₦airaland Forum

I HALF AGREE WITH U.

FIRST OFF ALL GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT, SOME GIRLS LOVE FLOWERS EVERYDAY AND ALL THAT MUSHY STUFF.

But alot of girls I know personally (most of them in fact), don't like too much mushy stuff. That is not to say we like rudeness or cockiness like keltoch suggested (not here in England anyway and I am sure the same goes for Naija). But too mcuh soppines can be a put off just because of culture or because it resembles insincerity. Every girl likes gifts - it just depends on what the gift is i.e. I think flowers are a once in a blue moon thing and don't really like them, but if u like, kit me out with bling every day, Gucci every saturday, and holidays abroad every birthday, lol! It is an individual thing but no one likes to be treated badly even if they love a bad boy, they love it when the boy is bad to others not themselves.

You need to tell ur boyfriend, if u really loved him do u think u would cheat on him or do u think there is scope to love him and cheat on him? It is not a rhetorical question it is something only u know the answer to. But I think to me it is like u did not love him, as he has been ur man all this time and all his charm could not deflower u and one night is all it took for a total stranger who was just an ONLINRE FRIEND b4. I think ur boyfriend is a nice, good man, that is why u say u 'love him' he probably treats u well and has told you he loves u, abi? That is why u are afraid to lose him, except u think this fear of losing him/being without him is the same as loving him:

i don't know how to tell my guy this,because i also love my boyfriend, he his so caring, please i need advice he musnt know i have been disflowered by another man.

well thanks for your advice any way, but my prb is that i still don't know how to confront him with such thin. its hard and am scared

Your focus seems to be more on him finding out u have betrayed him, and perhaps him leaving u, which is natural even when u love some1. But u have not mentioned how much u think it will hurt him, if u think he will feel disgraced, if it will crush him, if he will enter depression. I know I may sound harsh and judgemental (SORRY I KNOW IT IS NOT RIGHT BY AM NOT HERE TO OFFER U ABSOLUTION, HERE TO BE DIRECT), but this is just me being not discriminatory, like Dvamp suggested if it were a man, i.e. he did it 2 u there would be an outcry! Also I hope contraception was used (and if so na u bring am). Plus why did u not meet in the hotel restaraunt or any restaraunt, even if u were not attracted to him and voluntarily had sex with him. It was a very dangerous thing to do, he could have raped u, and since u did not tell ur man (i am assuming u did not tell any1 else either) he could hav killed u too!

JUST COME CLEAN TO UR MAN - AND EXPECT TO LOSE HIM, U WILL FIND SOME1 ONE DAY WHO U COULD NOT DREAM OF CHEATING ON AND THAT IS THE GUY U MUST TRULY LOVE!

Well I apologise if this advice is not spot on, but I don't live in Nigeria. While I think it probably is good to be honest about how much you can spend, don't you dare ask her to pay! - THAT IS A MAJOR FAUX PAS. You can't do that, if she was the one chasing u, maybe jus' maybe it would be justified, but you want to chase someone down, woo them as it were and then at the last minute drop it like 'oh babe, i no get cash take u anywhere, u think sey u fit take me out, that is, i know go pay oh!'

Please, I can just imagine how she gives a dirty kissing of teeth, eyeballs u up and down and turns and exits, then she may even go and tell her friedns; 'you see this ignorant fool, he had been chasing me for ages I just dey waka, finally I decide mek i gree, can u imagine wetin happen? . . . the callous ignormaus opened his dirty mouth to ask me mek i pay' (girl friend answers) - 'true? shame no catch am? na wa o' (girl answers) 'na real wa'!

