₦airaland Forum

femikay149:
story for the gods yawns

Uhhh... Was that supposed to sting? Because that was a very pathetic attempt. Kindergarten standard at best.

femikay149:
that was aunty nkem kept whining and remained single at 50

Single and HAPPY I'm sure. FYI marriage is not every single woman's goal. If I was chasing marriage I would be married right now - I've turned down 6 marriage proposals. There are men out dare who don't have low self-esteem and whose manhood is not dependent on them on how a woman treats them.

slimedge:
...You have hit your punch lines. I applaud you for this immense contribution but skewed and misleading...I will never be a part of any initiative that supports dehumanising of a woman...You are just twisting everything I said my dear..Here is a bitter pill to swallow,I will never condone any act of hers(my sister) not being submissive to her husband. You seemed to have digressed from the crux this matter by letting sentiments becloud your judgements...Let me quickly draw some references from the Bible...

[Genesis 3:16 ]
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

[1 Timothy 2:11-12]
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

I guess seeing these verses must have sent down a couple of shivers down your spine...This isn't our making ...I am very sure you don't deem fit to counter what the Bible teaches...

Never digressed from anything. Told you to not use the bible because YOU said submission is CUSTOMARY. The bible belongs to the white man and no African culture has a Jesus, Yehova, Michael or David those aren't even our names. What is this crux you talk of? The fact that instead of standing by and supporting your point and answer my questions which are based on what YOU said, you choose to use big words to make it seem what you are saying is worthwhile, reach out to another continent's beliefs after stating it is your custom and you attack me proves YOU have absolutely no idea of what you are talking about and are just parroting.

Ps: it is year 2014, the bible has been changed again. It no longer encourages submissive behaviour and neither do pastors. I suggest you buy yourself a bible from this century and you catch up

Discussion with you closed.

slimedge:
I know this is going to illicit mixed reactions but it's undoubtedly the truth...Women of this new generation seem to be failing in all standards. Most especially being submissive to their men. Submission is far fetched...Our mothers were ready to worship the floors their men walked on in their time...They swallowed their pride and showed humility to a reasonable degree...You would see them on their knees when handing anything to their husbands as a sign of respect and as custom rightly demands. My mum would say,"I never talked back or looked at him in the face when he was angry." Nowadays,the reverse is the case..Who do we blame for this?Is it that our mothers have not taken out time to impart knowledge into them on how to be submissive before their men or it's the giant ego in them that has gotten the best of them?In Saudi Arabia,women are allowed to get little or no education in order to ward off vices of this kind...The ladies of today seem to have known too much and think that gives them the right to challenge their men at any given time...If you would ask me,I think I would rather blame it on female education...That's simply the truth...

Is a woman's ego more giant than the man who believes that another human being should prostrate to him? That his intelligence is greater just becuase of his anatomy? You do know I hope that 90% of the human DNA (black, white, chinese etc.) is EXACTLY the same? That the 10% is things like hair colour and curl, height etc. So essentially we are the same therefore how do you justify thinking you are above me?

You also advocate oppression. How can you deem women being denied education and by virtue of doing so deny them fair economic activity as good? Is that again not enslavement? Slavery does not mean being whipped everyday only. There are many forms of slavery and just as many means of executing it. For example, you are suffering from slavery of the mind. You are a parrot and slave of your society. Your mind has been enslaved for so long you can't think and judge for yourself you can only repeat what has been said. You do not even understand the concepts behind all you say. You have no true understanding. You do not even know or understand the definition of submission or the dynamics of it.

slimedge:
...I don't remember saying a woman should be enslaved...I am only saying that they are losing it.They have absolutely derailed from the track of submission...A saying goes like this,"Two kings can't live in a palace."It is crystal clear that today's woman is gunning to overthrow the man and become the head of the family.Instead of her to lower her head and be submissive,she prefers it the other way round.Many of them have succeded in emersculating their men all in the name of feminist movements.

Let's try this another way that may be simpler and more understandable for you: why do you NEED a woman to submit to you?

slimedge:
so if I actually lower my head before an elderly person while greeting,it means I have been enslaved?

A slave does bow down to the master, a slave is forced to worship a master. A slave has no power and does not speak back (as you said your mother does), a slave, because he/she is less worthy than a master does not look at the master in the eye (as you said your mother does)

slimedge:
so if I actually lower my head before an elderly person while greeting,it means I have been enslaved?

Go back I added more to my reply to you. You cannot compare a relationship between a child and an elder to one between "partners" the nature and dynamics are different but the fact that you do reinforces what I keep saying that submission is a power relationship that reduces a woman to the status of a child. So you see your mother as a child compared to your father.

