₦airaland Forum

MAYOWAAK: Bisi put on her pants and was fixing her brassiere. “Hope you’re not travelling anytime soon?” she asked. “I missed you like mad. Couldn’t stop thinking of you.” When she didn’t get a response, she turned to face him. “Didn’t you hear what I said?” she asked. Again he didn’t reply, just kept typing on his phone.

From experience, she knew that when he kept quiet like that, he was most likely angry. She couldn’t think what it was that she had done wrong in just five minutes. Or was it something he saw on his phone? She thought. “Zino darling, what is the matter? Why are you quiet?” she walked over to the bed and laid on top of him. He turned his head to the side and kept on looking at his phone.

Now, she suspected that it must have been something she did. “Stop this now… what did I do?” she mewed and kissed him. “You know I’ve missed you so much and you’re already making me feel bad.”

He turned to her, “Why did you come if you were not going to spend the night? I thought you said you missed me? Then why are you running off as if…”

“Ahn-ahn,” she protested. “But that’s not fair. You know that I don’t have sex on Sundays. But even if I wanted to stay, I told you that I’ll be leading praise session tomorrow in church. I need to get prepared. And besides I didn’t even tell my mum that I’ll not come home tonight. I really want to stay but-”

“You’ve not said anything. If you really want to stay, you’ll figure a way. But if you want to go, you’re free,” he turned again to his phone and continued surfing the net on it.

She rolled off him and sat on the edge of the bed. She was clearly in a fix. What should she do? She glanced at him. He didn’t even seem to know or care that she was still in the room. He was ignoring her. She came to a decision. She picked up her own phone and dialled a number.

“Hello mommy… Ek’ale ma… mommy, shey I told you that I’m leading praise worship tomorrow in church? I will be sleeping at my friend’s place this night so I can rehearse… no, I did not even know that I will stay… no, I said-… you will not know her, she’s a new member of the choir… she’s not here, she went out to buy something… ahn-ahn mommy, why should I lie? If I tell you the truth will you beat me?… I was joking o, mommy… yes, I’ll be coming home very early tomorrow so that I’ll pick my dress… no! Don’t bother o! Her place is far, you don’t know it… I said don’t worry… hello- hello- hello mommy, I can’t hear you- hello- the network is bad- hello…” she hurriedly cut the call with a sigh and switched off the phone. Then she turned to him.

“I’ve settled that. Are you okay now? Hmmm…?” she pecked him on the cheek.

He dropped the phone and kissed her, “That’s my girl,” he muttered again and kissed her, unhooking her brassiere from behind.

She giggled. “You bad boy…”

Very early the next morning, she woke up early, and hurriedly washed up and started getting dressed. He was still sleeping. When she was fully dressed, she tapped him to wake him up. “I’m going,” she whispered.

Zino squinted his eye open, “What time is it?”

“5:30” she answered.

“It’s still early, wait a little,” he grabbed her hand and started pulling her down.

She hit his hand playfully and wriggled free, “Don’t even start! I’ll still go home and get prepared. In fact, I’m already late. And are you not tired? Throughout the night and you still want to do!”

He laughed and pointed to his trousers hanging neatly on a hanger. “Check the right pocket.”

She went to the trousers and dug in the pocket. She fished out a full bundle of N 200 notes and a Blackberry Bold 9900 completely identical to his own. She let out a small yelp of excitement and ran to kiss him. But she stopped midway. “I don’t trust you. You will just drag me down” she laughed.

“So not even a thank-you kiss?” he said, laughing.

“When we see, I’ll give you a thank-you kiss. I’ll give you even more,” she winked. “For now, let me go and praise my God. And you better start getting prepared for church, you sinner.” She chuckled and ran excitedly out of the room. “Bye!”

In the cab, on her way home, she updated her Facebook status, “My God is a great God! He is Jehovah Jireh! Always providing. Type amen and click like if you want him to provide for you. He has done it for me this morning. Hallelujah!”

