₦airaland Forum

CockPit:
I honestly never said they are the same but the roles of the two roles of the the two of them as regards to their families are basically parallel and very similar.

My mom took care of her kids and had duties towards her husband.

My wife too has obligations to her husband and kids. Certain thing can be expected from my wife similar to what my dad got from his wife, my mom.

You see where I am coming from.

Like my mom, wife is supposed to ensure are kids are well fed, this is not happening as they come to me complaining of hunger when back from work when the mom is home, talking away with her friends or checking the latest wigs on Instagram.

No one can win this argument with me.

The problem is you have two EXTREME realities at play! 😂 you want to make a woman suffer like your mother but you married a woman who made you feel like your mum 😂. If I had to pick a scenario I'd pick the later ( personally) 😂. Life is a bitch so we must respect HER 😏.

CockPit:
Yes. I asked the question with full chest.

The only example we often have of marital relationships is our observation of our parents. That creates certain ideologies and expectations about married life long before we get married.

I was particularly close to my mom, and she took very good care of us.

Every morning, she was up early to prepare food for the whole house. She planned her trips to the market to restock provisions. In the afternoon, she always made sure food was ready, and the same was true at night.
Before you say, "But she was a full-time housewife," I would like to stop you in your tracks by emphatically saying, no. She was always up at 4 a.m. preparing food for sale and for the house.

I never heard her complain, even in difficult situations. She never nagged my dad, always stood by his side as his confidant and support, and she never even had a car.
Do you think it’s wrong to have these expectations of my wife or women going into marriage today?

My experience has been to the contrary. My wife wakes up in the morning and never bothers with what the kids or I will eat, often expecting me to make my own food. She stays on the phone for hours, and so on.

When I compare her to my mom, she is never happy about it.

Is there anything wrong with comparing your wife to your mom?

Edit: Some posters were asking if I didn’t see these traits before marriage. I honestly don’t think that’s a smart question. I was married at 22 and never lived with her before marriage. How exactly was I supposed to know she wouldn’t take care of kids not yet born?

Another is asking me to "pick up the slack." Then what is the purpose of marriage? I’ve realized that any task I start to do is immediately abandoned to me.
There is something called healthy comparison, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Most of our so-called "beta woke men" are jumping in to blame me. I am neither complaining nor regretting—just putting this out there for a healthy discussion.

Bro!


Your thread is fvckin with my senses because you're playing both sides of the fence!

In your comments you want to be your lazy dad and you're looking for your hardworking mother!


In the same breath you are married or gave life to children from a woman who is the complete opposite of your mother!


Wtf is going on here!


If this is your reality then you need to find the middle path because these are extreme differences. 😂

CockPit:
The roles are similar with respect to husband and kids.

Eww! Awe! Bless you. A wife and a mother play completely separate roles! The fact that you think they are the same is a psychologically problematic THING! Ahhhh.

Juwessgratitude #4 in the house! I just wanted to give a quick shout out since brosis is viewing this thread 😂

egobetter4me:
https://www.nairaland.com/7953428/mom-made-me-miserable-she

I posted the above topic before when I married the ugly village girl my mom insisted I must marry.

We've been together for 2 years now, no child. The problem is that she's always giving me one infection or the other. I've treated infection for more than 3 times and this is someone I married a virgin.

The other day, I was peeing blood and it was so painful coming out. I've never cheated on her and I'm sure she's not cheating but I don't know how she gets these infections.

Right now, I'm on a sick bed battling infection and other ailment....on a new year day. My stomach has been biting me for 3 days now.

I'm tired. I'm thinking of sending her back to the village before she kills me.

I've told my mom that I'm no longer interested but she keeps on begging and telling me that things will get better. Things are getting worse day by day. She's so dull. She just sits at home. No ambition....nothing! Just cooks, washes, cleans, then stays home all day watching movies. A graduate with masters.

I'm so frustrated!

So your dirty aaah forgets to wash his hands, wash his aaah, and clean his mouth but the poor virgin village girl that his village mum forced him to marry is the reason he's sick instead of the obvious fact that he picks his nose, his ass, and scratches his balls all day every day. Okay we heard you.

egobetter4me:
She prob got it from her university toilet. We both treated the first one UTI(she infected me) and did another test to confirm it was no more. Was shocked to see her feeling sick again after sometime. Took her to the hospital again and discovered it was an infection. Treated it and now I'm also infected. Our sex is like once in a whole month.

And for those saying I'm telling lies.....I don't know how else to prove it to you.

