₦airaland Forum

voodoo85:
U know i agree with u. People who r talking about submission in relationship so highly, havent seen anything different. What works in their village, would never work in other country. In europe long time past that woman would follow her husband like a sheep. Women taking higher posts than men in some occasions, often in family woman earns more than man and achieved more in education. So theres a question why i should follow u, listen and do what u say if am gud in my life on my own? Nowadays women most of the times doesnt need u as a rock to hide behind u. They need a partner who stays in his boundaries because she expects u to see her as independent person. Ull never get more from me in relationship unless u invested the same amount. U have to earn my love. It is enough to give yourself away for somebody who is not worth it and will never give same to u back. Save your energy to your kids not to your man. Men r plenty in the world. When ill see that man is trying same as men than maybe ill think about it. As some women say- i will not kneel for any men, except my son to zip his jacket

AMEN sister! I like x10k
Love the last part about kneeling only to your son. And that is the only reason ANYONE should kneel - man or woman!

It saddens me that some women feel submission = love and that for a r/ship to work a woman HAS to submit herself. That is BS and my friends and I are living proof. I've had 6 marriage proposals, 2 of them even tried to veto my decision by going to my family and were promptly told that I have a mind of my own and am able to make my own decisions without being submissive. I've lived with 2 boyfriends. All my boyfriends know I don't cook or clean. They did the cooking and we had cleaners who came in 3 times a week. If I wasn't happy with what the cleaner had done or if I wanted her to do something I'd instruct my bf and he would instruct the cleaner yet they loved me and were both hurt when I dumped them. Men who are strong, confident and comfortable with their masculinity do not have a need for a submissive woman to make them feel like men. Someone said something about muslim women... in 2011 I dated an Arab Muslim from Tunisia we were together for a year and a bit. We broke up because he wanted a muslim wife and planned to go back to Tunisia and I wasn't willing to convert or move countries (he hadn't proposed we were just talking about the future). Anyway he also didn't require me to be submissive and he never made decisions without seeking my input no matter how big or small the matter.

skelefish:
D bible was Written by man, no doubt, but inspired by God, d past, present and d future is in the bible. As christians, it is our ultimate guide.

Last I checked the pope wasn't G and it was the Roman Catholic church that decided what goes in and what doesn't which makes the bible a compromised source.

Midehi:
I still dsagree wit u sayin its unhealthy & dosnt take any power frm me...wat power are u talkin abt if i may ask..are u nw sayin woman shud av power to rule over her husband? submissive is jus acceptin d right advice/decision frm d man...do u know some women will neva accept d right decision frm der man all because she's stubborn & no respect..is dat wat u call power? oshe oooooo

No hun, I'm talking about self power. Power to have dominion over yourself and free will. For example to be able to decide for yourself what is right or wrong, to be able to voice anything you want freely, go where you want freely without needing permission. This does not mean be inconsiderate of your partner, for example, wake up one day and decide that you are going to the States for a year and that's it, your will just have to deal with it - no, but if you want to go out with your girls you should be able to without having to report or ask permission first.

scribble:
It honestly depends. Too many variables in love. Not always open and shut case.

It is very much simple. It's either you love your wife or you don't. And you brother DON'T else you would have respect for her! What you love is the power you have over her and this is the danger of submission.

scribble:
Lol not spousal rape at all. Especially if she's yelling harder...

Ummm let me put things in perspective for you. Bae knows there are other chicks that want her spot but she doesn't even care because she knows the man she married.

She saw a note from the Unilag boo the other day and all she could do was laugh at how razz the note was and how big her lips are based on the lipstick print on the note.

My boo is confident. Pls don't worry on her behalf.

Just looked @ your profile and saw your previous post and 90% of the people you follow are female. You are a CHEAT! I could smell it off you. No wonder you want a submissive woman, so that she will not stand up to you!!! No nigger your wife aint confident, she lacks self-love. She needs to find herself some love and leave your trifflin' A!

scribble:
Lol not spousal rape at all. Especially if she's yelling harder...

LOL!!! And I'm sure you are more than willing to oblige her, mh?

Why you entertaining other "boo"? Nigger if that were me, there wouldn't have been any laughing only explanations from your side. It's one thing for someone to throw herself at you but another for you to take the napkin home. Tell if it had been the other way around would you have also just laughed?

Midehi:
My dear, wen u av a girl dat is submissive to you,u wil blow it out dat she's d best...it dosnt mean she's subdue or a weakling,she's jus respecting ur right wish. D bible says woman shud be submissive to her husband & dat will make d man love her more.

