₦airaland Forum

OgaTheTop2:
Around 10am yesterday, I heared a church holding their service and I knew they had at least 300 members.

So, I said to myself, "Nigerians are stubborn!!!"

I took my bath, dressed corporately, wore handgloves, nose guard and carried a file.

I cut a card board and used marker to write 'Government Covid-19 Supervisor' and used a pin to tag it to my chest.

As the church security guard saw me coming, he ran inside.

I walked into the compound and entered the church.

The Pastor was preaching, but he paused and looked at me.

All the church members stared at me.

I pointed a finger and pretended to be counting the people in the church.

Some members started picking up their bags and holding their children's hands.

I brought my phone out and pretended to dial a number.

I put the phone to my ear and said, "Hello. Enter the street with the buses please and come to the church. Yes, Christ The Savior Church. Come and pack everyone here. We will put them all in quarantine and lock up the church..."

Oh my God!

It was as if I threw a bomb!

Everywhere scattered.

People started running....through windows...through second door...

Mothers started screaming their children's names.

"Chimorogoooooo!!"

"Eeeebukaaaaa!!"

"Seun!! Seun!!!"

"Richard!!!"
.
Even the pastor was nowhere to be found!

I just carried the tithe and offering box and went out jeje.

Abeg, help to judge the case.

Did I steal from God?

#staysafe




BTW, this Coro no send anybody.

Babatunde40:
I went to buy pure water. The dealer has a very pretty daughter. I dey always eye her but she no dey come out. Today she was the one at the store. I said she should give me 4 bags of pure water. She said it is N500 per bag. I was shocked. Then she said April fool. I laughed and collected her number. Will post here when we start dating. I already started bursting her head on whatsapp

chibu4u2:
The Mod that just pushed this to front page now is high on cow dung.

A post as relevant and important as this, written since morning na now the mod con remember to push am to FP.

Thank you OP jare. Nice info.

CAPSLOCKED:
PEOPLE AROUND TODAY WERE JOYFUL WITH THIS MAN'S SITUATION.
THEY'RE SAYING IT'S GOD'S PUNISHMENT ON HIM FOR THE DEMOLITION GOING ON IN PARTS OF KADUNA AT THE MOMENT.

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THIS VIRUS NA ALL OF US OWN. WHEN YOUR TURN REACH YOU GO COLLECT.

Oyindidi:
And your balls are getting smaller cos you're crying right now. Drop your tears here

aminulive:
Source: https://politicsnigeria.com/nigerian-university-lecturer-caught-on-tape-assaulting-student/

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Islie:
https://www.sunnewsonline.com/army-detains-brig-gen-over-16m-in-wifes-account/

Islie:
https://www.sunnewsonline.com/army-detains-brig-gen-over-16m-in-wifes-account/

seruni:
Since when did the church become a business enterprise that would employ workers? Back in the day in the 90s, the people who do various work in the church are members who volunteer and are happy to do side work in the church for free. But today everything in the church have been monetized and every member want a share of the huge amount of money that flows in the church.

Everything in Nigeria is just in disorder. If the government would do their job to create jobs for the citizens, then they won't be asking the church to employ and pay them.

enshi:
Thank you ... I deserve even worse than that..
Pls how do you think I can fix this

enshi:
Thank you ... I deserve even worse than that..
Pls how do you think I can fix this

Throwback:
Wrong!

Most cut-off marks for Engineering, Law and Medical Science courses were above 270 in most of the top 6 federal universities in the early 2000s.

Then, when you score 250 or 260, you already know you can only gain admission on a supplementary admission list known as connection list, instead of the merit admission list. Otherwise, you do a change of university to state university or a change of course.

Those days, Science candidates (PhyChemBi) with below 250 were almost sure to rewrite the exam or gain admission for Zoology, Botany of Human Kinetics, while Science candidates (PhyChemMa) with below 250 would likely only secure admission for Met&Mat Engineering or Agricultural Engineering.

Law candidates with such scores had to settle for English, while Agricultural Economics came to the rescue of both Science and Commerce candidates.

Also the top scores for the exams then were also always above 300, with some scoring as high as 320 or 330. However, only about 20 to 40 candidates made the scores above 300.

Admittedly, it is easier to score higher now than in the times I referenced, due to the more comfortable exam environment and use of calculators.

With the proliferation of Federal, State and Private Universities when compared to the number in the late '90s and early 2000s, candidates now score 200 and 210 and are rejoicing.

