₦airaland Forum

Most of you that have been following my stories since day one would have noticed most of my stories are memoirs which are narrated using the first person singular (I), plus that's getting too cliche, so I decided to challenge myself on this story and write something out of the box, please, I'll really like to know how well am doing so constructive criticisms are highly welcomed.

PEACe.

PROLOGUE.

Driving at an insanely fast speed in her 2010 Honda Accord, Zainab was forced to apply pressure on the car break when she saw something that most definitely caught her attention, a sign board which had 'KINGSTON jo!' Boldly written on it. Thanks to the highly effective breaks, the car screeched to a halt just outside the 'Kingston Jo' eatery located somewhere in Festac, and without a second thought on how her car was wrongly parked almost at the middle of the busy express way she literally jumped out of the car with rage.

The eatery was barely a week old and it's name had already spread round the entire Festac and beyond, it was known to be the perfect spot for lovers who don't give a Bleep about what people thought about them to hang out and have a peaceful lunch, the building size was somewhere between big and small and was basically built all through with solid glass, the chinese contractors who built it did a swell job to make sure the building wasn't just fine but something more than fine (,perhaps magnificent).

Somewhere in the building, close to the northern transparent glass which faced the express way, a couple could be seen playing 'lovey dovey', the man filled his fork with the well cooked jollof rice in his plate and romantically offered it to the lady across the table who gracefully opened her mouth and let him feed her, a few grains mistakenly fell on her clothes and instead of her to be pissed or something like that, she laughed sheepishly and the man joined her.

Zainab who had almost gotten to the entrance of the eatery saw as this happened and her rage instantly multiplied, she murmured something like;

"Can you imagine? And he hasn't even offered me even a grain of rice in the last century o!"

She had a last glance at the couple, the man in particular as if she was trying to confirm something before she pushed the entrance door so vigorously the hinges vibrated and stormed into the eatery, in one quick movement she teleported herself to the table where the love birds were and before the lady or the man could do anything, Zainab raised her hands and gave the lady one of those kind of slaps that can cast out demons, the lady who was slapped let a loud scream and instead of her to retaliate as any sharp Nigerian babe would do, the intensity of the slap she just received was enough to tell her not to dare slap Zainab back, so she did the only thing she could do;

"What was that for?" She asked while stylishly keeping her distance from Zainab just in case of any fatalities.

Being a typical Nigerian eatery filled with Nigerians, a small crowd quickly gathered to witness what was happening, even though no cameras could be seen around, some of the people gathered still thought it was just a movie being acted since Zainab was a familiar face to a couple of people who knew her from the popular T.V soap opera titled 'Broken Dreams'.

Zainab looked at the lady who asked the question and felt the urge to give her another slap that might have rendered the lady deaf but she controlled the urge and let out a loud hiss, she then looked at the man who had been quiet all through as if he was still surprised then said;

"Its over between me and you, I'll send you the divorce papers tomorrow morning and you had better sign it or else..." She didn't bother completing the statement but the look in her face said it all.
After saying this, she turned and walked out of the eatery leaving the crowd wondering either that was going to be a scene in the next episode of 'Broken Dreams'.

The man on the other hand was contemplating on either he should go after Zainab or not, after a few seconds he decided to go after her, but he was a little to late as he was just in time to see her enter the red Honda which he bought for her and without looking back once she stirred the car around and drove straight home.

The man walked back into the eatery, picked up his suitcase and headed for the door, the lady who he was having lunch with looked amazed and rained a thousand questions on the man;

"Who was that? What was that all about? Where are you going to? Who would pay for this lunch?"

The man took a paused in his steps, took a deep breath and replied;

"That was my wife or should I say ex-wife now, and its all your fault" without waiting for a response, he walked out of the building, entered his Nissan Murano and zoomed of out of sight in a totally different direction from Zainab, Zainab hadn't told him not to come home but he really didn't need to be told as history had told him his wife was a B•I•T•C•H, (Babe In Total Control of Herself) and he dared not try her.

TO BE CONTINUED.

[b]All Rights Reserved:
This work exclusively belongs to the author and is protected under the Nigerian copyright laww.
The Title, thoughts, plot, characters, settings, quotes and all its contents are properties of the author.
No parts of this work;
either in parts or in whole should be reproduced in any format; electronic or otherwise without permission from the author.
You can reach the writer at SNIPESMONEY@GMAIL.COM for any inquiries.

