₦airaland Forum

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage and real estate opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates and prices will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Please check out my post. I am doing research so that I will soon give mortgage opportunities to people who want to buy a home in Nigeria, both abroad and in Nigeria. The rates will be clear when I start it. But first I need to research the property market. this is only my preliminary research. I am trying to make a change!

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Ok I decided to enter the poll also and post myself.

If i could build a 'other town' home then  it would be in Asaba. But as for all the homes I'd like to build.

I think for a five bed, duplex home wt boys quarters and ensuite in each room  an average of £100,000 should be MORE THAN enough. It will vary of course with each city going from £200k in Abuja down to £60k in Asaba but that is the general idea of what info I'd like u to post.

BillGatesFan:
@hot chic:

What are you trying to say? what is your opinion on this matter, I do nbot get you or get what you are trying to say maybe you should explain more your point.

Are you supporting or against what I wrote?
Anywhere no skin pain. I look forward hearing from you.

hot chic:
If you can't raise a baby now,there's no point having one.Your parents have got little or no say here,wait till your wife gets a job and you both are comfortable enough and besides if she gives birth now,it will be more difficult for her to get a job.

@BillGatesFan
I agree with part of what u said and I answered your q directed at hot chic, hope neither of u mind but she posted her opinion b4 u did. Anyways since you love Bill Gates - you should know about his life process. even though he was even born wealthy he still wished to make his own fortune, he married aged 39, by 40 he was the richest on the forbes rich list and they had their first child 2 years after being married (though money was no problem even b4 they married oh). They had their 3rd child 8 years after marriage. I don't think waiting hurt his marriage or his children. No one is saying they should not have children especially the man who posted but people are saying no one outside of the marriage desreves to have any say in it. Furthermore, he will be going back on a promise he made with his wife to allow her to work first which is not just good for her, but him and their future children. If they want to have now, let them, but if not they should not be forced. Afterall, these are human lives you are creating, you cannot be callous when it comes to that. I understand why u admire bill gates 0 he is a legend. But many things contributed to his success. Do u think if he got married and had kids at 18 he would have achieved so much? He may have come up with the ideas, but he would not have had time or perhaps money to do anything b4 someone else came and carried out his dream ahead of him. Please plan ur life. We need more Naija entrpreneurs.

Oh yeah @ duduluq congrats on ur marriage - just enjoy ur wife, no need for such wahala so early on, unless u are looking forward to a short marriage u have many years and obstacles to pass through so dont let anyone else create unnecessary ones for u, ok? Take care of urself and ur wife. If she falls pregnant accidentally then it is a blessing u will have to learn to look after, but if possible stick to ur original plan - it looks like u guys started out right by discussing such matters (communication is important in a marriage abi?), so don't mess up now.

Even if you have children after 3 years is that bad? I don't get it, if she is a fresh graduate lets say she is somewhere between 20 (child genius) and 23 (delays in uni strike). So 23 - 26 is too old to start having children?

Many children live in poverty - across the whole world. That you married a graduate is special (though I am not dissing non-graduates - not everyone can afford to). People should go to uni to get better jobs to build great foundations for their family. You do not have to be stinking rich to start having kids but atleast, children are not as cehap as people are advising. In fact preganancy itself is not cheap.

Certain things you cannot eat whilst pregant. She will not bring in money whilst pregnant unless she works until she goes into labour (possible I guess). All the hospital bills you will pay. Then when the baby is born, you will need to get immunisations for the child. You need diapers, special food, a babysitter/househelp - perhaps one of you will stay at home and not work.

When a man and woman get married they become one - they leave their father and mother to do so. You cannot have children gfor ur parents. Have children ONLY for yourself. This is what is at present separating you from becoming a man. You are acting slightly childish. Although I understand why you feel pressured it can be hard at any age to stand up to ur parents. But if u can't do so now, then when will you? They could possibly ruin ur marriage! Then you will be a young divorcee. Tell them it is between u and ur wife and if they wish to play any future in your life and potential grandhcildren they must not interfere or else you must assume they do not see u as a man in which case u were not even ready to be married much less have a child.

