₦airaland Forum

Monster over a stup!d video? Wow, it sure doesn't take a lot to rile you up. I personally don't buy into this illuminati talk. All I can say is controversy sells, one has to be creative in cooking it up though. And please, he killed his mom because he sent her to do some plastic surgery, right?

Sagamite:
I find it hard to believe that after having 2 kids and the body is not what it used to be and you wear something and feel fantastic and ask him (as most women do) what he thinks, he tells you that "you look OK, but you used to look better before the kids", you will take kindly to that.

My sense tells me: "There will be Blood" and Daniel Day-Lewis would not be a participant in the scene. 

I would advise him to say: "You look fantastic, baby. I like that cleavage and the way you azz shoots out. Damn, I wanna hit that now".

You make it seem like men don't age too. Sure, women age faster but men still age - pot belly et al. So, it's not like he won't have his own flaws. With love, I believe a couple should be able to deal with each other's flaws and help improve one another. If we've both gained a lot of weight since marriage(and I say A LOT OF WEIGHT because there's nothing wrong with gaining weight, it's part of adulthood), then it's a phenomenon we both face, I see no reason to sugar-coat anything. Your logic would only apply if he's still looking like a stud in his 20's after 20 years of marriage while I've become this obese pig, I'd still value his honest opinion but it should not be presented in a condescending manner.

Sagamite:
You can't plan or dictate your man's physical attraction to you most times. If you can, I will suggest you write a book, I will be happy to be your Manager. It is entirely up to his natural instincts. Attraction is normally not a choice.

This is were your are naive.

He was obviously attracted before going into the marriage so I don't know what you mean by dictating his attraction. Only a foolish man goes into marriage without being attracted to the woman only to later complain. Sure, attraction does wear off in the marriage but only because the parties concerned do not put in the necessary work to keep the flame.

Sagamite:
I find it hard to believe that you will not prefer a man to take a load of you when his hands are free and watch you carry it. You sure are 1 in a million.

Indeed, I am. Like I said, if the load is not overbearing but if it is, it's only logical to help out your loved one. My father is also a man but I open the door for him if I see he has too many items in his hands to do so himself. Heck, I hold public doors for strangers, both male and female. So, what gives?

tensor777:
The truth is men are very visually oriented . So yes he would be very concerned if you  became overweight or stopped taking care of your appearance.

I may wear glasses but I'm not completely blind either. I would also be very concerned if he became overweight or stopped taking care of his appearance, not that these points you make are what the discussion was about.

5p1naz:
sorry about that. . . i already corrected my mistake. . . you can click on the first video now. . .

I see. . .I don't find it creepy.

Sagamite:
I will be damned the day I meet a girl that is comfortable and does not flinch if her man, the one she loves, not only has a problem with her physical appearance but also has the guts to say it to her face.

That is a situation where 2 plus 2 equals 7. Something wrong.

You're missing the point. If his opinion is solicited then I obviously value it and want him to be as honest as possible. Just like if he asked me, I'll be honest too. I don't mean a spouse just blurting out to the other "Oh you're fat! you disgust me". More like asking how an outfit looks on him/her for example and being honest to tell them whether or not it complements their body shape/type.

Sagamite:
Fitness does not give you the look of a girl more to his taste. It just, in most cases, make you the best you can be, not the best he that turns him on.

There's something called physical attraction. That being said, I plan to be physically attracted to whoever I'm marrying and the same goes for him. Does it make sense to you that two people who don't turn each other on would go as far as marriage?

Sagamite:
So but you want him to take what you are carrying from you?

If the weight of whatever I'm carrying isn't a huge burden on me and I'm comfortable, why should he take it from me? I'm not handicapped. Same goes for him.

Sagamite:
Most men don't like it in particular, as they are likely to be older, it does not fit culturally, and if it was a man that did it to them, lips might be busted.

So it is more an issue for men.

Depends on what culture you're talking about. And you suppose most women like it? Point is, most people don't like being talked down on and you don't get a free pass because you're a male. Age has nothing to do with anything. Respect is reciprocal. Oh I get the culture now - the Nigerian one, where every old fool deserves respect regardless of their uncouth ways. Great!

spikedcylinder:
Any relationship that demands that I be subdued can never be a successful one. Be it lover, family or friends.
That is all.

Exactly!

Sagamite:
Just like I see no reason why I have to lie to a woman that she looks good when she looks average and a bit fat. But I have no option and will have to do it anyway.

