₦airaland Forum

Dear OP.

Maximum Respekt to you. You are a true son of individualism.

Keep up the good work.

Peace!!!

WHEN WE TELL THEM TO MARRY A MATURED AND HUMBLE WOMAN, THEY WON'T LISTEN.
NOW SEE WHAT YOU BROUGHT HOME.

HER FORHEAD, ALL THE WICKEDNESS IN THIS WORLD CAN BE FOUND IN THERE.

HAHAHAHAHAHA, JAKPA JAKPA.

ANY WAY IS WHAT AGAIN?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, JUST LISTEN TO THOSE VOICES SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THEIR THROATS.

SINCE SHE'S IN DUBAI, THE LEAST THEY COULD DO IS HIRE A SINGER THAT CAN TURN THE OCCASION AROUND.

HOE FAR OP.

I SAY MAKE I SHOOT MY SHOT OH.

ITS NOT EVERYDAY WE MEET YOUNG BILLIONAIRES LIKE YOUR HUMBLE SELF ON NAIRALAND.

PLEASE EH! I AM 6FT TALL, POINTED NOSE, CHUBBY AND BOOTILISCIOUS.

TRY CONSIDER SETTLING DOWN WITH US CHUBBY ONES (na me first talk oh)

I PROMISE TO BE GOING TO THE GYM TO GET THAT DESIRED BODY YOU POSTED UP THERE.

HELP A CHUBBY DAMSEL

USELESS SIMPS EVERYWHERE. SEE HIS FACE LIKE GOLLUM(lord of the rings)
He went and raped his precious.

SEND HIS TO UKRAINE.
HE'LL BE USEFUL THERE. DAMBANZA!

NA SO E EAZY REACH ABI?

victoradey:
I'm not going to write long epistle because you know what you can do to be free from this messy life but the pleasure you derive from this sexual escapade and her filling a vacuum in your life won't let you do the right thing to let her go. But I will advice you sir to burn the bridges with her, get more closer to your wife, communicate more with your wife and whenever there is a urge in you to communicate with the girl in question just divert the attention and what you are driving to do to your wife. In short, stop being care about her, stop communicating with her not to talk of discussing private matters, stop showing her love in any way and focus your attention on your wife. I believe you will be free by this.

Hi OP.

Its the Love Guru again (though sapa wan finish himself not me, maybe i go turn sapa guru soon )

Op, i like you so much, infact i am falling for you right now.

What!!! who go see where dem dey chop rice say na where people dey cry him wan go to?

See, on code (bro code) enjoy yasef to the fullest cos you never know when you could land this kind p***sy ever again.

For Gods sake man, you have been promoted and you don also reach cloud 9(ahh! jah bless AG-baby). I fit bet you here that no nigga here don reach the clouds wey u don dey and them few ones is so wishing that they were you, bro.

Ok, lets be serious now. I think these things happened to you so fast cos you have been lonely and Hot for a while and your day to day routine is basically the same(BORING!!!). So the mind always plays these fast games/tricks with our heads, especially when we secretly crave something entirely different from our straight-up detailed lives. Calm down, the frenzy will pass sooner when you've had enough of that juicy juicy yum yum, but just play ur game tight so swt hrt(respekt) in faraway merlin land wont get the vibe and then don't get miss independent pregnant too. have fun but make sure you both know that its temporary. Play like Aubameyang but keep a clean sheet.(if u know what i mean )

How can i tell you to stop such enjoyment. even me wish say i dey your shoe (shhhh! no be me talk am oh!) but have fun. I cant be broke and be a village people too.

So Jeun lo paadi mi.

Itz the Love guru.

Sign out....

Goats dey follow sanction lion inside the full jungle....

naija don High....

OP..
YA STILLA A LEARNER.

sty1es:
I'm in my late 20s and I decided to try out sex for the first time yesterday with my girlfriend of 6 month. Prior to it, I had this imagination that my first time will be great! I thought that like porn, I'll last for 10mins during penetration, changing styles during those minutes, little did I know I was headed for doom!

