₦airaland Forum

lao:
Wife did not like the fact that there was no wow moment whenever anyone who heard she was married see it. She decided to buy herself a white gold diamond

ring which actually brought the wow factor ( that is how I got to know about the gist ) Well everyone had complimented her on the ring and how lovely it looks.

I've gone from amazement to sympathy. So the wow factor outside the home is more important than peace inside the home.

I'm completely with the man on this one. Having said that, perhaps he should have married a woman as down to earth as he is who doesn't really care about peer pressure/keeping up with the Jones's.

Hahahahaha! Maybe the girl had a real issue that she wanted advice about. Now you've all chased her away.

Chei! Anyway, Aussie's will vex tire if they see what someone has labelled as Australian spelling.

I'm always amazed at the value that women place on the substance as opposed to the symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring.

They need to create a special Nobel prize in marketing and give it to the people that came up with the slogan "diamonds are a girls best friend".

Na wa for the amount of grief the wrong type of ring can cause!

Misandry!

Issues like this in Nigeria can sometimes be tricky given the many holes in our justice system.

However, if the couple are able to have the title to the property in their joint names it may go a long way in securing her position should anything happen to her husband.

OP, spiritual tolerance is important so try to accommodate your wife to a certain extent.

However, spiritual tolerance works both ways. Unfortunately, I've discovered that the really zealous and fanatical ones are the most spiritually intolerant. They are not interested in the views of those that aren't as zealous as they are.

It appears that the issue of speaking in tongues/prophecies is just a symptom of a much bigger faith based divide in your relationship. I wish you the best in sorting that out.

ileobatojo:
Abeg let me clarify my position for those that have reading comprehension issues. I have no problem with vouching for one’s husband. That is complete and utter trust in your partner and kudos to the couple who have this. My main gripe (which I stated in my posts) with the OP was in vouching for her father and father in law as well. Very soon she will vouch for her husband’s 4 brothers too. lol

I would tend to agree with this position. While being able to stand up for the integrity of our loved ones is an act of love, most people do not go about publicising the skeletons in their cupboards making it difficult to pin that 100% mark on anyone apart from those we have the most intimate relationships with (i.e. husband/wife). Even then, errors of judgement have been known to happen.

The truth is, there are VERY few things outside of our own experiences that we can vouch for 100%.

The most important thing is that we can see the characters of these people and use them as role models, whether or not they have made mistakes in the past.

The most successful marriages will always be between 2 selfless people who are thinking as much (or even more) about what they can give as they are about what they can receive.

I always worry when I see that people have put a lot of thought into what they want from a partner and how he/she is supposed to make them feel and wonder whether they've put as much thought into what they themselves will offer such a partner.

Unfortunately, marriage is not some sort of panacea. Most people that have a hump on their shoulder as singletons, will still have that hump on their shoulder as married people. The only difference is that this time they'll be convinced that it's their spouses fault.

As for me, I got married because I found someone I was ready to begin the family journey with. To be frank, I went into marriage treating it as an open book. I was (and still am) confident that I had found a good woman and we had each others best interest at heart. As for all other details, we have learnt and continue to learn them within the marriage and by God's ability.

Based on the relationships married couples should have, a substantial dowry has no place in the modern society.

However, a token dowry can still be maintained for the traditional engagement/traditional wedding just out of the appreciation or respect for traditional ceremonies. Most married couples will testify that the money is much better spent within the new marriage for a young couple just finding their feet in the world.

Joagbaje:
Life is based on choices and callings. If God calls me to serve among the peasants, so be it. I will forsake the city life and fulfill my calling. If God clls me to minister to the big boys flying first class so be it. Everybody should focus on their assignment and stop judging another.

The apostles live the life they lived some denied themselves marriage and other pleasure. It's between them and their master.

Lol! And if God calls you to minister to the air hosts/hostesses serving on private jets, you are also available.

Oh and one more thing, davidylan, what you wrote about cooking egusi soup is quite clear for all to understand. I think some peeps are just intent on winding you up.

The classic 50:50 argument. Marriage is not mathematics.

For most people it probably takes a while to settle into a comfortable routine for both partners. For the OP, since it looks like she's struggling, the answer is to get the husband involved in some way to ease the burden.

I agree with Ajanlekoko, many of the seemingly cleverly thought out and theoretical responses are probably from people who haven't experienced marriage yet.

Mobinga:
God damn.

Too bad he's not the only one that cannot speak correct English let alone write.

Ask most people who spend their time on Twitter and Facebook what the differences are between ;

you, your, you're
were, we're, where, wear
they're, their, there

. . . you would be shocked, and some of these students actually use ur in exams.

Spot on. The most common error being the difference between lose and loose.

The issue is much wider than we can imagine.

It's sad that it happened this way, but there's absolutely no excuse for it to happen again.

The authorities that were not pro-active enough in the face of growing bomb threats now need to react by giving proper training and equipment to bomb disposal units.

