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S T O V E

*edit* THEY MOVED THIS THREAD TO THE JOKE SECTION.  SO TO MAKE IT A JOKE THREAD, I AM GOING TO POST AS FAST AS I CAN TO KEEP THE CARS SPINNING. Talk about a menace to Joke section, . . . .allow me to



What your Car says about You

Acura NSX- I am impotent.
Alfa Romeo - I’m looking for Beta Juliet.
Aston Martin DB7 - I have sweaty feet, but still women like to suck my toes, I wonder why?
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Audi TT - I love golf, but I love my car (with no space) more.
Audi A4 - Airhead who wants to be a banker, but is already a merchant . . .
Audi A6 - I like/have to shave my hairy arse.
BMW 3 series - I’m a successful sole trader & I can’t drive.
BMW 5 series - I have a successful limited company & I can’t drive.
BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I’m far too important, but I still can’t drive.
BMW Z3 - I eat bananas with Marmite spread on them & passed 3 GCSE’s.
BMW Z4 - I run a trendy wine bar & have drunk most of the profits.
BMW Z8 - See Nissan 350Z
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states of America.
Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville- I am a love-vendor.
Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people.
Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Chrysler PT Cruiser - I dig graves & carry coffins.
Citroen AX - I chew on Barley straw & enjoy stamp collecting.
Citroen C3 - I want to escape to the jungle where life is free.
Citroen C5 - I have dreamed of conquering Mount Everest, but then thought it best to get a real job.
Citroen Picasso - From Essex, also see Renault Scenic.
Citroen Saxo - see Ford Fiesta.
Daewoo Matiz - I eat pizza for lunch & smoke 50 a day.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Dodge Dart - I teach special needs children and I voted for Tony Blair.
Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ferrari 360M - I need a counselling session with Jerry Springer.
Ferrari 575 Maranello - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Fiat Uno - I’m a student waster.
Fiat Brava - Daddy buys my cars, one day he’ll buy me an MR2.
Fiat Bravo - I drive my low budget company car.
Fiat Espace - I live on a council estate; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Multipla - I have no taste; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Punto - I have product overload on my hair & consider Pizza Hut an Italian restaurant.
Ford Anglia - I buy all my clothes and consumables from my local pound shop.
Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed.
Ford Escort - I’m a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week.
Ford Fiesta - Hairdresser, no sense of direction.
Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Focus - I’m a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!!
Ford KA - I’m a student & can’t afford a Fiesta.
Ford Maverick - I’m cute, gay & immature and I love peanut butter.
Ford Mondeo - I’m a family person posing as a business manager.
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Orion - I like to cut shapes into potatoes and give them to the homeless.
Ford Sierra - I still think LA Gear trainers are “cool” & prefer it when my mum ties my shoelaces.
Ford SportKA - I’m a geezer-bird/Silly little boy who doesn’t know what real rally car looks like.
Ford StreetKA - Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Ford Puma - I want a sports car, but won’t pay the money for it.
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the autumn.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the autumn.
Honda Accord - I pick my nose & flick the boogers at small children.
Honda del Sol- See Ford StreetKA
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Honda CR-V - I’m a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full.
Honda Jazz - I’m a train-spotter who’s been arrested several times for stalking the trains.
Honda NSX - I’m stuck in the 80’s & never eat my greens.
Hyundai Coupe - I still have acne, but honest it’s just the teenager in me trying to get out.
Infiniti Q45- My job requires me to ensure every Jammy Dodger has no smaller than a 2cm Jam diameter.
Isuzu Impulse- I don’t give a rip about Max Power or their reports.
Isuzu Trooper - I fancy Dale Winton.
Jaguar XJ6 - I’m so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Jaguar XK8 - I’m immature and have more money than brain cells.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Kia Sportage - I consider Car Boot Sale purchases Antiques of the future.
Lada Favourite - I’m a member of the Taliban seeking asylum in Great Britain.
LandRover Discovery - I’m a rich mum, who can’t drive.
Lexus LS400- I’m psychic, I knew they’d be as good as a Merc one day.
Lotus Elise - I dance like an ape & I love watching porn.
Lotas Elan - I go on 18-30’s holiday’s to see how the other half live!
Lotus M250 - Definite liar!!**
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes SLK- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda MX5 - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler.
Mazda RX7 - I know how to treat myself.
MGB- I am dating a mechanic.
