₦airaland Forum

eyinjuege:
Hmmm....

I hope they find her soon.

She needs some psychotherapy or something.

For her to have put poison in the food for all her family members is worrying. Hope she's not a sociopath, she needs serious mental help, especially since she's still a minor.
She would eventually become a thorn in the flesh of her parents if something isn't done now...

Thanks very much, bro. I will bring this to the dad's attention.

Eyaaa. Please, take heart and may God give your family the strenght to bear the loss.

Rest in peace to the dead.

So tankers in Nigeria are driven by mad men. The bigger danger is not that he is engaging in suicide himself but will kill as many people as possible when it happens.

I hope he is caught as soon as possible and put out for a long long time.

I am glad at the reponses this thread is generating. I hope to talk to the dad from the points raised.

@eyinjuege, the mom is not late, but she didn't grow up with her either. She lived with her uncle (the dad's elder brother) until finished elementary.

Benita27:
From the beginning of the story I knew a step-mother would be involved. Forget about what your colleagues said about his wife not abusing the girl, if the wife doesn't tell him, and the little girl doesn't report the step-mother to him how will he know if she was abused?, was he expecting his wife to ever admit abusing her step-daughter in anyway?, from the girl's actions one could tell she was fed-up with her step-mother and father who possibly swings into action upon hearing anything from his wife.

Easy, easy please, Benita. Hopefully, she would be found soon and be interviewed and counseled. But what could make a girl try to kill all her family at once. What happened to just taking money and running away from home as she did eventually?

babythug:
You'll be amazed at the extremes some teens would go!

I recall a few years back some teenage boys in the UK lured a toddler to a corner or was it train station and KILLED the poor child seemingly for the fun of it. Recently too a JsS1 boy here in Lagos attempted to poison a classmate of his because she seemed to be doing better than him academically!

So there you have it! We can only pray for wisdom to manage our children well at thier teen stage

On point @babythug. The one in which the 11 year old boy tried to poison his 12 year old classmate happened just last month in Lagos, just for beating him to the 1st position the previous term ooo. Haba mana!

@ikuku5914 and @ifyalways, am shocked by this story as you are, but it is true. The dad is my colleague at the office. All of us his colleagues have pointed at child abuse, which he denied. Another colleague who usually visits them told me that the girl does not look abused at all and seemed incapable of carrying out such act until now. Another angle to it is the influence of bad friends. But whatever is contributory to her action, is it justifiable? As far as I am concerned, nobody thought this girl to do this. The wickedness just arose in her heart.

Once again, this story is true.

Good morning all. Hope your weekend was splendid.

I have this, rather disturbing story to share and also get your take(s) on it.

At about 9:30pm, on Saturday, I received a call from a colleague of mine about something that happened in his house that day. He called me because we are very close to each other at work. He works directly under me infact, if you will.

So this is the story; he got home in the evening and was told by his 4 year old son that his daughter who is 14 years old has packed her bag and left home. He didn't take the talk seriously, thinking that, maybe she has gone to fetch water. But after a while he decided to open the fridge and he was greeted by a very strong foul smell. He opened the pot of soup which was in it and found that a strong chemical substance has been poured into it. He went to where he kept a mix of fumigation chemicals( a mixture of sniper, action 40 and DD force and of course water) and saw that the bottle was empty. He then, checked for the girls clothes and saw that her clothes were missing too. She also took about 10k and left home. Now they are looking for her. The matter has been reported at a police station and he has gone to the village to inform his family and continue the search.

I should again state here that this girl is his daughter who he is taking care of. The wife is the step-mother of the girl. According to him, he has never beaten her before. He can remember that his wife has flogged her twice of late over issues that were her fault and normal children and parents issues. The main one being an instruction they gave her to keep away from certain girls in their compound, which she keeps disobeying. She is a junior school student.

Now my question is this. What justification would a child have to attempt to wipe out her own family in one fell swoop. What if the chemical mixture was odourless? Many questions to ask here.

Thanks very much for your time, and have a great week ahead. May you live in interesting times, as the Chinese say.

100% correct. I have one here in my office. I've always wondered how an adult grew to be that way.

I wish I saw this post on time.


I will be bold to say my mind here. These days, it has become common for a man to say "I stayed in a rented house for 4 years, 6years, etc, without paying the landlord his rent. At the end of the period the landlord got fed up and throw me out". Rubbish. It is impossible for a trully responsible man to be jobless, doing nothing for a long time and consequently not be able to meet up with is responsilities. Haba. I don't just get these folks. How can you wait until you are thrown out of your house before you begin to sort yourself out. Even more shameful is going to put up with a fellow tenant. God forbid. I just wonder that many men these donn't know what being a man is.