Babe, I don't think you are weak and I never said you are. I respect your decision hence I said if you are happy then it's all good. All I'm saying is that submissive relationships are unhealthy because you give power away or power is taken from you which creates a very fragile door for abuse to take place.

skelefish:
@op perhaps u're not a christian, read 1 corinthians 11:3 and genesis 3:16. That's if u're a christian, because this thread bespeaks pagan mentality and extreme feminism. Op May God exorcise this feminist spirit from u.....help me say Amin...

LOL!!! Thank you but I don't need exorcism. Now as for the verses you have just given me you have to specify which bible because even modern bibles no longer encourage submission.

Ps: whether or not I go to church does not change the fact submissive r/ships are unhealthy and please if we are going to start using bibles let us not be lopsided. Don't forget the bible was written by man and at the time it was put together religion was the politics of the day and was used as means to control people and that the pope decided what goes in or not it was not G. I respect G let us not bring him in to this, alright good people?

Zeemoor:
Women needing to submit has always been a hot topic
~
It's quite unfortunate the word 'submission' has been twisted, misused, misconstrued and abused sooooo much, particularly by the progressive 'strong' women of today

There's noting 'doormat-ish' or subservient about the word and it's meaning

I've never claimed to be a "progressive, strong" or "feminist". In actual fact as far as I'm concerned feminist is the flip-side of male chauvinism. I also think it's disrespectful to say the women of today are "progressive and strong" as this is not a modern thing. History is filled with strong, progressive women including African women going back to biblical times.

As for "us" twisting, misconstruing etc. the word submission, I'm sorry to say babe you are mistaken. The dictionary is very specific about the meaning and the meaning has always been the same it has never changed.

kadas01:
It is a very big "error" for any man to think he has "the right to lord" over any woman in a relationship! "Ignorance and wrong upbringing" is a major cause of this societal "anomaly"! A relationship is naturally suppose to be "mutual"! Both parties contribute "equally" to make it work! At least, there should be a "healthy balance"!

I agree with all you say here, but please don't ever use the word submit because it is the opposite of what you have just said.

@ Evina: please look at the dictionary definition I posted. Submission is impossible without a power relationship and it paves the way for abuse because it gives it an excuse. The degree of power exercised depends on how sadistic and submissive the two players are. So your honey may seem loving and sweet but it does not take away the fact you are being controlled. And how small does one's IQ or moral compass have to be that they need another human being to tell them what's right and what's wrong, what to do and what not to do? That is very condescending mentality. What makes a man a better moral compass than me? The thing between his legs?


With friends, siblings and even parents there's always compromise. In a submissive relationship there is none because the power is always concentrated on the one. (Btw parent-children relationships can be submissive too and those are abusive relationships (not necessarily physical can be emotional))

@scribble: the part where you are like I'll end up bitter and miserable made me laugh - Don't worry hun, I won't I promise. In fact, I've turned down 6 marriage proposals so there are men out there who love the "feminist" me

Correction: I'm not a feminist (see disclaimer) I'm just a proponent of equality and justice.

It's very dangerous for your wife to submit to submit to you financially ... What happens when you leave her for your side chick? And that sexual submission sounds dangerously like spousal rape (or very close to it) ...

lilmax:
This should be on FP

What's FP?

Dictionary definition for submission:

sub·mis·sion (s b-m sh n)
n.
1.
a. The act of [b]submitting to the
power [/b]of another: [I]"Oppression
that cannot be overcome does
not give rise to revolt but to
submission" (Simone Weil).[/i]

b. The state of having submitted.
See Synonyms at surrender.

2. The state of being submissive or
compliant; meekness.

3.
a. The act of submitting
something for consideration.

b. Something so submitted: read
three fiction manuscripts and
other such submissions.

Evina:
DieeDiee, apparently you don't known the meaning of submission, neither do you understand the concept.

I was amazed when you stated that to submit to a man means you have made him a Lord/master. Yet, you went ahead to call him a leader. Are you not meant to follow the lead of a leader? Is following not submission?

It really baffles me how many so called "independent" women disregard the authority of their man, but actually have no problem being floor mats to their male bosses at work.

Gurl, the duty of a wife is to submit to the man, just as the duty of the husband is to love the woman.

If you really love him, you will submit because that is how a man understands that you love him. And please, never make the mistake of marrying a man you cannot honor or respect (this is what submission entails).

A leader guides he does not control. That is why at work you will have a meeting and the issues are discussed by the whole even though final decision rests with the manager. A good leader is one that considers everyone's input before making a final decision.

Submission by its nature implies loss of will on your part as you bend to the other's will and compromise is not even a consideration. Because submission is a power game the honour and respect you speak of is "forced" from you (I use the word "force" loosely) not earned. When you submit to someone you give away your power. Submission can be voluntary like @midehi but it doesn't make it any less of a power relationship.

