₦airaland Forum

great289: take tins easy with her... When she is abusn u pls dnt reply her jst do as if u are nt hearn what she is sayn.

How can one prevent the abusr in the first place?

Yungwizzzy: why did you marry an illiterate in first place?? (no ofense)

Pls learn to provide solutions. Education goes beyond academics.

Good morning, good people.
I have learned a lot from your comments in the past. I look forward to learning more today.
How does one manage a verbally abusive wife?
Words are killers. Words are also healers.
Everybody gets angry sometimes, and words can be spewed in the process.
Everybody deserves to be respected.
Some of us find it very sad and depressing when people who are dear to us routinely insult us.
How does one prevent such issues?
Pls I need advice.
More homes are destroyed through verbal abuse than we realise. Verbally abuses degrade and threatens a man's self esteem.

Sanchez01: OP, I'd have said you are right but the number one factor that gets a DECENT man attracted to a lady is love. Hence, the idea of a relationship rests on love.

However, the IDEA OF A LASTING RELATIONSHIP rests on understanding. Yes, Amos makes it clear and well defined but love is the basis of understanding itself. Take for example, when you meet a lady, you don't build understanding first hand, rather you seek to build the most important, which is love. It is when love has been established that other forms capable of sustaining a relationship come to be.

As a matter of fact, it is absolutely correct if one says that love breeds understanding between a man and a woman. While love is regarded as important, understanding is the live wire of any sane relationship such that without it, love in itself is a mirage.

Love truly wears out with time, but such is not the case with understanding.

What actually first draws you close to a person isn't love, but pure emotions. Love is an act of the will. Then after becoming friends, whether the relationship will last or not depends on whether you both share commons values and interests.

It's understanding that engenders love, not the contrary. Love can be nurtured towards anyone, I repeat, anyone.

rozzay: Anty sowy I no read am but all I know is dat I must marry d man I love. Chikena

Good for you. But also ensure you share similar values. Love will take sabbatical when the hot disagreements occur repeatedly.

temigracie: ..Then we should marry because of.....


My dear, love is a beautiful thing....Even if we experience heart-break cos of love....We are always eager to fall inlove again.....Onething i can never do, i can never marry someone i dont love....

Love is an emotion we develop for a person, mainly due to increased levels of communication.

It's my sincere desire to convey my thoughts in a very genuine and clear way. Marriage, especially in our Nigerian context, is very fundamental, and one may be branded a whole lot of derogatory names if they aren't making obvious plans to getting married. Of course, it's supposed to.be a lifetime relationship, hence the need to actually get it right.

People marry for various reasons. Some marry because they love their spouse. Some for financial reasons. Some marry because of outward beauty. Some due to parental influence. Some marry for the sole purpose of procreation. All these reasons are noble. However, to ensure a lasting marriage, it's advisable to marry someone with whom WE SHARE SIMILAR VALUES AND PHILOSOPHY. In the face of constant arguments and conflict, love evaporates. Please endeavour to marry someone you can easily understand. Let love alone be not the reason you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. People hardly divorce due to lack of love. On the contrary, they divorce because they don't share similar values that would have resulted in mutual understanding. If you don't share similar values with a person, no matter the depth of love you might have for them, please do not marry them.

Oftentimes when we are in love, we tend to temporarily overlook crucial issues--issues we won't want to tolerate forever later. I might not have written this very well, but I'm sure my point is passed across. When two people with . opposite values get married, a court will.eventually be created in the home. Lemme back up my assertion with two Bible verses. Amos 3. 3 ''can two walk together except they be agreed? ''....Prov 24.3 '' Through wisdom is a home built, and through understanding are the rooms therein beautified.

Establish your values and ensure they are almost in tandem with the ones of your future spouse. The journey is only for the WISE. The journey is very long. Marriage is a different institution altogether. You may have lived peacefully with your parents and siblings for decades, but living with your spouse for decades is an entirely different thing. Minimise future marital conflicts by tying the knot with a like mind. Of course, getting married to such a person DOESN'T banish disagreements and conflict, but since you share similar opinions, they will be resolved quicker.