Slawormir:
Damnnnnn niggarrr
Tailor's and disappointment

But my nigggar you don't need to take sleeping pills just because you are broke
Being broke is only a temporary situation
Just take your bath and go out with friends
Gone are those days when he be say if you nor get money you nor go fit go out but this days you can be broke and still hang out with your real niggarrrz and drink even more than ten bottles of Heineken without paying with your money

Life is all about packaging at times
You don't need to have millions. Just spend the little you have. We can't have it all. And Humans can't be satisfied. Even dangote still dey find my money

As you dey master the huzzle to conquer the struggle also try dey package your life. Go out with friends and flex.

Assuming say na Benin city you dey now i for say make you reach my side make we eat some fried rice and drink some Heineken and 33 beer. After we finish the one when dey fridge we go enter beer parlour. My female siblings are Christians and they have prepared enough fried rice already

Keziehenry:
Anyway, am not traveling. For those traveling, feel free to let the house know how much the current transportation cost is. Include your current location and where you are traveling to.

Napoleon22:
“Has announced her sudden disappearance”. Nigerian journalists and their poor English.

Interesting...
Muslim woman decorates.
So, what does the Muslim man do

jaybenugo:
Source: https://www.vanguardngr.com/2019/12/yuletide-muslim-woman-decorates-can-chairmans-house-in-kaduna-with-christmas-tree/

oluwaseyi000:
That's is simply a minor typographical error from the website developer

As a software developer myself I hate it when client/people dwell mainly on minor typographical issue rather than functionality and speed, it shows their level of illiteracy

One question for the op: is the button functionality perfect, what about the response time, the people who develop that site may be far younger than op and many nairalanders or you think it's the rector that put it there

So, why would your wife's relative be your househelp This sounds awkward!!!
Can't your wife ask you guys to assist her relative to stay with you without dehumanizing her status as a househelp

Unique357:
In brief, I am a male married with 2 children, my daughter is 8 and son is 5. I also have my niece 11 and a house help 15 staying with us.

On Monday I gave my wife Christmas shopping money to get foodstuffs, hers and children clothing including our house help.

Yesterday my wife went shopping, she bought clothes for herself, our children and nothing for the house help. She claimed that the girl doesn’t need any clothes for Christmas as long we feed and send her to school, the rest is her parents' duties. The girl in question is my wife's relative from the same village. This girl is so nice to our children, she is like a second mother to them despite her being just 15, I have never had any problem with her.

I was mad at her that I told her, if she cannot treat another woman's child well then she doesn’t deserve to be a mother, yes I did said some harsh words to her because of anger. She accused me of sleeping with the little girl which I told her she is mad and she couldn’t stop crying the whole night. This morning she didn’t make my breakfast and refused greeting me back.

Please house let me know if I overreacted

Toks2008:
I think the social media bill should scale through.

One false news can have a negative impact.

This is why I always wait a while before commenting on any social media news.

OoniOfIfe:
Anybody can get drown in a river whether u kno how to swim or not. But d difference between who knows how to swim nd who doesn't know is that d chances of who knows how to swim 2 get drown is low. Many thing can lead 2 someone gettin drown in a river, it may be sudden tiredness that may weaken him to swim, sudden over flow of d river nd off course marine attack. Marine attack happens when d water spirit is angry, hungry or upset. In most cases it's better to swim in a river that is in ur village/community cos most river don't drown an indigene of d place they are, eg Otalu river in Ekwulobia doesn't drown someone from Ula, Sango River does same even Ekosodin River doesn't drown an Ekosodin indigene. In some place in bayelsa when a child is born nd d paternity of d baby is in question, if they want to ascertain if d child father is 4rm their place or a non indegene d baby is put in a river nd if d river doesnt drown it they will that d baby is their own. Rip man

softwerk:


Though I'm still trying to fully understand the version of English Language used by the reporter, I think this calls for sober reflection!

Where did we loose our humanity as a people?!

MyVILLAGEpeople:
How to cook a Yoruba native soup!
1 pour water in your pot.
2 put oil
3 put pepper
4 put cray fish
5 add pepper
6 I said add pepper
7 sneeze inside
8 put an unknown leaf
9 add small pepper
10 wait for ten minutes
11 just add little pepper
12 stir
13 put salt then add pepper
14 put Maggie
15 put just small pepper
16 bros I said put pepper
17 add last pepper
18 use a cloth in the house to bring the put pot down.
Abi I lie?