₦airaland Forum

The people that Toolz interviews always try to match her fone. See how Ms Dike was rolling her r's. Na wa o!

One side of this argument has been spun so much that I don't think some people know what they're arguing about again.

Simple case, woman being asked to visit her "uncle" to collect a deposit in a hotel in the Nigerian banking context..PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!

Why are we acting like we don't know how the banking industry is rife with powerful men trying to take advantage of female marketers?

Agreed, the poster has not mentioned that the transaction will take place in the hotel room. However, upon arriving at the hotel, if the "uncle" asks her to come up to the room, she should flat out refuse. As a safety net, the husband should accompany his wife to the hotel.

Let's not over complicate the issue or ignore the Nigerian banking context that both the marketer and the "uncle" are operating in.

ldpele: keep moving from church to church,dnt keep ua Bottom one place,mayb u might end up opening ua own n u ll tell us here how mch tithe n offering u av giving to the poor

How does being in Christ Embassy for many years equal moving from church to church? You just commented on something you know nothing about.

Why should I tell you about how much tithe and offering I'm giving to the poor and what does that have to do with my explanation of the process behind the "bestselling" label that's put on Rhapsodies?

The poor quality of the content of your statement is matched only by the poor quality of the style it's written in.

PapaBrowne: How about if you read hard,come up with ideas about a subject and write a book then go on to sell millions of copies? Do you have the right to buy a private jet?
Forbes said Rhapsody(the daily devotional from Pastor Chris) sells 2 Million dollars worth month. Should that be classified as Charity? The guy writes a book and it sells well. Don't you think the proceeds from the book belongs to him??
I don't believe church offerings & tithes in a small church like Pastor Ayo's( Less than 20,000 members in all)would ever be able to buy a private jet even if you save it all for 3 decades.

My only other comment would be to say that this is not the true commercial reflection of the sales of the books. I was in Christ Embassy for many years. Most Rhapsodies are bought by members as a form of partnership with the intention of giving them out for free to the public. There are still hundreds of Rhapsodies from as far back as 2004 that our local church (at the time) stored in our garage coz they hadn't been given out.

Most committed adult members would buy 10-50 Rhapsodies each per month at £2 per Rhapsody. They take some away to distribute (free) individually and sometimes leave some for the church to distribute (free) corporately. This is the unknown process behind it being a "bestseller".

PapaBrowne: When you go through a church you see lots of big cars, chubby looking fellows and well dress folks. You hardly see poverty, I can tell you that for sure.

In one instance, you hardly see poverty when it suits your argument.

PapaBrowne: How much do tithes and offerings contribute to a church really. Its very meagre. Pastor Ayo has just one church no branches per say and its based in Warri. It has maybe like maximum of 20,000 members. Half that population would be children. Another half would be jobless stay at home moms with no salary whatsoever. Add that to the numerous graduates without jobs. You might end up with 5000 tithe paying members.

In this other instance, there are many people (even excluding children) who don't have jobs and can't tithe, when it suits another argument.

Which one is it?

It's not all down to race.

I'm not sure about Hispanics, but black voting for the Democrats has hovered around the 90% mark for decades!

Mynd_44: Now you are simply running round in circles

Really? Because I can see things in a balanced way?

One group wants to present a general negative view of feminists, one group wants to present a general positive view. A balanced view equals running around in circles?

I'M OUT!!!

Mynd_44: And how high are the cases of feminists being terrible mothers to justify the question the OP asked.

From the story you have read there, do you think the woman is mentally or emotionally stable? Who in her right mind would just lump every man in the universe together and say they are the cause of the world'd problems and should be castrated?

Have we not seen mothers who are not feminists and are bad mothers?

To the first question, I agree that the OP has at best worded his question wrongly and at worst made a generalisation against feminists.

For the second question, like I said, it's a matter of opinion. From the little I read, I see an emotionally unintelligent woman who is prone to hypebole. You see a mentally unstable woman. So be it.

Finally, yes there are mothers who are not feminists and are bad mothers.

I reject the generalisation of feminists in the same way I reject the "isolated case" argument. My thoughts are that an aspect of feminism has done well in bringing about equality of legal rights and the social status of women. Unfortunately, another aspect has bred some level of misandry.

Mynd_44: Actually, that was an isolated case of a mentally unstable mother.

There are lots of feminists who are wonderful mothers

This is the best way to silence anyone in the category of Edgar van de Giessen. Label his situation as isolated and his mother as mentally unstable.

Ultimately it's a matter of opinion, one person reads the article and thinks the woman is emotionally unintelligent. Another reads it and decides she is mentally unstable. I say mentally unstable is a rather extreme conclusion based only on what we've read.

Also, how do we assert that this was an isolated case? How many people would speak PUBLICLY speak against their mothers and how would we get to hear?

Sure, lots of feminists are wonderful mothers, but how low does the percentage of terrible feminist mothers have to be for us to say "let's not worry about those ones?"

oyin50: Claus, uju, debrief, you all won o.k. All I'll say finally is God should give some folks real good money. God bless you all.

So it was all about winning and losing?! Why bother to comment in the first place?