Have you wondered why the PDP and APC don't seem to work well? They don't seem to share similar ideologies and values. Thanks for your anticipated, wise comments. One love.

Many of us know that physical abuse in a marriage is bad, but we are yet to terms with the far reaching negative impact of verbal abuse. Physical abuse, since restricted to the surface, can easily be dealt with. On the other hand, verbal abuse sinks beyond the surface and goes straight into the subconscious, hence it's more painful. Verbally abusive women often use their sharp tongues as a tool to control their husbands.
U shouldn't have slapped her. You've started a new trend that will require a strong will to discontinue. We should endeavour to keep our hands off our wives. After the dust has settled, seat her down and politely tell her you WON'T accept direct insults and name calling. More homes are being destroyed by careless words than physical violence. I can relate.with you because we share similar traits; I can't stand insults, especially from people very close to me. Verbal abusers seldom change. They love their words more than they do their partner. If you don't handle this one occasion seriously, it's the beginning of a cycle of verbal.abuse.

Afrok: That's the spirit... One love.

Yeah. One love.

tellwisdom: You are a disgrace to all Mugus

Your month's a huge disgrace to your username.

[quote author=darlingnuel]Understand that girls aren't the same, so don't generalize. Probably, the girl in question is only acting out her immaturity. Girls react differently to the same circumstance. Just ignore her; but forget about her if she doesn't contact you! I understand you have feelings for her, but learn to get over a girl who doesn't reciprocate ur love. Don't beg for love else you'll keep begging to sustain it. [/quote

I have already gotten over it; it's in the dustbin. Every feelings hitherto harboured are already been extinguished. Thanks for contributing. ]

NifemiOlu: *in John Hurt The Dragon's voice (Merlin)*

Sir, you have just been scammed. Kindly move on. Thank you.

That's the part I still do not actually want to believe. This experience has opened my eyes to a new dimension of life. I have already moved on. No hard feelings.

Afrok: The more we live, the more we learn. Am sure op has learnt his lessons, I can only call op mugu if he makes the same mistake again.

indeed the more we live the more we learn. One never stops learning. Like you also added, I will only consider myself dumb if such incident ever repeats itself. I have already move on. Thanks for your contribution; it's appreciated.

luvly101: She simply gave her words.
" she said she would do with you what she hasn't done.".
I guess you read another meaning to it.

I have learned my lesson. It will NEVER repeat itself. That I promise myself.

100Cents: It has happened to me too so I know.

Even the virgins want sex. I met some lady virgins who of course I wouldn't like to defile and we were dating for marriage. Some of them later stopped calling because I was acting gentleman.

The last one way happen pain me so I have learnt my lesson. She even escorted me to a hotel. Call me mugu too. At least touch and see what it leads to...

All the ladies you respect and call decent aren't decent at all..That thing way dey hungry man dey also hungry them..

This experience has taught me some vital lessons I won't ever discard.

Thanks for all your comments. Some were mature and empathic while some were outright out of point. All the same, thanks for all your contributions. Learning never stops. Life's all about learning. If we don't learn from our past mistakes then we are doomed to repeat it. I have learned my lesson. I shall be more discerning next time. God bless you all.

Shesforeigntho: Im sorry these comments are hilarious! Lol. Few things. God Bless you for having such a giving heart. Honestly you can't blame the girl. She doesn't know any better. She thinks she's hit the lotto and got rich. You had to give her transport fees so it's obvious her basic necessities she can't meet on her own. You gave her money she has never encountered before. She doesn't know what to do with it or herself at this point. The fact that she told you that she will give you sex if you give her a certain amount says a lot. It's good to help people but at some point in time you have to use common sense. Furthermore you are an oil worker the money should not be an issue it's the PRINCIPLE behind it but what do you expect from someone who actually offers you sex if you pay her?

