₦airaland Forum

I agree with GNature.

Umm. Maybe you should read my response again. Because you practically just repeated what I said. She did not act well and seems like a gold digga. Even if she had acted well I would not have advised you to give someone money on a first date. Anyway you said you were shocked she ordered Moet so it sounded like you were not prepared although that does not mean you were not willing. From your previous posts it sounds like you were able to say no otherwise you would at least have said no to the heineken and there would have been no further drinks to spill. She had 3 cups of moet - high alcohol content why still pay for heineken after. Obviously the first taste was not that bad and if it was you should have still advised not to for getting drunk if nothing else.

Anywayz I hope you don't think I am saying you were a wimp not to say no 'cos that is not the issue, the issue is this is something that is hard to say no to. Why? Because of society. The same way she was moulded by society and granted some selfish desires. You too have been moulded by society. I am not sure if you are arguing with me to be right for the sake of being right. I don't really care. I was mad before but I regret that I have a short fuse. Quick to get vexed and quick to get over what made me vexed (a bit weird I know, lol). The reason I am still advising you is for you. If you decide to be this way it does not affect me, in fact it probably benefits me as I generally offer to pay on dates and I don't really like alcohol or asking for money etc. Call it pride call it modernism I don't know. The point is I have nothing to gain from arguing with you. I am doing it because I think I have something to offer. But you should be the judge of whether you think you can learn from my advice or not so don't pick up odd phrases in my paragrpah just understand what I am geenrally trying to say. Did you post this to see how people would respond or post it to have people agree with you. Anyway I do agree with you - the girl was a bit offkey but not for the reasons some people including yourself INITIALLY posted.

You mean you would not have cared about the Moet if she had not gotton drunk and asked you to pay for her car ticket after knowing you for only a short period of time?

Ok then, that's understandible.

But your headline and initial post should have been focussed on that and not the moet like they appeared to be focussed on. Maybe the headline should have been: 'girl acted like drunken golddigger on first date!'. Anyway it is still an important lesson for you and my responses were more aligned to swing's response to you about white girls and black girls. Guess I got sidetracked. Ok guess the real issue is what I aluded to in my very first resonses to you before I switched and got all catwoman on the two of you! I said you should not use a date as the first instance of getting to know someone, you should take time to get to know someone over the phone. Or even by speaking to her often at the supermarket you see her. You can learn a bit about someone's mentality over the phone without dating them and you can also teach them about your principles too. It avoids alot of confusion, although admittedly not all. No one is perfect anyway and I can't say I have not made mistakes in dating certain people, but it is just something for you to consider.

@ adconline - okay then but your story grew over time which made it suspicious to me that's why I added that. Anywayz sometime people are selective on responses so I can appreciate that as long as you now understand my point. You seem to have the right mind set in terms of what you want in a woman which not every guy or even female wants but not every girl who does something you don't care for should be written off, some girls need to be explained to about your beliefs or even situation you could lose potentially nice suitors based on not doing so and that would be a injustice towards yourself. It is just a question of conditioning, if no one tells you don't do that you may not do stop. But if told not to perhaps things would be different.

That being said in this particular case since you say this story is true I don't think the girl was suitable for you - she sounds like an alcoholic gold digga! Move on we as humans can never know everything about one another and this was just a learning curve for how you have dates as well as a look into your own principles. Next time take her somewhere like the park, art gallery etc, or just explain 'hey I wanna take you out but I am not able to spend so much'. That is how you separate those who like you for you alone from those who just want a treat. ok? Anyway good luck sure you'll not go through the same thing again.

Lol. It's like some guys are secretly panicking, and females secretly thanking God for this news. However in terms of marriage it might not mean much afterall.
Maybe the greater number of males are very old widowers. Having said that I always thought in most places women outnumbered me. Afterall women generally have longer lifespans. Also if one muslim man is allowed to marry as many women as he wants doesn't that further reduce the pool available for men. It might not be accurate but it looks like it was all done above board and even in the UK, censuses are not 100% accurate anyway, they can't be atleast 1 person must be missing so don't necessarilyy try to compare it with overseas.

Also isn't it up to the British government to take account of Nigerians living in Uk as you are a UK inhabitant? I am not sure about that but it makes sense to me. Well done to Naija for trying to be more efficient anyway.

