₦airaland Forum

I sure didnt feel bent when I left the school in 1980. I really enjoyed my school days & the academic training while there & occasionally look back with nostalgia.
Great Uniben, great.

With N16,000 that is a very tall order my brother - especially as you need one that supports a memory card of 2G.What you are looking for is a walkman and when you have about N40,000, perhaps we can advise.

Una wan kill feelgood? Abeg jobman, where u dey o. I no be mtel man o; na help man just dey help.
Drogba, why not switch your phone off and on after u have done the necessary configuration as posted earlier.
It appears you have been activated for wap but u don't know how to manually configure your handset to begin.
@others, I'm sure jobman is lurking somewhere - JOBMAN, PLEASE HELEP UR PEOPLE O; AFTER ALL NA DEM DEY PAY
YOUR SALARY.
Be cool y'all and have a nice week ahead

Don't Take That Pill!

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor is gone awhile and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his
throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."

Confession

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled, but as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

There used to be one by the bar beach in Lagos, don't know if it is still there.

Bimbor, you are on now, just load your mtel numbers with some credit, configure the same
with apn1.mtel.ng, switch off ur set and switch back on - pronto, u are online. Welcome to the club.

Bimbor, are you thesame person as wilfem? One of the numbers you posted 0804 301 7749
is similar to Wilfem's 0804 331 7749
Passed your numbers on; will get back when u have been unblocked and re activated

Wilfem & bimbor.
will take up ur matters 2moro as it appears jobman has 'vanished'. cushman, since ur phone has been activated 4 gprs, and it appears it's not working, switch it off on after a few seconds. That shd do the trick.
For now, I browse faster with Mtel than with my Celtel. Since I discovered Mtel, my Celtel has become my backup. I hope Transcorp can keep it up.
Jobman, tell ur pple 2 empower 170 to handle the activation requests- it shd not be based on who you know.
All the best, guys

Kalu is very much in order to ask Ribadu to declare his assets. Nothing wrong with that. But I sense Kalu's request is
his usual diversionary tactic to take attention from the main issue - DID KALU MISAPPROPRIATE PUBLIC FUNDS?

Good folks, we should not digress or lose focus concerning these things. Corruption is evil and we have to start somewhere.
Should we wait for all to be clean before moving against corruption, then we might as well become Somalia. Why is it
that when a thief is caught stealing the village goat, we applaud when the thief claims he is better than a bank robber
and should be let go Because a Policeman collects 'toll fees' does not mean he should not do his job by apprehending the
burglar. The whole world is full of evil, but then, we should start from somewhere the cleaning process. All these arguments
are drawbacks and diversionary. Let's refocus, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. Let's quit the argument
that the feet sholud be covered before the journey and not left bare, such delays thet start of the journey.

Thank God for people like Ribadu. When I left the university in 1980, I believed that my generation would change the face and fortunes
of Nigeria. I feel sad to discover that we apparently haven't succeeded, but rather got entangled in the corruption mess. If God raises
a Ribadu to help in 'saving' our face, so be it. I suppose many of the posters here belong to the X and Y generation and not to my 'babyboomer'
group. Please don't fall into the corruption mess - Support it's rooting out so that your time will be better than ours.

In my time, we embarked on 'Ali must go'; and to our chagrin, the same Ali is one of the contributors of our present predicament.
God will bless Ribadu for trying to redeem our 'image' even if all the Kalus (who incidentally belongs to my generation
- and my neighbour in Victoria Island in 1988) scream blue murder. Project Nigeria must succeed. NO TO CORRUPTION!!!

Au contraire mon frere - meaning: In the contrary my brother (not my friend. The word 'my friend' in French is
'mon ami'.
@ TV, just a li'l correction ( a digression? yes, no doubt) from ur friendly neighbourhood,

Now, back to the thread, good folks.

High School Reunion

My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school's 10th year reunion was taking place.

While my girl friends and I were in the restroom talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them.