And for those saying they need to hear from the other side.....you're right but I can assure you, she will accept I'm a nice man. No one blows his trumpet though

Mr nice guy! We have heard. My question is how do we know that it wasn't you throwing off her Ph balance! Some men are DIRTY! They don't wash their stinking balls and go around spreading the unthinkable and then blame women for reaching to their disease. My friend! Wash your ass and your girl won't get 'toilet' disease every month she deals withyou. Spits

Your username already shouts bot but let me entertain you. Find Freud and digest all his work. Secondly, decide if you thought your mother deserved more honour for her work; by letting 1 lone woman off the hook.

Become the husband your father never was and break the cycle. Many women have seen their mothers abuse their father and they had to break the curse and respect their husbands.

Be that person and free women! Your mother did not enjoy her life! She is strong and did what she needed to do for a lazy man, but that doesn't mean that you have to be a lazy man!


I set you free from your generational curse 😂

Originalsly:
The guy repping the bride family made a solid point..... didn't you read the list? In really see no need for the argument....if they asked for ten sacks of garri and you brought only 2 then you know there will be a problem... why not be begging them to accept instead of demanding them to accept? If this is how he handles the family from jump .... at their place..... they should see the warning signs and know his house will be a torture chamber for their daughter .

Damn! So why is everyone trying to outdo themselves. Why ask for 10 when you could find out if the man is worth 10? If he show you his strength why fight about it?

They understand that this is theire soon to be for their next generation.


In some cultures this is interrupted different because if this mans pride could only contain 30% of their need but a 💯 of their daughters then that is enough. What's weird is why wasn't this recognised before inviting guests! 😂

In my culture, the women first shout and argue behind closed doors and then the men are involved because the women are happy and the bride price is rich and quiet. Men fighting over a woman is unhealthy. Stress leads to death after all so leave the fighting to your mother's and let the men bond with their new in laws. No offense.

Acidosis:
What's beautiful about this transactional st u p i d i t y, please?

Even if na goat you wan buy, you no suppose negotiate reach this level. Fathers and the so called feminists who allow this nonsense are to blame though.

Men are shouting and you triggered poor feminists in to this? Can you say rage bait 🤖

Shaketable:
That's the process in the tradition, they might want to take advantage, u stand ur ground. Na man vs man. If u fall easily they il laugh but when u stand ur ground they il understand that u know what d tradition is n il back down. It tends to happen in traditional marriages in d Igbo land, n probably in other places but them no go tell u to make it seem as if their place is better. I even heard that in some south west states the bride il be made to eat a porridge prepared with lizard. N it is their tradition

Bro, you get it. There are some mad traditions and this is a mad tradition. It's not a bad reaction to point it out for what it is. I prefer a more demure and cutesy method and others want a wrestlers reunion 😂.


There's an amazonian tribe where they PULL the hair out of the girls head (not shave! But PULL!) The night before she meets her husband. We're wild as a species. This is life but it's nice to point fingers and laugh, that's what we do.

Dshocker:
No doubt women are beautiful creatures, but if not for procreation, i don't think it is necessary to marry.

I like my space, i prefer living alone, companion doesn't work for me, if i need or want sex, i go out and get it.

We get it! You like men. Damn. We've heard you incels, do you 🤫.

Bahamas95:
Assuming I be president I for stop many rubbish for Nigeria.


I have noticed people hide under tradition to carry out wicked acts. During my younger brother's marriage we clashed with the bride's family. After paying everything 2days before (back marriage) the D-day they started billing us again at the reception. I was very angry and we stood our ground that we won't drop a dime.

Some of her family members started ranting that we must do this and that that's it's their tradition. Her mumu younger brother wey never pay woman bride price still dey open mouth talk to me.

Las Las they respected themselves and the marriage went on smoothly.

Bahamas95 for president


Many a tradition have been put under the microscope.
Additionally, this issue isn't religious it's cultural. We've worked on stomping out child brides and many other cruel traditions so why can't the suffering of young husbands be a problematic tradition to question!

This is the boy child trauma at play! Many wives will suffer for this level of suffering.

pek:
Sensational headline meant to ridicule a tradition and a people. Educated people will not fall for this. I blame the mods for pushing this to the front page. If you have witnessed paying of bride price in the east, you will lnow what happened here what exactly normal. If you watched the clip well, you will see one of the men winking. It is all an act. At a point, one party might even walk off but everyone later come back together. Please, let's stop all these and forge unity. The year is still too young for this.

Take me as I am aaah ninja 😂

MamaOghenero:
Will you shut up there!!!

Mama! Did they auction you like this? 😂

Fiscus105:
Do everything to defend nonsense, anyway the year you will know the truth, is the year they will set you free.