Your mother did you and your siblings a grave injustice by making you think a woman has the worth of a floor rug. You should be ashamed of yourself, that instead of standing up for the person who gave you birth, nursed you, cared for you and most probably showed you more compassion than your father you throw her to the lion's den and view her as being less than you and unworthy of development. I encourage you to take an hour of your time find a quite spot where you won't get interrupted and I want you to be HONEST with yourself. Try to think of the times your mother was TRULY HAPPY. Write them down. Then ask yourself was your father around? Was he the cause? Then ask yourself and answer honestly (or even ask her in private) if she loves or FEARS your father. Then ask yourself if that is the man you want to be? Is that the man you want your son to be or your sister to marry?

You say:

slimedge:
...I don't remember saying a woman should be enslaved...

But in the same breath you say:

slimedge:
I am only saying that they are losing it.They have absolutely derailed from the track of submission... Instead of her to lower her head and be submissive ,she prefers it the other way round.

Is that not what a slave does? Lower your head, hold your mouth and do as master says?


Previously, you also said:

slimedge:
...Our mothers were ready to worship the floors their men walked on in their time... You would see them on their knees when handing anything to their husbands as a sign of respect and as custom rightly demands.My mum would say, "I never talked back or looked at him in the face when he was angry."

Are the bold parts not slave actions? You also boldly declare as custom RIGHTLY demands. I ask by WHO'S decree is it right and please do not even think of using the bible. The bible came with the white man is not African culture and you said "...as custom rightly demands" therefore your statement itself excludes the bible...

walanter:
all this crab for mi
hmmm i will lik to met u inperson may b
we gt to talk beter ...... blive mi dis ar
symtoms ...
where u from.... so i can tell u wat'd do .u
ar just cray bit'ch

For the last time I don't speak dumb so you and I have nothing to talk about and the only female dog you know is your mother, the only woman in the whole entire world dumb enough to give birth to you. No wonder she was submissive and you are like this. There's not a single intelligence gene in your DNA.

slimedge:
...Who do we blame for this?is it that our mothers have not taken out time to impart knowledge into them on how to be submissive before their men or it's the giant ego in them that has gottten the best of them?In Saudi Arabia,women are allowed to get little or no education in order to ward off vices of this kind...The ladies of today seem to have known too much and think that gives them the right to challenge their men at any given time...If you would ask me,I think I would rather blame it on female education...That's simply the truth...

Why do you need a woman to be your slave?

Frankenstein:
Oh, where are the feminist and gender equality advocates when you need them?

They only pop out when it benefits them.

Let me ask my own question... if a woman starts hitting you repeatedly unprovoked, how would you handle that? Run away?

I'm an equality advocate hence I said if she's woman enough to throw the first punch she's woman enough to take a punch

Adaeze003:
I don't need special treatment... if i'm bold enough to hit you, I should be bold enough to be hit...

Coz if you as a man should hit me.... you better be ready for what's coming your way.

Girlfriend I'm with you. He slaps me, I'll punch him if I don't pierce his balls. If he's stronger than me then he best sleep with one eye and opt to stay indoors for the rest of his life because them neighbourhood boys will be waiting for him!

justmag:
Although Some women deserve it...I don't support it. I don't believe any man should hit a woman under any circumstance. If you mad! Take your asss outside on a time out.

Have you done that before?

1one:
DieeDiee

If you don't mind me asking, - What country are you from?... There's nothing to it... Just maybe benign curiosity

Earth

AjFive:
Turns out I was right after all. I've seen your point coming. I might as well put it this way;

It's right to hit a woman if she's trying to kill you. - perfect.

But what if she's taking out her frustration on a bend of a terrible mood swing. She goes like this “I hate you!” - next she punches or slaps the guy. You still think it's right to hit her back?... I hope you get my point.

Try not to see your ‘abusive’ friend as the case-study here. I believe you hate violence like I do, so make yourself the case study.

Would your husband/boyfriend be right to hit you?

Obviously everything is within good reason. You are a reasoning being you can use your rationality. For example, if she slaps you, you are not going to beat the living lights out of her. You'll probably walk away or just push her away. Like after my friend hit her fiance with the bottle he didn't immediately hit her back. He got into his car and left which angered her. When she got home she went straight to the kitchen and got a butcher's knife (lol) and that's when he started hitting her back. All I'm saying if she's violent I see no wrong in a man retaliating.

AjFive:
I concur.
But still in your case, YOU are a woman.
If you retaliate, it's okay. But a man hitting on a woman because she punched him? It's Bad. Very Immature.