@op, go out and hustle. Leave your pride behind and do whatever it takes to take good care of yourself and reclaim your self respect if that is important to you. Then, go and rent a shack and start all over again. Can't just word up all my thoughts now.

greatwomenworld:
word! but how can one behave differently towards such money loving peeps?

Truth is, money changes most people for the worse and there is very little or nothing you can do about that. So the best one can do is just to be your(self) best and refuse to care about how others behave because of money or lack of it.

@op, ritualists are on nairaland too. I have warned you.

You are 120% right and it has always been like that and it is not peculiar to Nigeria. The Bible even says, " the neighbour of the poor runs away from him". That is to say, a poor man has no friend. It is called RANKISM.

What to do about it? Behave differently towards people from those characters you just mentioned and strive to be the best you can be for yourself and leave the rest. In the end, you cannot control how others treat you, but you can control how you treat yourself and respond to others' behaviour towards you.

Your husband is a bad case and has been like that for a long time before you even married him. You were just blinded by emotions then, probably you weren't a Christian then.

However, I believe that he is not a lost cause yet, even though he might have a private agenda he is working on, as other posters have said.

As a Christain, it's okay to separate, so you can focus on building a good better life for yourself and the children, BUT DON'T DIVORCE him yet. These days the only advice people give at the first sign of marital pressure is, divorce him, move on, not taking into account that God has the power to change and transform the vilest of men. We have seen couples separate for donkey years and still come back together later on. So do these and pray seriously for your husband and marriage. Don't listen to talks of divorce. May God intervene in your marriage in Jesus name.

sisisioge:
Well, if he's still pretty young let him continue to manage with clear awareness that young people aren't as prone to heart attack as much as the older people. What is long life, happiness and peace compared to good sex? Nothing!

BAD GIRL. I dey see you. . Very funny post.

But I think the op the should take his time and work more on his marriage. At least, they've lived together a handle of years and had children, which shows that they don't quarrel all the time. The truth is that most marriages struggle in their early years and they get better with time.

Eyaa. I understand your plight.

The only way you can learn it fast and speak it fluently is if you live in a native speakers majority community. That is, you will need to relocate to the South East, if that is not too dramatic for you to do. You could also continue searching for teach-your-self videos that might help.

However, it is wrong for you to hide from your extended family just because you can't speak your mother-tongue. By hiding your true identity on meeting people of your tribe because of your inability to speal Igbo, you are doing damage to your self worth. So you need to stop all that and just be yourself, accepting the current situation you are in and stay focused on making it better.

Your aunt is looking for trouble herself. The man on the other end did not force her to say. Perhaps, she didn't want to offend the man, but by being that nice to a man not her husband, she is sending special invitations to marital strife.

connkg:
You see, my point is that parents try to prepare their children for the sort of world challenges they faced. This wouldn't work when the dynamics change so.
They were thinkers, which led to greater urbanisation and more privately-owned industries/SMEs than they met. Impact on banking, inter-tribal marriages, entrepreneurship, religion and manufacturing from their mould of Christianity-by-pious-practitioners, Civil Service-by-your-degree, etc.
I feel that because the youth of today do not think as a nation, do not think development, they will initiate child trainings to protect against (wrong use)Technology, "talent" identification (to the detriment of maturity) and anti (fraudulent) religious choices leaving nationhood to suffer. Such citizens will not think of the betterment of their society as much as that of themselves.
Same mistake, no curse.

Agreed they acheived those relatively moderate developmental milestones through thinking. Yet they were largely propped up by the colonialists. Sure you will agree with me, we would have done better had the colonialists stayed longer.

If they were actually taught better and they in turn taught us better, how come we now have zombie-like majority of young adults and even adults in their mid-ages?

From what I see, critical thinking and having a curious mind is passed down from generation to generation, as it's the case with the Jews, the Russians, et cetera. Look around you and you will see that certain traits run in families generationally.


Maybe it is safe to say that it's not our parents fault, because they only worked with the information available to them at the time. Then we should make a commitment to do better.

bukatyne:
@Trudax:

Nice one.

I am happy I came across this thread; I am usually amazed when I see people parrot that our parents are better than we are (like they didn't train us )

I largely agree with the OP and have always said that Nigerian parents don't train their kids aka inculcate values they want replicated in their kids; they do fire brigade approach and excessively beat a child for doing something wrong.

Again, most people were never allowed to critucally think and were taught to obey in a zombie-like manner without critical thinking that's why a subservient subordinate can be a very brutal boss/master in the space of 2 mins.