Thanks dear. Like you said, it's actually NEVER about the money. I have learned my lesson, and have moved on. However, I still like her as a person, and will still assist her if she has a genuine need. This issue won'tchange me.

valmunich: Mega bullcrap! You have a family member you probably might the helping wif all those resources and you chose to waste it on a pus#y and still came here to complain.

Family problems no dey finish. I've been solving them sinceI started working more than 5 years ago. Learn to stick to the issue on hand. Thanks

Elantracey: From your story she was the one that brought up the issue right then you did nothing wrong I think , maybe she is thinking that all you wanted was sex after all… just let her be for now and try to reach her latter .

Thank you. I'll keep trying to reach her, albeit later. She's being a friend.

teeo: You sound like a gentleman so I would ignore your first paragraph. Men are the cause of their predicaments in relationships, if the Op had slept with the Lady I can bet my next paycheck that he won't open this thread.

It's obvious that all he wanted to do was to paint himself righteous and call the girl a hustler. You meet a girl and you begin to show of your money, Biko who does that, fools do sha.


Since the Op claims to be an oil worker and can get another one, he should do so and stop being a cry baby.

Some of una get mouth shaaa! Of course, the possibility of sleeping with her was there. However, I don't see her as a rubs girl. She's a decent girl. I'm angry for allowing a lady to believe I sent her cash with the myopia and selfish intent of sleeping with her. That was dumb. I created this thread so others can show me my wrong. I was really wrong. We all know we can get another decent girl. I'm also angry to have given her a reason to disrespect me. Lesson learned. Life goes on.

Sanchez01: Well, you're wrong and just in case you're trying to create the picture of a perfect gentleman to a lady on the forum, then you can go on arguing blindly that ladies are being subjected to insults on the forum.

OP, we sure share a similar trait; I enjoy seeing others happy and knowing I'm responsible for their happiness, male or female. However, your relationship was wrong from the get-go; you built a foundation on money, you might not know this but this is the truth. She saw you as a cash cow, one that could easily meet her needs. Truth is, you shouldn't have asked such person out in the first place, not when money came in before the relationship proper.

Though it would be too early to say she played a fast one on you, what I know for sure is that the feeling here is not mutual. Ladies don't really do well with a guy that meet their demands, particularly when they are not in any way attached to the relationship. I'll suggest you let her be, the foundation was wrong. Move on and find yourself one that is deserving.

Thanks for this. I have learned my lesson. I still do not want to believe she did a fast one on Me - I see her as a decent baby. Of course I can't get angry over the cash; I'm simply angry for not being sensitive enough to her. I have given greater amount of money to people. The foundation was indeed wrong. Lesson learned. Life goes on. Good morning.

Good morning, Nairalanders

I probably shouldn't have pushed this topic forward on a Monday morning as this, but I felt constarined to do so.
I first met this babe when I relocated to PH from Lagos back in 2008. We became friends. ...just friends. ..I used to assist her financially and never intended to get anything in return. I derive joy when I assist people, especially babe. I later relocated to another community within that axis which means we still saw occasionally. I never stopped assisting her. A few months ago, I met her trekking along the road. I gave her transport fare; she thanked me but insisted I knew her place. I obliged. From her apartment and environment I knew she still never further help. I then fixed some basic things around the house and gave her some more money. My frequent visit led to our becoming pretty close. We became close. I asked her out and she accepted, but nothing sexual had really happened. I barely visited her without dropping some cash. Whenever I called to visit she was always expectant and would arrive home if she wasn't ahome. A few days ago, while with her, we got talking. She complained of having few clothes and when I asked how she would feel if I gave a certain amount, she said she would do with me what she hasn't done. She meant having sex with me. Since sending that cash, she's been avoiding me. All my calls have been unanswered. Was I wrong to have sent the money? Did she play a fast one on me? Did I hurt her ego? Did I insult her pride? Or does she think I want to sleep with her? Do I owe her an apology? Babes are countless in PH, plus being an oil worker, I can get a decent one pretty soon. Also i dont want to live with the fact i offended a lady when i could have avoided it.However I want want o know she's suddenly cold and disrespectful towards me. Ur answers and suggestions would be appreciated.

ode remo:

The peoples who teached you Engrish in school doesn't did a good job.
In fact your situation is hopelenessness.
And I used to said presido's wife isn't speaking well..

look who is talking, mr cambridge.