Armed with knowledge because I read a lot about these things, I felt I will have a blast. People say sex is the sweetest thing to happen but yesterday was wack. I was in and out within 10 oscillations. I felt defeated. I felt like, 'what if she think I have ED'? 'what if she compares me to her ex?'. So many what ifs clouded my mind.

I doubt I'll ever have sex again. While she complained of pain because she's not had sex for over 2 years, I felt a burning sensation all over my dick. It was all stress and no pleasure. Remind me never to think of sex as a pleasurable act. Pffft! Maybe because it's my first time or maybe sex is over hyped.

Sex shouldn't even be on the table. It's nothing. Like really nothing. Why do people bring it to the table when there's nothing in it.

What is really going on?

2 billion to buy cattles?

Is meat now our problem in nigeria?

Economy flight ticket is 50k one way.
price of petroleum is sky rocketing daily.
our international image is wash globally.
education is a joke in this country.
health, infrastructure, job creation are all jokes.
common basic amenities that our tax can arrange, we still no see nothing.

2 billion to purchase cattle to boost animal production? is this for real?

All the cattles in aso rock what have they been boosting all these years?

all the miyetti allah cattles in the north, what have they boosted?

and you are still pumping money meant for very important arrangement to but malu?

haba! who do us like this?

hahahaha. Karma is back.

i am so happy. i tot she was still vacationing in Ukraine but she's back.

Taste what you dish out to innocent people, Hoe=w e be una now?

LOL. NOT5HING DEY HAPPEN. IF THEY WANTEND TO PUT RAZMATAZ ON YOU, YOU FOR NEVER SOJI B4 U DON COLLECT. LOL.

Nice experience brother.

SirL0neWolf:
I had a phony interview today at Ogba. I got the email since last week and waited patiently and expectantly for the 21st of February - today. Woke up by 6:15am and was out of the house by quater to 7, decked in my suit and tie, looking sharp and feeling hopeful.
It turned out to be a GNLD gig and I was so dissapointed. I sat in the midst of fellow interviewees/trainees some of whom were feeling as let down as I was, while the so called trainer proceeded to sell us pipe dreams and sugar coat many nonsense. Anyone who has fallen prey to their “interview” before know it's almost impossible to leave. Anyway to cut the long story short I finally had enough when one of them wanted to use my facebook page to post a job invite and lure more unsuspecting people. According to him it's a recruitment tactic and there's a commision bonus for every succesful recruitment. At that point I decided I’ve had enough and stormed out of the venue. So here I was with just 1k left in my pocket and thinking of my next move. I didn't want to go back home cause it was just barely past noon. I decided to buy airtime and call a friend of mine if he was home and go kill some hours in his side. There was this woman I spotted earlier on the side of the road a little way off and so I decided to walk to her spot. She's has an umbrella stand where she sells water, drinks and snacks so I decided to stroll. Her spot is along the road to the Agege bridge, there's a company on the side and she shares the spot with another woman who sells bread and beans and a young fruit seller with a barrow full of oranges.
Madam give me mtn 200
She smiled at me and gave me the card. In the spur of the moment I decided a chilled bottle of pepsi won't kill me. The sun was on full blast and I was trying to load the card and was so carried away, I didn't notice anything until it was too late. All of a sudden about 7-9 guys surrounded me. I kid you not, these guys will be around early 20s to late 20s or early 30s. And I swear their faces were rough and rugged. There was this particular short guy that had the roughest face with enough scars designing his face, that guy was scary af.
The first thing to enter my mind was; run! But run to where kwanu?
In my mind I was like I don Bleep up! Cause my phone was in my hand glaring and I didn't want to hurriedly hide it cause it will be like an aknowledgement of the fear I was feeling so I still gripped my phone tight - in my left hand forming unbothered.
These guys were chanting, swearing saying things like: ogbeni! Who goes! Who be you! Bla bla bla
There was a much older guy in their midst and he then told me that scarface wife had just put to bed- twins and that they were collecting contribution money from people. That was when scarface thrust the polybag at me. Like an offering box, I swear that nylon bag was almost overflowing. I could see different denominations inside; 100 box, 200, 500, 1000.
Thank God me myself I no be ajebo. The only thing I was thinking of was that na only 1k dey my hand. I never even pay the mama for the card. As my mind was racing I put on a fake smile and proceeded to fist bump the guys, saying: ah we gather dey, I dey with you boss, no wahala.
About 3 of them returned my fist bump. But scarface the short devil was impatient: ogbeni who you be if you do anyhow you see anyhow, we no dey play for here.
I looked at the sellers. Everybody was minding their business. The woman selling bread and beans, the young fruit seller, there was even a security guard beside him from one of the nearby company sitting on the bench and licking orange, omo but nobody send my papa o. I was on my own. God bless the woman she quickly brought out 200 naira and said: my son see your change oya take!
I hurried to her side and gratefully grabbed the note and she gave me sign with her eye which I sharply interpreted. I quickly put my phone in my inner coat jacket during those 2 quick seconds. I put my 200# contribution inside the offering polybag and some of the boys hailed me then they were off, looking for their next victim.
I stood transfixed to the spot for about 10 minutes, sweating and trying to calm down. Then the orange seller started saying how lucky I was that if it was night time, my phone would surely be gone and I might get stabbed. Then the security guard said : I just dey wait make them misbehave I for show them something!
I just give am sideeye like no be this werey wey dey lick orange troway face lol!
I thanked the good Samaritan woman for her help and paid her back. For a split second I thought of canceling the Pepsi order but changed my mind. I collected my change and jejely found my way to under bridge and entered Oshodi bus. I didn't even call my friend or go anywhere else, I just headed home straight.