One of the women said, "Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in another 10 years."

Where's Your Pa?

A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagon of corn on the road. A nearby farmer saw the accident and went over to have a look and found the boy trying to right the tipped wagon.

"Hey Chris," the farmer said. "Forget your troubles for a spell. It's late. Come have dinner with us. I'll help you with that wagon after we eat."

"That's mighty nice of you, but Pa won't like that," Chris replied.

"Aw, come on, son. Take a break," the farmer insisted.

"Well, okay," the boy finally agreed. "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty meal, Chris thanked the farmer. "I feel a lot better now, but I just know that Pa will be upset."

"Nonsense," the farmer said. "Where is your pa anyway"?

"Under the wagon."

Two Coats of Paint

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task in hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is okay. She replies, "Yes!"

He asks what she was doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are useless and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

Then he asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said, "For best results, put on two coats."

Time Off

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted a little "crazy," he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing"?

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the boss said to her, "And where do you think you're going"?

She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark!"


Forgetful Thief
A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window.

"What on earth are you up to? What happened"? he demanded.

"I'm terribly sorry," said the man. "I forgot to let go of the brick."

Once Upon a Time in the States a man is taking a walk
in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being
attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He
succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A Journalist who was watching the scene walks over and says:
"You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"

The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!"

"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl'"

- The Man answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man.

"Oh, what are you then?”

The man says: - "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspaper says: "Islamic extremist
kills innocent American dog.

Student Tech Help

The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over.

"Your hard drive crashed," he said.

I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."

"We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem"?

"A student told me," I answered.

"We'll send someone over right away."


Hello and Goodbye

Today I picked up my mother-in-law at the airport.

She's getting a little up there. She's at the age where she doesn't remember things too well.

So, when I saw her, I said, "Thanks for coming. Have a nice flight!"

Perfect Marriage?

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from"?

"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

You Can Walk

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks, they went into the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud."

"You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible Study groups. But, I'm a bit disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

To this, his father replied, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went"?

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" "Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven."

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he was curious and asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture"? replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38s!"

Ahoy jobman, just called 170 abt my boy's line 4 wap activation & was informed that they don't do it for private subs- and it is done by the engineers.
Appears ur enthusiasm and info is not shared by ur customer service. You guys shd come 2gether & get ur acts together. Many of us still believe in keeping 100% naija alive. Cheers and goodluck

Great job jobman. Learn't new stuff from ur info. Glad 2 know that Mtel is waking up & customer service is back. 100% naija 4 eva

Computer Trouble

No doubt about it, the new temp didn't have a clue about computers. Since part of her job was directing calls to our technical support department, I gave her simple instructions.

"When people call with computer problems, always ask which operating system they're using: Windows, Macintosh or UNIX."

Later, she handed a technician this phone message: "Call immediately. Customer has problem with eunuchs."

You're Right
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

"I'm wrong," she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"


Getting Back in Shape

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over

I'm Her Mother

My new girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store.

"The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother."

On my first visit, I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around"?

When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother."

She smiled, "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother."

I Didn't See You

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"?

God said, No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years. Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance"?

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

Valentine's Candy

Four-year-old, Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom, Ann did.

He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.

A few days later, Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand"?

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head.

Suddenly, his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy.

"Now I can eat them all!"

Valentine's Day Gift

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means"?

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

Anyway, Ibrahim, Wilfem and cushman, I've passed ur numbers to Mtel for action.
Will get back to you when done - but I'm taking no more requests pls. Don't wanna abuse
my privileges.

Fasone, it is apn1.mtel.ng
connect using mtelgprs
Hope u r browsing now and thanks 4 the prayer.
@cushman, how come u want to configure ur number - I thought u've been using the Mtel gprs for a long time. That's the impression I got from ur earlier posts.

For fast and free browsing/downloads plus cheap calls especially to fixed wireless lines - Mtel
To make calls 2 other mobile networks plus international - Celtel