₦airaland Forum

Great work and delightfully easy. I keyed in all my stock portfolio and the results are amazing. Makes dependence on calculator unnecessary and stock watch less stressful.
An investor's delight indeed.

Jury Duty

My town takes jury selection very seriously.

So much so that when it sends questionnaires to prospective jurors, every question is expected to be answered in full, plain and simple sentences. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

This was evidenced by the juror's questionnaire I was sent.

It asked, "Do you speak, read and understand English? If no, explain."

What would I do if a White man talks shit to me? Same thing I would if a black man talks shit to me - nothing. Not worth joining issues with punks; it will make me one of them

I actually think we r reading d situation wrongly. We r forgetting that yar Adua's style is different & pple under him must adjust accordingly. I suspect the crooks are being given a false sense of security 2 enable them cough out the loot before the strike.
It is foolhardy to call the tiger weak because it's first steps towards the prey are slow.
There shall b a lot of surprises - even the foxy obj is wary of this tiger & not fooled. Watch pple

I couldn't agree more, david, about ur posts on Israel's predicament. It is either our memories are short (concerning the stated committments of these nazis in new colours, that is) or we are beginning to get deceived by islamists propaganda.
My comfort however remains that Israel will not go under- as that is a settled matter; hope you get my drift. At times I wish for a Golda Meir & Netayanhu at the helm.

Source: BBC network Africa this morning.

Running Away

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry"? he said.

"Then I'll come home and eat," bravely declared the child.

"And what if you run out of money"?

"I will come home and get some," readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty"?

"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college."

I actually think it is otherwise - only thing is he doesn't talk much. And that is a virtue a lot of leaders dont have. They tend to yak all the time and pander to the yearnings of the media.
Let's give yar Adua time. Its rather early to expect a lot. Meanwhile he is doing ok.

Laudate, you heard wrong. The Delta Igbo also practised the osu system. I'm beginning to get clueless as to the purpose of this thread - to discuss a social malaise that belongs to the dustbin or to ridicule another ethnic group?

The osu system is still very much with us and prevalent. Truth is we hardly discuss or mention the matter in the communities, & this gives the (erroneous) impression that it is getting extinct. Also the osu are relocating to safer havens where they will not be haunted by their 'history'. BUT WE KNOW THEM. That's part of the reasons why we investigate the background of an intending spouse; xcpt you don't want to bring the person home for us to see/endorse. Many years ago, my cousin was about to get married to her heartthrob when the family discovered he was osu. The marriage did not hold, and both of them left our shores for (we learnt) France. And she has not gotten in touch ever since- not even pictures. I wish she would so we can hug and laugh as before again. Apparently that was an action the family would have wished it didnt take.
Is this practice bad? Yes it is and evil. Would I allow my kids to marry an osu? wont stop them but would wish they didnt- yes I admit to being old school. I will trust GOD to help me love their spouses as my own kids. Is the practice dying? I suppose so, esp as we are better educated and exposed, but I admit that the feeling is still there esp among many of us in our middle ages and over. Cant we end the practice? Yes we can, though difficult. My kids know nothing of osu; that's one way. Discussing the problem - in a forum like this - rather than shying away, is another. I am not bitter with the person who raised the topic; like other social malaise - ogboni et al - it should be discussed and condemned. The Igbos are part of the Nigerian society and like others, have some bad cultural practices that should not be swept under nor defended. Openness to one another will enable us help each other so we can move forward. I recognise that we have mockers ready to laugh; that doesnt move me - the world is full of them, and sincere people too. I trust we have a great many sincere friends in nairaland - and it is to them I make this post.

Good news. Say what about Oyo? Is Akala not stepping aside too? And after Obi's tenure, will Inec conduct new elections or will Andy automatically come back?
Our democracy is beginning to evolve, thanks to the courts.

I note from ur response, dear babs, that u r aware of these barbs, etc about Jesus but you would want me to mention specific instances to enable you JUSTIFY your actions. But why shd you seek to justify attacks on Jesus but will IMMEDIATELY react to show ur disapproval if same is said of Mohammed. Is this not a tacit endorsement that Mohammed is more revered despite your protestations to the contrary? To put it more succintly, whenever Jesus is being denigraded, why dont the muslim brethren show their immediate disapproval the way they would if it were Mohammed? Or does Jesus not merit your equal defence?

Could you pls k.i.v. this matter and represent in june 2008

Like Father, Like Son

I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia, we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy.

