Your issue is very technical.

Find a licensed marriage and relationship counsellor and hire the person.

Don't be afraid of spending money on life issues like this.

I have my opinion on this but I won't be dropping it because you're presently exposed to a deluge of information.

You may fall into decision paralysis.

Meet an expert. If you're in Lagos, google a name.

I'm not an expert so don't reach out. Neither can I direct you to one.

Just follow your mind. Nairaland isn't a place for matters like this.

Be meticulous with your privacy. People are very funny and cunning in this part of the world.

That's all I'll tell you.

Bye.

post=90720703:
Make una no vex o.. but I'm thinking what femi Kuti has done for humanity ? Why is he a celebrity ? Or he is just riding on that which his father did before he left. Last last e go make person get good papa o.

Happy birthday to him sha


Be a good parent come and buy kids Educational Tablets for your your children to help them stay ahead of their peers view my profile now

You writing, what have you done for humanity?

Be there pointing fingers.

Na them.

Run.

She may not have ulterior motive but she acts like one who does.

You never can tell. To be on a safer side, avoid her.

End the communication, in fact.

Guy I support your decision 1000 times.

The leopard never changes its spots.

Run.

Too bad.

Make una come quick quick.

MTN and all these data service providers wan finish person.

Who knows whether na una go bring healthy competition wey go make them sit up?

Or una fit worse pass self?

Just come first. Lol.

Nbote:
Blacks kill blacks more in the US and even here in Africa.. While dey were busy protesting about black lives matter, a fellow black molested and probably killed her.. If a white man molests or kills a black man, it's termed racism. But when blacks keep murdering and ruining demselves, it is jus crime

Please, mods should make this comment a front page comment.

This is so on point.

@lalastica
We need front page comments too o.

Okay...

#black lives matter.

Buhari do something.

In the US, a whole nation was brought to a standstill because of one man's death (Floyd) and by extension other blacks who have been killed by racist white police men.

Here in Nigeria herdsmen and Boko Haram have killed more than 2000 people since this government came to office yet they have done nothing rather they keep living in denial saying Nigeria is peaceful.

Does the life of the 65 year old man killed in Imo State not matter?

Do the lives of the more than 2000 people killed by herdsmen and boko haram not matter?

This government is wicked. Terribly wicked.

Black lives matter.

This rape nonsense must stop

Yes, you read it right.

Any useful answers?

I'm waiting.

Let the answers start coming now.

Greatzeus:

" Vex out" from a lawyer,so much for Nigerian education

Shut up.

Did you read his post?

Didn't your brain tell you "Vex out" is a way of getting the attention of readers by creating a catchy and captivating headline

Continue with your foolishness!

Inferiority complex is your problem.

Go create your own thread and stop soiling another's.

Good riddance to rubbish.

You have serious problems.

This is how cheating becomes habitual.

Longer throat syndrome.

Once you're with someone, love them for who they are.

No one is perfect.

I bet you, the new guy you're just falling in love with carelessly--

It won't be up to three months you'll see another person and forget him.

You have commitment issues, young lady.

Deal with that.

You're not asking for too much o.

Communication, frankly, is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of any relationship.

Never negotiate that.

Buy him books on how to converse with the opposite sex (and humans generally).

Tell him politely that poor conversation is a deal breaker in every relationship.

He can learn if he doesn't allow his pride to blur his sense of reasoning.

If he gets angry and avoids you for correcting him, then he was never meant for you.

Even in the bible it's written, he who the Father loves he chastiseth.

If someone who claims to love you sees you doing wrong and doesn't point it out to you, then he never loved you in the first place.

Q.E.D.

Lorazepam:


Ehn you are shortsighted na (myopia)
Glasses doesn't fix your vision. it only aids the vision, moreover at times, myopia gets worse till the individual gets to a particular age, then it begins to stabilise.

Go and see ophthalmologist for eye examination so they can give you your ideal glasses prescription, you are probably using a wrong prescription at the moment. You can also use the opportunity to do a full eye exam, check your eye pressure, glaucoma screening, etc.

I concur, 101%.

Whaaat! This post is super dope!

Wisdom at work, here...

God bless you, Mhizgracie

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

FFK is a sound intellectual who makes great sense with his political remonstrations.

He has shed so much light here.

So many Nairalanders who know little to nothing about Nigeria's history are busy telling him to shut up. It's a pity people now hide behind their key pads anonymously throwing insults and invectives at elders; something they can never attempt physically.

It's pitiable noting the loss of our value systems.

I am a millennial and not FFK's mate. I will one day get to his age and beyond. A good cultural upbringing demands that I respect him. If I am opposed to any of his views, I can express my reservations politely without resorting to the thuggery of words as has become the lifestyle of so many faceless Nairalanders.

Having said that, FFK pointed out so many things in his speech.

How many of these did you who is "shutting him up" refer to?

