₦airaland Forum

Kyase:
Menh Naso e be ooo

Lol. You sef learn to comot body when the thing don too much.. All these tribal stuff has become a joke to me.. Just laugh over them and pass.

Kyase:
The small amor wey I put sef dem don scatter am

Lol.... Unaa no go kill person for here

Conpat:
Na wah, take it easy we are not fighting. Handle your family as you like and let me handle my own as I want you don't know my mother so don't refer to her as my so called good mother. Learn to make your points without insults, people like you are the reason nairaland is a mess and I didn't want to share my story

My dear no qualms at all and apologies if I went overboard with respect to yours and not mine cos I know I m not wrt to
mine. As you said we all shld hearn to handle ours in our own ways... Well I dont need to know your mum in person and of course by their fruits yea shall know them. But one thing I ve learnt is never to be hypocritical about issues even of it has to do with my blood and close relationships. Cheers

UncleKoboko:
[s][/s]
There is no point being hypocritical here, your mother is not a good person as a parent.
99% of useless male children in society today were raised and taught to be useless by their mothers.

Thank you so much... Told her same truth but of course naa woman with enough sentiments...

benuejosh:
Get out!

Are nt you already in Hell? IRREDEEMABLE FULL

benuejosh:
You're not God. Get out!

Now you remember God? You re already cursed

Lovenorth:
This SERAP is a useless and jobless organization

Then you are an IRREDEEMABLE D..FT

BigSarah:
WASTED efforts.. buhari and osinbanjo will have Thier way.
This SERAP has been suing Buhari and Osinbanjo for over 6yrs now still nothing to show....

Pls stop making statements like you...

Spherical77:
That your brother is taken advantage of you guys because you are ladies. How i wish your dad would shock his eye balls in allocating equal parts of the building to all his children, backing it up legally with other family members. Even though your mum spoilt him to an ectend, his common sense at his age should tell him to be responsible

He can NEVER be responsible cos his mum has taught him to be so. She has taught him never to take responsibility nor be responsible. He has been taught to be so selfish, self centred and entitled.. To see how 'wicked' these mums cld be, they re ready to make their daughters get so inconvenienced, collect money from them and hand over to the guys.. Even make the ladies run the house and all expenses including feeding the FOOLS they have nurtured from their various homes. These in turn cld lead to friction in the homes of the ladies if not properly handled... VERY WICKED MOTHERS INDEED

Conpat:
This is happening in my own family right now. My mother was always telling my older brother that our father's house was his own.She will say things like do you want to spoil the kitchen sink and block the drainage system, don't you know this house is yours.

My mother was always talking with my older brother in private and filling his head with only god knows what.My brother will misbehave and when confronted he will fight with my older sisters and be saying things like do and go marry, this is not your house. You have married, go to your husband's house I don't know what you are looking for here

Today he is over 40 and still living in our father's house with our parents. My father was telling me that to even buy bread or gas in the house he does not, yet he works. I think he is waiting for the day our father will die so the house can go to him like he has was told over the years.My father has never said anything about the house being his own or talked about a will or inheritance, but mother and son since decided who is getting the house.

I like my mother she is honestly not a bad person just flawed but this thing you have talked about is so real and I don't know if some mothers do it knowingly or unknowingly. She has now seen how her 2 male children are useless and not helpful, last month I sent her some money and she was thanking and blessing me saying it is we the female children that are actually helpful. I said to myself so it is now you know.

I pray I don't make the same mistakes with my own sons. Me and my sisters want to put money together to renovate the house for our parents comfort but one is not very interested and she has been asking, why should we spend money renovating a house for our brother to come and inherit. He is not even the first born child.

Sorry for the long talk, your post just triggered me to talk. I also support what you said on another thread about training children to be independent and responsible enough to hustle their success instead of fighting over inheritance and fathers properties. I have noticed that it is mainly male children who do this dragging of inheritance and fighting for property

Dont waste you money renovating any house. Let her sort out the mess the created for herself... I tell you, she is only feeling remorseful because it didnt turn out the way she expected. Should the table turn around in your brother's favor, you ll see another version of your so called good mother. Don't be deceived... She is only this nice you see cos she needs your help... My mum is same as yours and I ve seen through her over the years.. They don't change no matter how nice you re to them..As for me , I ve cut off from mine for now . I dont know what made her 'loose guard' and said her mind recently. My dear I sharp sharp cut off from her cos I saw she is still same and wont change. I only keep in touch with my dad but that one too, I m also careful with him.