Laws concerning women continue to be influenced by hypocritical and mysogynistic men who regard women as second class citizens.

Kudos to Delta Women and other groups that are fighting for women's rights in Nigeria.

I personally do not place much value on the West's opinions about free and fair elections in Africa. I have had a long conversation with a disillusioned (white British) election observer who has observed elections in Rwanda, Angola and some Eastern European countries.

He gave his detailed opinion on someone like Paul Kagame who is now a darling of the West. This election observer talked about how so many irregularities were glossed over or hardly reported in Rwanda just because the West like Paul Kagame.

I try to be objective, and I'm highly aware of the things that need to be corrected in our relations with the West. However, it is this same objectivity that does not allow me to put Mugabe or his words in any good light. I call it as I see it. Logic over sentiments and emotions.

Free and fair elections are self explanatory.

Let's not delude ourselves about the elections in Zim. Thankfully some of us know the real story on the ground. I don't need CNN or BBC to explain the Zim situation to me. There are numerous stories that we have listened to from people on the ground. Perhaps these people are white colonialists as well for simply wanting to exercise their right to vote for whoever they wish.

Would this have elicited any response if the plane wasn't carrying the Minister of Agriculture?

GenBuhari:
Criticism without offering alternative solution, just leaves you looking like you are defending the racist white colonial masters.

Only someone with an unhealthy fixation on race would think that criticising Mugabe = defending the racist white colonial masters.

I'm open to discussing alternatives, the no1 being the conduct of free and fair elections without intimidation and violence. I have held many discussions of altenatives with my Zim network.

However, you go to Zim and find out what has happened to those who have openly offered these alternative solutions.

all4naija has offered alternative solutions and you responded by suggesting he was a white man pretending to be black. Let's stop pretending that you and the Mugabe supporters are interested in any alternative solutions.

If one wants to help a partner to pay off their debts and start on a clean slate of financial discipline, then that's not a bad thing.

However, continually rescuing a partner because of their lack of financial discipline is a recipe for disaster. Money is one of the major things that breaks down relationships.

^^^
I can NEVER be ashamed of criticizing Mugabe because I have seen first hand the amount of suffering that his badly handled land reclamation policy has caused our fellow black Africans!

It sounds selfish, but may sometimes be necessary. Each couple needs to figure out what works for them.

My former boss told me that after they had their first child, during a mid-wife visit, the mid-wife took one look at him and actually ordered him to sleep in a different room just so he can get some rest. Apparently he looked like a zombie (up for most of the night and then working throughout the day).

Personally, my wife, baby and I have been sleeping in the same room and it's worked for us. My wife has offered a couple of times for them to sleep in a different room, especially when my work schedule is quite busy, but I haven't felt it necessary.

However, I wouldn't begrudge any man that took that opportunity as long as they don't abuse it.

AjanleKoko:
Yeah.
But passion without a strategic focus won't go anywhere.
We can't keep burning energy on 'fighting' the white man, as justified as this might seem to us.

I agree. That's why I don't subscribe to Mugabe's methods (or words). He's very good at stirring up passion, but as you've rightly said, without strategic focus, it can be very destructive.

^^^
This passion, well directed, can make a tremendous positive impact.

Lwandle:
Well is it not you guys who go around talking and making it appear that Zimbabwe is such a basket case everyone wants out?
If it was so then there wouldn't be any whites there now would there?
You wouldn't see them crying their eyes out on their way back to Blighty or wherever because they were leaving home!!!!!!
Coming overseas actually made them appreciate more what they had always taken for granted!!


WELL if you are a black african then shame on you brother for being so blinkered and not being able to see why its important to own your own resources!!
We all know when the basket of currencies became legal tender and we all know MDC had bleep-all to do with it since they were not in gvt at the time it was tabled through parliament!!

Some wanted out and some were forced out which is why the number of whites reduced! No only that, blacks also wanted out, with some estimates claiming that up to a third of the population found their way to the neighbouring countries and the West.

Your "blinkered" statement does not apply to me, so there's no shame on me brother. None of my posts negates the importance of owning our own resources.

Challenging failed methods of achieving our common goals is not a bad thing. Mugabe's methods have failed!

Fact: Land re-distribution was and still is necessary because of the unequal and unfair legacy from colonialism.

Fact: Mugabe messed it up big time because of the haphazard, emotionally charged and highly corrupt way he did it, thereby creating a nation of "starving billionaires".

You proudly state that Zanu-PF introduced the multi-currency, but fail to see the irony in Mr Mugabe's USD spending stance against the West.

Some further details. Due to disagreements, Tsvangirai's MDC didn't join the GNU till Feb 2009. Zim's multi-currency system was also formalised in Feb 2009 (before that people had been using USD informally ie not officially sanctioned, so much so that we were threatened, by someone we suspected was a govt official, for openly spending USD). This information is publicly available!