If you want to decided whether or not to have a child, there r 2 ways to approach it.

1) Emotional
2) Monetary

Both points are important.

1) Emotional
Most marriages in UK (not sure of Naija) fail in the first 5 years. You have known each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, then as fiances - lets say those two different phases took 5 years, then 2 years respectively. It is my own opinion these were 2 different phases of the relationship and your attitudes and knwoledge of each other and the way u treated each other were different I will guess. The differences were probably small but I am sure they were important and they got you to this 3rd stage - marriage. This is another stage that is different from marriage with children. When children are in the picture you must devote less time to each other to give to ur children - if you marriage is not strong even the burden of children can destroy it. How do u strengthen ur marriage? By getting to know and apreciate eachother in the stage u r now. U will learn new things about eachothewr that u did not know before - hopes, likes, dislikes, bad habits etc. Don't skip this stage, please atleast try and take a year out to know urselves. U may not need it. But it wont hurt things and if u need 3 years then so be it! People will never know themselves fully, even after 40 years, but I think it pays to try!

Also do you think you are responsible enough to care for a baby?

2) Monetary
Nah cash money oh!
Having a baby can be viewed in its very unemotional state - they need money to be taken care of. Get paper and pen and research all the things needed to raise a child (assuming u have no twins in ur family). List all the things a baby will need from before it was born (i.e. caring for pregnant mother) to lets say end of primary one (is this the same as first year of primary school). remember things are not as cheap as they may have been in ur parents day so dont let anyone convince u otherwise. When u have ur budget. predict how long it will take u to make this with ur salary and savings alone if u already have the dough - perhaps it is time. But if not dont u think problem dey? Anyway thats just my opinion talk with ur wife the answers can only be sourced from the 2 of u - NO ONE ELSE!

Hi guys, this is one of two topics I have posted on the Nigeria property forum.

This topic is purely for those who would not buy a home in Nigeria even if they had the money.

I am doing research into how to encourage people to buy homes in Nigeria and would like to know what your reasons would be for not buying a home in Nigeria. Please post on this topic to give me a good idea.

As I have mentioned these answers should not include 'lack of money'. If not having money is the only thing that is preventing you from buying a home in Nigeria. Then I must assume that you would otherwise buy a home in Nigeria. In this case, please post on the poll I have provided in the following link:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55816.0.html

Also if you are putting a reason why you would not like to live in Nigeria even if you had money on the present topic then you also need to go to the link I have provided to enter option 'NO' on the poll (but don't inlcude a reason on that topic only this one).

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Hi guys, just doing some research and wanted to know how many Nigerians living in Nigeria and living abroad in particular, would be interested in buying a home in Nigeria.

If you could please join the poll and also state where in Nigeria you would like to buy a home, what type of home (i.e. flat, duplex, 3 rooms, boys quaters etc) and how much you would pay for it , I would really appreciate it.

This is a theoretical post based on you having no financial problems in buying a home in Nigeria, therefore I have not included a 'maybe' option. If your answer is 'no', by all means answer the poll-but please don't post your reasons on this poll, I have created a separate thread for reasons why people do not wish to buy a home in Nigeria, this is the link:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-55819.0.html

Thanks a lot.

Some people are just rude like that.

However, are you sure she is not just kidding? For instance me and some of my friends call each other ugly and say we are the most beautiful thiings on earth but are just kidding. If anyone insulted me or those same friends you will see how fast we will defend our friend's TO THE DEATH! lol! It is just our way of relating - friendly banter if you will and I was born and raised in England, some of those are joke with are Jamaican and yes some are Nigerian. But I know who to do this with and how to say it to make it obvious it is a joke sometimes if it is not clear I even say only joking! If you say you and your siblings look the same then maybe she is doing the same and expects the same in return but does not realise you are taking it offensively. It is stupid on her part though as she has just met you, the peeps I do it with I have known since early secondary school (12 years). I don't do it with those I have known even for three years as I feel we don't have tat kinda relationship and would not wan't them to believe the things I am saying I actually believe. Anyway ask her if she really means it when she says your friend is ugly - it may make things more clear for you and you can just say you and your friends are not used to it and you thought she was serious and ask her to tone it down (if she says she was joking). If she is not joking, then just opt to move rooms, you don't need people like that to put u down.