The problem with most of our Nigerian youths (I am a youth too) is that when we encounter someone with a better intellectual exposure and argument, whose view we're not in sync with, we fail to counter their views with a similar air of intellectualism or sound thinking. We fail to because we don't have that sound thinking in the first place.

Rather, we use curse words and swear words to lampoon them. We do so because it is a way of hiding our ignorance, which unknown to us is so loud that it can be heard by the sensitive mind.

When you don't know something, humble yourself and learn. Listen. You mustn't react to everything you hear. If you can't discuss on points, respect yourself. It's not a weakness. It's not just your style. Nobody will victimize you for it. What is bad is when you victimize others with derogatory words.

You have your phone. Make your own video. Put it on your Twitter or Facebook accounts like FFK did. Don't use your talk to rubbish people's reputation. There are laws against slander and libel which most of you don't know. You can be sued for this. It's just that this is Nigeria where people do so many nasty things and go scot-free. Notwithstanding, the courts in Nigeria handle matters on defamation. If you defame a person be ready for the consequences.


Another thing "again" is when you resort to contextual argument. You turn a blind eye to all the good points made by a speaker and focus on just one thing he or she said so you can give them a bad image and make yourself feel important. This is done often by people with low self-worth. They think nobody knows. It's very easy seeing through their actions into their motives and intentions.

Humble yourself if you must grow in life.

In conclusion, do unto others what you'd want them to do unto you.

How do I promote my book already on Amazon?

FeliciaOja:

He was extremely lucky to have proof, that girl nearly destroyed his career.

I guess that girl will still be walking free

What a world

Please o, @lalastica front page

Very, vital points here, @op...

Thank you

Shey nobody will go and protest #blacklivesmatter now?


Abi the people killed in Oyo no be black people?


Somebody will leave Nigerian issues and be protesting #blacklivesmatter in Victoria Island! Na wa.

Charity begins at home!

#Oyopeoplelivesmatter too ooooo

lightangel65i:
So he cant give this to the poor, right.

He is just trying to paint a good image for himself.

She is already dead, let the police do their jobs

Shut up! Who you don help?

If you don't have anything positive to say, keep quiet.

Opening your mouth to question a man of God's action. Is it your money?

Does anyone control how you use your own money?

You're just like Judas in the bible who queried the lady who washed the feet of Jesus with expensive ointment! Exactly what you're saying is what Judas said,

4 But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected,

5 “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.[b]”

6 He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

7 “Leave her alone,” Jesus replied.
JOHN 12: 4 - 7.



So I ask you, aren't you like Judas

What sort of highness is this

The black lives that book haram has been killing in northern Nigeria are they animals? Why didn't they protest?

All the victims and casualties of herdsmen mayhem aren't they black lives?

All the people who die from police brutality in Nigeria, aren't they black lives? Abi na white men? Did any of them protest?

Busy bodies looking for cheap publicity to trend!

Of all places, na Victoria Island dem see to protest-- a quiet, serene place just because they're afraid for their lives! They can't try this nonsense in Lagos mainland in places like Iyana Ipaja or Cele or Oshodi, etc.

If they're bold enough they should go to Ajegunle.

Nonsense & rubbish.

Next, please.

Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm.

All of you calling men of God names are bringing curses upon yourselves

Hightser:
Hello guys, so I'm skeptical about this decision I'm about to take, my girlfriend will be joining the next batch of NYSC and I have been thinking of telling her to work it to Lagos.

Truth is, she learned fashion design sometime and she likes modelling for clothing brands and she teaches too, I believe with all of this she stands a chance of getting something tangible in Lagos than going to serve in one village.

My fear is this, (I recently got an accommodation, a single room self contain on the island, haven't even told her yet)
So I need time to plan my future, I'm not fit financially to start fending for someone, if I am then my younger sister should be the one to come over ( though her service year is next year)

But if my gf is to come here, the agreement will be clear and concise, you fend for yourself while I fend for myself, don't worry, the relationship is that defined and she understands.

My reason of wanting to do this for her is cause she has been very nice to me and she has helped me out financially and otherwise in the past though I repaid her.

But guys, my major fear is living with a girl in the same house, won't attachment get serious, what if she gets pregnant? I don't want anything to hinder my plans, I'm 29 actually and I'm not planning to settle down anytime soon.

Please I need advice and contributions.

Focus on your future.

Forget cohabiting for now.
You're not financially strong at the moment.

You think she understands in theory, abi? Wait until she starts living under the same roof with you that's when you'll discover things about her you wish you never knew. This isn't the time to discover that.

You can discover something about your fiance even without living under the same roof with them. Just allow her go for her service, wherever.

Cohabiting blurs objectivity for purposes of marriage. It makes you to tolerate red flags because you get blinded by love & sex. You may think this isn't going to happen to you. I won't argue. Do what you feel is right. However, principles never lie. There is day & night. Sowing & reaping. Summer & winter. Etc.

Do the right thing. Don't get emotionally carried away.