Lwandle:
CLAUS we all know that the WHITE population has reduced compared to 10 or 20 years ago but nowhere near the rate it reduced in the lead up to and just after independence in 1980.
Whites ran as if having a black leader would blacken them even further lol!!!![/b]By and by I have white relatives through marriage and my great-grandmother was mixed race thanks to your ancestors not being able to keep their filthy hands off our mothers!

With all the racial segregation that was there care to tell us where the mixed race populations came from? It was all black women being abused by[b] you white folk, (Apologies for digressing),

Zimbabwe did not stabilize because of the Unity government it stabilized because the then ZANU PF government (yes you hear me right) introduced the multi-currenciesas you mention but a flippin good 3 months before those sell-outs in the MDC joined the government.
With one simple fell swoop our enemies couldn't attack our currency anymore and put paid to their nefarious activities on our money markets.

Very TRUE the WEST will always do whats best for their multi-nationals (first) their populations (second). Its all about permanent interests isnt it Claus and they care not a damn about HUMAN RIGHTS, DEMOCRASY, RULE of LAW etc as long as they get their INTERESTS served,
So why should we believe all their bullshit when they come to us as PARAGONS of VIRTUE? We know they dont give a poo about us only about our resources, and whoever owns the damned LAND owns the RESOURCES above and below that land!!!

So why should we let those thieving conniving bastards keep our lands and resources and make us mere chattels on our ancestral lands
Do we tell the bastards how to manage their lands and resources in Europe, Americas, Australia etc so what gives them the audacity to come and lecture US on how to run our own affairs

We are AFRICANS with different values and culture from you guys so stop trying to force us to do things just to benefit your greedy asses!!!

Firstly, if you agree that the number of whites have reduced compared to 10-20 years ago, then what was your point about there being "white people all over the place"?

Secondly, I'm not white. I'm a black African.

Thirdly, the GNU was formed in September 2008 and at that time USD, GBP and Rand were NOT legal tender. I was there.

Lwandle:
JUSTWISE what do you know of Zimbabwean history my friend?

I was just there this new year and the numbers of white people all over the place has to be seen to be believed,
That country is moving forward despite what the haters in the WEST and puppets like yourself have to say.

I travelled from South Africa to Botswana and then to Zimbabwe,

All I can say is GOD has blessed us abundantly with everything we need to move to the next level.

People are moving and leaving the HATING to shallow and naive internet haters like yourself,

MUGABE spoke TRUTH and if AFRICA is not careful we will be soon recolonised and brutally sooooo whilst educated fools like yourself spout SELF HATE all over the place!!

Your point about the number of whites in Zim only makes sense if you'd been there 10 to 20 years ago, then you can compare the numbers then to now. It has reduced.

Zim (and other southern African countries) has always had a relatively high white population compared to West African countries. I'm pretty sure that a West African's first impression of Zim would be amazement at "the numbers of white people all over the place".

Your claim about Zim moving forward has nothing to do with Mugabe. Zim was at rock bottom around 2008 (I was there) and has only started inching upward since the government of national unity (GNU) - which involves the real presumed winner of the presidential elections, Morgan Tsvangirai - was formed and the foreign currencies (USD, GBP, Rand etc) became legal tender.

Mr hypocritical "let's stand up to the West" Mugabe spends USD in his own country!

There are those saying we shouldn't attack the person of Mugabe, but we should listen to his words. I say we cannot accept the words of a man whose methods have been disastrous for his own country.

The West will always do what's best for their population, so I strongly believe we need to re-think our stance with them. However, it must not be in the haphazard, asset grabbing, emotionally crazed way Mugabe has gone about it. That way is destructive and that's why Mugabe's words are useless to me.

GenBuhari:
@justwise
Are you saying that you have researched Zimbabwean history over the last 35years?

Does it not concern you that as a black African you have taken the exact same position of the racist white colonial masters?

I never answered your questions? It was because I never knew rhetorical questions required answers.


Ask them again and I would try and answer them.

I'm amazed these discussions are still going on. My Zimbawean wife and I have had a good laugh at some of the pro-Mugabe comments on here. Mugabe the nationalist WAS a hero in Zimbabwe, but not any more.

I share the same view as Justwise.

When you talk about researching 35 years of history, my father-in-law is in his 60's, so he lived through that history and still lives in Zim. We have talked for hours about Zim, so you need to drop the "your views are formed by BBC and CNN" talk.

The question of voting PDP or not is a very short term issue and won't bring much difference to Nigeria's political environment.

It's when the cream of the population start to get involved in grassroots politics that we'll begin to see some change. We need the brightest and the best to start proving themselves in the local council, local government arenas. Once all these local councils are densely populated by the very best, in years to come, this caliber of politicians will start bubbling up to the top of political parties. As it is the leaders of the other major opposition political parties are no better than PDP leaders.