It is not Nigerian to tell someone who you befirend ugly and actually mean it! It is just a mean thing. SIMPLE. If anything, we lie to our friends who are ugly and make them believe they are the most irresistable thing alive even if they look like a leper! The most we may do is be rude about someone's outfit who we care about - 'cos that is fixable!

I guess virgins are respected - and I'm glad. It takes a lot of committment and discipline. But in the end it does not affect you whether someone is a virgin or not as it is of benefit only to themselves and perhaps their partner - so those of u who love to hate and say virgins are freaky etc etc get a life. Worry about whether or not you are a freak no group can categorically be classed as the same. There will be virgins who are not nice, untrustworthy and weak the same with non-virgins. Sex should not be so important to your wanting to be with someone - it is only a small part of a relationship afterall if sex was the most important thing to you, no need to pressurise a virgin to have sex b4 marriage just go and get a hooker, or get a bed friend, why pretend to want a girl/boyfrined then make it seem as if sex is the only thing that will make or break the relationship?

Not to say sex is not important but I just get annoyed personally when people make sex the MOST important thing. Anyone can probably be taught to be good at sex so no try b4 you buy nonsense. Equally you may have lots of sex before you marry then suddenly your partner turns of sex (or off sex with you). Instantly problems will arise if that is the most important thing for you. To me if a man can wait for marriage b4 he has sex with me it shows he loved me enough and found he had all he NEEDED not to care about all the things he WANTED.

I respect virgins and non-virgins who are responsible. FINISH.

Plumbers and builders are appreciated for their services - people know they can't do it themselves - but they are not respected. Council bin men - respected! WHAAT! Anyways if this is why you can be a bin man in Overseas but not Naija then obviously pride bites you more than hunger!

LoverBwoy:
_{cushy lives? driving around in a hummer in ajegunle?}

don't you think it's their fault? most of those kind of comment are usually accompanied by- you work hard for your money- you get paid for your work!
yea when abacha becomes president again

I don't think anybody is discouraging people from going back to Nigeria, the aim of the majority of people as i understand is to grab the opportunities abroad gain as much experience and knowledge as possible and return to Nigeria or invest in it. have u been to the business section?
do you really think thats everybody's aim in life?

Look Loverbwoy. There are people who are discouraging people from going back home. There are also people who encourage wealthy or ok people to leave everything they have in Naija for overseas - I have seen it in real life, I have even seen it on this forum!

As I have been reading posts the aim of a majority of people is to come to UK to have money. Some come for education - yet don't go back - because of money.

If you ride a hummer in ajegunle does not mean you are not living a cushy life - it just means you are faced with reality everyday and a reminder that life is not rosy for everyone - it may be better self as you may remember to help your people. Here in UK and in America poor people and rich people may live in different areas and perhaps never see each other. Is that your idea of cushy? Not being in touch with reality?

As a Nigerian I have heard people say - NEVER IN MY LIFE WILL I GO TO NAIJA - even for holiday. they say 'for what?'.
As a Nigerian I have heard people say if I go back to live in Naija after I have made my cash - I will go to GHANA!
As a Nigerian I have heard people say 'I don't like people knowing I'm Nigerian, there is nothing in my country I can be proud of'.
As a Nigerian, Nigerian people have asked me 'why would you wan't to go to Nigeria when you become rich? That's such a waste'.

If you have money in Naija:
- NEPA no be prob - buy gen.
- education is fine
- accomodation is fine
- social life is fine
- water is fine
- sense of pride is fine knowing you invest in your father's land

If people are debating here as to where it is better to get a degree or whatever and all plan to come home and invest the money back into Nigeria. Then this topic in itself is not an issue. I highlighted the reasons why I joined the argument. Merely for those who feel Naija is waste and they will never come back because it is in entriety a slum which is not true. PS - everywhere you go you must work hard for your money.

