Haviza:
So I created a thread last week about how a guy I texted and spoke on the phone everyday with just stopped replying me for almost two weeks. He ignored all my calls and texts and just disappeared.

Well he responded to my texts this morning and apologized for responding late. He said he didn't respond earlier because he has been very busy

The thing is I am very happy to hear from him. I really like this guy a lot and I don't want to lose him. But I can't help but feel he doesn't respect me enough for him to just ghost me for two weeks. He has been online for the past two weeks so I don't know how he can be "very busy" and still be online and yet not spare few seconds of his time to reply my texts.

I've not responded to his texts yet. I don't know what to say to him.

Cc
Safarigirl

I can tell you for sure the guy is manipulating you. Ghosting people is totally wrong. He's playing mind games on you.

If I were you I won't take him back. Because I bet you, chances are that there is 200% (or even 1000%) probability he'll repeat this behaviour. I bet you. Ask yourself-- is this what you want?

Why settle for someone who doesn't respect you?

Think about it! TWO WHOLE WEEKS he was busy and so couldn't pick your calls or reply your messages! So who are you to him? A disturber? A needy woman? Of course, that's the clear message he's giving you from his two weeks ghosting.

You're expendable as far as he's concerned, period.

He's conditioning you to become used to him. He's manipulating you. This may be one of his plans-- he wants you to dangerously fall in love with him so that you'd be the one to ask him out and NOT the other, usual way round.

Probably, he has insecurity issues. I can't categorically say on this.

Wake up and speak up for yourself.

If he said he was in the hospital, this is understandable. Or that he was arrested. But not to say he was busy! Jeez!

Even wealthy billionaires still have time for their wives. A man can act busy to outsiders but not to his wife or fiancee or girlfriend or a close female friend. TWO WHOLE WEEKS!

Abeg, decide for yourself. The guy behaviour dey vex me. These are the type of men who give Nigerian men a bad image

Confirm from your lawyers if it's right to record discussions you have with her so that going forward if you have to meet with her -- always record all your conversations.

If possible, keep a spy camera in all your rooms. Activate them any day she's "allowed" into your house.

You need sufficient evidence to keep yourself clean.

Continue being used, you hear!

You're the one hurting yourself.

What do you expect when you live in the past? She's moved on. Not you. You're still having her picture in your laptop! Haven't you heard of burning or destroying mementos from past relationships? You don't want to get healed and move on.

You're feeling guilty. And you think that by winning her back the guilt will go away. Wrong approach.

The average American is careful with Nigerian guys. They know our Naija story wella. That's why she said you keep asking her for stuff and that's why she concluded you're trying to use her. That wasn't a time to hit back by telling her to go "Bleep her sand" as you said.

What is wrong with "sand" as a gift?
It's not about the substance, it's about the care laced to the act of gifting! But you missed this. Rather you tried defending your self in order to pump your ego. What better way than to tell her to go "Bleep her sand!"

Now she has gone to "Bleep her sand" -- so why call her back? You're just complicating things for yourself, young man.

Let me stop here. I have more to say but I have other things to do now. You're supposed to be paying for this advice sef. But that's not a problem. Money isn't my concern. I have it in abundance. I just wish you won't make this type of mistake next time.

Leave your past if you must move on. Not every relationship can be remedied. No man moves forward by looking backward

Young man, never go back to her.

Women think far ahead of men in these things. She's being manipulative. She just wants attention. Nothing else.

I will advise you reduce how often you speak with her.

If you decide to leave her friend (out of confusion) and go to her (who obviously has a boyfriend), then be ready to be USED and ABANDONED like play-play-play.

She may ever be ready to lie to you that she has broken up with her current guy just to have you. Those type of women are insatiable. She just drools in ATTENTION from men folk. Obviously she wouldn't mind dating you and her current guy at the same time. How would you know? Until when it's too late.

Use your head.

Millenniumlady:
You fvcked up big time sometimes we ladies love it when you woo us like 4/6times before we'll give in better tell the new girl that you're already in a relationship before she came go back to her friend for peace to rain

4 to 6 times? Because the man is jobless, abi? Are you now a business project?

Imagine your yeye advice- that he should tell the girl he was in a relationship and go back to the first girl who is obviously being manipulative just for ATTENTION and not because she LOVES the guy.

A young guy of thirty looking for a female friend living in Idimu Egbeda axis of Lagos.

