. I met Jinan and he taught me how to make the concoction. He just forged some thing and told me, which I believed seeing his dad is a native doctor.

I spent the whole day hunting Agama Lizard in company of my friends. I was told to cut off the head of a mature agama, sun-dry, grind into powder and empty into a small leather. Keep it airtight, in a cool dry place, away from high temperature until I'm about to use. I should apply on the spot where the supposed victim will urinate. She will love me beyond imagination. " Who no love love"?

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE IX


Words had completely dried up from my mouth. I stood transfixed for some seconds, piercing her with the unwavering stare that came from my flabbergasted twin optical instruments (eyes). I open-mouthedly ( at that point, my mouth had also become an organ of sight, with the way it was wide open) scanned and analysed every single curve and edge on her well endowed and parabolic body. Nenny!!! she uttered in a confused but ecstatic manner that made me jumped back to reality. Enyo!!! before I could continue, she attacked me with a voracious and mind-blowing hug that almost sent me to Paradise (it's because I'm a full time virgin that's why I'm not used to stuffs like these ooo). Now, I wouldn't have gone to Paradise ooo; but this lady refused to let go of me, instead she held on to me even tighter this time around not minding how much her already well endowed soft and succulent but turgid mammary gland that was initially looking at me was now pressing and threatening the existence of my rib cage. She continued to press on harder. That was when I confirmed that it wasn't stream water that flows through me but blood.

At that point, my bull-headedly stubborn and unschooled professor, was trying to poke its way through my trouser. why dost thou persecutest me ( in king James version). Then suddenly, my new boss thundered, what are you still doing there young man? Emm emmmm , she just found it Ma, I answered. All the while, Enyo had no single clue of what was transpiring in my trouser. We immediately broke loose from the long but adventurous embrace (Thank God ooo, I would have poked her with my bazooka. "Where I for keep my head na". I then quickly whispered to her what madam had sent me to get. She hurriedly traced the documents ( my credentials) and properly arranged them. My bazooka was still not ready to sleep ooo.If I untuck my shirt from my trouser, it wouldn't look good coz I'm just coming and could easily arouse suspicion from Enyo and every one. in split a second, I thought of what to do. I pretended to be looking at a poster on the wall, thereby backing her, so she wouldn't notice the bulge in my trouser. As she was trying to hand over the documents to me, I mistakenly but deliberately let it slip from my hand, still facing the wall. The documents splattered on the floor (at least this could buy me enough time to fix my self). Oh sorry! Enyo pleaded. I should be the one apologizing, I retorted as we instantaneously bounced to the floor and packed everything. This time, I avoided eye contact to avoid stories that touch ooo.

I took the documents to Madam. After series of bashful rantings, she collected. She then told me to go meet Jummai (Enyo) again, to give me a little task to perform, as I commence my one week probation. probation? I asked unconsciously. "Wetin you want before", she answered. I began moving towards the cubicle where Enyo was . "If you like go hug am again", she added. That slowed me down a bit. Madam, you said? I asked in shock. I said, go and fry your head, she answered. (This woman na "tolotolo". So she had her eye on us. 200 naira work, na him she come dey para for person. If no be because of Enyo, I for just commit for here wallai)
****************************************************

Enyo used to be my primary school crush. I didn't start crushing on her until one fateful and unforgettable Friday morning in school. I was in primary 4A, while she was in primary 3C. Enyo was a very stubborn but pretty girl. When she smiles, laughs or even cries, her dimpled cheeks sink into her mouth. If you are not careful, you will pee in your panties. I once thought she had a hole in the inside of her cheeks, coz those dimples were a sight to behold. You could confuse it for a safe. One could drop some thing in there and come back to find it there.

she was so agile that she competed with, if not bettered the boys in racing and especially tree climbing. I once hated her for her stubborn nature. But things changed on that Friday morning. Boys wear red shorts and red check shirts while the girls wear red pinafore checks.
She once came to my class during break see one of her friends. When she was about leaving, she turned to us (myself and 2 of my friends) and shouted "Olodo boys." We left what we were initially doing and gave her a hot chase. Omoh!! that girl na correct sprinter. She ran and climbed a very large tree.

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE EIGHT

My mum is an easygoing, dark complexioned, exceptionally religious woman and a diligent nurse. Her love for God is amazingly baffling. I still feel it's her love for God and her prayer life that always moved God to consistently spare our lives.

I am a graduate of bachelor of engineering (Agricultural and Bio-resource Engineering) from the prestigious Ahmadu Bello University Zaria. I almost couldn't graduate after spilling and splashing, before finally graduating with a third class. Though it wasn't completely my fault. I grew up loving biology with all my organs, but not even a cell in me admired maths from a distance. What I saw in agricultural engineering was almost completely mathematics and physics. We were the jacks of all trade, but masters of none ( we offered courses in all the departments of my faculty and even others, but no one offered ours). I always struggled to get an "E" in general maths while in secondary school. I ran away from technical drawing because of my below average score and my physics teacher then was spiritually married to burukutu (locally brewed alcohol), he would hardly complete a period after reeking the whole classroom with disgusting smell from alcohol. Then I mysteriously found myself studying and practising "strength of materials, engineering drawing (E.g sectioning), engineering mathematics and advanced engineering mathematics. That was when I knew I was a billy-goat. I just went there to dig my grave. From thenceforth, I became an escort in that faculty.

Since I was later able to graduate after using carry-over to sew "agbada", "na me come dey like the Engr. title pass everybody" (I'm just trying to fulfill the saying " it's the empty barrels that make the loudest ear damaging noise" it's not my fault now, without people like us, that saying wouldn't be a fact).

I was now waiting for my NYSC, coz I missed the batch A and had to wait till June, for batch B.

I applied for a job in a cyber cafe. After a week, I was called to resume work that will pay me #200 per shift. I didn't hesitate to accept the offer, since I was always idle at home. The only thing I was used to doing, was to sit outside with my friends and be analysing ladies that will pass by. We will sometimes experiment our scoping and toasting prowess on some unsuspecting ladies.

On the Monday I was to resume work at the cafe, I dressed corporately in my suit (I hated corporate wears). After I trekked some few meters, I'd already started panting and sweating like a castrated pig that just saw a ghost. I removed the suit jacket and continued trekking. On arrival, my new boss started barking at me for coming 10mins late. She scanned me with her eyes, then she asked me to go get my credentials I'd submitted earlier, from one of her staff called Jummai. On getting there, I couldn't believe what my eyes saw...

francium001:
You are not serious, how can one say such about his/her father? But I think you are trying to digress from the main story, thanks for the update by the way

Lol... There is a bit of fiction, and I'm driving you to a destination. Don't wanna derail...Thanks for the scolding and observation man...I'll do something about it...