₦airaland Forum

cedricksly:
if I was a lady u will be the very last person I would date... Imagine the nonsense talk, I have also told her severally that she is not my standard blah blah blah... Nonsense talk... Na this ur rude nature and standard go make u finally get married to "regrets"

A lot of ladies really have low self esteem. They take all manner of nonsense and gibberish talk from men because they wanna get married.

Ebenman:
I meant a lady 3 months ago. After we talked, she began to show interest in me, but she wasn't my standard, so I wasn't feeling the same way.

My standards are:
1. At least she must be a graduate
2. She should be self-sufficient (earning something reasonable)
3. At most 5-6 age difference between us
4. Looking calm and understandable
5. She must be an average-height lady

This lady, in particular, is an NCE holder, working as a teacher, earning little because of her level of education. She is just in her early 20s, and I am almost 8 yrs older than her. She is from a poor background and has 2 other younger siblings. She is also not tall and looks like an average girl.

She is very decent (a virgin) and loyal to me. I have told her severally that she is not my standard and I wasn't interested in her, but she refused to listen and began to feel very insecure. Maybe because I earn well and she knows I will soon get married.

She now comes to my house almost every weekend because I am very accommodating. Recently she has been telling me to delete the pictures of other females friends, in which I asked her on what grounds I should do that.

Note: I don't want to invest in a lady that is not my wife, and I am afraid her family will see me as a rich guy from which her other siblings can benefit if I proceed with her.

Should I block every contact with her, or should I forget about standards and risk and look at the good side?

Please advice

Talking about standards, a man who will open his mouth and talk down a fellow human in the name of "we are not of the same standard" has no standard. Read that again! Na the mumu girl I blame. E be like say you get one small car, na why her brain no dey work well. You have told her off and yet she is still sticking around. You are looking for how to take that her virginity, get her pregnant and then dump her in the name of standards.

You are not even talking about intelligence here or values, I doubt if those things matter to you. What if she gets a job in a good school tomorrow or better still God blesses her and she starts a school of hers? Mr standard, block the girl and rest. Cased closed!

A lot of you men just come online and talk trash just to belittle women and it is really not your fault. Underskirts are for transparent clothes. You wear it under a transparent dress so the partings of your thighs are not visible when walking or when your legs are apart. Every underwear has its function. A tight cannot replace an underskirt. Underskirts are more advisable to be worn as women so your lower body can air out the heat coming out from it. As a matter of fact tights are not advisable for women. It is so hot and heats the whole place up. Some women wear pants and wear tights before even wearing trouser and a little wonder why they won't smell or stink. But the same men that complain about women's privates having odour are the ones coming out here to talk about underskirts being outdated. Some of una sha

My problem is with that person you call friend. How is he your friend please? You yourself are emotionally immature. You cannot meet a person for few weeks or months and start calling them names like "my best friend","my missing rib", "my betterhalf". You trust too much sir. And what is it with introducing your girl to your colleagues? Don't you have boundaries? By now, you should know its time to call it quits, withdraw yourself from that relationship. It's over already.

Ikennaford:
14 year old don mature na, they've already started having sex, most 14 years old, their boobs and ass is Big already and they love older guys,some stupid hypocrites will start calling me paedophile now, you guys are welcome

May all your girl children be raped at fourteen years. Amen

You cheated on your wife and broke your marriage vows , then made a post about Okafor's law bragging about how the sex was sweet. Today you are talking about what to do about the result of the Okafor's law experiment. Don't do anything bro. You can pretend it doesn't matter. If possible, take the secret to your grave that you possibly fathered a child with your ex and blame it on Okafor's law my brother. Kudos.

pocohantas:
Very possible. There is one here, when he is seeing someone, we won’t hear the last of how she is special. She cooked this, cooked that. They went to Pluto, dinner at Venus.

The second she leaves him, it is like where they unchained a Rottweiler. He would login to start insulting evening newspapers. I can tell he is currently single.

Omo this comment got me laughing hard . Small stew weh person post, vawulence don occur.