MGF - I’m too short to drive any other car.
MGZR - I’m a computer geek & make mohair wigs as a hobby.
MGZS - I’m a posh ginger who claims to be strawberry blonde.
Mini - I’m from Essex, no more needs to be said.
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either.
Mitsubishi Colt - I smell of cheese & shop in Liddles, Aldi’s, Pound stretcher etc.
Mitsubishi Carisma - I have all the charm of a lion in captivity.
Mitsubishi Evo 6 - I was an extra in Fast & the Furious (honest).
Mitsubishi Evo 8 - See Nissan 350 Z.
Mitsubishi Shogun - I’m insecure, eat steak for breakfast & I want a LandRover.
Nissan Micra - I work for M&S, Tesco’s, Wallmart, etc.
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Nissan Primera - I design foe-fur naughty underwear for nuns.
Nissan Skyline - I love speed and I don’t care who knows it, I also have a 3 page list of criminal convictions.
Nissan Sunny - I talk too much & can handle a vindaloo with ease.
Nissan Terrano - See Ford Maverick.
Nissan 350Z - I’m a liar! *
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a, 
Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I’m also vain & live in a dream world.
Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat.
Peugeot 206 - I wash my car every weekend & I’m on my 2nd marriage.
Peugeot 206cc - I’m two faced and will try and run all you wasters off the road.
Peugeot 305 - I deliver pizzas for a living.
Peugeot 307 - I’m an accountant, I’ve found a car that suites every purpose & no purpose at the same time.
Peugeot 405 - I have a job in the civil service & play poker at the weekends.
Peugeot 406 - My girlfriend has to wear Elizabeth Duke Jewellery so I can afford this car.
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on America’s Ten Most Wanted List.
Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
Porsche 911 - I have a small p*nis, my car is my subst*tute.
Porsche Boxter - I still live with my mum & treat women like sh*t.
Proton Impian - I have a pet raccoloured gentleman called Jimmy & prefer shift work.
Renault Clio - I love my Daddy.
Renault Laguna - I’m always drunk, drunk, drunk!
Renault Megane - I’m a lottery winner honest, ok so I only got 5 numbers.
Renault Scenic - I haven’t heard of contraception.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal.
Rover Metro - I spend all day watching Friends & ER, I also like egg mayo and Tuna sandwiches.
Rover 100 - I’m an OAP who always drives at least 20mph under the speed limit.
Rover 200 - I’m too bland for German cars & I never pay my rent on time.
Saab 9-5 - I definitely have more money than sense or taste.
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Seat Alhambra - I can’t cook, have rotten teeth & live on a council estate in Bromley.
Seat Ibiza - I want to be model, but I have no chance unless I bed the photographer.
Seat Leon - My boss hates, that’s why he gave me this as a company car.
Skoda Fabia - I can’t afford a Volkswagen.
Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody!
Smart Roadster - I collect Mars Bar wrappers, I have one dating back to 1948.
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than a life.
Subaru Impreza - I’m just a poser & I want to get shagged.
Suzuki Vitara JLX - I’m a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world.
Suzuki Gran Vitara - I laugh like a demented dog & wear my underwear inside out.
Toyota Avensis - I’m a cabbie & have robbed many liquor stores.
Toyota Camry- I wear my wife’s knickers.
Toyota Corolla - I wear the same underwear all week long.
Toyota MR2 - I’m far too old to be driving this, but at least the women I pull aren’t.
Toyota Rav4 - See Suzuki Vitara JLX.
Toyota Starlet - I like to be different & not in the good sense.
Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong.
Toyota Yaris - I’m a failed student; also see MGF.
TVR Chimera -I’m blind and consider Fosters Ice a hard-nut drink.
TVR Tuscan - I keep picking up mingers, once had a bird with 3 t*ts.
Vauxhall Almera - I got to over 50’s nights for a social life.
Vauxhall Astra - I’ve just got onto the property ladder.
Vauxhall Corsa - I’m single, but at least I’m not a hairdresser.
Vauxhall Frontera - I’m going through my mid-life crisis & want to own a Winnebago.
Vauxhall Nova - Essex-boy-racer & drug-dealer, has had more speeding fines than hot dinners!
Vauxhall Vectra - I’ve been a butcher, a baker & a candlestick maker.
Vauxhall VX220 - I can’t see my feet, as my balls are too big.
Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet.
Volkswagen Golf Convertible - I’m still hiding in the closet, but one day. . .
Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now.
Volkswagen Polo - I own my own salon, but use too much salt on my food.
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife.
Volvo S40 - I’m getting a personalized plate to compensate for not having a Merc

Sir debosky - 4 things

I am an Angel, What, people can't see that in me?

Why people think I am Cayon, Canyon, Crayon whatever the heck they call her

Why some folks start off a sentence in English and end it in their "mother tongue"

For example:  Epi, what's the recipe for that (English) a jare o abeg (Wat dah f**k is that)

I am being misunderstood - why?