@adconline - read my posts again - I don't date guys that only have money and I have paid and offered to pay for every date I have been on! READ IT PROPERLY. I know it was long and a bit disorganised. I will apologise for that.

@swing4real - ur responses did not make sense so I guess we are both shooting arrows with no direction. Let me break it down for both of you again. But the first thing I will do is apoloise for calling you stupid - that was unfounded. What I meant to say was the comment in my opinion was stupid. And yes I am a female.

1) Love and Hapiness are important. But like it or not Money can ruin relationships. When I said 'as a nigerian father, '. I was not saying you had kids. If I was to generalise (perhaps wrongly so) Nigerian men on a whole who became fathers to girls. You find most of them no mateer how much their daughter's love a poor man will disprove of their daughter's choice - it is a protective thing. That is not to say in the end they won't succumb, and it is not to say they don't value the love. I believe you will one day do the same.

2) I know you said 'one of the reasons'. My point was it is not a valid reason. You have not dated all white women or all black women so you can't categorise.

@ adconline

1) I never said a date is a proposal for mariage I said 'dates have the opportunity to develop into marrigae whether that is the intent or not'. Some people accept dates from anyone to have companionship then later dump the guy/girl who they had know intention of developing a strong committment with let alone marriage - often to the heartbreak of the other party.

2) I did not actually say 'a first dateis to size a guy's pocket'. But on second thoughts maybe if the girl on your date had sized your pocket she would not have ordered outrageous menus!

3) You have assumed I wan't an eligible suitor to be someone who flosses and is all about the bling. You could not be further from the truth, I detest flashiness, to me it shows you are arrogant. That not being said I would like my man to have ambition. Ambition and money are not necessarily joint at the hip.

4) Yes I know some women pay on a date, go for walks in the park - I AM ONE OF THEM. You obviously both did not finish reading my post. Which I don't blame you - cos it was long but I will take this opportunity to ask you to read it again.

'As per our traditions, Can you get married to a guy you did not date since its UnAfrican to have sexual relationship before marriage?' - sorry I did not even understand that (amongst other thing, but this point intrigued me as to it meaning).

5) 'From your posts, its obvious that you would want men to buy your affection, because you seem to measure your worth with what a man can buy for you.' - Not true everyone loves to be pampered, but that is not the way to buy my love or else I would have married some Alhaji or something. Treating me well is the way to my heart as well as honesty and humour!

6) 'You cannot pick and choose western traditions that suit your selfish desires and discard the ones that are uncomfortable to you.' - Personally, I totally agree with you. Whcih is why I always offer to pay 'cos I am more of a modernist than a traditionalist.

7) 'I don't know about you but, I know that someone who orders a bottle of an expensive wine without finishing it and wants a guy to pay for her speeding ticket is a gold digger. QED' - In each post you have added a thing this girl did. First it was just moet. Then she had apparently drunk henieken also. Then she was pouring drinks on the table, now speeding ticket. Your story is either evolving to keep up with the environment or you are a ver bad storyteller! Anyway yes I guess she would be a gold digger for the speeding ticket but that even depends on how well you knew eachother (and if it was a loan) and I suspect that is not that well.

[b]My point is this, and if you read nothing else on my page, read this: it is not fair for a man to always be expected to pay on a date, but it is traditionally expected a lot of the time. Not just from women but from men - adconline even rejects lawyers with 6 figure salaries paying for dates! If a girl expects you to pay for the date it may be because she just felt it would be okay with you. It is up to you to tell her 'no' 'cos not all women think the same and some think they are protecting your pride by not assuming it will be too much. That you will brandish someone or their race as undateable for this is totally wrong to me. I do apologise for coming across harsh over this to both swing and adconline but I get passionate about such things. The funny thing is I am fighting on behalf of others unlike me and also I felt that black females were being attacked. I hope you can now understand my point. You just have to have courage to see what happens when you say 'sorry I can't afford that'! [/b]

swing4real:
I don´t know this girl but i can bet my life she is African or africa American.This is one of reasons why i like dating White girls sometimes not because they are easy to lay but because majority of them believe you should pay for what you order and the same goes for them on a date.Don´t take a girl to such places if your game is not tight because anything can happen .Most girls prefer to have a coffee,take a walk or even sit in a park for a date as long as you can hold a good conversation,put a smile on her face and also listen to her when she is talking too which i consider the most important key.

