₦airaland Forum

Just called your numbers, Fasone; I hope they are not blocked because none went thru.
Anyway, I've just been informed that the numbers have been configured for mtel gprs by my
contact man. So, just set your mobile to apn.mtel1.ng then switch off and on. Pronto, you are on.
Welcome to the club ol' chap - my wife uses an L6 and she is enjoying the facility.

Perhaps I should begin to charge for consultancies, or wot do u guys think

ok Fasone, pased the numbers to them - will get back to you thru ur mobile when done. Be cool

ok you guys, let me have your Mtel numbers. I'll try and push it with the folks at Mtel - really feel sorry that you are missing out.
So get me the numbers and wish me luck

@ fasone; don't know what you will want me to say again - why not call the guy
and tell him to pls configure your number for wap. Tell him you are a customer and you need
the facility. Put on the charm. You never can tell, he may turn out to become your main man.

I really feel sorry for them folks who can't get it. When you get connected, other networks become
snail like in speed. It's like comparing bandwith to dial up

Good luck again.

www.gsmarena.com
next time you are buying a phone, check out the site and browse the varied facilities in
the different phones and depending on your taste (and pocket), make a choice - if you are done with
cute-ass, that is.

I use a k608i - your 610 is newer, has similar features but less memory. Got a radio in mine though

on when the rapture should occur, today or tomorrow, which would you prefer?
And why?

yesterday

when was the last time you said something nice to your parents?

Question and Answer

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, "How does this boat float"?

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater"?

Once again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later, the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue"?

Again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind me asking you all of these questions"?

"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"

Why should love die? True love never dies. As the years roll by it matures and takes on a new
shape that is worth experiencing and enjoying. Still on with the wife of my youth for 16 years
now and still having fun - the kids also smile when I hug her publicly and crack jokes (only both of us
understand). It is always great for the kids when love glows. A lot of folks believe that marriage remains in the
state as it was when couple was courting or just exchanged vows. Not possible. Even humans change over the years.
What you used to do and enjoy in your earlier years later becomes childish if you continue in them. That has not
made anyone disapprove of him or herself. Then why do we expect marriage relationships to remain static.
Anything that is static eventually rots while any dynamic thing can self destruct if not well managed and directed
or controlled through inexperience.

But then if love dies nko? Something must have happened along the line to make the flames go
off. Why not 'get matches and kindle the fire again and let the house aglow with warmth and radiance.
Too many Talk show hosts/hostesses and (unqualified, though certificated) counsellors who could not make a success
of their marriages are becoming today's role models - especially when such people have made it big in their
careers. We are in a world that is full of TVs/media and technological gizmos and we tend to lap up every hype that is thrown out
as hip, in and real stuff.

Months ago, a colleague complained that his marriage was going under and a lot of blame was put on the woman. He
sought my counsel (especially as I am a believer in making marriages work). We talked a while and I made him promise to
read the book "Chicken Soup For the Soul - 1st edition". A week after, I told him to ignore the woman's failings and instead begin
to see and mention her good points even to her. Tough act it was, but worth taking up as a challenge - and take the challenge
he did. Now, the couple can hardly get enough of each other. Finding each other's good points and saying them, is no more a
challenge - IT HAS BECOME A HABIT. Their kid is better of for it.

When Love Dies, STAY an rekindle the fire for the sake of your kids, husband and self

Interesting posts, but since it is obvious the thread is for ladies in the house,
gotta keep my comments to myself.

Tunmininu, you sure sound like a married woman - are you?
Sure would be cool to hear the opinion of (other) married women in the house.

@PHBABE
Don't know why you are stressed up - no need for that. Just tell the good folks you are not interested
and that you have someone else. Thank them for their concern.
But then, adding some 2 other names into the list (especially the one chosen by the warriors) is a pointer that
you are not really sure of this your current bf and you wanted to play safe. I suspect the reaction of your bf
must have bowled you over and you realised the error of your ways.
If you need God's will and you are a xtian, you won't be talking about boyfriend - because God doesn't operate
that way. (I don't believe the prayer warrior stuff also about who is your husband - not scriptural). That's why I said
you need not stress.  And we should not bring God into a matter like this just to 'prove' our  'godliness' in such a clearly
fleshly matter or use his name to justify our ways.
So then, just be cool and tell your parents your mind - that is if you are really sure of what you want.

Drogba, I earlier gave a number you shd call and explain ur request. The Mtel guys
are yet to wisen up on the need to allow customer service handle this stuff. So call
Babagana on 0804 419 5519. It's really cool browsing with Mtel - I've stopped browsing
with my Celtel because it's too slow in comparison. Perhaps cushman can say how he did his own
so you guys can be part of the 'in' crowd

Good luck again.

Tickets to the SuperBowl

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and to their surprise, they won tickets to the SuperBowl. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

"I think so too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back and forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."


SuperBowl Wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss' upcoming wedding.

One says, "It's ridiculous. He's rich, but he's 93 years old and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that"?

The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."