I look forward to reading your response

Thanks

Encomium:
This is evil influence in control, it is an abnormal situation. i advice you go for deliverance.

*sigh* why some of these "Bible Nazi" love quoting scriptures - then in a split second, they curse NL members.   Struuuupes!! Talking about Deliverance. . . . . . .  Deliverance My Ass

I FEAR GOD NOT MAN

*Off to pack my suitcase 4 tomorrrow*

a vex see, bout deliverance.  STRUUUPES

anyway, good night or good morning to you

I never knew I have to leave tomorrow morning

People Usually Tell Tales Yawning


M O U T H

afam4eva:
No wonder will smith's marraige have lasted, so that's what they do abi.

bawomolo:
Aren't most Nigerian men technically in open relationships anyway.

Nairaland is BIGGER than ^{I thought}

That there are three (3) L'ecole Culinary Arts Students on here.  2 Nigerian Americans, 1 Italian.  One said to me "your looks sure don't match your behaviour.  hahahha .

If you are reading this, from now on I am going to behave the way i look (an Angel).

heheheheheeeee

"Watch de gyal dem roll by Sean Paul



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrvjQNJrRug

Something nice. Ok, I have a BIG smile across my face.

Roll It Gal by Allison hinds


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt2qnBbPaH0

laughing

Sammy107_d:
I think the idea of soul food is just lame. Is it African American? how do they define it?

*sigh* Those mountain, banjo playing. no teeth, moon-shiners, traler parks, hillbillies. . . .errr Rednecks Nobody love soul food more than them To be safe, let's say its an American dish Honestly, soul food is good yuh nuh. The only problem is -when yuh dun eat, yuh can't move LMAO, I am reminiscing about the time I was in Texas.

To quote Beyonce "I love my soul food especially my fry chicken. I don't care what nobody say"


1love

lovely. . . .now I feel like making shepherd's pie. _{You know what? I a m going to make shepherd's pie}

TOYOSI20:
Ummm. . .pls get that camera fixed fast oo , missed your recepies, and missed the pix even more!!

am back. well I bought a new camera.

much love

almond joy and water (odd right )

I was talking to a chef today and he said that its common.  So we google.  “seeing the same number all the time”.  Guess what, I am not the only one this has happen to.  There are several links on this.  Now I am not scared anymore.  whew!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-What-Repeated-Numbers-in-Numerology-Mean

• 5: The number 5 is related to advertising, promotion, sales, sensuality, sex, freedom, travel, communication, changes, fluctuation, flexibility, excitement, adventure, transmutation.
o Balanced 5 energy: multifaceted, broadminded, healthy limits, appropriately dissolving career or personal relationships at the right time, forward-thinking,

http://www.howisyourlovelife.com/Jan6th06.htm

http://www.1111spiritroad.com/articles/forum/messages/196.html

cool with me, what about you?

pray tell - mekk him a bad boy fi me

with me

he has a good ass

calling cards

Are you referring to audio equipment?

winner

mos def

to play the lotto and pick 3

oh yea

@Sistawoman

6 wow -God Bless you my dear

1love

See below my kid’s sex, age and chores

Boy 11
Mop kitchen floor, dinning room floor and hallway
Take out the trash
Clean bedroom, make bed

Girl 9
Clean Bathroom
Vacuum Living room Floor
Vacumm Game room floor
Clean bedroom, make bed

Boy 6
Pick up/put away all toys
Empty all trash cans into kitchen trash
Clean room, make bed

Weekend
Boy 11
Mop all floors 2nd level on hands and knees

Girl 9
Mop all floors on 3rd level on hands and knees

Boy 6
Move all dirty clothes to basement and sort colors and whites


I am having a great deal of trouble getting the chores done on a consistent basis and not having to raise my voice when I get home.

Am I asking too much, lets talk about parenting styles and motivation techniques for getting the work done.

sparta:
Girl that is scary, you better tell your ma about it and pray. I beleive a lot in prayers, just pray girl, you will be fine!

I told my mum about it and she sugested that I get rid of the doll (my mom is very superstitious)  Well, she has been telling me from day one, to get rid of the doll.  Yes, i will continue to pray.  Thanks

touchmeder:
Abit scary to me, but then again look at the bright side it might be ur lucky number.

you know what?  I am going outside to play the mid-day pick 3. SERIOUS!!  I'll share with you when "we" win.

touchmeder:
Abit scary to me, but then again look at the bright side it might be ur lucky number.

That's why I am going outside to play the pick 3 and some random numbers (Mega tonight) with 555. 

1love