PS - I'm going to try my possible best to keep you guys updated on this my new series, please note that the story is going to be posted on my blog as well and the blog would have more features, ranging from better organization to new pictures being attached to each post, so I'll really appreciate if you guys can go and check it out and drop a comment so I'll know you guys are following. When you visit the blog, click on the "about" button to know more. I activated a mobile template so don't be scared of it zapping too much data.

Here is the link - http://www.sochistar.

© Chistar01[/b]

CHOREM: I'm also here bt no fight for front seat sha:p

heheheh.. Welcome in advance.

Gifteey100: christar nawa 4 u oo.Kudos 4 d suspense n take dis 4 not tellin wot she brought out*Gives him a heavy knock*

lol, dodges knock. *Slaps bottom*

This one only girls are replying, am I safe?

Vivy Gift: @chistar dats nyc... Count down to 9pm

TIME - 3: 30 pm. 5hrs 30min to go...

Where is Rozay? This seems like a sci-fiction story, and I don't think I've come across any story of such genre on NL, so you had better come and continue oh because you are doing something different here, and I like it.

BTW, try making your updates longer, it boosts the official look of the story.

Since the judges are analyzing the participant stories, let me also judge/ analyze the judges (NB: its just 4 fun oh! No pun intended)

@HBG - The way you judge the stories are similar to my high school english teacher, she used to take pride in using her red pen to circle and cancel almost the entire story all in the name of 'marking scripts'. Anyway, as more than one person has stated on this thread, try and cut down the length of your analysis na, you rewrote some stories all over again. Instead of correct same mistake in one story allover again, you could have just corrected one and advice the writer to make the necessary amendment.

Okay, am just saying trash and bullshi't , you doing a good job and its obvious you took your time to read each story. Frankly speaking, some stories were just impossible to read, I nearly fell asleep each time I attempted to read them (not mentioning names :p). #kudos!.

@Mazi - I fancy your style of analyzing, in contrast to HBG's style, they are short, simple and precise. You pick a story and summarize the faults in a few words, but, in certain occasions, I expected a little more since the errors in some stories couldn't possibly have been pointed out in a few words.

Nevertheless, I was actually able to pick some points from your analysis. Good job.

@the remaining judges - I'll be back 4 you when you post your analysis.

@the participants - the fact that you all were able to write something is already a plus in my book, over 20 people entered for the competition but less than that submitted their stories.
In summary, even if you aren't crowned the overall winner, just know you won in your own way.

And finally, @Foxy - my analysis won't be complete if I didn't mention your name. You weren't appointed as a judge but you some how seemed to be doing more 'judging' than the appointed judges, the way you stylishly criticize certain people some how do more good than harm so carry on , (but you dey over do am at times oh)

Bye 4 now.
#PEACe.

I'm persent!!! Nice story - proudly following, I never knew you write oh .

As 4 does of you guys asking him to space his work, am I the only one who feels the spacing is even too much? Asin, I see a paragraph after every 3/4 lines (@op work on that, space only when necesssary).

Errr.. Thanks 4 yu guys endless comments, I really appreciate.
Anyway, I've got two good news 4 you all;
1. The long awaited series titled 'B•I•T•C•H' starts today (friday) by 9pm, I'll create the thread and drop a link here , its gonna be the best story I've written so far because, I've taken my time to draft the plot in my head before putting pen to paper so spread the word and anticipate.

2. My blog would officially be launched today too by 9pm, am done creating it and posting stuffs but I just want you guys to anticipate a little longer *wink*.

I really appreciate you guys 4 your support since my very first post on any of my story thread to the last post, fans, friends like you guys are priceless and are every writer's dream.

Φk♠γ̲̣̣̥., and that's all I have to say for now, thanks and peace.

smithe113: Make i begin dey pack my load......abeg chistar reserve front seat for me

hehehe, I'll reserve a front seat 4 you[quote author=Eni~girl]Ah cnt wait...[/quote]hey! My personal person, infact come and sit on the stage, front seat is too small 4 yu

Ghyft: Tightens belt....raise brows....can i get front sit??..

sure, I'll save the biggest front seat 4 you self *wink#

TIME - 12:40am
DATE - Friday, 04 October (20 days to my birtday, counting down )
DOING? - Replying unreplied comments.