To honour and respect someone it is not necessary to submit to them. You love, honour and respect your siblings and friends don't you? Do you submit to them?

Midehi:
Its nt control cos most of d do's & dont are things dat will favour me & @ d end tankin him

If you are happy and satisfied then good for you babe

Fembleez1:
Yes,you do!!



But you are the one seeking advise here not him and In my last post I was not being partial,why are you taking only that statement up??.

Mehn,I don't know what to say again o!!

Lol @ pic...

No, last post was the men and you were all telling me I have an ego and I need to be submissive and work hard on pleasing a man so now I'm asking the ladies should a woman be submissive and work harder than a man like you guys were suggesting.

Midehi:
I am vry submissive to my bf...wen he says do,i do...wen he says dnt,i obey...
He confessd to me one day dat he loves me so much cos am submissive & respectful

Are you happy being controlled?

kadas01:
I personally feel "Submissiveness" is NOT like being a "slave" to a man! That should NEVER be!

That's exactly what submissive is. The act of submission is to have someone lord over you. It is a power relationship where the lord has all the power and the submissive has none. The fact that those guys also expected me to work harder on the r/ship than my bf and to make sure I don't upset him reinforces the slave-master relationship.

I just don't understand how you guys justify this kind of r/ship in your mind. What makes you think it's right/fair/just?

Fembleez1:
.....just learn to be humble and submissive(tho not that u shouldn't have a say but respect your guy),......

learn to say "I'm sorry" when you are wrong and "please,am not offended" when he is wrong,

you both shouldn't be angry at the same time cause it will add fuel to the fire burning in both of you, when he is boiling,be calm,when you are boiling(which I am not advising you to always boil),let him be calm

First off, I appreciate your concern for me and you taking time to read my post and advise me - thank you sincerely. BUT you made jaw drop!!! You made points that deserve a whole new thread!!!

1) Humble and submissive. SUBMISSIVE?!?!? Wow, what a HEAVY word!!! Why should I be submissive? He's not my master he is just my partner. I have no problem allowing a man LEAD but he cannot LORD/MASTER over me. I am not a submissive kind of woman and I was never taught to be submissive. Women in my culture are not expected to be submissive or to prostrate to a man so sorry that is a foreign concept to me. Men are meant to be leaders of the home not lords or masters.

2) I don't understand why I keep being blamed. All the r/ship burden has been put on me and it seems you guys expect the woman to put in 350% effort and the man only 25% Yet, I'm supposed to allow this man to lord over me?

A) I've said over and over again in order to end the fights I used to just apologise but I now realize that was a mistake because it weakened my position and he never got the chance to see his errors and basically the burden of the r/ship fell on me. I have no problem admitting I'm wrong but I will never again apologise just to calm a man down.
B) If I am offended I will not hide it. What good is it to hide it? Aren't r/ships supposed to be about honesty? Hiding my offense is like ignoring a deep wound. The negative emotions will fester and resentment and hate will build up and a toxic r/ship will grow. I'm sorry but my emotional well-being is much more important to me than being in a r/ship. I'd much rather release my feelings and say my piece than allow poison to infect my soul. What good is there to be in a r/ship and be MISERABLE when I can be much more happier single?

3) Yes, I will give you the first part of your statement. It is not advisable for two people to boil at the same time and this does not only relate to a romantic r/ship. But the rest of your statement again, it seems you expect the woman to shoulder all the burden. I must work hard to please him and make sure he calms down? What about me? Why doesn't he try to keep me happy and calm? I matter too, don't I?

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a feminist, I love men and I absolutely love my bra - I'm not about to burn it for anything. I just believe in fairness and equality.

This will be kind of a long post because it was inspired by another post I had started where I was asking men for r/ship advice. You don't need deep background about that post because this is a general question and not about me and my ex. To sum up what the men said, I apparently have an ego (because I stand up for myself I guess) and there seemed to be a general consensus that I needed to put extra effort (as in more than the guy) in the r/ship. Below I will post one of the comments that was made to me and my response to the commentor. I would love to hear your take.

Fembleez1:
.....just learn to be humble and submissive(tho not that u shouldn't have a say but respect your guy),......

learn to say "I'm sorry" when you are wrong and "please,am not offended" when he is wrong,

you both shouldn't be angry at the same time cause it will add fuel to the fire burning in both of you, when he is boiling,be calm,when you are boiling(which I am not advising you to always boil),let him be calm

First off, I appreciate your concern for me and you taking time to read my post and advise me - thank you sincerely. BUT you made jaw drop!!! You made points that deserve a whole new thread!!!