are you apologizing or you're checking flaws?

Tender a straight-up apology to him na, which one is i see texts on your phone too and u feel its a one time thing, you too is not a saint.
Madame, apologize from the heart, stop trying to be smart.

Godbless

LOL. I swear down. its really crazy the difficulty acquiring a suitable accommodation seems theses days. but some one here will surely have a connect. at all at all na witchcraft.

richmanrichard:
that's more like looking for a virgin in owerri or lagos

HAHAHAHA. NO NA VEGETABABLE...

Jeon:
OK.
I thought males ain't virgintable

AFTER SOMEONE WILL COME UP HERE AND SAY MONEY IS THE ROOT OF EVIL.

HOW DID JERRY RAWLINGS EXECUTED THE COUP IN 1979?

A LECTURER'S SON! HIM DON COLLECT ORIENTATION FROM HIS DAD NA. NO MATTER THE CRIME NO PARENT WILL BE HAPPY SEEING THEIR OFFSPRING SUFFER, BUT HE KILLED SOMEONE AND HE'S GOT TO FACE THE LAW, SHIKENA.

SEE EXTRACTS BELOW:

A nurse who happened to work in the hospital where his parents brought him as a person with psychological issues made the shocking revelation.

For now the Nurse and the narrator’s identity will be undisclosed.


We all heard that Jennifer’s killer has been arrested right? Well it happened here in Benue state teaching hospital, my neighbor who happens to be a psychiatric nurse told us the story this morning. According to her, his father, a professor in unijos and his mother brought him to the hospital with false information, there were bruises on his body and when they asked, they said he hit someone with his car and the person died so people there were beating him, they also claimed he was m.ad.

So they ignorantly took him in, infact this woman was the one attending to him and she didn’t know he was a criminal. She said about three days ago, he tried to escape from the hospital with a chain, he was using the chain to hit anyone who tried to stop him , meanwhile, his parents were in the hospital that day and they did nothing.

A certain Mr. Ola, who’s also a nurse pursued him with a bike, then they got to a roundabout and that was where he was pinned down and chained and taken back to the hospital. They still thought he was mad but they became suspicious on why he tried to escape, they confronted his parents for not doing anything when he tried to escape and according to her, the father tried to bribe them which they refused. They now held a meeting to discuss the whole thing and concluded something was wrong.