@spooky - thanks bro!(If you a sis, pardon me)
@kingphilip - you won't have to wait too long .
@perfecter4real - thanks bro! I appreciate.
@Mfemi - errr.. This version of the story has ended, for a better version which would be longer nd cooler you might have to visit my blog.

Speaking of blog and stories, I have 2 good news 4 you guys;
1. The long awaited series titled 'B•I•T•C•H' starts today (friday) by 9pm, I'll create the thread and drop a link here , its gonna be the best story I've written so far because, I've taken my time to draft the plot in my head before putting pen to paper so spread the word and anticipate.

2. My blog would officially be launched today too by 9pm, am done creating it and posting stuffs but I just want you guys to anticipate a little longer *wink*.

I really appreciate you guys 4 your support since my very first post on any of my story thread to the last post, fans, friends like you guys are priceless and are every writer's dream.

Φk♠γ̲̣̣̥., and that's all I have to say for now, thanks and peace.

eyezik3: If u work hard u go be like my guy chistar01 na confirm guy ooo, anyway nice work:*

am humbled sir.
@ms spaq, I see you.
@ruby - nice update. I can relate to that 'school being scanty' around exam periods.

Hmmm... So far, so good.
Waiting for more analysis, maybe I'll be able to pick 'MORE' stuffs.

kayemjay: .........

lol, you really had to reply '....' Right? Payback is a b1tch .
About the FP thing, congrats although its been long over due..
And, about your story, you doing a great job, you make me wish I knew how to write thriller and action stories.
Carry one, chistar is still following.

•PEACe

Damex333: Can't you all see that the judges are all females? So being a female will give you d upper hand na

lol, is that what your think? When last I checked, females are supposed to be attracted to the opposite text not the same sèx.

repogirl: damexx, r u female?

Lol, I thought I was the only one who noticed it, .

@yettocome - na so oh, I've checked it out and dropped something 4 ya on it.
@erf - me? Legend ke? Hmmmm... Am really flattered oh, thanks a lot.
@kingphilip, lol. You wanna kill me? I too have a lot of ideas concerning the story but to put it down was kinda the p, I know am a writer and writing is fun 4 me but don't we sweat and use enerygy to play? But as I've told a reader on this thread, a better version of this story would be on my blog.
@mador, yea! And you would see more on my blog.

That being said, I'm proud to annouce to you guys that the release date of my blog is October: 04: 2013. Just stick around because I'll drop the link here and the long anticipated story titled 'B•1•T•C•H kicksoff that day so be there!!'

nice one, you kept me stucked to my phone screen until I finished the post but it Seems like a nollywood script and I hate nollywood movies.Anyway, carry on. *following*

Chistar is still following. You doing a great job, more flesh to your back side

Nice story, loved that 'touch your toe' scene, reminded me of high school, #teamFEDGO #Pro unitate (I still don't get the meaning).

Okay enough whining, down to criticism *knots tie and straighten face*
Firstly, you need to work on your update length, they are annoyingly short.
Secondly, suspense isn't gotten when you keep your audience in the dark 4 too long, if you say you wanna keep your readers wondering what would happen next 4 too long, they tend to loose interest.
Thirdly, work on your punctuation, I haven't seen one apostrophe(' or " ) and yet your characters are speaking, in other words, use apostrophe when quoting what a character said.
Fourthly, try and update more often, it helps a lot.
Fifthly, don't bother about the comments, just keep on updating, at a point even the ghost readers won't be able to hold back their comments anymore.
And lastly, I know typos are almost inevitable when a story isn't proofread but try and minimize dem.

Still following

repogirl: Ruby spice, is that all? Quite short.


.

Omolola1: *in sulu's voice* ruby, ruby, ruby!
Rubyspice, is that all?

Ishilove: Ruby spice, your entry reminds me of that Bestluv sans some things sha . Quite short

lol... Ruby spice is that all?
Short buh interesting.

Hmmm... Nice end to a great story but I don't like the epilogue, would have loved funmi to get married na...

[quote author=Incredible.me]Chister.