Anywayz I am just giving a stereotype and not all girls react like this, but just to be safe and save yourself embarrassment, I think u should say to the girl, 'look, I really like you and want to spend time with u whcih is why I asked you out, unfortunately, I am not exactly stacked with cash at this moment in time, everyone has rainy days I guess, I only have 500 naira for us to go out with, do u think we could arrange a date at (insert cheap restaraunt here), or maybe I could make a picnic, or we could travel to the becash and just get to know eachother, atleast I can buy u mineral hehe, maybe u have somewhere u wanted to go to that I can afford on my budget, I am really sorry about this and kind of embarrassed to, but please could u still give me the honour of being graced with your presence'.

Me personallu, I am not sure if I would buy all the mushy stuff but I would value your honesty, and if I liked u enough to say yes before I knew u had a budget this would not change for me. In fact I may offer to pay my own way, or if I reeeaaaaallly liked u -treat u too. I just don't believe if u were the one I was giving a lucky break to, by accepting your date, that I should be ASKED to pay but can I easily volunteer to.

GET OVER URSELF! So many Nigerian men that I have met abuse those 3 words. The majority of people on this topic that believe the girl does not love u because she has not said it are men! DO MEN KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN THE MIND OF  A WOMAN ALL THE TIME!  Trust me we are complex. The women have given u insight into a woman's mind and I agree with all of them:
1) She believes u will run away and feel 'she wants to tie u down instead of have fun with you' as soon as she utters those words too soon (even if u say it to a woman, alot of women believe it is to soon to hear for a guy to hear it back - as someone exemplified on this topic).
2) She believes u only want to know how much control u have over her heart so u can start messing around with/on her.
3) She really, really likes you and feels she may love you but is not 100% sure and most women even if they are 99.9999999999% sure they will not say 'i love u' it has to be 100% (more self). Unlike alot of men who seem to abuse the word at times either to gain control of the woman or just to satsify them by telling them what they think women want to hear.

PLEASE NOTE: to me it is very annoying when guys tell me they love me after a short period of time, it is almost like an insult to me - like they think i am stupid enough to believe you can love me after a week! I know this sounds strange but trust me i am not alone in this thought.

4) oh yes another point is she may not love or even like u at all! lol - i don't believe this i think most women grow to love men even if not at first which is why they stick with a man they like very much but don't love. Women who stay with a guy they don't like at all do so for money, companionship etc and u must be able to tell this!

KEEP UR HEAD UP OL' BOY AND JUS' BE PATIENT! OK?

OYA I HAV REPEATED WHAT EVERY1 HAS ALREADY SAID THIS CASE WAS CLOSED A LONG TIME AGO ABI?

It's not about maturity or love, I could not understand everything in the post but the girl sounds psychotic and the boy sounds a bit like a sucker. Tell him to run, far far, this is the type of chick that will get him in trouble. Some guys self, they r too stupid, can find it hard to stay with a girl 'cos she has grown fat, or does not cook, or does not give him sex, yet u have to stop and think about this? OPEN AND SHUT CASE, abeg she will soon hld a gun to his head or sleep with both guys and say he is the father f another man's child!

Very funny topic- SO WHAT, Nigerian men marry white women all the time and more and more Nigerian women marry oyibo men (is it because she is famous u r bugging?). It's good, because the Nigerian men were becoming almost extinct (in terms of availability) because both Naija and oyibo girls were fighting for them. Now let Naija girls marry oyibo men more and more, so that there are  more Naija men left for me! lol

Radiant:
Oh yea! Definitely.

Hehehehehe naija water and its impurities no deh respect 100 degrees Celsius

Ha HA! Actually it's not funny, I'm afraid its true, I became very sick from drinking water in Nigeria that was from a tap!

@nilla is American water so bad! British water has alot of limescale although it varies depending on where you live, I think it is pretty sterile but there are too many chemicals I wouldn't gte sick from it though.

candylips:
na wa o.

ditto

cheavroi:
There are other things also involved but i can't remember precisely now.but as i do i post it.thanks

Ok, when you do I will try and give CONSTRUCTIVE advice that you can actually use in your relationship (or to end it as the case may be).

abbey02:
findout very well if she's only pretending not to love you,because we ladies do that at times.