The women that go out, work, are financially resourceful, and are still able to maintain a solid home on the domestic front are hailed as super women. Yet the man that is able to do something similar is supposed to be an embarrassment!?!

Abegi!!!

oyin50: It honestly makes no sense at all especially the lady who's leveraging the compulsive chore enforcement on her hussy on the platter of bill splitting. I know wealthy women who still does these duties. In my own opinion the men are lazy and are less resourcesful. You should take pride in being provisional to your family. Mr. claus I'm ready for this

You better be ready coz there are lots of people ready for you!

^^^
We're an embarrassment to you, but not to our wives. I guess that's all that really matters.

So divorce rates are going up and depression levels going higher because men are now helping their wives with domestic chores?

One good thing about this thread is that even women are now coming out to talk about how helpful their husbands are in the home. This is positive and a good contrast to the many instances where men are just castigated.

jidegirl12: Almost $2k a month ! For just one kid?

Well, if you convert, then approx $1.6k a month, yes for just one child. Our daughter's nursery gives a discount of 5% or 10% (can't remember) for your second child

yankidelta: Did you actually mean 70dollars a day for a childs upkeep?Then one wonders how much you earn? find that to be an exaggeration anyway.

$70 a day for child care i.e. nursery. Very normal. We pay £50 a day here per child, approx £1k a month.

Ujujoan: Please don't take it back, you just convinced me . . . you ARE a new age guy!

Chai! I must mark this day, 8/11/2012, as a great day for me on Nairaland. Lol!

Ujujoan: Still didn't answer my question . . .

Okay to put it in another way . . . If you both stayed home all day, doing nothing, and someone had to go vacuum the house, who would it be

I did though. I said if it's microwaving, it could be either of us. It's somewhere there in my post.

On the vacuuming front, it is extremely rare for one of us to be doing something while the other is just lounging. So if she had to vacuum, I'd be doing something else (probably cleaning the toilet ) and if I had to vacuum, she'd be doing something else.

Ujujoan: Good answer . . . make a great deal of sense, logically!

But then again the idea that you would quit your job if the tables were turned is easier said than done. Highly unlikely!

When you stayed home to take care of your lil girl, why do you think your wife 'thanked' you? It's because she thinks you are doing her a favour? She really shouldn't think that way cos it should be your responsibility as well as hers . . .

On the job front, we are both quite career minded, so it's highly unlikely either of us would quit a career to stay at home. It was a hypothetical question and therefore a hypothetical answer.

On my wife thanking me, I think the issue has now been reversed. The original issue was about men expecting to be thanked. That wasn't the case. My wife thinking I was doing her a favour is now from the woman's perspective of which I have little control. I know my wife though and I don't think she felt I was doing her a favour, she is just naturally quite expressive like that.

Ujujoan: LMAO . .

Well from your post you appear to be, but I seriously doubt it!

OK ma! I take back my claim to being a new age guy. LOL!

Ujujoan: When I said 'Being thanked' in this context, I was referring to being praised for 'helping'.

Since you claim to be a new 'guard', I have a couple of questions for you . . .


1. If someone had to stop work and be a stay at home parent, who would it be? You or your wife?

2. If someone had to go to the kitchen and micro wave dinner when you both came home from work AT THE SAME TIME, who will it be?

Apologies, when I saw "being thanked", I interpreted it to mean.. being thanked. A simple mistake that anyone can make.

1) If someone had to stop work permanently and be a stay at home parent, it would be my wife. It's a very logical decision. I earn almost triple what my wife earns. It would be a foolish financial decision if we decided it should be me that stays at home. If the incomes were reversed and someone HAD to give up their job it would surely be me.

On a related matter, our daughter was ill yesterday, so after discussing our current workloads in the office, we decided that I would stay at home to look after her. As an aside, my wife thanked me, although inside I didn't feel it was necessary.

2) My wife and I have both have different specialisations when it comes to domestics. On the cooking front she takes the majority, so on any given day it's likely she'll do the cooking. If it's microwaving, then it could be either of us. I normally do weekend breakfast. I also throw down some of our nice Naija meals occassionally (my wife's from Zim).

On a few other fronts, I take the majority e.g. she HATES cleaning the toilet/bathroom, so I always do it. I can't go into too much detail so it doesn't appear formulaic, but we share.

PS: I didn't actually claim to be new guard, but I do now.

Ujujoan: But still when a man does chores, he expects to be thanked because he thinks he's 'helping'. It really shouldn't be that way. Men need to start seeing these things as part of their own responsibilities rather than a favour to their wives.

Slight generalisation there. Your statement is true of the "old guard", but with the "new guard" the attitude is different. I caveat that by adding that the new guard in Nigeria are behind their Western counterparts.

In any case, being thanked is a healthy part of marriage as it stops people being taken for granted. Anyone that throws down a good meal etc should be thanked.

^^^
Hahahaha.. classic case and same in my house. My wife's domestic standards are so much higher than mine.

A lot of the things I do, it's because I know it'll keep her happy (and therefore allow for peace in my home ). If it was entirely up to me, we would be doing a lot less domestic work. I'm quite lazy in that regard.