Although i must comment u. Ur styl of writing is still anoying to me. U write like DANIELLE STEEL, ur end always makes me wana cry, u make sm1 blive love is so real (even though am still afraid to fall into), cuz dats wat is similar btw u two. But all the way i realy enjoyed it cus i had similar experience. U are a pro (fact)


i'm working on an essay to get a scholarship. i'm kinda confused here, and i need help. Can you assist me in any way you cn. I'll appreciate if u do.
Tnkz[/quote]err.. Sowie 4 annoying you oh , but love is real na, when you find it you would thank me for writing such stories.

About the essay, I really don't get it, PM me the details...

Following...

@olasha, thanks bro, I appreciate.

@chinedumo, hmmm, about d 6thsence thing, I really dnt know what I was thinking about but it was a pure error on my part.
Then about having no will to continue? Errr.. *scratches head* I'll get bac to u on dat, I'll be creating a blog next week and am going to feature this story again but am gonna re-write it and take it 4rm a different angle (its going to be based on the same Michael Odoh but pardon me when I say I'll have the 'will' dz time . Less I 4get, like Yemi wouls say, no story can be 100% true so there is a little fiction here and dere sha. Thanks all d same.

Vivy Gift: The End!

Wow! Nyc

thanks bae

princesa: Phew! Finally. You've achieved a feat and created a mark for yourself on literature section, 2 completed stories already and a large fan base of readers and followers, kudos dude, you should be proud of urself



as for the story, I've always wished i went to a boarding school because the stories that the boarders ever have to tell always intrigue me... But as it is, i wouldn't want my kids going to a boarding school still. Ironic hunh?

And...


#the phrase is actually the 'sixth sense' not 'the fifth sense'. We already have five natural senses and it is assumed that 'a sixth' sense helps people get insight, foresight, feelings or gut instincts of things than they should.


Welldone, i say again

about the sixth sense ish...thanks dear, I'll modify the post.

About the boarding school ish, I'll have loved my kids to go to one but boardings schools of nowadays are a shadow of itself already, talkless of years to come.

And having a large fan base and stuffs like that... No comment just know that my head is swelling at the moment, am waiting 4 ASUU to call of strike so that you can have the time to write a second story, am patiently waiting.

Cute bliss: Chistar why are you acting like this nah you didn't tell us what she brought out na wa ooo anyway nice story u've got here
Phew so this story don end

lol, that's the idea! Telling you guys would spoil my fun, I like to keep you guys in the dark. Thanks anyway, see ya wen I see ya.

Sanguine:

lol, yu ain't serious.

Danpersie31: Wat she brought out was a nuclear weapon dat killed all of em

nawa oh... Lmaoo

Lol, una no go kill me with laff... eiyah, I wish I could tell you guys what the 'something' was but that would spoil the fun na abi don't you guys think so?.

4 dose of you expecting a new story, err... When I start one, you guys would be d first to know as I'll post the link here and dose of you who follow me would get first hand posts of my short stories that I plan to try out.(I hope it works out)

I really appreciate all the comments I've been getting, I really appreciate Ɣ'all, you guys make me wanna write more and more.

And its a wrap Ɣ'all!

**Continuation**

So there I was, staring at the most beautiful girl in the world (or so I thought), looking confused as ever and patiently waiting to know the reason of her sudden out burst of laughter.

'Are you going to stop laughing any time soon?' I asked her already loosing my patience.

Somewhere in between her continuous laughing session she replied; 'Am sorry jhur, its just that you really need to see your face right now, you look like you gonna bite me soon'

I didn't still get was funny about that so I pushed further; 'so what's funny about that now?'

She sighed and replied; 'am just kidding with you jhur!'

'Kidding? Asin how?' I asked.

'Asin! Am Just pulling your legs'

I had an idea of what she meant but history had taught me not to jump into conclusion when it comes to issues that concerns Ife so I had to be sure before I made any rash action.

'Can you explain what exactly you mean by pulling my legs?' My face was straight.

She sighed..' you really need to lighten up oh, I mean I love you too'

'Love me too? Asin are you indirectly saying yes to me?'

She 'hmmed' and nodded in response with a shy smile planted on her face.