If the girl is from a certain tribe in Nigeria, If she dies in his hand, hope he knows he will still marry her. That same money wey e no wan collect marry her while living, he will collect it and use it to marry her corpse and still fund the burial. The reason why he is still struggling may be tied to the fact that the union has not been blessed. You cannot carry someone's daughter and put in your house without the normal rites and expect things to be working well. Before God and man, he is wrong. At worse, if his pride will not allow him take the offer, let him consider the money that will be spent on his wedding by the younger brother as a loan and try repaying it installmentally if that will make him feel better.

LoveUdie:
My wife and I have been married for 6 years and have a son who is 4 years old.
She confessed to me that she has been having an affair for “about a year” with a guy from church and is around 6 weeks pregnant based off when she had her last period. The last time we had sex was yesterday, before that the last time was maybe 4 months ago. She told me that she pretty much only had sex with me because she thought maybe she could make it seem like the baby is mine.

From what I understand, she hasn’t told her affair partner that she is pregnant. She showed me the last texts between them (it looked like there were some that were deleted). He asked her to call him when she could, and he replied with she needed some space from him and to not contact her anymore. She told me she will end it officially with him and was crying begging me to forgive her. I told her that I needed space and went into our bedroom and locked the door (which is where I am now). I could hear her sobbing a little while ago but it sounds like she’s stopped.

I posted on relationship_advice and a lot of the replies were validating but not helpful for the kind of advice I need right now. I’m going to have to face her tomorrow morning and our son will be there. I don’t know what to say to her. I know he’s only 4 and I don’t know how much of this he will remember but I never want him to see me speak to his mother with anything except respect. I grew up with divorced parents who hated each other and I don’t want that for him. I don’t know how I feel about her right now, I’m too angry but I’m pretty sure things aren’t salvageable.

So you did not have sex with your wife for four months? Well, someone else has been helping you do your work. Pele mr story teller

tomtomastom4:
I created this thread in response to the post on front page about ladies that date men who earn less than 100k. Below is the link.

https://www.nairaland.com/7292274/ladies-relationship-men-earns-100k

Of a truth, its not easy to manage such amount, but when one is already in such situation, you just have to manage and improvise.
Now like the OP of the above thread requested, here is the break down of how we make our expenses.

To start with, I was earning about 130k previously before we got married by March this year, but I changed job and the pay of the new job is 95k. STarted the new job around Feb this year, even though there was a loan I was paying off.. Need I add that my wife was working in a firm where shes paid 45K, but two months after our married, she quit the job due to pregnancy stress. Am sure ladies will understand.

This is our break down.
Monthly salary 95k
I remove 40k first from the salary and transfer it to 3 different acct.
The first acct receives 20k. This acct is not touchable except on extreme emergency. Its our main savings acct.
The second acct gets 10k and its for our rent, also non touchable. Rent is 150k per year. Before u say my rent is high compared to my salary, I like my privacy very well. and the cost of rent isnt friendly in my state.
The third acct also gets 10k. This one is for semi savings. This acct is touchable when cash at hand have been exhausted before the next month salary.

From the remaining 50k,
I send 10k to my family acct. I and my brothers do contribute 10k+ every month and its been used to run expenses WRT our parents and last born.
I gv my wife 10k for her monthly up keep. Its small. But its the sacrifice we all have to make for the good of the family.
I hold 10k myself for logistics and transport. I must confess, is not enough. But One have to strive. My wrk place isnt far. SO transport is N100 to and fro, thats approximately 3k per month. The remaining money i use it for other logistics. 4k out of this money goes for gas wch last for abt 2 weeks. And when we want to refill and there is no other money left, we fall back to the 3rd acct.
The remaining 20k is strictly for food ( On this food issue is where I "duff my hart" cos shes really managing things well and trying.
Sometimes, I really feel for her, cos this her pregnancy makes her to crave for things that is not on our food menu, but then when the money is not there, she just surpress the cravings. At times I feel bad.

The remaining 5k, for now is used to pay back a tailor who sewed multiple pregnancy gowns for my wife.