As she absently refreshed the page and saw the ‘likes’ mounting and several of her friends type ‘Amen’ in the comment section, she made a mental note to call her doctor to fix an appointment for this week. The abortion needed to be done quickly. Thank God, she had gotten the money she needed.

Later that morning, as she led the 2000-member church in praise and worship, everyone thought they felt the Holy Spirit minister powerfully through her.

Dead on arrival. You have finished them.

Omo, chin no be here oh.

By commenting "AMEN" or "THANK YOU JESUS" on an imaginary story especially when 'religiously' forced to.

idowuswap: igbo should ran comot 4 naija.thas whx dem plenty 4 prison bott home and abroad

Chineke Meeeh!!!! Bros, how far you?

Doc_Miss: GREAT UNIBEN ..

Well...I believe If Lecturers are Paid Well,they'll have no reason to extort money from Students.

It's like you just wanted to comment.

i_laugh: You are obviously a curse to yourself when you refuse to appreciate little efforts. APC my b..utt hole.

So retardinho was voted so that his "little efforts" could be appreciated. Huh?
This is one problem with Nigerians and that is why we will remain stagnant for eternity. People are voted into power to correct the wrongs. Why should I appreciate/praise-sing GEJ for repairing a federal road? For God damn sake, that is why he is there. Little effort my foot. *hisses*

yungboss: most of you are so ignorant...e.g YOU. Your mom should have read her offer, it was communicated in writing, 2% management fee ANNUALLY of the outstanding balance of your loan....or you guys don't read what you are given?

Some people think because they are in a 'faceless' forum, they can abuse whoever they want to, thinking it is cool. How come you know we didn't read the literature on the booklet? Dude, you will see no such thing in that booklet(except they've, of recent, introduced it). By the way, does it make sense to you that after borrowing 800k, you will end up paying over 1.5M?

Or do you think someone will collect such loan if They indicate it explicitly that they will deduct 12.5% of the lent money annually for to 'service'/'maintain' the loan?

By the way, what is there to service? Is the money an electro-mechanical device?

chucky234: FCMB,UBA and Zenith the best banks?
This must be a fairy tale,I had horrible experience with Zenith the few times I was at their 1st Ave. Festac branch to carryout transactions.
UBA is as worst as Union Bank with their ugly mannerless staffs,especially their customer care attendants.
.
I have never had a reason to spend more than 30mins inside GTB,they have been more than satisfactory in the seven years I have been banking with them after dumping First Bank.

Union bank annoys me a lot. Imagine one of the women at the counter telling me "my son, don't you have respect for your elders? Can you tell your mother to deposit money for you against her wish?"

I was like "You're kidding me, right?"
I wonder why they brought the typical Ile-Ife tradition-esque people into banking institutions without proper re-orientations.

theoctopus: It makes me laugh when people come on here and praise GTB. They are the worst bank right now. I cant imagine waiting in that their market square banking halls. I always reject a GTB cheque if I can. UBA right now is 10 times better than GTB. The problem with many commenting here is that they are students and are captivated by the nice colours of orange and ash. GTB is students bank. They are like MTN. They do a lot of promo and hype and make a lot of noise, but they are terrible as far as customers service and innovation is concerned. Even MTN has improved now, but GTB is just getting worse. They are the only bank right now where you can spend up to 2 hours in the queue. There are banks that do twice more than GTB and dont even make a single noise about it. When First bank started the cash collecting ATMs, they didnt even advertise it. Only their customers were aware and were using it for several months before other banks like GTB even thought of it.

The best banks are still, First Bank, Zenith, UBA, FCMB, Standard Chattered and fast rising Diamond bank.

Have you banked with FIRST BANK before?

Dude, I have used First bank, Access bank, diamond bank, Eco bank, Bank PHB and the retarded UBA. Aside the demerits of their inadequate server intensity, it happens to be one of Nigeria's finest bank. The queue in First bank is worse. The time you will spend on their queue is enough to watch a complete champions league football match.