@abbey02 - i am not sure i understand, but I think you are saying she is just acting like Cheavroi is not her whole world, so as not to let his head grow too big and become undervalued, when she may actually believe he is her sun and her moon. If that is wot u are saying, then I have to agree, alot of girls do do that. It does not mean she doesn't care but that she does not wan't to be controlled.

In response to the original question, 'are Catholics Christian'? I am sure people on this board must all answer 'yes' as to be Christian is to believe in Christ. So you can understand why people get offended when asked this question. I find it hard to understand why people don't believe Catholics believe in Christ - which is essentially what you are saying if u say Catholics are not Christian.

Anyway, I think what people mean to ask is; are Catholics worshipping God on the right way? This is a perfectly fine to think about I believe (as a Catholic myself). I believe you either believe in Jesus or you don't, but there are many ways to honour and worship him and ask God for help. In the same way people ask their pastors to help them pray for them and their families or congregations to pray for sister Kate etc, so too do Catholics ask Mary the mother of Jesus to pray for us. We do not say she is the one who will save us, the same goes for saints (people have given reasonable analogies here I feel). To be honest, no one here reserves the right to question another Christian's ways of worshipping God, as in essence it is judging. You do however, have the right to decide for yourself what you feel is the best way to praise your God, ask for His help.

When Judgement day comes what do you think God will believe is more important. That I was a Pentecostal who spent all my time criticising Catholics rather than converting Atheists and serving my fellow man (i.e. charity). Or that perhaps by your views, I was a Catholic, who spent my time opening my hearts to all humanity, all Christian faiths, always spoke well of God and believe in Him with all my heart, mind and soul. That I practised things that were a so-called "waste of time" whilst doing the things God wanted also! I am not trying to say all the traditions of the Catholic Church are necessary (nor am I saying they are wrong), but there are so many other things going n in this world, people enter a train to go to work to provide for their family and get bombed. People committing suicide, people going to war, poverty, famine, those who don’t believe in any higher power let alone God, or better still Jesus! My issue is that a man who goes to war stricken areas to feed people and instil hope in them my giving them verses from the bible, who cleans them, feeds them, clothes them and yes prays for them. Would you not call him a man doing God’s will? What if this man is a Catholic priest? Do you still feel the same? Do you feel, between he who puts his life on the line and opens his heart and Bible to these people along with his heart and you who stays at home at his desk writing about how Catholic’s have got it wrong, you will enter God’s graces before him?

Let no one take this personally because I am just upset at how many lost people there are in this world, people who need people who know the Word better than the back of their hand like you. You people here are truly blessed and have been filled with the spirit. I truly believe it because, I know you are only asking these questions because you don’t want God’s image to be tainted/misrepresented which is admirable it shows your love and commitment to God. But you are being blind sighted, only God knows what He finds important and even amusing, He may be laughing at us now ‘look how these children are fighting at who loves me most, and who shows it in the best way’. Or maybe he is crying ‘my children would rather rebuke each other as to how they worship me than as to how they live their lives and serve their fellow man’. I don’t know, only God knows what he is thinking. But one ting is for sure, the devil is laughing ‘ha-ha stupid fools, either they are atheists or Christian either way I win, because even the so-called Christians ridicule each other until they render all form of religion/spirituality obsolete’ (which by the way I have seen and heard happen). Please end this talk and let’s set up a new thread: “how to be better Christians, more united in saving the world”, after all, all men are not the same so why should we worship the same. But the most basic and fundamental ideals of Christianity I am sure we can all agree on.

7K do you know what debt she may be in? No offence, but are you even sure it was her hair? (weave can come in may forms that some guys aren't knowledgeable about - bonding for instance has no tracks) If she told you grow your hair long so you can plait your hair in braids (assuming not already in braids), would you do it? Please give a more detailed list of the type of things she doesn't do, and be honest 'cos if this is it, I a sorry you are looking for a daughter not a partner. You can't control people alot of the time on important issues, like smoking, drinking, overeating, academic pursuit, career ambitions, marriage, giving money to inlaws, how many kids to have, whether or not mother or father takes leave/ works overtime when you have a newborn child etc.

