₦airaland Forum

you have been married for eleven years and you have put up with him this far. if I were in your situation I probably would want to leave too. But that isn't the best pick . so many things are involved . your Union has produced kids so you can't throw caution to the wind; yet that marriage is toxic both to you and your kids- kids watching both of you scream and spat on each other is degrading. true is, you have both lost respect in front of your kids and any instruction you give to them won't sway.And now your daughter said she won't get married because of the example you and her father have laid. you have destroy the foundation.
what will I advise?
I think you should talk to your husband about working on his anger first. let him know how much damage his anger has caused the kids. speak to a counsellor.

be patient.By now you should know what triggers his anger . Avoid them.
stop reacting whenever he acts. he spat you spat, he screamed you also screamed. Truly, that makes the two of you.you are as guilty as him. for the sake of your own sanity and that of your kids stop reacting let your kids see that at least one of you is sane. don't let another build your character for you.
show him love. yes you read right ! show him love. it conquers all things. you might not see the result immediately but one day he will thank you.
your husband can't be all bad, except he is the devil himself. check yourself. what are you doing wrongly ? you ain't a saint work on loopholes.
I am a product of a broken home. I tell you my parents divorce is the worse thing that has happened to me and my siblings. we are the one who suffered and still suffering the most.
lastly, pray and ask God for guidance. you can never go wrong with him. sometimes this things are attacks from the enemy

Built2last:
Good morning

Good morning

Built2last:
would you have said this if she was caught with cocaine and i commented same?

yes, I would have said the same. we raise together and we fail together. I am not an Igbo lady, neither I'm I Yoruba. I am a Nigerian, an Africa black woman

Built2last:
Umu Igbo.

Yagazie indeed

can't you just celebrate her without going tribal ? A Nigerian success story is indigenous to all of us irrespective of the tribe.

is either you do not love your wife, or your wife smells.check which it is and work on it

AllforJesus7:
Are you yoruba?

nope, I'm not Yoruba. I believe people shouldn't be judged based on their tribe

psalmistkakah:
u
U speak ignorantly about my sister someone that refuse my sister to work, the last job she got a month he stop her and she refuse, this man have to fight her by holding by the skirt refuse the children to school even public school, they try to get him job he will turn it down, so what is she suppose to do...that is an enemy not a husband

I'm sorry if I have misjudged; if that is the case then truly something is wrong with the man. refusing to allow even public school, turning down job offer, and refusing your sister to work. the man needs some checking

is not a thing of tribe, but mindset. you Inlaw is a lazy person, and your sister is no different. you mean to tell me that she has been married to that man for thirteen years with no regular income, yet birthing continued. the kids have been out of school yet she kept on birthing. she is no different from her husband. she should stay and let religion kill her

yeyerolling:
all thanks to bloggers, all manner of things are now news

this might not be news to you, but it might help someone out there to love his/herself more. it may help another survival overcome depression.

I have learnt to appreciate people no matter how they look, because I don't know their story

kids no longer have privacy. even a one day old baby. if I want to use those pics for meme I won't take permission I will just go ahead and use it. After all na you spread your cloth outside. internet pics are public property

I would have advised you take her to see pediatrician but you said you have taken her so see a doctor (so I will just assumed you saw a specialist). You claimed test has been ran on her and she was certified alright. if that is the case truly, then put your mind at peace. maybe she is on slim side. I heard corn mixed with soya beans and some other stuff makes kids fat and healthy. but before you start feeding your child with any formula , please confirm with a doctor.
Goodluck!

Mothers, the things that worry us.

funny how we women create issues for ourselves. this is her first child , rather than thank God she got pregnant easily, (go ask people trying to conceive)she is brooding over the sex of the child. what's wrong with having a girl been the first grandchild? I wonder if she will love this child when she comes? she should be preoccupied with praying for safe delivery for now and forget the sex. when I was pregnant I so wanted a girl . I imagined a girl until I went for scan and it was revealed that it was a boy. what did I do? I changed my imagination to the boy. I have to tell myself is alright having a boy. this I did to avoid hating the child when he comes. guess what ? the first time I held him in my hand, it was not the gender that counts, but the joy of having my own child , my replica in my hands(boy looks like mama).