Before we are man or woman we are human. The way I feel when you hit me is the same as you feel when I hit you...

I dislike women who hit men and then cry abuse. There are women out there who truly suffer abuse such women make a mockery out of women who are really abused.

I had a friend who beat up her fiance so bad even his father didn't believe it was a woman who did it (LMAO). It was funny and sad because the guy is a sweet one and he's my friend. After that she had a new fiance one time we were at the beach and I left them. A couple of hours later she called me to come fetch her because he was throwing her out. I thought they were just having a lover's spat (and I was busy partying in a club) so I took my time. When I got to their townhouse there was blood leading to their door, inside they were there and he had a huge knot on his forehead and she was all the colours of the rainbow (she's light skinned) LMAO. So I asked what happened and apparently after I left she had taken a beer bottle and hit him on the head with it because he had been speaking to "other girls" (mind you her friends). She was crying and when the police came I refused to take her side so they left. She got mad at me, I asked her what did she expect and told her that she did deserve the beat down she got, that she can't expect to go around beating people and getting away with it. She had even pulled a kitchen knife on him. Even our other friends (after laughing) told her the same thing. So she ended all our friendships.

AjFive:
You a woman for real? Wow.

It doesn't matter what I ‘said’ up there.
I just can't believe you think it's right to hit back.

Lol... Yes for real. I don't believe in violence and I think it's wrong to hit anyone man or woman. But if someone were to hit me I'd retaliate, it's only natural we are human and not made out of stone.

AjFive:
Are you a woman?

Lol... Yes

But it's okay only if she throws the FIRST punch and obviously don't beat her up as you would a man

AjFive:
Are you a woman?

Lol... Yes

If she is woman enough to throw the first punch she is woman enough to receive a punch...

samisparkle24:
This statement shows your culture agree the man should head and lead a family. A family can not exist without a head.
Most of the guys that agrees to partnership,observe well,the woman end up being the head.
The reason for high rate of divorce in western culture,is that partnership does not work,there must be a leader. Though society and culture gives the leadership role to the male folks, but few men relinguish the power to their women.
Partnership does not exist in marriage,someone must lead.

Yes, I agree. I never denied the man is the head and leader. I'm not sure if you read the beginning of my post. I stated the man is supposed to be a leader and that I have no problem with that. My assertion is that a real man (i.e. a true leader) is one who can lead without the need for submission (i.e. without the need to command dominion (because that is what submission is about). A real man inspires his woman and children to follow him (i.e. does not demand), it is given willingly because of how he guides them (remember a leader guides he does not demand) and he allows them to retain their power (in fact he encourages it) because he is comfortable with his manhood and he knows he already has power. He doesn't need to suck another person's power to feel good, powerful or like a man. My problem is not a man's leadership it's submission because a submissive relationship is a master-slave relationship. The definition of submissive is: relinquishing power to a superior.

samisparkle24:
Babe,dont give yourself headache,someone will surly marry you the way you are.
To be fair with equity and justice that you seek,dont accept dowry from your man,dont allow your family to give him list of items when he is about to marry you.
As a partner,you both will split the money for accomodation,clothing,feeding and whatever.
Then you are indeed a partner.

Thank you for your kind words . Oh, I'm not worried. If I wanted to get married I would have been married long ago and I have exes I know would be more than happy to have me back. The dowry thing is not an issue. In my culture a woman never enters the marital home empty handed and she always comes bearing gifts for her new family. The man provides her a house and dowry. She takes the dowry and fills up the house (or uses it for the wedding) and brings gifts so it balances itself out and the man benefits too from the dowry. The dowry is just there to create good relations between the families and to assure the brides family she will not suffer in the marriage, the man is able to work and accumulate.

walanter:
hehehe ...i think u ar the one in need of dick and u dont hav a clue

my advice is for u to start somthing diff fro usual before u wear out....bit'ch
lol English English.... i guess ur mother is queen Elizabeth ....
ur just too --- for my liking

Hm... Only those of low thinking think sex is a solution for anything ... "If all else fails have sex!" ... You multiply like rats then next thing you can't afford your children


No my darling, you are mistaking me for your mother. Since an animal can only beget an animal, your mother is the female dog you speak of.

Yes, Queen Elizabeth is my mother. So?

For your liking? (If this wasn't so sad I'd probably laugh) Darling, you are too delusional. You also need to stop listening to the voices in your head. My baby with your lack of manners, education and intelligence you wouldn't even get a hello or smile from me.