Religion: same issue.... the problem is not with religion (how many people actually study their religious books); the issue is the cultural flavour of zombie-like obedience and suspension of critical thinking brought into it. Infact history tells us that most of the early fathers of science were very religious. Again, our religious leaders sell 'hope' in exchange for seed planting aka tithes, offerings, contributions etc.

Is the black race cursed? Maybe.... or how do you explain someone who has access to voodoo making his neighbor as poor as he is instead of making himself the wealthiest person in town?

Good morning, Buky. Please, check the other thread by @Trudax. It has to do with introverts and the Nigerian society. It's a good one too.

I hope Seun and the moderators are following this thread. Young people on this forum will learn a lot from it if the right attention is given to it.

Cc: Seun, Dominique, Mynd44, et al

connkg:
Good argument, fair points...

... but it is also true that there hasn't been a "black" nation in recent time/ for centuries. The last ones (mentioned above as African "civilisations" were deliberately fragmented. The 'development' you compare ours to evolved within a fairly harmonious (race-based) context (in the main). We still haven't formed any nations yet.
Today's parents have taught what they commonly felt was the best approach, based on their outlook-personal lessons and experiences from colonisation, colonial religion/education, civil war, Civil Service-and how it affects quality of life.
The politics and struggle for true nationhood still preoccupies the youth. Coupled with new-generation exposure to (inappropriately used) Technology, talent-to-riches (Entertainment-wise), largely negative/fraudulent religious practices (as against the previous generation's colonial experience) and poor quality of economic/social life, I fear the coming generation is even less prepared.

In a nutshell, our parents only taught what they know, right? But how is it not their fault when they were supposed to be thinkers themselves. I refuse to agree that illiteracy had anything to do with it. Training is not only about reading and writing, but mainly about values.

NotOfThis:
Hmm, I wouldn't​ necessarily call the U.S an introverted country. The appropriate term is "individualistic" b/c the U.S values individualism. It's similar but not synonymous to introversion.

You are right, here. Which is better between individualism and communalism?

I listened to a discussion on the BBC where a panel of experts looked at why Africa is poor, besides the obvious historical reasons. A former Chinese ambassador to Liberia, pointed out that one of the main reasons is our communal lifestyle and the other panelists all agreed with him. Does it then means that Africans are lazy and unproductive because we tend to depend on each other, not like the developed world, going by what they said?

Littlefinger:
Why can't I be more outgoing like everyone else? I don't know if I would ever stop asking myself this question as long as I am in an extroverted society like Nigeria where I turn left, right, front, and back and everyone I see is boisterous and I seem to be the only reserved one. Family, teachers, classmates, Lecturers, coursemates, acquaintances have all adviced me to be more outgoing; I tried, indeed I did, but the more effort I put in being extroverted, the more confused and flummoxed I became about who I was. My charade didn't last for more than a month though as I just couldn't keep up with my sham which was draining me mentally, and psychologically. Became depressed for months and only the grace of God kept me strong. I promised myself never to pretend to be what I am not, but rather see my introversion as a strength rather than a weakness.

The answer to your opening line is in your last line. Know who you are and enforce it for yourself. Remind yourself regularly of this person. However, you also have to admit that this person needs embelishment from time to time, so you try to do that to make him a phychologically and socially balanced man. Good luck.

Joavid:
very important point @ bolded.

no one knows it all, I don't know it all, we are all learning from each other.
it's nice to see we're connecting the dots.

Yes. I've been worried by this for quite sometime. Most of what we have today as leaders are products of exam rigging, that is why we have the situation we hve now.

China recognises this as a major challenge. So once a student is caught cheating, that is the end of his educational pursuit.

Joavid:
I hope you don't find it offensive I broke it into bits.


hmmm so you're saying they were lacking in literature and philosophy. I think the Igbos have something called the nsibidi writings or so.

Anyway let's look at the bright side, they succeeded in other areas we should acknowledge them for. the past is the past.



First of, It's unfair to compare America to Nigeria for obvious reasons. I.e, America is a lot older, the kind of colonisation that was in America is different from Nigeria etc etc.

I know it might be offensive to say this, but Asians are on another level. The black race is at the bottom and sometimes I think other races have every right to be racist towards black.
I always say, until African countries get out of this cesspit they're in, blacks will continue to encounter racism.



In the next century, Africans won't be as religious, trust me. we're in a phrase. but would we ever catch up with the western world? I doubt.

If I may pick on your second point, the idea that America is way older that Nigeria is not a good one ( I don't want to put it strongly).

It took Britain about 500 years to develop. America took 200 years. Japan 60 years. Singapore, China and South Korea anout 35 years. The point I am making is; it is taking countries lesser and lesser number of years to develop and do great things. Even in Africa countries are moving forward, while we remain stock. We gained indepence in 1960 is only an excuse to entrench mediocrity.