Una go kill person with laff one day ooo.....U guys here have made my day. Haba!

Kemaona: Abeg poster go bury urself. I be attendant, na little cash dey collect from you, na u dey hala 4? If na my station u come, u 4 pay much. U b greedy entity.

You're a fool. You're a disgrace to humanity and Nigeria. So you're among those nitwits negating the prayer of progress for Nigeria? I cant believe you have a face .

Wizee: Now is no longer N30 again, they now collect N50. Is jst dat Nigerians we settle for anytin. I rmemberd wen i n my elder bro went to buy fule,d guy sold 770 instead of 800,so my bro inquired y he did dat he said, na so we take dey chop,no b 2day we don dey do am. Sum1 frm behind jst shouted abeg carry ur keg comot 4there jor abi na N30 u wan fight 4. Dats to say evrybody has accepted it.

Thats the most annoying aspect of it: poorer and more indigent and docile nigerians insulting few courageous nigerians who try to question the rationale behind such immoral and illegal acts. It happened to me one day when I drove to a filling station to buy fuel. The dispenser requested N50 for filling my jerry can after i fueled my car. I refused to comply because rhat would have tantamount to supporting corruption. To my amazement, other vehicles behind me whom i judged to be poorer vented their anger at me, and questioned why i was wasting their time because of N50. The attendant poured back the fuel into his own keg and asked me to go. Actually i didnt get the fuel, and that was a price i needed to pay for rectitude. The good thing is, since that occasion, the attendants in that filling station have recognised me as somebody they cant cheat, hence they dispense fuel into my jerry cans without asking for N50. They have even known my wife .We didnt get that on a platter of gold. If we refuse to cooperatewith corruption, it will end with time.

sambos994: The damn government is what I hate!!!

Thats our ONLY probles. We have no reason we should be hungry in the midst of over-abundance. Infact, its a conclusion that government doesnt solve problems; government, our government, is the problem. Just a few weeks ago, because of my posts on facebook against corruption and bad government, my family and I were threatened with anonymous calls. GOVERNMENT IS OUR PROBLEM.

drzed: Ah, how we for do? Monkey no fine but im mama still love am!

Yes. Because the mama self na monkey....

Elueme: Well said mr president...with prayers we shall overcome ....

And you think Nigerians havent prayed enough to have overcome? This is pure abuse of religion. Show me a nation that believes in docile prayers, then I will tell you that nation has problems of bad leadership and abjetc poverty.........

profola2be: my brother,you got it wrong.
Israel hasnt been armed by USA.
may i also inform you that,Israel doesnt need the backing of USA to win its war against any country,even USA itself.

This is the most uninformed statement I have read here. U need to pay more attention to global poitics...

Kockane: See what Aaron Ramsey has caused... He scored yesterday and sum1 has died again! R.I.P chinonso

Seriously,this is about the third person to have died on the occasion of Ramsey scoring a goal......

teminoni: No message has been passed across here :- [

Mr Patrick's grammatical proliferation has discombobulated our collective ingenuity and sanity

Candybob: You fool! This joke is as stupid as it is expensive. The Nigerian image is already in a bad enof!

You called the poster a fool for sarcastically stating the obvious. Whicheve way, Nigeria is a grossly failed state, and no amount of false patriotism will change that fact. I can never be proud of a failed state, even if it happens to be my homeland. Nigeria will never be taken seriously until our half-evolved rulers start doing things expected of them.A nation that as for far failed to provide for its citizens the most basic amenities deserve to be mocked and denigrated.....