While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy and the ears could be easily corrected during childhood.

The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried.

By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.

She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!"

Dear mamajama- dont you think you are misreading Okiro? It is too early to celebrate and gloat - it's not over yet. CP Obaniyi was actually detained & investigations are not over yet. Okiro's antecedents show that he is not the regular 'wetin u carry' policeman.

This is to our muslim brethren: I observed from various threads in this board that you believe that Jesus, whom you regard as a great prophet, should be greatly respected, honoured and revered. But then I cant help but wonder why at the same time in many threads, you dishonour this same Jesus thru many barbs, mockings, etc. I dare say, it appears you are not bothered or troubled when the name of Jesus is blasphemed - even by the brothers (who seem to relish in this pasttime) - the way you would be if Mohammed was.
Or did the koran make a distinction between the prophets and made room for some allowances in behavior concerning any of them?
Just a question from an ignorant observer. Mukina et al, are you there?

Two Best Friends

These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other.

As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, "I'm fat."

"No, you're not," the other scolded.

"My hair is awful."

"It's lovely."

"I've never looked worse," she whined.

"Yes, you have," her friend replied.

Haunted Castle

A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle.

At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.

"Don't worry," says the guide. "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."

"How long is that"? asks the girl.

"About three hundred years."

Guys, It's difficult buying Oceanic, mutual benefits; it appears nobody wants to sell.
What do you guys think of Lasaco, C & I, Wema and Skye. I got 500,000naira to play with for only 3months - which stocks can I buy? Advise pls.
Many thanks for the great work you folks are doing here on this thread messrs Frankiriri, aylala, easimoni et al

Insurance Proceeds

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here"?

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled.

"Gee," he asked. "How do you start a flood"?

Atiku's leg has healed now. He will soon be in Nigeria. Should efcc go after him, then that would 'prove to the whole world that yar Adua is being manipulated by obj to still nail him because of 3rd term'
Ewu 419

On Vacation

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are, very slowly"?

The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrrgerrrrrrr Kiiiiing."

Diet Foods

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous and none of us realize the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it"?

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

To the gurus in the house, I bought BCC at a high 59naira; It seems to be taking ages to move, any advise pls? Easimoni and the profs, are u there?

Several years ago, when cocoa, groundnuts, etc were the main stay of our economy, the regions producing them, were entitled to 50% of the proceeds and the balance was shared between the Feds and others. Now that oil is it, the region producing the same is asking for a higher derivation of the proceeds from the sale - but not necessarily 50% as was the norm then. Otherwise, this would mean 'all animals are equal, but some are more equal, '

The squandering of the money by the regional govs have not helped matters. Just in case you were wondering, I am an Igbo from Delta and married to a Nembe from Bayelsa

Three Day Silence

My wife has not spoken to me in three days.

I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"

"What's the matter"? I asked.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."

"That'll teach them!" I replied.

Out of Gas

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been lent out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

Do It Yourself

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: You don't want to try these techniques at home.

"Why not"? asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day, I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once'"?

"Did it save time"? the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now, I do it in seven."

Horrible Crime

It was a particularly horrific crime and the judge could not refrain from saying so to the defendant.

As the defendant was brought before him for arraignment, the judge said, "You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window."

The defendant responded, "I did it without thinking, your Honor."

The judge scolded, "That's no excuse! What if someone had been passing underneath at the time"?

Many thanks easimoni; sure appreciate it ol pal, I suppose you endorse my disposing of my wapco now even at a loss, so I can get the suggested stocks?

Dear aylala and the gurus in the house, I need ur advise pls.
I bought wapco at 69naira and flour mills at 73, but these 2 stocks have for sometime been hovering between 64-71and 73-81 respectively. Do you think these stocks will move higher or do I sell and buy other high performers?when do you advise I sell? I would like to rein in my investments in 3months time

We thank God for bringing it to pass. The prophets of doom have been silenced. Every glory, honour and adoration to God for His kindness and favour to us as a Nation.
Congratulations, Nigeria - may God remain with us, bless Obj for his efforts and forgive all of us our iniquities.
Amen

It has finally come to pass. Let's join hands 2gether and support them in making our dear country greater. Let all acrimonies stop and let's look forward with hope and confidence.
@Chris Okotie et al, better luck next time.
Arise now O compatriots, let's shake hands and march forward together.
GOD BLESS NIGERIA AND NIGERIANS