Good luck to you wey wan be ' good ' pikin... My policy now is ' of you dont ve any good plan or intention towards me,I ll return same energy to you. Be it my siblings , parents or whoever it is'... I cant be foolish all in the name of family members that re so selfish and self centred

Sonnobax15:
Na real male sons indeed . But aunty Poco, there's nothing these sons know that my dad who's the closest man to their father don't know......The Problem all started when my uncle sat his wife down,and told her he want to sell one of his buildings (precisely the one in PH) so that he can use the money to build a house in his home town since he's already aging...But the wife didn't agree to his plan... Instead,she insisted on the fact that everything belongs to her children and my uncle shouldn't even dare sell any of his property

Imagine am na . Children wey about 3 out of the 5 dey do well..

On top of the man money? Dem no born that woman well...

pocohantas:
Sad one. Are the kids bewitched or do they know something we don’t know? How can all his MALE SONS be this useless?

My dear you never see... If you look closely, their mum is the wahala their. Always making their sons useless by embibling in them unnecessary entitlement attitude . They wld want to gain control of the mens' wealth their their children especially their sons

toujurs:
i hope you know it was jane sister that caused this tension, After she said jane and this guy never dated, that jane was only eating his money, and that she ate his money very well, after gist lover blog uploaded when tonto dike called out a number of ladies she knew the guy slept with, jane sister shouldn't have responded at all to tonto dike calling out jane her, as one of those female celebrities.

Well I must agree with you. This is just so shameful.. a whole ring of rubbish people without shame... This is a mess... but the guy sef .. Haabaa!!! Must he be senseless like the other ladies? Which kind nonsense be all these sef?

This guy is so so USELESS

XXXXTENTACION:
Ok i grab....
but what if it this backfires... You know sometimes a solution can be worse than the problem itself...
for example somebody who spent 35 years of his life living with his parents and then without preparation send them to live alone and face the harsh realities of life...
what if after sending him away from home two days later you here he is kidnapped.. Or maybe drinks himself to stupor and gets engaged in an accident...

HE LL SORT HIMSELF OUT. THATS THE TOUGH LOVE.. You only owe him prayers from a good distance. 35 years sef is still young. Mine is or was almost 45 years. So 35 years is nothing naaa

Makschinchin:
Ooooops, another angle... I'm talking from real life experiences though...

Same here.. also from real life experience too

XXXXTENTACION:
More like emotional manipulation...
it may work but not all the time... This guy is a 35 years old man and not a child you can easily cajole...
if things get extreme and the emotions goes haywire that's how you have family hurting themselves and things get crappy...
the best thing is to sit down and talk heart to heart... And if they is no change you could just accept them the way they are and move on.... After all you can't change everything...

It's not same as emotional cajole.. Seems you dont understand what I meant. One of such measures in tough love is sending him packing from the house and if possible cut him off ,leaving him to handle his issues and not caring for him at all etc.. infact treat him as an orphan and withdraw every atom of love from him... Those actions tend to make them come to terms with reality... That's what I mean.

XXXXTENTACION:
Abeg which one is tough love again

It entails suppressing and suspending every form of 'supposed love' one has for an individual while applying stringent measures in correcting the abnormal or deformed character in such individual for his or her own good. Infact one has to kill every empathy or sympathy for that child while applying such necessary measures in setting the receiver in the right path.

XXXXTENTACION:
What do you suggest they do ? .... They should kill their first son

Give him TOUGH LOVE

XXXXTENTACION:
You can take a cow to the river but you can't force it to drink water....
If you read what the o.p wrote you see where he wrote that the elder brother is highly intelligent and a Ph.d Holder and not just some dunce...
If you manage to give birth to your own first son... When he owns a business, makes money for himself and is a Ph.D holder .. You can go ahead and cut yourself from your son and see how beautiful that goes for you....

You shld have also read from the Op's post where he accused his dad of over pampering him. But has now decided to ignore him.. So you see that one or both parents is always the reason for such bad upbringing...

XXXXTENTACION:
Ok if you give birth to your own first son you can chase him away and see how it goes....

I can never train my own first son in such way. Infact all my children. How can I train my own son to be a nuisance ,irresponsible child cum MUMU? I no fit abeg. And if I see anyone around him encouraging such, I ll so throw such person so far away... I wld never be a failure in such aspect.even if it ll take me both spiritually , physically and otherwise as long as it isnt an illegitimate means of making them responsible people, oga I sure ll cos I trust myself

Janella1:
My eldest brother is worst, sometimes I wonder if we are actually from the same womb, I regret being part of that family, always bringing tears to my eyes.

My dear it's well. Dont bother yourself. Just cut him off and think of yourself only for now. You will be better and happier when you cut him off... Make sure you let them know their boundaries with you shld they want to come close. You wld be surprised that he wont try such rubbish when it comes to you. Thats all

XXXXTENTACION:
He is living with his parents and as he is their son and blood....
you can't just kick him out like that....