Well,you don´t have to be a quitter now so i will advice you to finish what you started but it depends on what you want out of her (only you can answer that)

@ swing4real
Excuse me! Don't even try it! As an African father I know you will be the first one to tell your daughters not to marry a poor man. In the same instance seein how much a man wants to spend on you is almost like seeing how much you are worth. If you believe you are worth nothing and it is a privilege for any guy to ask you out of course you will be glad to pay for the date as a female. You are paying for the services offered to you. If you think white girls are better go ahead go and follow them just remember when black girls stop dating black men and go to white men who ALWAYS pay out of their noses to date a black woman (same way u feel to generalise let me generalise too), don't get mad. When your daughter goes to marry a white man because all the black men typecast her before they have met her, don't chastise her. You are so stupid how can you make such a generalisation especially on a Naija forum! Don't you know the white girl may be paying for you 'cos she feels sorry for you, she automatically may just be assuming u can't earn as much as her as a poor black man working for the 'man'. Didi u ever consider that. Black women come from families where traditionn often reigns free over modernism. But some traditions even make sense. Think of it like this if one day u get married and have kids, she can't work, then who will be able to provide home, water and shelter for her without her working? Is it the guy who could not even afford dinner? WHAAT! Get real, there are alot of traditions that need to be abolished, some need to be modified and some need to be recognised for their evolutionary significance. It is the survival of the fittest you don't want to marry a man who is worse off than you unless children are not in the equation. Like it or not all dates have the opportunity to develop into marrigae whether that is the intent or not. So why not think wisely about the quality of the girl you are dating. Some black women will be appaled if you ask them to help with the bill, some will be surpirsed you needed help and never considered it would be too much. After all did she ask you out or did you ask her out. If she asked you out obviously you have what she wants and she should pay, but I doubt it was the case. But go on criticise black women based on a few cases that you did not have the guts to explain to the other person that u could not afford it. In fact, is the issue you can't afford to pay or that you don't think you should pay? What was you chat up line? Was it "Hey if your not doing anything lets hang out" or was it "I'd like to take you out on a date" or "I'd like to treat you to a night out". If it was the last two you are actually telling the girl you are the one paying in essence. If it was the first one it is still ambiguus although you have more scope to argue. The truth is if you ahve issues paying for a date at all it is either because you are cheap or have no pride yourself! People are saying this girl is low class. Perhaps. But what class are you.

The truth is there is one other reason a girl may pay on her date (besides thinking you are low class or thinking she is not worthy to be paid for). That reason is she may just not be a tradition freak or feels she does not want to 'owe' you anything. That is the type of person I am, everyone likes to be pampered - men and women. But I always offer to pay and most times men get offended. Once I actually paid for a date, I was even a student and yes I am black. So where do I fit in your equation, as that being the reason why you date white girls? Gosh. Yes I know I am just spouting anger but I don't like flimsy excuses being used for prefering other races to your own.

Anyway you said one thing, don't take your girl to such a place if your game ain't tight

@adconline you even said you refused a lawyer paying for your bill. Why? Because to accept it you must have felt it was a if you were too poor! Just proves my point most black women don't even ask because they feel it is an insult to you to suggest you need their help, something that you guys regularly seem to support in your protests and reactions when they ask. It is not even what you say in response it is that inital look of horror and disappointment when they ask. Can even ruin dates for some, especially if true true the man knows it is obvious he doesn't have a dime. Either you have too much pride or not enough it is hard to find a reasonable balance, these days. Peple are a product of their societies. You obviously picked a classless girl anyway if she got drunk on you date which is what it sounds like. Next time you will get to know a girl well over the phone before you even propose a date. You jsut wanted quick love and expected a girl you obviously did not know well enough to be perfect. Well that's life I guess we are all allowed to be hopeful -but wishfull thinking is dangerous. Close this stupid topic man you have just made me very disappointed that such a thing I could read on Nairaland!

waffistyle:
them de see like that , it was an opportunity for her to taste Moet, so make she know how e de taste, no vex, that alone does not make her a bad girl, but certainly a low class girl, her levels low brother,

Lol. I agree. She though u were her night in 'shining armour' ready to go into debt just for her time and company!