The next day, police from Jos came to the hospital, they said on the day that the guy tried to escape, the father reported himself to the police because Jos police locked down their house in Jos and he knew he had nowhere to run…so their plan was for him to escape, then the police would come looking for him and wouldn’t find him and blame it on the negligence of the nurses.

DID ANYONE FORCE YOU TO ASK THAT QUESTION. TRY DEY MIND YOU BUSINESS, E GET WHY.

Yommychrz:
did he force you to open the thread

AS GOD PROVIDE FOR YOU NA SO HIM GO PROVIDE FOR US ALL. I AM NOT HUNGRY NOR ANGRY. TRY POST WETIN MAKE SENSE. NO BE ALL MAN WEY DEY HERE BE CHILDS.... SO STOP LAMENTING FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

SultanOfPuna:
A hungry man is an Angry man
May God provide for you bros,
life no be suffering and lamentations

NA YOU AND WHO DEY PLAY THIS KIND RUBBISH PLAY?

NOTHING TO POST FOR NAIRALAND AGAIN ABI?

YOUR MATES DEY HUSTLE UNDER SUN YOU DEY HERE THEY ASK ME WHICH PERSON DEY FOR PICTURE.

YOU ARE A PRODUCTIVE PERSON BY NATURE HENCE THE DEPRESSED STATE YOU ARE IN NOW. TRY GET A JOB, AT FIRST YOU'LL MISS THE JOBLESS YOU AND THE TIME YOU HAD IN ABUNDANCE BUIT YOU WILL CERTAINLY PREFER IT.

ABEG, WHICH KIND PLACE YOU DEY WEY ALL THESE THINGS THEY IN ABUNDANCE?

BABA ARE YOU A NIGERIAN?

WAIT OH!

FROM FREE 24HRS ELECTRICITY TO FREE SECURITY ROUND THE CLOCK AND OTHER BENEFITS, U FIT THEY SEE SMALL DIESEL ARRANGE TO.

IF YOU LIKE BECOME THE SECURITY-EXTRA PAY EVERY MONTH.

BABA AND THE DEAL IS SO FUCKING COOL. NA SIDE MONEY BE THAT AND ITS JUST LEASING NOT OUTRIGHT PURCHASE.

TELL THEM TO BRING THE CONTARCT SO YOU READ. IF THE MONEY ENTER YA EYE THE ADD SMALL THIS FOR YOUR BOY ASAP. WE RISE BY LIFTING OTHERS.

THERE ARE NO HARZADOUS EFFECT TO BE CONSIDERED SO LONG AS YOUR HOUSE IS NOT A SKY SCRAPER.

BABA, NA GOD PICK YOUR CALL OH.

SEE FREE MONEY OH...

Hanty! na so. small time them go say you own one fashion house and then your landlord son stab you cos of iphone.

YEYE DEY SMELL!

So wetin be all this one?

David, you wan go back there?

Jeka mo pe o tun fe de be?

Abeg i don tire. if the relationship one die make e die well. Na money i dey find. abi una no see that masquerade for club wey dem dey spray dollar. na pnly me come die for "i love you" abi?





SHEGE!!!

So this kind fine geh dey nairaland and una no tell me?

If na snake meat now- front page or

One old woman dance with one ancestor- front page.

Chai! dem don even put a ring on it... (there is no cry emoji on nairaland)

Chaii! see as person pikin and babe fine die!

Its the nose for me.......

Thanks for gracing us with your beauri this boring monday morning.

Its a nightmare!!!

I am currently facing one as i'm typing this. The worst part of my predicament is that its not only one church but four churches in my domain. Abeg, i dey look for a cost effective room self-contain wey dey close to apapa and no church in about 500 mile radius round. Abeg helep a Gee.