Ps: *clap, clap* You still not there, but what an improvement. What did you do? Ask the 5 year old next door to help you type?

mikolo80:
and yet you wonder why you have problems in your marriage

You can't read and you can't follow instructions... Why do you insist embarrassing yourself by displaying your illiteracy and low comprehension? The voices in your head are too loud, tell them to shut up. Not a single person here said anything about marital problems.

missberrypop5:
Really?

Small man, small mind don't bother yourself with males like that

walanter:
probably u are just too daff to comprehend dat i guess
and No1 going to school/college doesn't stop u in person ,thinking as illiterate do
lol
dont b a metal box dear

Nana, what's your address? I'm going to buy you a dictionary so that you can look up illiterate. I told you, do not use big people words if you don't know what they mean or how to use them in a sentence.

walanter:
moreover I think u misunderstand u ur self while while quoting d topic and generalizing the whole shit ...I repeat ur ego met land u in to a big depth.

IYOOOO not another Engrish speaker! This is so painful to watch You have something to say to me but your Engrish is getting the best of you and you not getting your message across. What ever you are trying to say is falling at your feet and not reaching me. Shame Lala, how far did you get in school? I really do feel for you because I'm sure whatever you said in your mind it had power and punch ... Very sad ...

mikolo80:
Why should I be submissive? He's not my master he is just my partner. I have no problem allowing a man LEAD but he cannot LORD/MASTER over me. I am not a submissive kind of woman and I was never taught to be submissive.

2) I don't understand why I keep being blamed. All the r/ship burden has been put on me and it seems you guys expect the woman to put in 350% effort and the man only 25% Yet, I'm supposed to allow this man to lord over me?
Burden , lord, master,weakness is it a competition

Highlight or make bold the part where I say marriage is a competition. Friendly advice: don't ever try to be smart on the internet again you'll just end up looking like the illiterate fool you look like right now

conscript1967:
But submission in a relationship must be mutual for it to work...
I don't believe in gender equality( I just naturally feel protective of women) and I don't believe in gender superiority( trust me men are never superior to women. Sadly some ladies just let themselves slide. Laziness?) Both gender are just different in ways that complement each other...

Oh no darling, maybe you didn't read the beginning of my post. But from the beginning I said I have no problem with a man being a leader in fact I believe men should be leaders of the home. A real man is one who is comfortable with himself and his masculinity and is able to lead without needing his woman to submit to him. He doesn't need that power because he knows he has power already and he knows how to use it effectively. A leader guides. He INSPIRES respect and honour, he does not command it through dominion (ie submission). His woman follows him out of WILL not SUBMISSION. Because he is a leader instead of a master mutual respect and honour bears itself ORGANICALLY out of the relationship and a healthy balance of power settles that enables the woman to take lead when necessary (maybe he is momentarily weak for whatever reason).

Submission in a relationship means one thing and one thing only there are no other meanings. You can consult Websters, Collins, encyclopedia ask a psychiatrist whatever the answer will remain the same: to submit is to YIELD to a SUPERIOR power the one who yields has ABSOLUTELY NO power. In a healthy relationship at no point should anyone lose power. If I compromise to you (which is what I suspect you mistake submission for) it should be out of MY WILL not YOUR DEMAND.

As for "equality" humans in general are not equal but even so there is a certain level dignity we are all entitled to as creations, this consciousness even spills over to the environment and animals. There is a huge difference between capability and ability. Of course by design men are generally stronger and faster than women and it's okay for you to feel protective and that says nothing about her capability. At that present time she may not be able to protecting herself (maybe she never learnt fighting skills) but that does not mean she's not capable (after learning the skills).

fellis:
I understand you and personally I also hate labels and believe in individuality so if you don't want to be identified as a feminist then that is A-Ok , its completely fine.
On the bolded part of your post; Feminism focuses on women only in aspects where they are denied opportunities or rights that they deserve just because of their gender.
Ideally, feminism doesn't focus on women in situations where women are not suffering sexism so I don't believe it is the flipside of chauvinism, I believe it is a human rights movement.
For instance feminists will never tell you that a woman should 'submit'and let her husband take every major decision in her life simply because she is female and even when she does not like that arrangement. If there is an understanding and full consent between both parties to live like that then no problem, feminism has no reason to come into the picture. The movement works to help women ONLY when they are being oppressed because of gender, not just because they are women.

It's quite unfortunate though, very unfortunate infact, that some women have started hiding under the cover of feminism to immitate patriarchal men and to make the movement look like it is promoting the kind of gender supremacy many men are very keen on promoting over women. One cannot solve a problem or defeat their oppressors by acting like them.

Where are you from, may I ask?