If you think it is OK to talk down to your man then you have a long way to go and probably a few marriages to go except you marry a half-man.

There you go again with the assumptions about women. Who cares if some women like to be lied to? Has nothing to do with me. If he's saying that I look good, it'd be because I actually do! Everybody is not the same. If I do get fat(which is very unlikely), I'd rather he tells me because I'd tell him too. But that's just me, I'm all about fitness and being honest to people about how they look.

Never said it was okay for a woman to talk down on her man. But do you also believe it's wrong if switched around? It's wrong to talk down on anyone you're supposedly in love with and plan to spend the rest of your life with. Point blank. Period. The problem is that many of you believe it's okay for the man since he's the head. Wrong!

Haha, naija people always sitting on a high horse. "Snubbed my husband. . my husband is very wealthy" Tsk tsk!

Arrant nonsense.

Sagamite:
So why should he regularly be assuring you that he loves you? Why should he be telling you you look nice (even when he does not think so or it is not hot enough to merit a compliment)? Why does he have to make Valentine's Day a special day for you? Why should he take any load he sees you carrying even though you are reasonably comfortable with it? Why should he spend MORE time with you when he wants to now go and see his friends after spending 4 hours with you and wants to do something else? Otherwise you are upset when he does not do all this.

Are you not a secure grown woman?

These things are mutual, i.e, I'd be doing the same for him too. Ego-pumping is more like this:

Sagamite:
You will be surprised most people's definition of submissive is more about not arguing decisions, not talking down to your husband, not making nagging everytime you do not have your way, allowing him to have the final decision (after you have stealthly shaped it to be what you want) when making joint decisions, letting him feel he has the upper hand (not we are mates or we share the trousers) etc.

Not the dictatorial stuff you put above.

You think slaves talk down on/argue with their masters? Once again, if he's secure, he'd use his judgment to know when he's making the right decisions and when he's not. This would enable him to know when my own decisions are the right ones instead of wanting me to keep quiet even at his folly because he's the HEAD. That's what being secure is all about - knowing you're not perfect . I see no reason to have a partner if her opinions don't matter and you make the FINAL decisions.

At 25, you shouldn't be living with your parents. Married or not. Maybe their noisiness is a cue for you to grow up.

Siena:
I'm going to throw the cat amongst the pigeons here.

My wife is the most important person in my life. She's the mother of my child. My mother brought me up, yes, but her position and role changed, when I got married, and of course, my wife took over the role, to some degree. If I have problems, naturally, I'd go first to my wife, before my mum.

Myself and my wife are currently the most important people in our daughter's life right now. Obviously, when she gets married, I'd expect our positions, and priorities to change, and will not begrudge my daughter putting her husband first - as a matter of fact, I'd actively encourage it.

Different folk, different strokes, I guess.

Thumbs up for this post.

[quote author=Ileke-IdI link=topic=492527.msg6537658#msg6537658 date=1281311828]Submit to him, pump up his ego, make him feel good and I assure you he'll do anything to please you. And in turn he'll try to satisfy you and find ways of making you content.[/quote]That's actually what I have a problem with. I agree with making him feel good, which should go both ways by the way. But pump his ego? What for? If he's secure, why would there be a need for that? That's like how you give candy to kids to get them to shut up. I'm assuming he's a grown man obviously, why can't he know to do the right thing without some ego-pumping? I mean do people really get into a marriage not knowing their roles? Still makes no sense.

And I'm going with the dictionary definition of the word, which mostly has to do with slave like oyinda. posted.

freshbuoy:
na d first one wey im remix be this na? ?u get anoda one ?pls send me link. .and remixing is standard practice in ragga music sef . .saw him perform d song yday at comedy club. .i dey feel d guy jare

I don't but I think the poster does.

[quote author=Ileke-IdI link=topic=492527.msg6537604#msg6537604 date=1281310689]Anywaz. . . . submission is healthy in a relationship. It's a win-win situation if the hubby is not an arsehoe. I think te married women have said it all on this thread  [/quote]And how is it healthy? People esp. Nigerians just like to force down their ideologies on others. There are marriages without this submission crap, which work just fine. Who's to determine what's healthy? Is it healthy because some women choose to live in misery thereby staying married for life, which is automatically assumed to be a lovely marriage?

Umm, I did watch the first video. What does that have to do with Kanye and the illuminati? Am I missing something here? All I saw were some white boys messing around.