Age range: 27 - 29

Not for dating. Not for sex. Just friendship.

She should be a graduate, intelligent, and communicative.

Not a social media crazy type.

Someone who knows her worth. Who believes that self validation is paramount; not someone needy.

Let's begin here, bobmanuelhamilton@gmail.com

DaddyOpe:


I saw your post earlier. I followed it and registered on the dating site Bit Mistress. I have logged in. I see people from different countries. Please I need your assistance.

People from which country do you think is best to contact?

How do I go about it? I am asking because I am new to this whole dating thing. Circumstances have pushed me into it.

Omo see hustle. Lmaooooo

Lionessza6:
Don't complicate your life,respect your wife & your marriage, and you shall have peace of mind. What she is suggesting does happen in some cultures, but the woman usually talks to the elders 1st,and they are the ones that will recommend her the right* sperm donor in the family. What she is doing is creepy,sneaky and suspicious. One is left to think she was lusting over you all this while,& your uncle was a deterrent . Maybe she wants a younger man to awaken her senses ,and her need for another child is just an excuse to lure you into her web of deceit. Becareful with such people.

I concur

TallNigerian:
Hello Nairalanders,

I will be 30 years in a few months and I have never felt so much unease as I do right now. I work with one of the federal parastatals and I am currently on level 10 going to 12 next year. I have a Master degree athough it is not exactly relevant to my current job.

The problem is that my organisation uses the Ministry salary structure and my monthly net is below 80k even as a level 10 staff.

I am not married and I am academically inclined. Asides having a Master degree, I have over 8 professional certifications.

I have been trying to clinch a transfer of service to a better parastatal where the remuneration is better and where my knowledge/experiences as a science graduate will be better appreciated but it has been a bit difficult.

However, just before the COVID-19 episode in Nigeria, I got the right link for a transfer of service to a better parastatal but the process got stalled with the COVID-19 palaver.

I have 4 siblings who are Canadian citizens and they have been on my neck to migrate. I never took the calls seriously until this lockdown period. My siblings are arguing about the uncertainty of the Nigerian economy post-covid and advising me to seize this opportunity to migrate and start a new career over there?

My question therefore, "is it wise to stay back since I have gone quite far in my public service career and just wait for the opportunity to transfer my service to a better paying federal parastatal OR do I migrate to Canada and start a new career?

Your honest inputs will be highly appreciated. Thanks!

@CrazyMan @1forall Please I need your help in pushing this forward for a wider view. Thank you.

What kind of question is this?

Are you in Nigeria at all?

Do you see the madness of our political elites?

Do you see the paradox of your own situation?

A Masters degree holder earning less than 80k and you're banking on a transfer with higher pay as a rescue!

Assuming the next parastatal you're transferred to pays you 120k, is that "one" money commensurate to your educational qualifications?

What about when you get married and children come and your financial responsibility increases, is it 120k that will handle ALL your needs CONVENIENTLY?

Won't you want to buy a car? Build a house? Do other things?

Or you prefer this shithole of a country where your human rights is next to nothing?

I hope you have your answer.

This is how we answer questions like this in Nigeria.

Everybody's angry. Q.E.D.

gessica:
Na wa o, hmmm.. what you put your uncle through is just the height of it. I'll advice you forget about your last two kids and also forget about asking for forgiveness from those you've offended. The pain you caused them will only take the grace of God to forgive. Forget the past and everyone in it and start afresh.

God bless you.

You just said my mind. No need for me to repeat.

I concur.

@OP, please note.

It's a case of narcissism and psychopathic delusions.

You need see a therapist.

Buzz me: bobmanuelhamilton@gmail.com

Call your mum and tell her everything..

Make plans to stay on campus when schools resume from the COVID-19 lockdown.

Don't stay off-campus. Get acculturated to the East by staying off-campus where you'll mingle with other students.

Also, staying off-campus may not be a good idea as it may open door for temptation to live a less-guarded life or a loose one.

Summarily, by all means, leave your uncle's house.

oz4real83:
What about security votes? Do you still collect them? All the unnecessary allowances, are they still being collected? All these need to go too ooo if u are really serious.

Shut up and be grateful for the one he has done.

If those allowances are stopped you'll still look for another fault.

Fault-finders. Hard to be pleased.

Ingratitude sits deep in their heart.