Joavid:
@ Cocaiine

USA, an introverted country are you kidding.

@ Cocaiine & acidosis
Introverts, although struggle with confidence and social anxiety, can be very confident people if they learn to.


You all should stop with the stereotypes.

Yes, the US is an introvert majority country just like most developed countries. In those countries even if one is not a natural born introvert, the educational system is designed in such way that he is encouraged to develop a curious mind and become and expert thinker. This is how these countries develope.

As for introverts being confident, I agree with you that introverts can be confident, but only through delibrate and purposeful efforts from that introvert. This is the reason many introverts lack confidence. So these are not steroetypes.

Joavid:
@ Cocaiine

USA, an introverted country are you kidding.

@ Cocaiine & acidosis
Introverts, although struggle with confidence and social anxiety, can be very confident people if they learn to.

You all should stop with the stereotypes.

@Joavid, truth be told. The US is an introvert majority country. Most developed countries actually are. In these countries, even if one is not a natural born introvert, he is encouraged by the system to have a curious mind. So they are largely thinkers.

I agree with you that not all of us (introverts) lack confidence, but we only became confident by learning to. So these are not stereotypes.

Acidosis:
Stuffs an extroverted country like Nigeria has to offer are; owanbe (party) and political hooliganism.

Whoever is expecting Nigeria to be as great as South Korea, Japan and other "technologically introvert-centric advanced nations is only waiting in VAIN.

No owanbe loving nation like Nigeria excel in intelligence-related policy. So I agree with the opinions on this thread. You need to hear some Nigerians complain bitterly in countries like Germany. You don't go to parties expecting the celebrants to spend their 12 months salary on drinks and "show-off".

That's why in Nigeria you wonder why guys and ladies have suddenly developed this crazy attitude towards wedding proposal, bridal shower, baby shower, etc. I'm almost certain most of these non.sense do not exist in a country like China. Most painful aspect of it all is that a lot of extroverted Nigerians who haven't stepped out of this country suddenly embraced these useless culture because some paid yeyebrities in the US (Kardashians) who obviously belong to the minority invented such. We are talking about the same US where a lot of people are so engaged with work, trying to save up.

I wish I have the energy to expatiate using illustrative theories. See what I posted sometime ago;

Main Reason Nigerians Elect Dum.b Politicians

Yes. That's my man putting it succinctly as always.

Unfortunately, the people who know the things we are talking here are in the minority, reason Nigeria is the way it is. The ideas that the majority work with are gotten from the media which is largely controlled by Hollywood. This majority does not know that the things they watch on television are actually to a large extent a false representation of American life.

So the question becomes, how do we get it right? Does it mean that this country is doomed?

@xsmart, you are right to have concerns about your neighbours. It is no strange thing for people (introverts) to keep to themselves, but it is for someone to always make sure that he is always out of everyone's sight.

So while you should mind your business, since there is nothing you can do about it now, you should also watch it.

Thanks, @Trudax.

It is my belief that introverts being forced to conform to the norms and standards of conduct that are created by extroverts is not peculiar to Nigeria, but a universal phenomenon.

However, introverts, just as you stated are cheifly superintelleligent people, so do not give in to accepting what the society says is correct.

Introverts even in Nigeria know themselves. We make the rules. We set the standards. No pressure to conform.

@Trudax, I like this topic so much, because to change the dire situation in Nigeria we've got to first appreciate what is the cause, or rather the causes of the present state of things.

It's my opinion that both you, @Trudax and @Joavid, are leaving out very basic things that are the issues here. Our history and the influence of foreign powers in shaping the development or lack of it of our nation is important but not as important as what we choose to do as a people ourselves.

I've always argued that the society is the way it is because of the values the average Nigerian child is made to grow up with by the parents. Just as you said, politicians and leaders all grew up from certain families.

As I see it, the Nigerian child is encouraged to succeed at all cost by his family. He is made to see success as final. This singular belief is responsible for what I term, the worst form of corruption that is on-going in Nigeria. I mean, Examination Malpractice. Because, parents believe in success at all cost, they bankroll exam rigging for their children. They are encouraged to continue to cheat through all levels of education. These children with already corrupt minds, become politicians, policemen, civil servants, lecturers, etc.

Truth is, we can not have a system that does not reflect the characters of our families.

So I have to agree with you that our parents for a very long time have been failing this nation by what they teach their children irrespective of to what extend they are literate or illiterate.

Congratulations to you and your good wife.
May your child live long enough to fulfill God's purpose for his life.