Its good to add that any small money I make like 1k or 2k on side hustle, I directly buy mudu of rice, beans or flour for swallow.

Its not easy at all. But there are families with kids leaving below that.

My wife is abt 5mnths pregnant, we plan to divert the 20k savings to buying baby things in preparation for child birth.


The truth is that the economic situation in this country is bad and so cost of leaving is very high. But then one have to survive.
But then in Nigeria now, how many percentage of the population earn above 100k. In fact how many jobs out there pays such as amount.

The only advice I have for ladies is that if you are not working and you parent family is the type need financial help from your husband after marriage, or you are the type of lady that is high class and wont settle for less or manage with your man. Plz kindly wait and take your time to look for a man that is RICH or financially capable of taken care of you and maybe your family. Please dont hide under the cover of you want to marry quick and then accept a struggling man only to start putting pressure on his head. Plz wait and marry a rich man.

Most responsible men wont really appreciate it if you are always demanding for things you knw fully well that he can not afford.


It is also good to note that no condition is permanent, things will definitely get better. A better job might come or my wife might get a job after her maternity which will increase our income.

The bottom line is, as a couple, but of you will have to work things out to improve your finances.

This is applaudable sir. But your wife shouldn't have just resigned without thinking of a little business that will not stress her because of her condition. Even when the child comes, she may still need extra three months before going back to work. Dont forget the work, na fimd she go find am. Please you should put heads together and come up with an idea for her and at the end she may not need to hurry back into the labour market. Anything may happen to your job tomorrow.

Troubledman:
So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story.

I went through university without ever getting into a fight. I swore of physical violence since 2005. I havent raised my hands at anyone ever. Not to defend myself. Not to fight. In those years. I don't even let people fight aroujd me. I am known everywhere as the peace keeper. Which is why I feel very horrible about my action tonight.

Since we got married. I have noticed this trait of aggression in the person I married. Always quick to anger and insults everytime. In the last couple of days. We've had course to stay with my mum.

Earlier in the day. We were arguing about something (not so important to be honest) and my mum remarked that we should do better that were a new couple and we shouldn't be arguing like this all the time. She even joked that she was going to buy a cane for both of us.

Barely 2 mins later another discussion came up and this lady started raising her voice again. This time in full view of my mum. I just kept telling her please take it easy, take it easy. I even mentioned to her that this was what mummy was just telling us about. She would not bulge. Eventually my mum chipped in and said to me to keep quiet. So I did. When she finished shouting she stood up and left for the room.

After a while , my mother went into the room to talk to her. Even asked her not to be annoyed. Invited her to eat. She brought the food to me but I was too annoyed to eat. How is my wife shouting at me in front of my mum ? So I walked away, went out for a stroll. When I came back. She was in the room, she I stayed back in the living room. She came to me, started telling me that I should not let her be angry at me, changing the story that I was shouting at her earlier and she didn't say a word, I was livid but this didn't tip me. I just told her off and went back to do my work. She came back again started off another tirade in the middle of the night btw and ended it with saying "your mother is responsible for this"

Now, that's what made me mad. From the start I have warned my family not to interfere in mine. Not my dad or my mum have ever told me or directed me on how to do in my marriage to her. I imagine that because her display was in public today that's why my mum commented. Even on Wednesday she was talking to me harshly in the car and my mum was there and she never talked.

So anyway I stood up from where I was went to meet her and struck her about 3 times in the back warning her never to involve My mother in our talk again.

Then she shouted screaming at 2 am. Cursing me. Mt mum came out to even try to calm her down. She turned to my mum as well. Saying she knows what she'll say. That she supports me etc. Even when the poor woman didnt say anything. She's gone off now. Milking it. Saying I beat her. Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

But everyone is on me. I'm the woman beater. Domestic violence.

Honestly, I'm just tired of this marriage. I married for peace this woman gives me trouble everyday. I chose to stay in the living room for peace tonight. She brought her madness to meet me.