Obelomo:
Your girlfriend is just finding an excuse to dump you. I beg my brother find a another girl, because 6ft is above the average height.

I tend to concur.

Eurphoria:
Well i think i read some where it was one of those glues on wigs or watever they are called. I read it pulled her skin back because of the way she turned her head. That sounds plausible to me, imagine a glued on thing stuck on your head i reckon it would pull on the skin like that. Either way who knows

Yes I agree, Tyra Banks wears the same thing, it is probably that, or else it has been digitally remastered.

See Coco see trouble! lol

Dvampire:
it hurts so that we will have experience on how to handle situations with other people.

That's a good point.

Anyway, I think it is because if you truly love someone you give a part of yourself to them, you allow yourself to be vulnerable, when you are in a loving relationship the two of you own each others happiness. Remember when something did not work out the way you wanted, your loved one is the person you run to for comfort, your emotional crutch. When you feel down, they are there for you, when you feel high it is usually down to them. When that person is no longer your other half they appear to take your happiness with you. They knew just what to say and just what to do to make you happy, which in itself was an acquired skill. It takes time to get to that level with anyone and this is what we call 'love'. You are scared there may be noone else up to the challenge, who can bother to understand all you need and give it to you. You are scared at the time it will take to find someone willing and then teach them to love you. Love doesn't come easy, that's why it is hard to let go of it when you find it.

One thing is for sure though, if you have courage and exercise patience you will love and be loved again. I am sure you are already loved by family members, let them be your emotional crutch (whatever part they played in your relationship), afterall not everyone has family to love them so you still have more than some.

Chin up son, move on.

titilayomi:
My ex-boyfriend slapped me once. I know i can be badmouthed, but can be really sweet too but for him to slap me, is just too way out but it was his funeral and i planned it well and made it befitting.
I sticked with him as if nothing was wrong for a couple of months showered him with love like never before. till it was his birthday, i planned a surprise party for him, it was really nice but i knew exactly what i was doing.
He was ecstatic about the whole thing, fell more in love, involved his family and everything and then i blew the bomb. . . Dumped him, walked away, told him he meant nothing to me all along.
He couldnt believe his eyes.

No one dares to slap me and go free.

WOWWWW! HE WILL NEVER RAISE HIS HAND AT A WOMAN AGAIN!

nonsense

@Ayd

I will make sure he spends a big bulk of his life in jail (for assault and battery - where he would probably receive some assault and battery), tell everyone what he did, so when he comes out he will see judging looks on faces of people he may not even know, some women he tries to approach may refuse to comply, some he people may not employ him - allow others to punish him for me - I don't need to raise my hand back to him, for what?

Well Moet in ENgland is roughly £20-£30 a bottle depending on where you go. That is expensive. But a man should be expecting to pay that or else state at the time. A first date is supposed to be special. Really, in old fashioned terms it is your chance to take the girl away from the daily bustle of feeling like a second-class citizen and make her feel like a queen.

Look around, you are not the first guy to spend alot on a date, is it because it was the first date it bugged you?

Anywayz everyone is different, I size a guy I and mark my menu according to his employment or atleast what he is eating, but not everyone thinks like that. Sorry you were caught unawares but it is nothing new, you just have to increase funds specifically for dates or else find some courage to let girls know how much you got in your wallet and be like 'oh you know what only got £30 in my wallet - hope that will be ok for tonight'. I hear of guys who have £40,000 salaries but spend £1000 over a night! (no hotel included - this is Crystal and other expensive drinks not just for date but her friends too) I am sure you did not spend that much - Yes they still meet their girls pick them up in their cars and pay for everything.

If she was your friend before you dated she probably would not have asked for such. But, as you probably just met her and asked her out she thought 'yes, finally I can feel appreciated'. PLEASE she is not a bad person don't chastise her, it is a societal norm it is up to you to let her know it is not normal for you. So you are to blame.

happy new year!

Your profile shows a picture of a different man! Finish . . . Will you now aanswer the first question? Ok never mind, lets say your promoting your cousin!

Sorry oh, were you trying to pretend! Eh ya!