If you compare being poor in Naija to being poor overseas of course overseas wins in a lot of cases, the same in almost every non-European or American country. But I think the reason some people on this post are adamant in defending Naija is there are a lot of people doing well in Naija - whether it is the majority or not. Yet people leave cushy lives in Naija because of generalised comments like on this post OVERSEAS IS 100% BETTER THAN NAIJA. This is frustrating for the most part 'cos people think Gold drops from the sky overseas - not true. You are supported in living, simple. The same determination it takes to get rich in Naija is the same you need overseas, perhaps there are more opportunities to enter middle class overseas. But if you are already rich in Naija, Naija is the best place to be. A large number of people complain to their relatives overseas that they have no money yet they have house girls, driver, they actually owb their house and work in an office where they come in 2 hours late and leav an hour early. Yet their relative overseas works 40 hours plus a week cleaning streets a job people won't think of doing in their own land but feel free to do in another man's land and then come home to a dodgy area where they pay rent that eats most of their heavily taxed income. All that is argued here is perspective - if you are poor, there are some places there are better to be perhaps, but if you are rich or even ok, what then?

Naija has problems, yes, but talk like this is futile. When BNP comes to power people here in the UK won't know where to run to! As for me, by then I will have made sure I have something for myself in Naija. The world is a global village why not keep hope alive. Naija will soon become like Ethiopia in fact apart from oil there is not much holding the two apart, all I know is Ghanaians seem to have turned the country around - of course they had a good president come and kill people off, plus they are smaller but instead of playing comparison, why not allow those who want to leave to leave but encourage them to come back and rebuild their country? No clean water? Come back and make a water company. No good road - come back and make construction firm. It will be harder than hard but you will probably even be wealthier than staying in the UK.

The links Easy posted only serve to higlight the torment these children OFTEN go through when a father leaves a mother to cope on her own. It is a miracle when some kids turn out well I know several of my friends who are successful women despite having no father around, all down to the love and determination their mothers showed them. Despite this though it only takes a few words to send them into a rage or see that look of hurt and sometimes shame (although they should not) what about your dad?'.

Donzman:
The men have no pride and are chasing a future that probably isn't there.

Exactly! You even made a good point - a big number of these men still go on to become lower class citizens, often jobless or impregnate others anyway and finally settle down with one of their baby mamas whilst cheating on the side, so what better life is it they are running to? They might as well just stay and if not have a relationship with the mom, support her in raising THEIR child. For a man to look after a child from a previous relationship makes him not a brave or courageous person but someone who has morals. You made a decision now deal with the consequences. You won't die from having a child by a woman you don't wan't to be with. Atleast your conscience will be lot clearer. It is called doing what is right! Many women marry men who have kids the reverse is alot rarer though. You may even find you love the mother of your child. Many men have married women to avaoid a child out of wedlock and grew to love them. Some of these relationships, survive those of people who had no kids before marriage. It is true it won't be easy. But nothing in life is easy, anything that comes easy often has big consequences anyway (e.g. sex itself).

You can't have any pride to abandon your blood. People need to stop making excuses as to why it is hard to look after or even stay in contact with their son/daughter of course there are many reasons - reasons that affect the women who bear these children too who also had the opportunity to abandon their kids. Yes, it is hard. But get a grip, what's done is done, it's time to get it together. Have you wondered why they don't call it 'DO THE MOST HONOURABLE THING'? It is because their is no honour in it. It is your duty as the creator of this being who enetered this world by your decree. it is called 'Do the RIGHT thing'!

@ Donzman - did you understand me? If not I was not supporting child abandonment. But the question is not why people are not smart enough to use protection - an issue in itself. But once the child is there why would a man feel he can live with the immorality of leaving an innocent being in a horrid situation.

LoverBwoy:
Yes now, we are nigerians we like to do shakara and talk about the N14million naira house we bought in Lekki

lol.