I mentally found my self screaming out of joy and before I knew what I was doing my lips fell on hers, as soon as this happened, I snapped back to reality and immediately withdrew my lip mumbling an apology for kissing her that way and stup'idly saying it was a mistake but as I was blabbing she leaned over and gave me the best kiss of my life.
We finally agreed it was best we let go of our lips after approximately ten minutes of continuous intense kissing, I think I even had blisters on my lips afterwards.

When we were done, she looked at me and started giggling, I unconsciously joined her, as a matter of fact we had no reasonable reason to even laugh but there is something about being truly in love with someone that can't really be explained and this was one of those unexplainable something.

'Michael' she suddenly called my name.

'Yea?'

'I love you...'

I knew what she wanted me to reply but I mischievously and jokingly replied; 'I know you do, everybody that has come across me always falls for me'

She got the joke and just hissed; 'what are you now feeling like?'

I just smiled and winked at how in response, the as expected another moment of silence followed after which we started making out again and just when I was about trying something naughty with my hands ...

'Michael!' Dolls called from the window side.

I immediately withdrew my lips and without looking at him I asked why he called my name.

'You no wan go for food? Time na already almost 7pm!'

'What tha Bleep!' Was all I could say, I had spent so much time with Ife that I had barely realized time had flown so fast.

Few minutes later, I, Ife, Dolls and his new GF headed to the dining hall for dinner, the only problem was, I was too excited that hunger was the last thing on my mind.

'So Ife is now mine and mine for good?' I smiled as I thought about it while staring at people on my table rolling big balls of fufu and after dipping it in the egusi soup, magically teleport it to their mouth.

***

I and Ife dated till late SS 2 (a year plus) before we broke up, or should I say - before she broke up with me? Why did we break up? Let's just say everything about me changed.

At the end of SS 2 when the SS 3 students had already graduated, I had already become quite popular in school due to the fact that I strangely became brilliant and started doing very well academically plus steadily coming out on top of my class and secondly, I also somehow figured I could rap thus becoming very social able and you know what happens when you excel both socially and academically right? Fame and popularity comes with it.

I'm not proud to say it but somewhere along the line, I started cheating on Ife and even though she never caught me red handed, there is nothing hidden under the sun. The international headquarter of gossiping was FEDGO so I'm sure she somehow heard about my 'back yard' packages and also, there is something about most girls that I think I've noticed - 'girls ain't as dumb as most boys think, they know when they are being cheated on no matter how protective or care we guys think we are, I'm guessing its like a fifth sense thing or perhaps just and instinct, the only thing is some of them are patient and they give we the guys enough chances to right our wrongs before taking actions, (some are really dumb though)', so I guess Ife was one of those with the fifth instinct.

As expected, I regretted loosing her but hey! Life goes on. The problem is I became scared of relationships and commitments so I started playing around with girls and stuffs like that, then slowly it became more of habit and well... You know the rest.

Okay, enough about Ife and my love life let's talk about something different.

***

FEW WEEKS INTO SS 3.

It was an assembly, a school general assembly, its was unusually boring as the principal had a lot of unnecessary things to say and kept on talking for almost an hour, I could feel my legs getting weak due to the fact that I had been standing for too long, and yet the old man with the mic hadn't shown any sign of dropping the microphone anytime soon. Dolls stood right at my front while Efe was at my back, he occasionally slumped on my shoulder in an attempt to sleep but I shook him off vigorously each time, that was the state of the entire assembly until something was said which caught everyone in the hall attention;

' ... So where is Mr Bamidele?' The principal asked no one in particular.

Almost immediately, a man who wore a green polo top and tucked it in his ash pant trousers (can you imagine? Polo and pant trousers?) walked briskly to the stage where the principal stood and after being directed in silence, he nodded and picked up a file from the table on the stage and after clearing his throat, he took the microphone from the principal and said;

'This are the names of the 20** set school perfects, if you name is called please walk up to the stage immediately'
The atmosphere in the hall instantly became electrifying, people started murmuring and those who were expecting to be called started adjusting their clothes, as for me, I couldn't care any lesser about who the named perfects or not, I was sure my name wasn't going to be called when there were more suitable people, or so I thought.

'For the females, the new labour prefects are: Nwaru Amaka of chad house, Ofojebe Chidinma of cross house, Lawal Doyin of niger house and Akinwunmi Shola' the four girls some how fought their way through the crowd and appeared on the stage, so stupi'd people clapped for them but as stated earlier, I didn't give a Bleep.