Your girlfriend not keeping her hair long is a stupid thing to complain about, fair enough you may have seen it as her crowning glory, but is it really important. Long hair is hard to maintain not just financially but PHYSICALLY my hair grows quite long and quite fast and I recently had to cut it, was not happy to do so, but my hair was damaged and needed to much car to still look bad. So I agree with Memunah on this, although I probably sound a bit harsh but maybe you have other issues raised, I'd like to hear so I can advise you and I'm sure it would help other also.

If he really liked/loved you, he would have left his wife before even approaching you, because he would know there is no point in being in a marriage with someone he does not love enough to be faithfull to. He may still love his wife but just be selfish, in which case he is just using u, and you're nothing special to him, u may not even be the first or the last.

The only thing I can say about Nigerian men is they know how to charm and are almost too romantic, lol, (in my own personal experience), but they are no more unfathful in marriage than any other black men, I don't even see the relevance of that question - slightly offensive to my brother's to be honest; unless u were thinking, if you to started something and got married, as a Naija man would he cheat on u? The answer to that is as a man who cheated on his wife who was delivering his CHILD I am ALMOST CERTAIN he would cheat on u. Men often feel neglected by their wives in latter stages of pregnancy as the wives are in too much pain and discomfort to have sex (also women are often advised not to for health implications).  Or he may not find her as sexually alluring whilst his child is inside her or because she is looks fatter/bigger. If he was a sex-mad idiot he might go for whoever is close enough to fill this sexual void but if u become pregnant watch how u get dashed to side like a DAMN FOOL! My sister, tell him to f*@k off back to his wife who is putting her body through torture for their unborn child. He is a disgrace! He needs to work out his sexual problems with his wife (as I'm sure once she gives birth he will find her as alluring as she used to be). Hope this helps.

Some of them make me laugh! lol

There seem to be a lot of good points on this post, funny enough I can't say I disagree with any1 although there are lots of different opinions. I advise the guy to leave the relationship and re-evaluate his idea of marriage. He does have the right to marry whoever he wants, however he wants, but you can't control people so this is what he must look for: Someone who is health conscious especially in matters of the weight (ALso I hope he looks the same as he was when he met her men hav a tendancy to not see these things in themselves when they hookup with a girl). If she not only values remaining slim, but you always see her going to gym or running or eating healthy, she is more likely to remain slim throughout the marriage.

BUT I thought some men prefer women with weight though!

Anyway even if u do find this slim 'health freak' woman - giving birth does leave baby fat, and even before that, getting married often puts on weight (like people have stated in this topic) even though some do more than others.

I guess 2 issues are raised:
1-IF you love someone shouldn't u try to make urself attractive for them?
2-Is marriage based on looks - remember the vows pls. If tomorrow u have an accident, the lady who is fat may look after u and love u more because she understands the physical does not equate to the love she feels for u, meanwhile the slim health freak may feel she can do better! What is more important to u? In time u will both grow old and wrinkly, the person who likes u will ignore the fact this is happening as they feel trapped in the relationship anyway (until they can get rid of u oh), but the person who loves u will see ur blemishes and love u still.

Sorry it was just funny, but tell her "when I met you, I knew I wanted to be near you always, in reality this is something every human body creates, if something like that bothers me or even you how can we be around eachother always, or do you think a wife runs from her husband everytime she passes wind, please, don't worry about what it sounded like, just be ready for what mine SMELLS like!".