Leece:
My 50 Yrs Old Boss Shows A Lot Of Cleavage When We Meet, What Could She Want?

So I got this job around 2019 and I noticed from the very day I went for my interview, there was this woman who happened to be very lenient with me and cautioned others when they asked me tough question. All she did saved me from disgracing myself in front of 5 panelist. After the interview I waited till they closed just so i could say thank you.

When she came out around 7 pm she was more elegant and had this carriage that suits her age. I approached her and she recognized me immediately she was happy to see me and I thanked her. As I was about to leave she offered me a ride and being a very good conversationist that I am, I began to talk and she became very free with me. She told me a lot about her husband and his drinking addiction and how he neglected her sexual needs. I tried comforting her with words and ended by saying she is 50 na her libido should be dead by now, she didn't take offence but replied and said I cant handle her if we ever get down.

Fast forward to when I resumed, I realized she was the CFO of the organisation, now fear don catch me. I couldn't even look her in the eye to start a conversation. I think she noticed and she called me to her office and was laughing at me and later told me she would like us to keep talking the way we did yesterday cause she doesn't have much friends.

There was this day she was dancing to an old Fuji song in the office, her office is sound proof moreover it was already past office hours, i went to say goodbye, she called me to come in and didn't let me leave. I thought to myself another free ride.

She jumped up at a point and had a nip slip, i mean both breast were literally out. I just closed my eyes, she fixed it and was smiling at me.
Since that time till now she has been showing massive cleavage anytime i'm around her. She has started calling me my dear and other staff are calling me omo mummy and they dont know what I am facing

Think of the consequences, brother.

The beginning may be pleasant but the end can be shameful and humiliating.

It can cost you your job. You may end up losing your dignity before your colleagues.

It may even involve the woman's husband or another person who knows her, intervening. In which case, considering the peculiarity of the Nigerian factor scenario, police may be involved.

It may even become news. In which case, busy-body bloggers will post your story and pictures of you all over the internet:

"Male Employee Involved in Sexual Imbroglio with Fifty-year-old Boss, .... in ..."

Think of the vast negative possibilities this situation can take.

Don't build your self esteem or ego on the fact that women find you attractive. You're important through and through if you believe it. Self esteem comes from within you not what people say or think about you. If you know you're handsome and yet can keep a clean slate, that's what matters most. This is fine. Don't think your handsomeness needs to be validated by the praises of women.


Read Proverbs 6: 24.

Lastly, focus on your future, young man. You have nothing to gain from that woman but temporal pleasure. You have more to lose if you accede to her demands.

If you must have sex outside of God's will as a single (which I don't encourage at all), it shouldn't be with a married woman of fifty. There are young, unmarried women everywhere. Think.

ademidedavid:
It's no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.

I have been married for 3 years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.

It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....

It really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3 years and never asked for a kobo from her.....

Although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.

I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....

Please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

Involve a responsible marriage counsellor who knows both of you to advise her. She's become too familiar with you and will not listen to your advice at this point. Why? Because I suspect she's being influenced by a new friend or company.

She wants to compete or measure up with her fellow women who have been gisting her about their experience and how their husbands are spending heavily on them.

What she fails to understand is that these things are in phases. Like you said, it's gradual. Don't give up. I will advise you start praying for her and for both of you. It may not be easy now because you're hurting and feel offended. However, God will give you grace in these times.

It is well. I speak healing into your marriage. Let love return miraculously this moment.

Forgiveness doesn't mean accepting those who betrayed you.

A leopard doesn't change its spot.

So if he hadn't seen pictures of you doing well he wouldn't have reached out?

Is that a good friend?

Ask yourself-- is that a good friend?

Enoch07:

so because of this coronavirus is a scam abi oga

Read well!!! Tufiakwa!

The lady in Delta said "in Nigeria."
Not worldwide.
She was being contextual.

It is a scam IN Nigeria -- this is what she said.

And she said so based on her experience.

She has not categorically said the disease doesn't exist.

Where una de keep una head sef!
Understand before you react.

What do you want from us?

Tell you to continue taking this shit from your girlfriend because you've spent so much on her studies and can't afford to lose out?

A broken relationship is better than a broken home.

Marry her and be ready for times four of the wahala she's already giving you.

Can't you think OP? Dem jaz you?

If you like don't leave her. Continue. Na you sabi.

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill (unfortunately I didn't take a screenshot of the hotel stuff). In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screenshots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it. Again, I attached photos, but scratched out names just in case.