People who move abroad, do so often to gain something that is not available to them in Naija.
You have money, alot of money, supposing you are saving it well what is the reason your wife wants to move to London? Is it to do shakara? If you are the one who is bringing in the dough then your opportunities need to be assessed. 15 million naira is £60,000, average house price in london is £350,000 to buy. Do you have that (88 million naira?). You can probably buy a 2 bed flat for about £150,000 (40 million naira), but the area you will live in will not compare to the tourist spots you frequent when on holiday. Your children will go to school in the area of your property yes education is free but there are restrictions so if you buy your 40 million naira house the school your kids go to will probably be in a problem school. There are various other factors council tax roughly £2000 per year for home owners. Road tax, congestion charge (if you plan to drive - don't know prices) or public transport for roughly £1500 per year etc etc. It even depresses me to talk about it.

In my opinion send your children to university here and if you can aford it boarding school. You and your wife can come collect your kids every holiday. Over time maybe you will buy a house here but never let go of what you have in nigeria. Businesses often fail in Naija without the supervision of owners which is true in most countries, so it would be hard for you to live here constantly and hold on to your business unless you visit home regularly but holiday's here are often 25 days at the maximum. Will you use every day of that in Naija? Well if I was you I would tell my wife to forget it. If you were a single man you may have nothing to lose. But unless you have a job offer lined up here that pays you £40,000 which is what I think is the minimum you need for you and your family to be comfortable as your wife will probably not want to work, you should stay there like my2cents suggested many people are able to keep one foot abroad and one foot in Naija. That is what I plan to do when I make some dough for a business and home in Naija.

I will say it again. There are a lot of benefits abroad. But one day there will be no one left in Naija at this rate! If you care about the rest of Naija but feel you need to leave, fine! But please consider returning when you can to set up businesses, NGOs, etc for these people living in poverty. People keep waiting for the government to do this and do that. In reality it may never happen, we as Naija people who are able to go abroad should try and come back and rebuild the community we say we can't live in. That is what progress is all about. You see white men coming and investing in the community all the time. Most of the time it is strictly for their own benefit to set up a business in Naija where the are so many resources , intelligent people and opportunities. But in the process they are investing in the community to 'cos they are generating jobs.

If someone like you or I forgets these opportunities exist in Naija, Naija will never change. What is Naija if not people and the land. There is nothing overseas that is not plausible in Naija, it will just take time and a lot of effort. But if we don't encourage people to see the beauty in Naija and possibilities in Naija. Naija will soon become a barren land populated only by cochroaches! Whenoyibo decides to tell people to get out we will see people flee to Ghana. Then when Ghana sends us paking we will have a new name for that checked bag!

I think some people (not gonna mention names), have gotoon things wrong. Whilst it is a strain on the mum to be a single mum in this scenario. There is no use saying 'she deserves it'. THE BIGGER PICTURE IS she is not the one who necessarily suffers the most. It is often the child. You can say why did the woman not do this, or do that - fine. She should have take the same precautions we say the men should have, perhaps more if you wish to argue so.

But what did the child do, what part did he/she play in this. Did he/she have any choice to be born? Did he/she have any opportunity to take chances on life. Often raised in poverty and if not that then raised without a father figure they may crave no matter how perfect their mother may be. I respect a lot (although not all) single mothers. Especially in Nigeria where there is no social security. She too can run away! She can give the child to adoption, have an abortion, but she does not do that mostly because she knows this child need not be punished for her mistakes.

My question is not about the reason why men abandon children. The answer is clear - it is hard. But my answer is how do men go to sleep at night, or how can they claim to have morals. Knowing somewhere some child is asking why his/her dad did not love him/her? HOW? We should not ask how come? It is actually not a hard question to answer and will only cause bashing. But how do you cope with the knowledge you abandoned a helpless human being (or two self if you wan't to include the mum), when they needed you the most? All I know is it can't be easy.

Eurphoria:
IRRELEVANT !!!! what do you put a gun to his head for it to become unwilling? come off that

lol. Unless drugged, I think it is always willing, if you decide to have sex you are taking a risk of pregnancy both parties are therefore responsible. It's quite simple. That's why you should also not try to get drunk 'cos you are deciding to make yourself vulnerable to others so you can't complain unless drink was spiked!