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slap1: I live in Aba.
Your storyline and narration is good. However, there are some mechanical errors in the story. When I log in with a PC, I'll try and highlight as much as I can. Good luck!
You should also pay attention to details. See the post below, for example.

Awesome.. I stay in Aba too. These finally answers the question "can anything good come from Aba?".
You've helped me a lot. Can't thank u enough. Can't wait for the corrections

slap1: The bolded sentence should end with a question mark(?), to start with.
A weak sentence lacks force and directness. It fails to clearly thrust its meaning on the reader.
Let's examine the sentence I quoted earlier. It is obvious that the rephrased version is easier to understand than the original version. When you write a sentence, ask yourself if you could have written it better. Attempt a rephrase of it (if you're not sure ) and compare both of them to ascertain the one whose meaning is clearer and better than the other.

This is an excerpt from my story:

www.nairaland.com/1855225/little-things-excerpts-novel-progress


Pay attention to the dialogue and observe how they are punctuated. You should learn something from it.

WOW. I thoroughly enjoyed the story. You flow seamlessly without hiccup. I so envy you.
I did learn a thing or two about the use of punctuation and sentence structure. But I did notice that you use more of complex and long sentence with lots of comma, why? Am very much afraid of long sentence - to avoid wrong usage of commas though I made an exception in this story.
What do you think of my writing ability, the story line and narration?
Where in th SE are u in?

Her funeral was loud. Too loud for my liking.
At a point it turned from being about my late mother to centring on my father and his new wife. Dad basked in the lime light. Drummers accompanied him where ever he went and he flung money at them. Money that I never knew that he had so much of
"Wait later. Am expecting some business to finalise tomorrow" would have been his response if we, his children or mama, ask him for money. Strangely, tomorrow for my father never reached.
I began to hate him and his barbie doll face wife.
After the burial we moved to umuahia to live with him and his wife. But I couldn't stand him or the wife- though she was very nice to us and very motherly to magdalene.
Instead during holidays and breaks, I went to my maternal grandmothers house in Enugu. Soon obioma, chikamso, kelechi joined me there.
I still blame mama for her death. Often time I alternate between hating her and loving her. She let herself be bullied. She was too weak to fight. She trusted only in God, she never trusted herself. Other times I blame Dad. And then I blame obioma for leaving her alone in that room to cry. then I blame the world for being cruel and then God for not answering her prayer.
And now looking down at my father as the grave diggers poured mud on his coffin and the rain falling heavily into his grave, I feel sorry for him. His life had been empty. His funeral emptier.
None of his children-except me- came for his funeral. And the only one that cried was his poor old mother. His trophy wife had left him years ago, taking with him his last daughter.
He died a crumpled old man that complained about everything. I had expected him to be sorry but he wasn't. But I've looked beyond his stubborn exterior and seen the pain in his hard case shell. And I've forgiven him. For in forgiving him, I learnt to love myself and others more.
Now am a father and a wife and I hope I do well by them. As a doctor I hope I save more lives, not the way I couldn't save my mothers'. As a son, I can't do much else, than pray for my parents repose. And that Dad finds freedom from the ghost of mama that hunted him for years.

slap1: This sentence construction is strange and weak. You mean she didn't MAKE an eyelid? I'll rephrase it as: I shook her shoulders; but she neither bated an eyelid nor made a sound.

Furthermore, I think you have to pay attention to your punctuations. You present interrogative sentences without question marks, switch dialogues without commas and end what should be sentences without full-stops.

These are the two I identified easily because I haven't really read the story. When I do, I'll comment some more.

All the best!

Thanks bro.
Ur correct about that line. Its a huge error on my part.
I have a huge problem with usage of punctuation, can u drop a few pointers or guards for me
. Also what do you mean by a sentence being weak
I'll put ur observations into practise. U da best.