"What do you call it"?

"We call it a football wedding."

The first asks, "What's a football wedding"?

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

Moose Hunting

Two Polish hunters from Chicago hire a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bag six moose.

As they start loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.

The two men object strongly, stating, "Last year, we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded.

Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane can't handle the load and goes down a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Stasiu asks Wladek, "Any idea where we are"?

Wladek replies, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"


The Flies
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing"? she asked.

"Hunting flies," he responded.

"Oh! Killing any"? she asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart"?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."

@Ndipe, I suppose your last post referred to mine. If, yes I sure would appreciate your explaining what
you mean since you basically agree that companies have a right to use parameters in their interview process.
We are not talking colour here but qualifications(and there is nothing discriminatory about this).
I still hold that anyone applying to a particular company should endeavor to meet their criteria
or go somewhere  else rather than bitching about it.
I sure agree that qualifications is not a true measurement of someone's worth (said as much earlier),
but then these parameters are useful in the selection process especially with companies that want to establish
standards.

Davidylan and Natasha - good posts.
The proponent and supporters of this thread are just some examples of the warped thinking
that is sadly becoming prevalent in this great country of ours. Wasn't like this before.

In fact, it is becoming increasingly necessary for companies to begin to grade our universities
when embarking on a recruitment exercise. Too many universities springing up with pea-brained
graduates. Had a young man in my office looking for a job, years ago and the applicant just couldnt
come across about his attributes. His spoken language was not only awful, he was particularly IGNORANT
of basic questions that pertained to what he claimed to have read in school. Same with some some young
ladies I've met.

Thank God, the Minister of education has seen the rot in our education and planning to do something about it.
Sure wish her luck.

@topic - perhaps it won't be out of place to also consider for interview those who didn't go to school because they
had nobody to support them; afterall, during the interview the employer can determine the person's suitability or not.

To my dear young Nairalanders, pls understand that as much as companies are free to determine their manpower
resourcing style, that is not a putdowner on your ability and skills. Having a 1st class or 2/1 does not determine what
you will become in future (Bill Gates didn't finish). BUT IF YOU WANT TO WORK FOR IN A PARTICULAR INDUSTRY,
ENSURE YOU MEET THE CRITERIA THEY WANT AND QUIT BITCHING ABOUT THE SAME - BECAUSE IT IS THEIR INVESTMENT. You
can prove a point by starting out on your own. God bless you all

drogba, read my earlier posts and configure ur set accordingly.
My Mtel wap is really cool and the speed is something else.