Why are you fighting to free someone who enjoys stress and wakes up for violence 😂. He/she is trying to tell us that this is all normal and fun! To shout and fight shows the man is worthy. To each their own!

If you didn't understand and just watched that scene you wouldn't be mad to think those men were buying a cow instead joining families.

Frigga13:
Nairaland abi yorubaland don see food

As long as na Igbo…

Na news fr nairaland

YorubAland site wey no care about Yoruba and how they live

Igbos major walahi

They get weight and level pass Yoruba at any time

NairLNd go confirm am

200 Igbo thread

None Yoruba thread

On a Yoruba owned site 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

As a fellow AFAIKan, unbiased and all! This culture or tradition is unflattering. If this was my tribe I'd be disappointed because this looks like a day at the market rather than 2 families coming together. Some tradition is embarrassing and that's okay!

I'm sure there are many people within this community(present at that "ceremony" who don't/wouldn't act like this at their own ceremony.

Stop taking everything on your shoulders. This is embarrassing no matter what!

Black men are cursed, a simple night out can turn into a death trap 😞

eepeepook:
I’m beginning to believe that Nigerian hospitals are death traps. Once a victim is rushed there, death is imminent.

Alcohol and the presence of women will always result in fights. Na inside house I dey drink nowadays. Make no man try use me shine because he wan impress woman. Some idiot women instigate fights in clubs so their men come to the rescue.

Black man issues 🤢

Still single after 3 years, and all this effort?


My brother, you might be the problem 🤣

Is it your baby?

SAMBARRY:
it's your insensitive post that is triggering me not the video. Normally he should have been mauled and beaten blue black black before police takes him away, they gave him a punishment that will embolden the criminal to do worse.assuming hand touch am the naija way, the life time trauma and pain he will have gotten from the beating will not let him be attracted to crime again but its people like you that make criminals multiply

Omg! Do you actually think this is real or do you just want to write essays for the sake of writing essays

This is backward deliverance. It’s like taking a bank robber to be delivered from banks or your stomach to be delivered from food! I’ve confused myself but there’s a point here, somewhere~

You have zero wit! You’re sandals didn’t save you from the embarrassment of getting out witted.

Firstly, your wife is forgetful and sometimes ungrateful. It’s childish to make generalisations. Secondly, your only choice is one of three: leave your marriage, take control of your marriage by communicating your feelings and boundaries, or take it as it is and stay in your marriage.

You have these complaints and your wife has just as many. If you don’t know how to communicate effectively then try getting a mediator to help you out. The only solution is to talk, set up some boundaries and come to a common understanding.

At the moment, you are going from two extremes; doing everything for her, and becoming resentful because she’s not seeing your sacrifices. Stop doing everything she wants, only do what you can do without discomforting yourself. Stop going above and beyond for someone who won’t do the basic things like respecting your family!

We4all:
Where does your wife intend to meet with that guy? I don't think it is a wise decision to do that. At this point, you should hire a private detective to unravel the mystery.

This is some made up story! Which wife will go and meet the hitmen to beg them not to kill her husband? It’s another lonely nairalanders looking for some back and forth. Nothing about this story makes any sense to me.

I can’t bring myself to watch this case! I don’t know why it impacts me the way it has. I already struggle to trust people and this story is an absolute nightmare! I feel like this is another nail on the coffin of marriage. I pray for the woman’s health and safety going forward. I’ve seen some heinous crimes involving children and death yet this case makes me physically sick just to think about it. I don’t think I will ever fully watch the case or any documentaries about it.

Op just wants people to talk to! What do you get from making up stories to post on here? Is it the back and forth? Do you need company? Go outside and touch grass 🫶

You guys tainted a beautiful thread by engaging an obvious troll. 🤢

That’s actually gross! If you could sleep with his girlfriend, you would probably sleep with his wife. Disloyal people are the ugliest! 🤢

Does it work?

Mayflowa:
Cool down. In busy cities, they sell by the road side. I see those in New York every time and even not so busy cities. You may have to take a cheap city license to sell. Many people sells in kiosks and from vans.

She’s literally sitting in the middle of the street with a table and a pot of food. It’s not a kiosk or a van or a trolley! The UK isn’t America so the laws of food handling are different. This has to be a skit or something because you can’t just sit down in the middle of the street next to parked cars and be selling cooked food. There are food hygiene regulations that have to be followed.

Love800:
But thats a space she rented there. Or is she sitting down in the air?

She’s sitting on a public sidewalk, can’t you see the cars parked right next to her pot of food? You can’t just sit down on a pavement with a table and start selling food! This has to be a skit or something.