An average Nigerian parent lacks this qualities. our parents believe been too hard cold and far help us grow better but we all know the reverse is the case. kids have feelings , choice and rights that need to be respected. kids aren't some puppets.


This is an educative article , moderators should put this in front page so parents could learn and we could build a new generation of children who are not afraid to stand up for themselves kids who aren't scared to open up to their parents without fear of been punished. kids who speak the truth because they see their parents doing same no matter what. kids who live on principles because their parents were their first role model they live right because they watched their parents lived right . they aren't scared to love because their parents have first of all love them unconditionally.

put price tag so we could make decisions

tell us what happened? she just can't pack her things and leave, or are you thinking of a story to fabricate ?

Adamrealman78:
,her test results show, blocked fallopian tubes, uterine fibroids and no ovulation.. What magic do you expect I do?

Did you go for medical checks before you tied the knot? I feel your pains and I could only imagine the woman's pains. I know how painful it is to badly want a child , I have been there. I don't know what to say further since you have revealed that you are seeing someone else already

Adamrealman78:
She can't change. I saw this attitude long ago,but thought pure love and affection could reform her.if I continue in the relationship, she would ruin me into debt.

you sounded so sure that she can't change. you saw the attitude long ago yet you ignored it and thought pure love could reform her? no one can change any one except they make personal decision to change.
Any union that the parents are against are often times not fruitful. you are in this already so I won't be quick to say you should divorce her. on a second thought, why are you living separately? and you are trying to conceive? since she is operating her own shop, what stops her from joining you in your base? the distance alone has put strain on your marriage . both of you should find a way to go appeal your parents and gradually work on your flaws. she can't be all at fault you have your own part too. As for the money part, she's probably reacting . if there is love, communication, closeness, agreement I don't think she will find it hard to give her hubby 20k when she is expecting 800k from you. she was able to erect a building without informing you because the distance has create a hole in your relationship. work on that first and gradually watch things fall in place.

FortifiedCity:
I'm so pained seeing people run away from their fatherland because some group of people who carry sophisiticated weapons to tend cows attack them in their villages. Honestly I wish there is something I could do now to physically defend those guys no matter how costly.

Worst of it all is that the President is indifferent about this. The governors and local government authorities look so incapacitated. Well-meaning Nigerians feel less concerned because it hasn't gotten to their estates, mansions and houses. Everybody is sitting akimbo.

How long is this onslaught going to continue? Are we going to fold our hands and watch defenseless people being slaughtered like goats in their own lands?
The first gift creation gave to man was land. The bitterest of wars you'll ever fight is over your land.

But right here, we keep silent and watch people being killed and their lands being taken over by strangers including cows.

Guys don't you think this is a strategic genocide, be it religious or ethnic?
Don't you think there are wicked ulterior motives behind these attacks?

The primary reason why you have a neighbor is, to hAve someone speak up for you when you have no voice, to have someone fight for you when you are defenseless. If your neighbor keeps silent while you're being attacked, after you might have been dealt with, it will get to his turn. It is a chain reaction people!!!!!

We are all disappointing humanity by standing neutral in time of moral and human atrocities. Those guys being attacked need someone to speak up for them at least.

Guys we have to speak up so that our diversity remains intact. Agatu comes to mind. That village is a complete shadow now. It's also happening in Southern Kaduna and Adamawa. Lineages, tribes, generations, nations are gradually being exterminated.