Goodluck

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes"
~~~~~
At pilots training back in the
Air Corps they taught us,
"Always try to keep the number
of landings you make
equal to the number of take
offs you make."
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~
My wife and I had words,
but I didn't get t o use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time
you're old enough to know your way
around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning is the dawn
of a new error.

Do You Know Who I Am?

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

"Where would you like to sit"? he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said.

"The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am"? the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am"? he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.


Wrong Number
Jim was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him and said the telephone was ringing.

"At this hour, it's probably for you," she said, closing her eyes.

Jim rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs. When he returned, his wife was asleep.

He woke her and said, "Wasn't for me, after all."

She crawled out of bed and pulled on a robe and was halfway to the door when he added, "It was a wrong number."

The Gloomy Day

Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the dumps. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in"?

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."

"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, huh"?

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."

"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"

"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars."

"Incredible! So, how come you look so glum"?

"Well, this week: nothing!"

Simple Home Remedies

1.) A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2.) If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You will then be afraid to cough.

3.) Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4.) Gentlemen can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about leaving the toilet seat up by simply using the sink.

5.) For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

6.) Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.

Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid

approached me and,

Question : "What would you like to have. Fruit juice,
Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Cappuccino, Frapuccino, or Coffee?"
Answer: " Tea please"
Question : “ Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea, Bush
tea, Honey bush tea,
Iced tea or green tea?"
Answer : " Ceylon tea”
Question : "How would you like it? black or white ?
Answer: "white"
Question:
"Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer: "With milk”
Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
Answer: "With cow's milk please.
Question: “Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: “Um, I'll just take it black.”
Question: “Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or
honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: “Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar”
Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of
water instead."
Question: "Mineral
water, tap water or distilled
water?”
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored?"
Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst

One Wise Lady

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you, but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it four years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please? The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem, sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!

My Pet Centipede

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for it and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings"?

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So, he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me"?

A little voice came out of the box and said, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"

Thanks bluenubian; just a joke. Has nothing to do with my
person ruescho ol' chap

ALL THESE IN THE NAME OF GOD

AMMAN, Jordan - A Jordanian man fatally shot his 17-year-old daughter whom he suspected of having sex despite a medical exam that proved her chastity, an official said Thursday. The man surrendered to police hours after the killing, saying he had done it for family honor.

A state forensic pathologist, who works at the National Institute of Forensic Medicine in Amman where an autopsy was performed, said in a phone interview that the girl had run away from home several times for unknown reasons.

Weeks ago, the girl had returned home from a family protection clinic after doctors had vouched for her virginity and the father had signed a pledge not to harm her, the pathologist said on condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the case.

"The tests proved that she was a virgin," the pathologist said. The girl returned home only after her father signed a statement promising not to harm her, he added.

The father shot the girl four times in the head on Tuesday. On Wednesday, an autopsy was performed that again showed "she was still a virgin," the pathologist said.

Authorities have not disclosed the names of the father or the daughter or even their hometown, saying only that they lived in a southern province.

The crime is the first "honor killing" this year in Jordan, where many men consider sex out of wedlock to be an almost indelible stain on a family's reputation. On average, about 20 women in the country are killed by their relatives in such cases each year. Women have been killed for simply dating.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070125/ap_on_re_mi_ea/jordan_honor_killing

ALL THESHE NAME OF GOD??

The Blonde Guy

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

Formal Nightwear

Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.

One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.

Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it on.

"What are you doing"? I asked.

"Well," he replied. "If you are going to be formal, so am I."

http://www.thisdayonline.com/nview.php?id=68771
President Olusegun Obasanjo has sought the "personal intervention" of the Prime Minister of Singapore, Mr. Lee Hsien Loong, in the imminent execution of a Nigerian, Mr. Iwuchukwu Amara Tochi, in Singapore.
The House of Representatives also yesterday at plenary described the death sentence placed on the Nigerian footballer as a political matter noting that President Olusegun Obasanjo must do everything within his power to ensure the boy is not killed by Friday.
In a personal letter to Prime Minister Loong, the President said a Presidential clemency is the only option for saving the life of the 19-year old Nigerian.
He said he was making the request on the basis of the excellent relationship that has existed between both countries.
"It is for the reason of obtaining your kind pardon and clemency for the convicted Nigerian that I write this letter to you, conscious of the excellent relations that exist between our two countries, to earnestly urge you to reconsider the conviction of the Singaporean Court of Appeal and to commute the death sentence to imprisonment," stated the President.
Also yesterday, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Alhaji Aminu Bello Masari was at the State House to request President Obasanjo's intervention in the matter.
Iwuchukwu Amara Tochi was condemned to death by the Singaporean Appeal Court for illegal trafficking of heroine. His death sentence which is to be carried out on January 26 is however fraught with irregularities that has attracted several civil society and other interest groups around the world who have condemned the judgment of the court.
The Nigerian was alleged to have been affirmed innocent of the offence, but the court refused to commute his sentence.
The House of Representatives also yesterday at plenary described the death sentence placed on Tochi as a political matter noting that President Olusegun Obasanjo must do everything within his power to ensure the boy is not killed by Friday.
This followed a motion sponsored by Hon Halims Agoda urging members of the House as well as urging the executive and judicial arm of government to intercede on behalf of Tochi Iwuchukwu.
According to Agoda, “We as a people and parliament must defend the right of our people in and outside the country. If South African president could rise to the aid of its citizen who was also convicted with Tochi and his sentence was deferred, the Nigerian government should also do what is right for its citizen.”
After much deliberation that lasted over one hour, Speaker Masari said he would personally meet the President and convey the message from the House to the President

Case closed!! Next

OMOGE
Are the parents still alive? If so, then no need for elaborate burial except your friend wants to make it a big 'do'.
Basically, burials in (southern) Nigeria are elaborate and expensive because you will have to budget for

entertainment of guests - which (usually also) includes a live music band - ie assorted food and drinks
undertaker's fees - prices vary depends on one's taste
professional wailers - common in Benin
(plastic and textile/material)souvenirs for guests - friends, family and associates usually 'contribute' theirs with 'courtesies from, '
hiring fees for chairs/tables and canopies
labour fees for the cooks, butcher, etc
printing of brochures, programme sheets, etc with the dead's picture adorning same

When you factor in the above, then the N160,000 is way too small for a standard burial in that part of the country. The 'bigger the
person is 'deemed' to have been while alive, the more elaborate /expensive the ceremony will be.

Actually, the cost could really be far less than N160,000; that is if your friend is able to withstand family and peer pressure
and claim to be a deeply unbending religious zealot. But then we have cases where in such instances, the zealots are
told in very clear terms to do the 'customary' thing or not step within the compound if he loves his life. You could also avoid
the high cost by refusing to take the body home and burying the same offshore. However, if your friend's immediate family agree and
insists on a modest burial, they will usually have their way - IF ONLY THEY CAN AGREE AND THE MEANING OF IMMEDIATE FAMILY WELL DEFINED.

In the northern part of the country, this is usually not the case as bodies are buried same day where possible because of religious beliefs that
are strictly adhered to unlike contemporaries (of the same religion) in the south.

Hope this epistle answers your question

The Secret to a Long Marriage

With a man soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Pete to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired, "Trips to where"?

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete."

Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary."

Pete said, "I'm going to go get her."

You Pass

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said, "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving
him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.

The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."

"But, aren't you going to check the test"? the prospective clerk asked.

The sergeant grinned.

"You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."