I agree I messed up. I perhaps shouldn't have hit her. I regret it. It's going to go with me. But I was too pushed. She continues to do this knowing I wouldn't talk and st the time I believed that's the only thing she'd respond too. I know this could probably get me a lot of hate but I'm also hoping someone could see reason in what's happening

Im sorry it's so long. I didn't think about it. I just created this account and started writing. Apologies for likely typos too

TroubledMan

Please can you stop begging her and her parents? If that woman has not seen anything wrong with her actions, begging her will only boost her ego. Which kin begging up and down? You have not made that woman understand that you are a man. I know very hot tempered women who became very calm when they got married. Their husbands are very quiet o but how they were able to prove to their wives that they wont rake nonsense is applaudable. Oga, any day she walks back to the house sit her down and tell her you wont tolerate nonsense anymore. Life is too complex to live it with a difficult spouse. Don't be miserly with words, tell her how you feel. When she raises her voice, raise your own voice and tell her to shut the hell up! No be everything them dey beg up and down fa. The parents spoilt her and she carried her madness to your house.

Mind your business and leave the woman to adopt a child legally. Dont bring in fornication and baby daddy drama into that woman's life. A lot of you talk to much and give useless advice when it is not needed. You want her to bond with a man who will not marry her by having a child for him. Someone wants a child and wants to adopt, you say no. She should go and fornicate first and have the child because she has a functional womb, is it your womb? Mtchew

My simple advice is that you work on your self esteem bro.

Mindlog:
Even in the presence of their mother, it clearly shows they all "fear" him!

"Or times when he will ask her to cook stew for her, if she forgets or probably didnt want to do it because she knew it isnt her duty, she will be yelled upon, you'll here things like, whereis the egusi i told u to make, even the one you made last time, u didnt put enough this and that".......and OP kept quiet while another man talks down on his wife in his presence but have the strength to post this here.

Some men are actually weak. Forget all these gra gra and "I am a man talk". I can imagine how confused the wife is feeling because for him to shout on her before everyone and the husband couldn't even come to her rescue. I am wondering why he even married her because he is definitely too weak to defend his marriage but has the strength to be conducting DNA test up and down. Saying he expected her to react, when he wey be man no fit react. If i be the wife, i go change am for all of them, the OP, the brother and the mother. I can't be at the center of their "foolishness" in the name of "peace".

OP know that if anything happens in that marriage, its your fault and you would definitely have failed as a man. Let that sink in your head.

jimmychang:
Aswear,eating meat half and giving the wife

Such audacity before everyone. Na there everything suppose scatter.

How you will allow your wife fear someone else other than you is baffling. Oga forget peace and give that your brother im size. You cannot take peace at the expense of your home. He has succeeded in putting fear into your wife that she now behaves like a sheep. Na why sometimes it's good to get small craze as a woman. If you are not careful he will rape your wife and make her feel guilty and from there will continue guilt tripping her for sex.
We sabi those kin men them. You are from a polygamous home and you should be wiser. That guy does not have a happy home, he wouldn't want you to enjoy yours. Don't rule out the possibility of him using jazz sef.

Davies25:
Lol, first, I'm 30. She's 22.
Second, i adopted the girl cos i love her. She's always going to be a part of my life wherever she is.
Thirdly, I'm not even particular about the new girl, yes, i like her, even love her but it's not a do or die thing.
Fourthly, I've been in several contractual relationships and they've all ended well cos most of the girls are matured and knows what they want. So, i didn't think hers would be different.
Fifthly, my business wasn't dying, i wasn't just available. She took care of the gap and i appreciated that by giving her a stake in the business. So sir/ma, you got it all wrong.
And lastly, being a sickle cell doesn't stop me from living a good life. I go for whatever i want.
I've got matured women willing to do anything to end up with me. So yes, i believe she will want to be with me if it's what she wants

And you feel someone within that age bracket is matured enough to stick by you in times of your crisis? Let me guess, she hasn't even seen you have one. Even people with AS always ask for the genotype of prospective partners before starting anything. But you use the idea of consensual relationships to have sex with different people because in your head, you are matured and you have to go for what you want. Not everyone take the bait of "I want to use you and dump you" in the name of consensus. You have matured women willing to do anything to have you right? Biko loose the single mother and let her go.