Can two work together except they agree?

You playfully told her no sex before marriage and then she gets angry and leaves you.
Why do you think she did this? If she's a genuine Christian she's not supposed to get angry over this. Sex before marriage is obviously a violation of biblical tenets.

She should be happy having a man like you. It is she that is even supposed to be reminding you about no sex before marriage BUT imagine her getting angry because you did that! Is she not supposed to be happy that she has someone like you, a faithful man? In these times when it's very hard finding faithful spouses?

What does this tell you? Perhaps, she's not the faithful type. Is this the kind of woman you want to marry?


SECONDLY, red flags are real. Whatever ingrained habit you see during courtship is what you'll see in marriage. In worse cases, even double of it. If you can't live with her mood swing, what's the point going on with the marriage? Think about the psychological effect this will cause you over a long period of time! Why must you be the only one begging or pleading for peace all the time?

She's manipulating you with her mood swing. It's her own way of handling conflict. And it's wrong. Highly childish. Adults handle conflict by having healthy conversations not emotional tantrums or mood swing all the time. She now knows that anytime she gets angry you'll come begging her so she keeps using it as a weapon of control & manipulation.

I'm sorry to tell you but the lady in question isn't emotionally ready for the challenges of marriage.
She still has a lot of growing up to do. And don't think you can be the one to help her. It must be a personal decision. Change that lasts always proceeds intentionally from within a person. Not because the person was cajoled, forced or begged as you've been doing.

To summarize, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. It is not how long you've dated a person. Even if you've dated the person for up to ten years and you find out new, strange behaviour in them that you can't live with or tolerate, never hesitate in pulling out of such relationship.

Don't get married out of pity.

Don't marry someone when you're not having peace of mind over the relationship. Don't think-- what will the person say. It's not your fault.

What you can't tolerate in courtship mustn't be accepted with the hope that the person will change in marriage. My brother, na lie o! Nobody changes like that overnight. They even get worse.

Look for books by Praise George on relationships and marriage and read. It will help you.

Do the right thing. I wish you well.

God bless you.

First impressions matter.

You've given her a wrong impression about yourself.

That you lie. "Possibly, there will be more lies to come if I get close to this guy or get to date him," she thinks.

So she cuts you off. She's protecting herself.

You're also being desperate. You needed her number by all means you had to lie to convince her friends you were her cousin. That wasn't bravery or doggedness. It was desperation.

Dishonesty (lying) & desperation are two red flags nobody who is serious about their relationships take for granted. If you were in that lady's shoe, I guess you'd probably do the same.

raphroye:
Cheating does not have to be physical things...She's definitely cheating on you with those guys, but it looks like they're far from her. She will sleep with them whenever the chance pops up (Just know that at the back of your mind)

I concur.

No need for me to say it again.

OP, listen.

It has nothing to do with dullness. You're rushing into conclusion, man.

Put yourself in their shoes. Do you know how many guys that toast the average Nigerian lady on daily or weekly or monthly basis?

I know of women who get messages from more than twenty guys in a day who slide into their Facebook and other social media in-boxes. Yes, not all of these women are saints but they know how the average man thinks and acts.

Some have come across men who have given them 100k or even more-- men who haven't slept with them o-- men who are only trying to show working.

See, the women you say are dull are being careful. After all it's said often, "Avoid a free lunch; it comes sometimes with a hidden motive."

Think about it. All of you in one house but different rooms. Do you think you'll not get tempted one day after getting to see them repeatedly in the house --especially when once in a while you get to see flashes of flesh in the kitchen or sitting room? They may not be saints but they don't just like that kind of arrangement.

There are many "what ifs" they have in their head:

1. What if this guy is into....?
2. What if he starts asking me out when I already have a boyfriend?
3. What if he tries to sleep with me?
4. What if he gets jealous seeing my male friends visit once in a while?
5. What if he's a bossy type or control freak who doesn't entertain my opinion on shared utility bills or issues relating to the house. Eg agreed time to lock the main door? No late nights? No this or that. Make sure my sitting room is never scattered kind of instruction all the time, etc.

There are so many "what ifs" when someone gives you something for free for which you're supposed to pay.

It has nothing to do with dullness.

Put yourself in their shoes for a minute and think.
Look at it from their own perspective. Ask yourself, if I was a Nigerian woman, what would I think of this man's free offer? Reflect on that.

Even if she should divorce her husband it shouldn't be with the intent to marry his brother.

It is morally and ethically wrong.

Men don finish?

The brother on the other hand is a usurper and betrayer of trust. Betraying his own brother (even though the brother isn't doing his rightful duty as her husband).

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Let her avoid her in-law. Period.

Slimranky:


You gat some valid points but to be honest
Woman you're dating for two year's wan carry sand as souvenir you go dey happy collect am abi?

Let's tell ourselves the truth bro

For the two years you dated her, did you buy her any gift? Did you buy her something that you sent to her via shipping?