Thank you,

Tasha

Chat me up: bobmanuelhamilton@gmail.com

bobmanuelhamilton@gmail.com

light099:
Commendable but, If every individual throughout the world who distributed some things to few people in their neighborhoods all come here to drop it on FP, will there be any space left to post better things? Especially when the hidden intention of such post is obvious, as usual.

The way some people bombard nairaland and FP with trivial news all for the sake of chestbeating is alarming. I think the mods have to regulate this thing, it's beginning to suck.
These people are already abusing FP with unworthy news all for the purpose of bigotry.
I think this forum is not existing for the purpose of promoting tribal chestbeatings from some people who're fond of petty show-off.

Park well, jor.
How many lives have you impacted? Talk is cheap. You're busy looking for fault. Who stopped you from donating?

If people don't give you'll complain. Now that someone has given you're still complaining about their motives.

So what do you want them to do? To be as stingy like you?

Better grow up.

gamapoy539:
The only thing this handsome man-pastor is good at is fucķing widows, peoples wife and girlfriends while thèy are at work. That's why he's always on twitter seducing sèx starved women. look at the kind of pants he wears. Little wonder mama bilkisu was asking me the meaning of reno nuggets.

Touch not God's anointed lest you incur His wrath

Why are you people calling him a bad person?

Do you think it's easy handling leadership?

Think about the number of people that have been affected recently by COVID-19 in Port Harcourt then you'll realize how painful it is.

The initial lockdown that they did for markets in Port Harcourt didn't get full compliance. Yet the Governor didn't complain. People were coasting and enjoying. He kept calling for compliance but never complained.

Now that the same people who refused to comply are beginning to see the consequences with the increase of the number of infected persons they're complaining that Wike is too harsh!

Do you expect the Governor to fold his hands and be like Buhari who nobody sees?

Wetin be una problem sef!

Wike is doing his best, yet you're complaining.

Ask yourself, where is Buhari?

Do you ever get to see him on news except on Nationwide broadcast and that is after Nigerians have complained and complained and complained -- before you'd see him on TV.

Nothing ever pleases SOME of you Nairalanders!

Bunch of complainers.

Tufiakwa!

SocialJustice:
Op finance your idea yourself. Be very careful so you don't dash out your idea to predators. I once lost mine to cheki car sales website.

You need to bootstrap on your own unless you're from a rich family that can afford to invest N2m no outsider will.

The way angels and venture capitalists work is you must get to a point where your business has cash flow. They will run to you when you say you need money to scale. No professional investor gives money to an idea.

Haba... Mbanu... Kid me not!

You mean the great and mighty Cheki cars stole your idea?

Do you have proof?

Are you serious or sure of what you're saying?

Rozz, I admire your passion for God.

However, don't quit.

Do this:

To avoid harassment from men, go in the company of a man while on street evangelism.

That boyfriend is using you.

Period.

Acmepreneur,

That guy isn't ready to settle down. He also doesn't love you. He likes you. Love and like are not the same thing.

Find relationship books by Praise George and read. You'll thank me later.

After reading the right books you would know what to do. I won't tell you that. Find it yourself in Praise George's books or any other relationship books out there.

Listen to messages by Myles Munroe on relationship. God bless you and Happy Sunday.

PlayerMeji:
Lol

It's no longer an embarrassment for Africans to be subjected to unfair treatment in foreign lands because our rulers (we don't have leaders,what we have are simply rulers) open the inland economies of Africa to these Asians without any set rules.

Imagine, a Chinese threatening a local in Abuja that he would kill him and nothing will happen. I was angered to my bone because he was right, he could kill my friend and truthfully nothing may happen.

They subject Nigerian workers in their factories to the worst form of slavery... Even on Nigerian soil

I wonder when our rulers will have sense to even curb the excesses of these Asian mofos on motherland.

God bless you...

Unelephantable:
Sorry for them.
Couldn't the money or connect keep them together?

Anyways, someone said, men would always make you sad, but it's better to cry in London that to cry in Mushin like WTH!

And women will always make you happy, abi?

She is not ready for marriage.

It's very clear you're an option B to her.

Rule number 1 in dating: Never, I mean NEVER accept a woman who comes back to you after leaving you.

If you can leave that house, please do.

As long as both of you keep seeing, something must happen.

Thank me later.