@Nwaka77, lovely post. I hope some gain some enlightenment from your post. The hypocrisy is just too much. . .and they wonder why Nigeria is the way it is.

bawomolo:
you would be insecure too if your position of power is being challenge. how do you feel whites felt about the civil rights movements.

massa isnt massa anymore.

the reason invisible feels women shouldn't be educated is the same reason whites felt blacks shouldn't be literate then. education liberates the mind.

The fact that it is comparable to White Supremacy is just sad. I'm sure these noise-makers here detest racism and hate that some Whites considered them inferior. Yet they want to make another human being who they supposedly love, feel the same way. Again, this is why Africa is backward. The bible they even quote so much was introduced to them by the Westerners. So, what gives?

You're cool though. And a few other people. I feel sorry for many though - exactly the kind of people I try to avoid in real life.

hax:
How you know? It always has to be about s[i]e[/i]x with you, doesn't it? 

Ahaha. And he learns from me. I'm so proud!

hax:
srsly!

Here We Go has a TUPAC verse at the end!

Really? Ok, I'm listening to it again 

hax:
You suck.

hax:
Off Who Dat, right? Have you seen the video?

Yup. Of course I've seen the video. . .like 20 times. lol

Topics like this just show how barbaric and insecure many Nigerian men are. It's amazing!

[quote author=hax Today at2:07:55 PM]argh. That's from their older mixtape. *spanks*
Listen. NOW.[/quote]LMFAO! Ouch! You must be into some sado-masochistic stuff. "Listen NOW" coo
I tried, the second one almost put me to sleep. Phew! So, there are 3 of 'em? lol I thought it was one person.

[quote author=hax Today at2:07:55 PM]I hear it's not going to be called Cole World though.[/quote]Oh, and it's stuck in my head already. Cole world, nigga.

[quote author=hax Today at2:07:55 PM]Damn. Was kinda hoping you'd be a cougar. lol jk[/quote]SMH! I knew it. Too bad I'm 12.

[quote author=hax Today at2:07:55 PM]ugh.

Not at all. I like almost every other person he rolls with though. Curren$y, Smoke DZA, and especially Big K.R.I.T.[/quote]haha, don't worry, I don't really care about him. My girl does. But I figured he's your kinda underground rapper, well, he's not so underground anymore.

bjmighty:
Oh! You didn't get the pun

Nope, obviously. lol so what were you trying to say?

hax:
lol
So, did you listen to the Pac Div and J. Cole mixtapes?

DON'T THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN!

I listened to one song by Pac Div - Mayor. He's iight, not my flavor.
I've listened to errthang by J.Cole. . .just waiting for Cole World, y'know

hax:
I don't. But I'm sure you weren't bumping Common Sense in 92. lol

Ok, you got me.

Hey, do you like Wiz Khalifa?

Soooo. . .how do these videos correlate with the topic? I'm lost here.

For a moment, I thought it said Pac div. This one is PackFM, all these pac(k) people.
there's only one Pac.

hax:
You would have been a very young lady then too. lol

lol ya think? But you dunno my age.

[quote author=hax Today at 9:42:51 AM]you don't give head either. lol[/quote]How you know? It always has to be about s[i]e[/i]x with you, doesn't it?

[quote author=hax Today at 9:42:51 AM]yup. nice to know you like it. especially since it isn't jay-z and all.[/quote]Hey, you sound like I only listen to Jay-Z. I like other people too. lol


Bouzymill, I don't even know the song. Was I even born then?

^^^ Exactly!!

@topic, No. One should incorporate whatever method works for 'em. No two marriages are the same. All this arguing is useless.

If being subordinate works for you, great. Seeing as slavery is over, I'm all for emancipation.

[quote author=tosinaded@ link=topic=492011.msg6532068#msg6532068 date=1281210648]the quota for education in naija went down to 3% [/quote]

[quote author=hax Today at 5:31:41pm]and btw, i'm so fxcking awesome. just learnt how to embed youtube videos. lmao[/quote]Aww, how cute!

I'm no head but this song is sick!! Dope beat too.

"If I don't like it, I don't like it that don't mean I'm hating" 

Yea, ok I get it. . . not.

Can't see the video.

Yay!! I'm getting a shout-out! Yea I know, I'm late. . . I'm even late on listening to new songs from naija artists I already know. Which one be Praaahh?