Hopefully it will make her smile or laugh as she comes to the conclusion you are a lovely fool!

hahahahahah

Cinema and restaraunt are fine but I kinda like the idea of doing something a bit more active. Like going to a fair/amusement park, ice-skating and its nice when the guy can just crack jokes, gist, or muck around. To me the first date doesn't need to be about learning details about eachother that can be done over the phone but just get comfortable with eachother and learning to relax and enjoy eachother's company. You can throw in some political or philosophical issues though if u run out of things to joke about but just know what ur talking about and if possible don't go against her opinions. lol!

I agree with alot of people on this site. I am currently studying in the UK. To best advise you we would need more information. What are the tuition fees? Do you have somewhere to stay? Is it a part-time or full-time masters? And I know this may be a stupid question but is it a student visa or an ordinary one? Does the visa permit you to work?

English degrees 'apparently' hold a lot of weight all over the world, so it would be a great opportunity if it is all expenses paid with accomodation and living expenses provided. But if not, you could blow it by coming too soon. Make sure you have enough a Masters degree can be anything from £3000 to £30,000 per year (N750,000 to N7.5million). Living expenses for the average person here has to be atleast £6000 per year but on average is probably £10-12,000 (N2.5million to N3 million). So assuming you have about 10 million Naira for a one year course if tuition fee £30,000 or 4 million Naira if tuition fee is £3000 then I say come running you may be able to tell your employer to wait for you while you further your education. They may spit at you or more likely (if you have faith) be impressed and flattered that you would still choose them as your top choice even after advancing yourself academically and have a 'provisonal' job waiting for you on return. Whatever the situation, research, hardwork and preparation is the key. If you can work in England that may be an option for a £3000p.a. tuition fee (pay in installments if they agree, and most uni's do), but just know it will be very hard. The very jobs you would not consider in Naija could be the jobs you find urself 'begging' for here even though you are by far overqualified - cleaning, nightwatchman (security guard), cleaning peoples bodies, street cleaner etc. Good luck if you prepare well as well as praying and having faith in your hardwork, your God and your convictions you could stand to gain alot! Hope that helps.

Hi I am new to the forum but had to comment on this post. I live in England and I am currently studying medicine. I just wanted to add my 2 pence:

1. About the GP who earnt a quarter of a million in a year here - he was a GP, only one branch of medicine it is not common for a doctor to earn this much but if you do, either you are working in private practice or are a GP. GPs are sort of paid bonuses according to what drugs they prescribe, how many patients they treat, or how many targets they reach i.e. decreasing smokers, obesity etc (often concerns of national public health). In a sense being a GP can be a business/entrepreneurship more businessminded GPs stand to earn alot more. But this case was not reflective of all doctors.

2. In the UK doctors on average used to work a minimum of 100hours per week, whereas nurses probably worked half as much as they worked on a rota system switching places whereas the same doctor could stay there from morning 'til night. Doctors are assingned to departments i.e. the whole of A&E, or the whole of Geriatrics, or surgery etc. Whereas nurses are assigned to a bay e.g. lets say 6 beds depends on how big the ward is. So a doctor and nurse could both WORK 24 hours but you would see the nurse all the time as she is assgned to only 6 patients whereas you would see the doctor once as he/she has 200 patients to see. The idea that nurses work harder than doctrs because you see them more is unfounded because if doctors saw you as much as nurses did there would be no need for nurses and in fact less patients could be assessed by doctors causing more deaths.

3. Nurses here are taught on a model of care whereas doctors are taught on a model of science. Both are important. One to save and maintain life, the other to maintain quality of life.

4. In the UK doctors receive no grants until the final year of a 5 or 6 or even 8 year university degree process. They often pay £1000/£3000 per year in tuition fees and receive say £4000 per year in student loans which start earning interest from day one. Nurses on the other hand pay no tuition fees for their 3 year degree and actually receive £6000 bursaries per year (sometimes more). On top of this doctors lectures are 9-5 so have no time to earn extra money (although they do at the expense of thier grades - like nurses i guess except they would not need to with thier grant).