My mum got a loan of 800k from them sometime around 2009 with an interest of (24 +/- 2)%. What annoyed me was that they did not tell her anything about load servicing/maintenance but at the end of the first 12 months, they deducted 100k. When my mum stormed, the bank, they saifd it was for loan maintenance. Simple communication, UBA lacked it.
In summary, after paying the 800k and the extra 22-26%, she paid an extra 300k(the loan spanned 36 months).

I hate UBA with a passion. I rather save my money in a 'kom-kom'

saintvc: I wonder why arsenal likes last minute transfer?

If Wenger had signed Ozil during the first week of June, we would have paid him 12 weeks wage by now which is about GBP 1.2M.

Arsene knows.

deshclones: NL is a bad influence walahi...I have this very pretty awesome galfriend that told me no sex before marriage nd as a sharp guy I obliged...but I participated in one discussion like dat in the romance section..and after I foolishly started doubting ma gal..demanding for se.x...nd proof that she truly is a V..it was tuff but she finally after 2wks of my intense shakara nd emotional blackmail...with tears in her eyes stripped naked nd asked me to come verify if she is a V and pop d cheery so I won't leave her cos she loved (nd still does love)me...mehn shame,and disgrace filled ma entire being..I felt like a fool...cos she was truly a V...this is a 25yr old gal with a gd job,MSC nd proffessional qualifications to boot...


To be honest,I am prepared to wait,am okay wit the kisses I get...I hv had so much sex in ma youthful life that am willing to stay off se.x cos of this damsel,afteall November is almost here...different strokes for different folks.

@deshclones, send me your IV. I will be there for anything.

Truckpusher: Omo before me Mr Truckpusher put my money down say i do ......

I must do my appraisal drilling to know the potentials of that reservoir if it will require water flooding to be a good producer or natural flow without any artificial gas injection
and at the same time i must insert all the new technology of drilling to observe the bottom hole pressure before embarking on any form of completion.

Infact i must have serviced the well bore to the payzone for at least two to three yrs with all approach known to mankind before going for the full blown production of mankpory and chanfary

Any girl that comes with that no sex policy should be asked this simple question,

Are you a virgin? and if the answer is 'NO' Abeg commot wrapper make i enter joor! God punish you

LMAO. Omo, bobos dey vex oh.

. . . No comment . . .

emma_best2000: unbelievable

see your evil mind.

Make una no vex abeg. Who dey stay London here? I get job for the person.

UNILAG > ACCRA

PrettyGaby: chemistry? what chemistry?

na further maths

I devour the whole food till the plate is tongue-cleaned

I modify my handwriting every month. Am I a chameleon?

Imagine that? Orisirisi.



Emmm, by the way, Arsene Wenger out

Alomo to the rescue.

Arsene Wenger Out

Arsene Wenger out

LeBaN: Please click "like" if you believe GOD will help the poor little girl

Thunder fire you.

Bookmarked!

But most Nigerian girls will be feminists by 2023 and feminist do not marry.


Or do they?

Booty4me: THE ILLUMATI PUT THE
SOUL MICROCHIP IN
OUR LAPTOP MOUSE PAD TO BE
SUCKING OUR BLOOD FOR
OBAMA. WE CAN NEVER USE
ANOTHER OBJECT TO MOVE THE
MOUSE
AROUND THE SCREEN. WHY? NOW
OBAMA IS
HAPPY. IT WILL NOT BE WELL WITH
THEM.
THE 77 SINGS WITH JOY. I HATE
THEM TOO.
HELP!!!

Jehovah Elohim!!!!!!!!

This is the daftest thing I've read this year. It's even dafter than all musiwa's post combined.

Phillfree: That's the guy.

I've just lost my appetite. The picture would have been necessary but for this, It wasn't

Well, make I continue my campaign.
#ArseneWengerOut