We can't let this continue, guys we can't. My heart bleeds now. If there is anything you can do to make the cries of these people heard, please do.

your adjective is out of place in this context."well meaning Nigerians" I thought that should mean people who wish Nigeria well, whether in politics or not, whether rich or poor, educated or not. that automatically means people who will stand to fight and do something. but here, I think you meant those in power and the gullible rich people. get a new phrase! why shift responsibilities? "if there is anything you want to do? please, end it with "these are things I will do"

you have started what you obviously can not finish. Nigerians have self entitlement mentality. once you are family, they believe they have right to your possession. I have been there. I have lent my brother money severally in the past but he won't refund, and he will still have the gut to keep asking for more. I was giving until one day I wise up. you will have have to stand your ground , learn to say no and close your ears against whatever they spew from their mouths. this same people will call you foolish tomorrow if the table turns. I am not saying you shouldn't assist, assist only when there is a real cause to do so and don't become Santa clause to every dick tom and harry all so because you are related.

there are women and there are girls. real women won't walk down the aisle until they have want they are bringing tothe table. Nigerian women of today are doing a lot to help their husbands but they tell no one to avoid criticism. poor girls who embarked on marital journey without having their own quota are the ones who a man is quick to throw out, replaced and abused. truth is, every woman desires a man who is a provider irrespective of whether she has her own or not. been able to provide is the basis of a woman's respect towards her husband

yes, you can divorce an unfaithful partner on the ground that he/she committed adultery. Bible is in support of that. rather than go this way, God still wants us to forgive . if you can't continue with him/her, divorce. God won't force you to remain in an unhappy marriage. forgive and move on if you can't stay put

one word: lovely! may the good Lord do same for those who are seeking.

Funnyguy83:
she too can only contribute her womb only.

you can never be too sure as you don't know this woman personally. what if she is naturally intelligent, and could help the hubby in many other ways ?

lol funny. the boy is cute. do you know him?

I weak for this matter o. short of words such a fix you are in.

kimbraa:
Nope, they don't need deliverance. They're right in every sense of it 'cause they're seeking for the best for their son and friend. Let's stop for once and reason without being sentimental. I wouldn't spend money on my son just to come back and pick a crude woman who'd add no values to his life beside child bearing for a wife.

we know that the fact that one went to school does not necessarily makes one wise, intelligent and contributive. so many women whether educated or not can only contribute their womb in a marriage. we also know that there some women who although not educated,have helped build their husband's lives. there isn't one side to the coin. education is beyond four walls of the classroom.

I don't think your friend was charmed. who knows it might be true love. where was it written that uneducated people don't make good spouses? so many lazy slay queens around. he saw those ones before he decided to go for the hairdresser. His happiness is what counts. what is the essence of having a trophy wife that people hail you for but you are living a terrible life indoors?

I understand the parents stance, every parents want the best for their child. if your friend can prove she's the one he wants, they should allow him irrespective of the girl's educational status.

davillian:
Abeg make they block my way, I don't have money to bury any relatives now.

truthfully you got me laughing out loud

onegig:
That's not even the most cringy thing. We all make mistakes but ain't it pitiful that most can't swallow their pride and agree they made a mistake and apologize to the Op?

Instead they think we are 2yr olds and would want to tell us their initial outbursts was a "sacarsm" when we all know it wasn't. Let me check my dictionary and check the meaning. Might have changed. You never know.

she borrowed that word to cover her ignorance. lol

Agbaletu:
Personal items like? Look, I am not saying you should do what I did on my wedding day. I wore my elder brother's clean suit because he got married 5 months before me, I wore my black shoe and bought only new hand gloves. Our wedding rings @N750....bought them by the roadside in Oshodi(She changed her own 2 years later @50k). Only my wife wore new wedding gown made by a tailor in Sango Ota.
Pls, don't be moved by what the people will say. It is just a day program.

the guy is bent on looking fly and high on that day. what is wrong with wearing what he has at home? you could imagine. from 750 to 50k ring. everything big starts little. since you have paid for the court, do it and go home. after the wedding what will your wife eat pending when another job comes? forget about people hope in God and be contended

I am ashamed for these self acclaimed educated Nigerians who dont have enough sense to tell the difference! you mean to tell me you read this ode and still think his neighbour was human?