My guy those clowns are bastards. Imagine one telling me that i should go crack jokes at eko hotel since i was basket mouth. See gits oh. I went to do inspection on Heavy duty equipment at T.I.C.T.(those of you familiar with Apapa Quay will know this wonderful company) this guy(British) is someone my boss introduced to me as a cool guy. if not for say Nigeria is a messed up kwantiri. I am way older than this clown in question. After inspection, we had a briefing with the main boss(British), he was in attendance too. I asked for their cards/electronic mail contact in order to send a report to them. he's boss agreed and wanted to pass his card to me and then he just chipped in and said that we should not worry that he will get in touch with our boss. He said i should go report to my boss and that my boss will brief him. I was like, what's this one saying(in my mind), i as much as I'll definitely report to my boss, i still should have your contact to send you the report or should i be asking of your contact from my boss? we ended the session and didn't get their contact. when we stepped out he came to me and told me that i was acting out and feeling too big. why would i request his bosses contact and then in told him that its normal for me to request for their contacts in order to send them a report regarding the inspection and the boy called me a clown, that i was just acting out and feeling to big and that if i want to impress anyone that i should go to eko hotel and crack jokes with basket mouth. Mogbe!! i looked at him, already in rage cos I'm short tempered. if not for my colleague that accompanied me that day, maybe i for throw white boy inside ocean. My advice. these clowns knows how to get someone riled up and if you don't control your temper they'll capitalize on your unprofessionalism and una know say naija police dey too respect white man.

Right001:
When I moved to the U. K for my master. I stay in an flat which consist of many white English boys. So an England boy called Harry decided to show me the equipment in the apartment. So when we got to the kitchen he show me a dish washer which I did not care to look at and he responded that have I see a dish washer before? I was shock and told him of course have seen a dish washer and he reply that I did not want to sound rude but africa are poor and always hungry and I reply him do I look like someone that is poor and hungry and his respond was you are from the rich family in Africa and I told him clearly my parents are not rich that am just an average Nigerian boy and he his reply was it is impossible that you are either rich or poor in Africa and my response was that he should stop believing the propaganda been pass by CNN and BBC about Africa.

After that we bonded and we usually teese ourself and crack jokes. So during December period I was infected with covid 19 which all. Of them in the house have travel to their family home to spend Christmas and new year holiday. So during that mid January on Friday I was in the parlour with my white flatmates and we where just joking and catching fun then we started to talk about covid and I told them during the time they travel I contacted covid and Harry reply that he is going to kill me so I laugh and I thought it was one of the joke but he said he mean it and I started telling him that so do u expect me to call u in your family home and tell u I contacted covid and the others white where explaining to him and this guy started using abusing words against me telling me to return back to Africa and saying some nasty words about Africa and I told him if u have brief with me then challange me and stop picking on my continent and colour and he told me that he is going to insult my colour and continent that if I want to fight him then we should go to the garden to fight as man to man. I was just saying in my mind this man is looking for someone to kill him. I just ignore him and when I stop replying him he just calm down and left. What pain me most was when he left then all the white guys told me his crazy that I should not answer him and I was like when he was insulting me racially all of u where just watching him as if nothing happen. After some time he came back to the parlour and apologise to everyone except me for been a nusiance and after that he wanted to discuss with me and I shouted at him saying back off. After sometime he wanted talking to me and I just ignore him as if nobody is talking and after talking I just close my laptop and gave him a bad gesture and left the palour then he reply that I am looking at him as a vallian that he is not a bad guy.

The next day his girlfriend came visiting him and was smiling at me and i just reply her with a bone face and left. Then after sometime he came apologising to me that what he did to me was wrong that he did it under the influence of acholol which I know but I said to myself for him to say this to me when he was drunk meaning he has been harbouring such thoughts in his mind and the alcohol just gave him the courage to express his racist characters to me. I told him I forgive him but right now I don't trust any English people or white people because for such a guy to laugh and joke with u and still be a racist his something terrible. Abeg make una give bristish chance.

Wetin concern me concern religion wey don tear so many families and communities apart. I dey there when them ordain junior pastor? btw Junior pastor no get sense na. you cannot win over a woman that knows her place.

BABA! how i wan take reach you. Can i have your number? T'wll make connecting to u easy. Many Thanks

aloma007:
If you have a handwork with certificate reach out to me for a Dubai job.
All you need is your passport.