Davies25:
Like i tell you
Make girl have like 4 marketable skills, connects with you well, ambitious and she com fine like maaad join.
Wetin ah wan want again?

Na now you land. Na that fine dey freak you abi? What tells you she wants to end up with a sickle cell man who is probably in his late thirties or early forties. Its not your fault, its because your business has revived. When she runs you down well, your eye go clear. Sha loose the sales girl and let her go and please unadopt the poor child. The adoption was just a way of getting into the mother's pants.

Davies25:
When we started dating. Her genotype didn't matter cos it was never going to be serious. And i didn't even think i would survive.
Everyone knows that girl is my life. She ain't going anywhere.
It got complicated cos my old girl isn't following through on the agreement which i understand.
And i never thought i would take life seriously.

Eh yah. So touching. She don nurse you back to health with free wifely duties. Even nurse your business tpo Now you are well enough and financially bouyant to take life seriously such that you can even think of marrying a youngie. Chai! Is life not beautiful? Like someone said, you go soon chop poison.

Mr man you are confused. The moment you started sleeping with your employee, you lost it. So you want the first woman to be hussling and making money for you to spend on other women? Nothing serious but obviously you have been having sex with her. Even with your condition, you still will not use your head instead of your penis. What makes you feel the young girl will marry you? Just know that you will not be able to get that single mother off your neck easily. You even said you also want to travel out. Only you with all these confusion? Issoraite

The eyes of a witch see how red
The nails of a witch see how long
The ..............(I can't remember this one)
Ayawa you can't kill us
You can't drink our blood it is bitter
You can't eat our flesh it is tough
Mother witch cry for us
Mother witch dance for us
Mother witch, fly for us .

Lucasmuyiwaa:
Best advice so far. But please how can I stop thinking about this girl. And besides I don't think she want to go except if I will send her away directly. She still wants me and I know

You have been dating a girl for how long and her family doesn't know you? Tomorrow when she cross 30 you'll start asking for advice on if you should leave her for a younger person that will be more fertile. Baba, don't act like a Pharaoh, if you're not ready for marriage, let that girl go. If you even go to see her parents now, you'll start feeling she pressured you. When you have money to marry, or when you see a girl you love so much that you don't want to lose her no matter what, you can go on and marry that one because it's obvious you're not serious with this one.

This one is looking for excuse to dump the lady. I am very sure you're cheating on her that's why you are suspecting her. You're calling her "fiancee" and you never reason make you go marry am. You want people to tell you to leave her. Oga go and pay her bride price and stop embarrassing your woman with this useless question you asked. Fornication never tire you? Mtchew

Babe don dey earn in millions, baba wants to apologize. Wait first, he even thinks it's because of him the wife became better. Don't apologize o, why should you afterall you're the man. Wait until devil use one man from no where wey go begin dey treat your woman like a queen that she is. Then you will start ranting. By the way, have you even thought of changing the names on documents to show that you both are the owner of the property she is investing in? If you haven't even thought of it, then keep the apologies as you are a very wicked and selfish man sir. You have not mentioned cheating on her because I'm yet to understand what you have been spending your money on if not women abi you have been a faithful wicked husband?