^^^
Always good to read something positive about men.

I think there may be a difference between the Nigerian men living in Nigeria and those living in the West.

The rate of change within Nigeria is probably slower. In the West, it's a necessity as there are fewer opportunities for househelps or younger live in relatives, so all domestic chores are on the heads of the husband and wife. Men in the West (Nigerian or otherwise) therefore tend to take domestic responsibilities a lot more seriously.

Marriages are desigend for a lifetime, 50, 60, maybe 70 years. It's crazy not to be honest with someone from the very start.

For your friend who told the truth and had to endure the guy slandering and leaving her, fortunately for her that was her sign that he wasn't the one for her. Unfortunately for her, she had to learn that lesson in a painful way. I believe that sort of guy would have manifested that behaviour eventually for other reasons.

Honesty is the best policy, on the presumption that the person has truly changed. The right person for you will stay.

mondi_cheeks: if he had to part with such a large amount, he was obviously the cause of the breakdown of the marriage so i dont see what the fuss is about

Is this factual?!?

This is such a misandrist, sexist statement that it is unbelievable!

This thread is funnnnyyyyyyy!!!
We're 24 pages into the topic "Disadvantages Of Being Pretty"! Na so pretty girls plenty reach?

Anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Even if it's just one person that thinks you're pretty, don't let anyone else convince you otherwise.

In response to the topic, one big disadvantage is that pretty girls find it hard to be humble. Most stunning girls tend not to be down to earth. There are some, but they are rare. Also some show their down to earth side only after knowing you for a loooonng time.

I'm married, but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't waste too much time being friendly with a stunning girl if she acted aloof. I'm always quite friendly, but if I notice it's met with aloofness, I just pull back, because it doesn't take much for a pretty girl to believe you're in love with her.

Efemena_xy: Again, this question wasn't directed at you either.

You're intelligent enough to see where I'm heading at with my line of questioning.

I want the @poster to come here, speak up for himself and define his concept of "togetherness", "partnership" and "trust" in marriage.

If he does "trust" her so much like he declares, then what stops him from amending the title deeds to include the "love of his life". Does that not contradict the concept of sharing? What's wrong with including her name in it? Is she not the mother of his kids?

Unless of course, you're indirectly telling us here that he doesn't trust her enough to extend ownership of what belongs to "him" to become "theirs"??

The word HYPOCRITE is being totally redefined on this thread!

Yes, a simple "yes" or "no" should suffice.

It's an open forum. People respond to whatever they want to. A simple "yes" or "no" will not suffice and is certainly not fair where someone has the chance to explain their own point while the other is just supposed to answer yes/no to closed questions!

The word hypocrite is being redefined on this thread to mean what exactly?

If trust is your defining word, then who makes the request for someone to go back and change title deeds. Is it the person that trusts, or the one suffering from a lack of trust.

One of your first posts insinuates that his wife doesn't trust him. It's now gone full circle to insinuate that HE doesn't trust her.

I'm out with my responses, but curiousity will make me keep coming back to read where you land on this carousel.

Efemena_xy: ^^ You haven't answered the question I asked you.

Based on your concept of "togetherness" and "Partnership". Is your wife's name included in the Title Deeds of your house / property??

A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.

A simple "yes" or "no" would not suffice since there was a need to clarify the circumstances behind the purchase i.e. he bought it as a single guy. If there is/was a loan attached to the property, perhaps the poster can also give you a yes/no answer about whether his wife's name is included in the loan.

Also, are you saying that if a couple do not retrospectively change the ownership of any tangible assets they had while they were single, then the concept of togetherness and partnership do not apply to them? NA WA O!

This is really clutching at straws. The valid points that the poster made have been completely ignored. The new angle is now about the house he bought while he was single.

Another question you could ask is how much the poster is supporting his wife through her Master's degree. But hey, the answer to that question may not sit too well with your argument.

^^^
Excellent response to round up with!

adorable29: oh my God! What a man! All ds oda "men" should clear d road! A real man is talking!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I can't stop laughing. Everybody now has their own definition of a real man!

So a real man is the one who believes the wife's role is to "clean, wash, scrub and arrange all items in the house" amongst other DOMESTIC things. This deserves another round of laughter..hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

So Bill Clinton, Dennis Thatcher, Barrack Obama, Ikemba Iweala etc are/were not real men. Abeg, add me to this list of "unreal" men!

stillwater: I bet Obama was making himself useful in the home.

I'm sure he was and I agree. Please see an extract from one of my earlier posts on this topic:

Claus: The flipside of this is that men also need to adapt and become more domestic than they used to be. In addition, the Nigerian legal system needs to step up in sharing family assets more equitably in the unfortunate event of death/divorce, otherwise many women will be tempted to hold back their money.

stillwater: Not sitting back like a couch potato waiting for Madam to come back from work to cook and wash plates for him like a typical pot-bellied Naija man.

I'm not a big fan of people being stereotyped in the style of the "typical..Naija man", but I'm beginning to understand the psychology behind why both sexes in Naija like to put the other down.