1) Humble and submissive. SUBMISSIVE?!?!? Wow, what a HEAVY word!!! Why should I be submissive? He's not my master he is just my partner. I have no problem allowing a man LEAD but he cannot LORD/MASTER over me. I am not a submissive kind of woman and I was never taught to be submissive. Women in my culture are not expected to be submissive or to prostrate to a man so sorry that is a foreign concept to me. Men are meant to be leaders of the home not lords or masters.

2) I don't understand why I keep being blamed. All the r/ship burden has been put on me and it seems you guys expect the woman to put in 350% effort and the man only 25% Yet, I'm supposed to allow this man to lord over me?

A) I've said over and over again in order to end the fights I used to just apologise but I now realize that was a mistake because it weakened my position and he never got the chance to see his errors and basically the burden of the r/ship fell on me. I have no problem admitting I'm wrong but I will never again apologise just to calm a man down.
B) If I am offended I will not hide it. What good is it to hide it? Aren't r/ships supposed to be about honesty? Hiding my offense is like ignoring a deep wound. The negative emotions will fester and resentment and hate will build up and a toxic r/ship will grow. I'm sorry but my emotional well-being is much more important to me than being in a r/ship. I'd much rather release my feelings and say my piece than allow poison to infect my soul. What good is there to be in a r/ship and be MISERABLE when I can be much more happier single?

3) Yes, I will give you the first part of your statement. It is not advisable for two people to boil at the same time and this does not only relate to a romantic r/ship. But the rest of your statement again, it seems you expect the woman to shoulder all the burden. I must work hard to please him and make sure he calms down? What about me? Why doesn't he try to keep me happy and calm? I matter too, don't I?

beckytunde:
A man ws talkg abt women n he said and i quote"I WOULD PREFER TO BE AN ANIMAL THAN A WOMAN"...jst because he feels a woman gvs her totality to her home....pls i nid candid response frm nlanders....aw do u respond to such man?...tanx

Pat him on the back and say: "well my boy, aren't you a lucky one then?"
Then get up and leave - he's not worth any energy.

UPDATE: so I eventually got the courage to call him. He didn't know who was speaking so I pretended I called the wrong number (childish, I know - but he deleted me!!! :') ).

Guess now we all know for sure that it's OVER :'):'):').

numericalguy:
Lolz.. Is this how you have been arguing with him? No wonder the guy is having a hard time coping with you.

I think you are a nice person and straight forward too, but you seem a bit temperamental with the "I'm always right" feeling to go wth it.
You really do have feelings for this guy which s why I would want you to put in a little more effort in the r/ship to make it work. Besides, what is the posibility that the next guy you'll be meeting will not come with a baggage of his own problems.
Try and be more patient with him and every other person you deal with.

Cheers!!!

I liked your response. It sounds very level headed. Lol, you sort of touched on things he used to complain about the most:

1)He didn't like the "way" I spoke to him sometimes.
2) I'm controlling, but I'm not I only took control when he wasn't doing anything
3)He never really complained that I'm a know it all - just that I always made myself the one in the right and him in the wrong when in actual fact it was the other way around
4)Okay, there have been people who've said I think I know it all (very same people always run to me for my knowledge) but I don't (honest!!! Else I wouldn't be here listening to people tell me I'm egotistical). I'm just confident about the little I do know, is that a bad thing? Besides, *patting my hair* it ain't my fault pips be feeling threatened by my intelligence.

I still think you are unfair putting all the blame on me. A relationship involves two people not one and I'm the one looking for a solution, not him.

Fembleez1:
Oh,......I see!!!

You don't sound too convinced

Fembleez1:
Really??......is that how you saw it

If you not together it's not cheating. Like if he is with someone now he is not cheating on me we've broken up. And I also went on a few dates with someone else during those 3 weeks so it's all good.

samtol4:
don't blame the devil for everything ,check your attitude and ego ! Cheers

Checked my ego, it's in a healthy condition.

Once and for all: there's nothing wrong with my ego and he never complained about my ego. NO ONE who knows me ever complained about my ego. So ego topic closed.

Fembleez1:
What possibility is it that he doesn't have a new gf??

If he loved me like he claimed he did then he wouldn't have moved on so quickly

Fembleez1:
You said you people have not talked for over 3 months now!!!

Yes I haven't seen or spoken to him in 3 months.

Fembleez1:
.....try to give him a call if he will listen to you or want the relationship back,don't force yourself on him,and what possibility is it that,that he doesn't have a gf now after those long 3 months

It seems the majority consensus is the r/ship was and is a dead end. So I've let it go and am working on forgetting him.