5. On graduating although I have worked throughout my biomedical degree and will continue to work as I have so far done in my medical degree I will owe the Student Loan Company £45,000 atleast. My nurse friend will owe nothing. However as a house officer my basic salary will be £19,000 per year for 58 hours per week when average UK working week is 36hours for other profesions including alot of nurses. Nurses by the way will have the same starting salary. After 4 years or so both can probably get £40,000 per year which is quite good but the nurses will buy their houses before doctors (still paying off loan). Unless doctors work overtime i.e. 100+ hours per week which considerably increases their pay of course. Of course doctors pay will increase depending on speciality, private practice and hours worked.

6. As a doctor I will progress only by not only passing exams I have to pay for and avoiding many lawsuits that ultimately lie on the doctors shoulders (i.e. if I overprescribe a drug and the nurse administers it I go to court even if she new it was wrong it was my decision so I fail, in fact the only way a nurse can be struck off is by doing something stupid or malicious, whereas a doctor can be for not knowing the latest protocol - knowledge is a legal pitfall for us more so than nurses who can get by, by ust following instruction, well to an extent anyway).

7. I lived with a nurse who did not even know what NSAID stands for or the biochemical pathway for its metabolism or actions. In day to day life it probably is not important but if you want to understand in those rare cases, why this happened and why you can't prescribe it this info can be vital in the life and death of a patient and is the reason why doctors prescribe other drugs because ultimately they should know more about the contraindications, benefits, risks etc so they have the right to be sued if something goes wrong. If a nurse prescribed and something went wrong you couldn't blame him because they were not taught to that depth. So is this justice?

8. Here in the UK nurses work extremely hard, everyone always says it but no one talks about when doctors do good things only when mishaps arise. This is to be expected I guess because at worst a nurse can only make a patients stay uncomfortable unless he is evil or hell bent on not following instructuions or the instructions are wrong. But the worst a doctor can do is kill, medical cases are complex and so many diagnoses can be possible for a given case expecially if symptoms are vague so even when you follow science to a tee. There is still an area where intuition/experience has to play a role and it may no be a patient dies because you are incompetent. It may be that patient dies because you are 'human'. This doesn't make the death 'ok'. But it does not necessarily make the doctor an evil idiot.

9. When I speak I speak for the UK. My experience in Nigerian hospitals is dismal. Both nurses and doctors I have found incometent in the hospitals I have been and amazing. I am aware of fraudulent degrees or real degrees that have been paid for. SO maybe this adds to the problem of your useless doctos in Nigeria. One thing I must say is please don't tar all doctors there with the same stick as a doctor can be trained in a week or month to do nurses duties. For example we were aught to catheterise in a day, taught to use a hoist in a day, taught to take blood samples and give injections. But you can't teach a nurse to operate on heart in a week with no previous detailed anatomy, biochemistry, histology, pharmacology, immunology and physiology - or maybe you can but just choose the to operate on you over a surgeon with 7 years undergraduate and 15 years postgraduate training, yeah.

10. I hope I don't seem like I am disregarding nurses as this is not my intention, to me they are amazing individuals who do deserve more pay as do some doctors I think (or atleast help during university like nurses get). Without nurse less pateints could be seen and more would die - it is logic as doctors would have to assimilate duties of nurses or risk the patients condition deteriorating without observation and continued round the clock care. I just feel the need to stick up for doctors. We go through a lot when my nurse friends were partying and buying Gucci with their grant I was studying and sewing my cutains to tie wrapper!

BOTH DOCTORS AND NURSES SHOULD BE PAID MORE THAN THEY ALREADY GET IN NIGERIA BUT TIGHTER CONTROLS SHOULD EXIST ON WORKING AS A DOCTOR AND IN MEDICAL EDUCATION IF YOU BELIEVE FRAUDSTERS ARE GETTING THROUGH. BUT DOCTOS SHOULD BE PAID MORE THAN NURSES. Of course that's just my opinion and I am speaking more from a UK perspective.