Gospel2Day:
She raised valid points.
Please, let's stop this hostility we mete out to our females.
I know they have their faults and excesses, but we males are not without our own faults and foibles too.
My question is If you employ a maid, visit prostitutes and employ extra lessons teacher for your kids, calculate how much you will be spending monthly as their salaries.
Do those three jobs that people engage in to make ends meet deserve remuneration?
If you pay your wife the same amount you pay your maid and the lesson teacher and the oloshos you sin with every month, will you still accuse your wife of bringing NOTHING to the table?
You want a woman to do the duties of a maid, a lesson teacher and a mistress who helps you quench your urge to merge with the opposite sex and who carries your babies, often with the risks of dying during childbirth FOR FREE, non gratis, simply because she is a wife.
But you will gladly pay for such services as long as those who render such services are not legally married to you.
What every woman needs to bring to the table is her readiness to keep and manage your home businesses, to cook, clean, carry your babies, care for your babies and copulate with you and be your companion.
She can then secure a job or you help her to set up a small business that frees her to perform her homely duties well.
Pressuring your wife to work from 7 am to 7 pm like you do will expose your home front and your children to serious societal ills and social dysfunctions.
I know a lady that used to be abandoned by parents and granny. A lesbian neighbour began to have lesbian sex with her EVERYDAY from age 5 till when she turned 15, when they moved away from the place.
So, let's STOP harrasing our females. They're our grannies, mothers, wives, sisters, cousins, nieces and daughters.
We should rather love, care for them and protect them. But we should not spoil them by always granting their entitlement mentality.
The simple solution is: LEAVE WOMEN ALONE UNTIL YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO CATER FOR THEM AND THEIR CHILDREN.
No man who cannot control himself, who always needs to fornicate with women to quench his urge for sex should complain when the women demand that he provides for their financial needs.
Shalom.

May you live long sir. I have always wondered at what point does a man ask what are you bringing to the table? Those roles you mentioned up there are inherent in every responsible woman and it is left for a man to quietly observe his woman to know if she is up to the task. You don't need to ask such a foolish question, you are supposed to know. But they won't sit down and observe the necessary qualities they want in a wife, some are even confused anyway as they don't know what they want. At the end of the day they start whining and blaming women for their failures. A woman who loves you will lay all she has when the chips are down even before then sef. When you bring 3, she will bring one. It is an inherent quality that loves brings out in a woman. But what do you expect from men whose main fantasies are size of women's behind and sex styles?

Very Good. Nature just paired your brother with what he deserves. Maybe he should upgrade the side chick to the position of full chicken. Nonsense and fornicators

swagficient:
Hello here, I am really sad right now, I'm confused. My daughter's teacher called me to tell me she's not coping in class, she even said she organized extra lesson for her. She can't tell the difference between figures and number, she can write figure one and letter A. Nothing else. She doesn't come home to recite poems or anything but she sings those songs she hears from other kids or anywhere. Just not the school ones.
I love my daughter, I adopted her at age 1 and since then I have been trying to make life easier for her, I got a tab for her at 2 and half, She has toys, bikes, everything a kid should have for mental and academic growth.
I make sure she doesn't get mentally stressed. I love to make her comfortable. She's very active, smart ( in my own view). She operates my phone and her tab just fine, She understands complex conversations.
I make learning fun for her, I've tried everything.
Please, parents, teachers, experienced adults. I need your help here.
I don't know what being tagged "a slow learner" would do to her mental health. I need her to catch up.

Wait till she gets to 5 before you start needing her to catch up. No stress that girl. Just buy her audio visuals let her learn freely. No stress that girl. Please stop the extra lesson.

yomi007k:
Please let us be logical in this situation.


The health worker is trying to prevent an outbreak of polio which if it happens will cause so much problems than we already have in this country.

I think the school should be closed down.

So children that have been vaccinated earlier should take it again because health workers threatened to close down the school?

Nonsense and liking. Of course they have convinced him that what he did is not really bad afterall we all are sinners. I won't be surprised if he is invited to a concert soonest. Oops! I forgot he was the one that suspended himself, so he has let himself off the hook after one week . It is well with Christianity.

ivandragon:
No sense, no perspective, no purpose, nothing to contribute besides insulting 'your' folks.

You drip all of the aforementioned my dear. My apologies

ivandragon:
Lol.

No sense, no perspective... just a frustrated rant from someone who lacks commonsense.

Of course I lack the common type of sense you have. I'd rather not have this your type of common frustrated sense that blame people for their failures.

ivandragon:
That you lack perspective & understanding those not make other people's opinions nonsense.

Again, not surprised, the Forum is filled with frustrated dimwits.

Pele, you no dey frustrated na im you dey blame woman for your predicament. Na woman dey pursue you go baba house. Ntor!!!