A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE SEVEN

I hurriedly put on my phone's flashlight. To my amazement, I saw my uncle (uncle Dimka) lying beside me, gently rubbing and scratching his beard.I almost ran out of the room. Are you stupid, you are smooching your uncle? You almost ripped off my entire beard, he barked. It was then, I realized I had been dreaming and have been pulling his beard and rubbing his body instead of Daniela's hair and body. So it was a dream. So I'm not married, I thought. I just have to continue that dream. I then regrettably apologized to him after the family devotion. He accepted after explaining everything to him, and then he told me how he had earlier called me twice upon his arrival when he met my absence. He then went to gist with my sisters in their room.

My uncle likes keeping this long and unkempt beard (so disgusting). My parents have spoken to him several times, to at least brush it and make it look neat, if he won't trim it, but all the preachings fell on deaf ears He would always say the long beards is for respect, while the untidiness is to scare away demons. I almost started believing in the latter. He normally sleeps in my room any time he comes around.

My younger sister then rushed to meet me and my uncle in my room. What happened, who died?? She asked with a confused look and handing out the sympathy card my friends had given her to give me. It's your bear-bear that's dead I cut in. She quietly left without uttering any word.

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I know you will be wondering, who is this bloody son of a woman? ( I know what you had in mind. I forgive you sha).
Alright, I am Nengak (Nenny, for those who can't pronounce properly). I'm a bona fide indigene of Plateau state. I'm Ngas by tribe. Calabar people will know my village just the way they know the road to their mouths. We exchange dogs for palm oil. "We chop dog pieces, but we no reach these Calabarians". I once saw two huge dogs run mad, just because they saw a car carrying "CAL" on its number plate. "I begin pick race to oo" before the people in the càr will change their mind na.

I come from a family of six.
My Dad is a lecturer with the state Polytechnic. He is fair in complexion . He is a professional snorer (he can SNORE for Africa). Why isn't there a snoring competition, say in the Olympic games na?? We wouldn't have had enough room to keep our medals ( Why would you be jealous? When men were learning trade on snoring, where was your dad?). He once came back from work early, and sternly warned that no one should tell any of his friends that he was around coz he doesn't want to be disturbed. And we àll know his snoring can be heard from about 200 meters afar off. Some times, the wavelength can reach up to an amazing 355 meters. All of us ran outside to go and play.​

A FOOL AT TWENTY

EPISODE 6

I was all set for work after my unforgettable honey moon. I had left the bedroom and hurriedly had my breakfast, and was about leaving for work. Suddenly, my wife (Daniela) appeared from the bedroom. Where are you going to this early morning? She asked. Baby, I thought I told you I'll be resuming work today. The M.D will be traveling today, and I'm expected to oversee the office in his absence, I answered.

She started approaching me with this seductive look that kept me transfixed in that position like a bamboo tree. Haba now!! they should at least add jara (bonus) of one day for you now. I pleaded with her to allow me go (though, I was hoping that she will persist, coz there was this course, "BED 355" that I was supposed to lecture her.) and spend just few hours and come back, but she had already shut the door to her ears.

She immediately rushed to the door, lucked it and threw the keys into her cleavage. Come get it, she beckoned. Ah!!!. The only persons that can stop me from obliging to this request will be my two other gorgeous wives (Meagan Good and Christina Milan), I soliloquized. Immediately, the whole blood in my ecosystem started boiling and began streaming down to the spongy cells of that naughty professor holding a seminar in my boxer shorts. She bursted in to an uncontrollably ecstatic laughter after noticing the bulge in my trouser. It was trying to break loose from its imprisonment and getting very painful with every passing second. (I know you've experienced that before)

Your oga is refusing you food abi. Come to mummy and eat good food, she beckoned at my Junior (in my groin) who had really bulged to express its anger. I did not allow her finish talking before I started chasing and rounding the room with her to the amazement of Kate (the house maid). I finally pounced on her, seized her with the remaining Kilojoules of energy left in me straight to "za oda room" (bedroom). I started stroking and gently pulling her hair with my left hand and perusing her body with the right hand. She was cuddling and licking every single part of my body bit by bit...I was so enjoying it, that I didn't know when I started telling her to go gently, gently, gently.

Suddenly, a very hot slap landed on my face and almost blinded my left eye. Are you stupid? What is wrong with you? A very deep voice thundered in the dark. I became seriously startled.