Same procedure was followed for the male labour prefects, Library prefects, house prefect but I got a shocker when it got to position of chapel prefect.

'This are the names of the chapel prefects: Jegede Busayo, Olaosebikan Sandra and Odoh Michael'

In my subconscious state of not giving a Bleep about what was happening, I heard someone call my name so I tapped Dolls and asked him;

'Why you dey call my name?'

He bursted out in laughter and replied;

'Call your name ke? You dey mad abi you just deaf? Na Bam-Bam call your name o!' He replied still laughing and not even trying to control the laughter.

'Call my name for what? So after hin punish us for entering girls hostel on saturday night hin still carry the case reach here?' I asked in disgust because some days ago, I, Dolls and some other guys decided we needed to see how the girls hostel was, so we jumped the fence at night and we were caught by Mr Bamidele who took down our names and punished us severely.

'Ode! So you no dey hear wetin the man dey call? Na names of prefects na' he replied smiling now.

'Me? Prefect? Prefect of what?' I asked in confusion

'Chapel na'

I bursted out in laughter because it sounded like a very nice joke to me, but my laughter was cut short by the voice of My Bamidele who said;

'Is Odoh Michael not in the assembly hall?'

I became shocked as I heard that and a thousand and one eyes fell on me, I took a deep breath and walked up to the stage and stood beside Jegede Busayo.

I couldn't believe it, me! Michael! Chapel prefect, am sure its a mistake, a big one but after asking around and it was confirmed.

Dolls was given the social prefect badge and Efe was made a house captain but I was made a Chapel prefect, funny right?

Being the chapel prefect didn't make me stop anything but only made me to be more careful, my tenure came and went quickly without much hazzles, as a matter of fact, I loved the post as it gave me this 'good boy' look.

***

END OF SESSION. SS3.
A DAY TO GRADUATION.

School had been so much fun, it all started with me being a troublesome kid who also ended up entering wahala so often that I thought someone from my village was responsible, then slowly I adapted to that, then the case of me performing poorly at school, I some how conquered that too, then let's not forget the my experience with girls, how I transformed from shy me to unshy me (I think that was the highlight).

So when I was done with my W.A.E.C examinations and I knew I had just few hours before I left the school for good, I started going around and righting my wrongs, I confessed to Dolls on how I was the one who put super glue on his lips one night when he was sleeping (I was just kidding), then I asked Ife and other girls who I had wronged for their forgiveness, which they all granted me reluctantly, but who cares if its reluctantly or not? My own is I was forgiven.

I ended up gisting with Dolls all trough the night, we kept on talking and laughing over how fun school was, I didn't even know when I slept off.

***

'Please lets give a round of applause as Odoh Michael comes forward' The M.C urged the occupants of the hall to clap for me but no one but the M.C actually clapped for me.

I looked round to make sure everyone was still alive and awake and they were;

'So why aren't this people clapping?' I asked myself and at the same time wishing the floor would just open and swallow me.

I sluggishly walked up to the stage and everyone had their eyes on me as I moved, as I took my package from the MC, I saw Ife stand up and walk towards me slowly, I could sense something sinister about he movement but I wasn't sure until she got right to the front of me and it was then I saw it, she pointed a gun to my head and said;

'Cheat! Liar! You think you can break my heart and go scot free, think again' and then ...

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I woke up in my room, with a loud scream and was sweat like a christmas goat, I looked at the time an it was 9am, and my valedictory ceremony was to start by 10am.

After saying a quick prayer I ran to the bath room and prepared for the ceremony.

In few minutes, I was set to go, I looked dashing in a set of new school uniform I had saved for that purpose, Dolls and Efe who were already set to go but waiting for me weren't looking that bad so together we all walked out of the hostel and straight to the assembly hall without saying any word, we didn't even know what to say.

The assembly hall was packed and filled to the brim just like I had seen it in my dream, with everyone in the exactly where there were in the dream.

The same procedure was followed but when my name was called, the clap was even more thunderous than the head boy's own, I felt so proud but just as I turned to walk back to me sit, Ife was right behind me and I came face to face with her.

I had same same sinister feeling as I had in the dream an to top it all, Ife wasn't laughing and just as I was about to walk pass her she held me back and dipped her hand to bring out something.

THE END.