Lol. You just wan find my mouth. Oga abeg go. Ebi like say naa your type we dey even talk about..

Makschinchin:
Chai! Bros Chatinet, this one too harsh now Show him some love and more love until he has no other option than to return the love.. God help him sha.. Being hostile to such people could even worsen the case.. Na wah oo

You re wrong... what such people need is called tough love and not what you re advocating.. That doesnt work

XXXXTENTACION:
He already runs a business for himself and he is also pursuing an educational career for himself what other responsibilty do you want him to take again ...

Lol.. Oga abeg shift... Didnt you see where the OP complains that he adds no value to the house but recks havoc destroying stuffs that he ends up not paying for while they the siblings do? What sort of responsible person does that? Infact, what's he even still doing in that house eating free food if he isnt irresponsibility personified ? Oga abeg I pray you have such person in your immediate family. How am I even sure you are nt one sef? Are you?

Tgrey:
For a nuclear family I disagree with you.
Family is family no matter what!
Had it been its a polygamous family your advice is ok
So you think that guy won't change?
All he needs now is support and care else the story will end in irony.
form my point of view you guys are not close or don't like him

It's obvious that that you have nt seen nor had any situation such as this in your immediate family

XXXXTENTACION:
Yeah why won't he feel entitled when he is the first born son ...

Lol... First born my ass.. First born that isnt ready to take up responsibility but wants everyone to bow to him? Him never start. He should try somewhere else and maybe in another lifetime.

RESPECT IS EARNED AND NEVER GIVEN.

XXXXTENTACION:
Ever heard of empathy and forgiveness ....
before you totally condemn someone atleast try to find out why and what motivates their actions...
the world would atleast be a better place if we learn to empatise and forgive....
this is a matured man at least speak to him and he will get to reason...

Lol... it's obvious you dont have anyone like this selfish ,self centred and entitled person in your immediate family. What makes you feel that all these measures you mentioned have nt been applied? There is something called TOUGH LOVE and that is exactly what such people need and deserve at that point to save them from further and total destruction



As per what motivates their action is something we all know. ENTITLEMENT ATTITUDE/ SPIRIT has engulfed him. Hence that lousy behaviour

XXXXTENTACION:
This case is very different... as stipulated by the O.P the elder brother runs a business and makes alot of money for himself and he also is training himself and he is now a Ph.d holder...

Oga stop making any case for that one. They re all same... Is it because I didnt come here stating mine from the beginning? Abeg stop making any silly excuse for them cos its same stupidity that is disturbing them.. Most of them are all selfish and self centred with serious entitlement spirit worrying them.

Matrixlord2021:
You are boasting that u dealt with ur brother,Thank God u r not man.In this life there are things that go round and come round.
All ones actions,reactions and inactions come back to the same.source.its the laws of karma.
Well adolescence and maturity are not the same.
But it would get to a time when u enter his or her shoes no matter how right or wrong you are,you would feel the pinch.
This is just the law of karma,whatever one sows he shall reap.
Even been employed or working doesn't shield one FROM the law of karma which is applicable to all.
In life the only thing I value is respect to anybody.
Before I disrespect anyone they must have bitten more than they can shew or pushed me toooo far.
The thing is when the person is not there again,one would remember that no one can be like a brother because some stupid stranger would do the same shit one did to a senior and there would be nothing one can do about it

If he wants to be treated as an elder brother, then he shld aft as one. Do you even know if he had done more than enough to every of his siblings? Oga every man his own tolerance limit. Since he feels everything is his and he doeant want to see anyone around the house, then he shld go get his. But sorry I WONT take that from him. Maybe some others can . Well he now knows his boundaries with me... if you like you call that boasting naa you sabi

houseontherock:
Really? I didn't know it was something common in Igbo land
I hope his parents leave a will otherwise he won't give his younger ones anything since he feels so entitled

Lol... Very very common amongst most shameless firstborns. Will or no will, my brother knows he CAN NEVER try such trash. Our parents are even the ones shielding him from our wrath.. We wld ve dealt with him long before I did. I had proposed handling him since 2008 but my parents requested that we gave him some more time. I dont know about how others wanted to handle theirs. But I dealt with him when he I got home after about 10 years on one of the occasions he came up with one of his nasty characters. Every man his own tolerance level.. Me i no fit at all with such person

XXXXTENTACION:
How many times have you ever posted your family problems on nairaland... Or does your family not have problems

It's all choice. Afterall when I had to ' clean up 'my eldest brother's fup behaving same way as Op's, my parents were some how 'embarrassed' cos of the neighbours and tenants. But to me, to hell with what they term embarrassment cos it wasnt at all. I had not been home for more than 10 years and that single day ended that rubbish.. All I got was settling bills from a distance incurred by a full grown man that never wants to take responsibility for anything