sapphiere:
Cry me a river. If it was a man that did it you would hail him.

No. We wouldn't.

sapphiere:
Gone are the days we allowed men ride on us like machines.

This is so funny. Everytime I see this "future is female" thing, I just shake my head.

I was thinking along these lines when I first started reading the post. But from the little I know about Sharia law, if the husband was abusive, she would have been granted a divorce. If he had been abusive, she would have mentioned it in court and brought witnesses. Her reasons for wanting to leave are really annoying. I've always said that as much as I like the idea of "love", I'm more interested in loyalty. How do you say you want to leave a 25 year marriage to be free and party with your friends? Funniest part is, she probably doesn't have a job or business which means the guy will still be expected to fund her lifestyle after leaving him. I'm assuming she entered into the marriage of her own volition though we all know how archaic they can be over there. Whatever the case, you don't leave a 25 year old commitment just cos you want to party. How would she feel if she was in the husband's shoes? No wonder the judge asked him to reduce her allowance. Abeg, it's fashionable to be woke but some things are just not right.

Saccharine:
So,basically she is being forced to remain married when she doesn't want to.

She is alleged to be disrespectful and yet the man is insisting on continuing and im seeing comments that are even projecting what she might have done if she got the divorce.

Same set of people would cry 'why did she not divorce' if she does something harsh to this man now just so that she can have this freedom that she went to a court to acquire..

Last I heard,marriage is not by force.

Y'all are funny individuals.

I think the reason why marriage is so messed up nowadays is because of our reasons for doing it. Marriage at its core is a partnership not a fairy tale or a constant booty call. You both come together to combine resources to build something bigger than either of you. If you love each other, no wahala but love is not a requirement. Like any other partnership though, you must be friends or at least tolerate one another well enough. You set the rules for your marriage based on what you can both deal with not what society dictates.

The trick is finding someone whose broken pieces fit your own. We dread fucking one pussy as if sex is food or "keeping my man" as if sex is currency.

To the OP, I won't tell you to ignore the naysayers here because they all have a point despite being misogynistic blokes. Read the positive and negative comments and then focus on the person you're with. Observe carefully and objectively every part of her. The good and the bad. Women can be absolutely crazy but they can also be incredibly divine. You'll find both ends of the spectrum in one woman and your readiness for marriage depends on how you can handle both sides of her. Once you're sure you can deal with all her aspects, it's time for your own examination. Do you want marriage for sex, a status symbol, a daycare institution or a housekeeper arrangement? Are you being honest about your bad sides too? Can you marry yourself if you have to?

Once you have resolved all this, then hold on to your realisations in the years to come when she gains weight in the wrong places or when you lose your job. When you're tired of the sex or when the silences get longer. These are the things that will keep your partnership going.

Above all, don't ever forget to pray all the time.

Good luck.

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

I can see some people telling you to play hard to get or ignore him completely. I'll advise you as a guy. Hard to get should be fun not stressful or humiliating. We enjoy hard to get when a girl shows you that " I want you, but I'm not going to make it easy or fall at your feet". That's the thrill of the chase.

I'm well aware that no matter what we tell you here, you'll probably cave in once he sweet talks you on the phone. Don't feel bad, the heart wants what the heart wants, even that which is worst for it. We've all been there. I'll say this though, most of us guys know which girl is the forever kind and which one is the smash and run kind within the first 5 minutes. This has no bearing on your character, it's just how we feel sometimes. This guy considers you to be smash and run and isn't even willing to do you the courtesy of putting in the effort. If you don't mind being smashed, have fun and weather the pain. But there are other guys out there who will take a look at you and think about forever. The choice is ultimately yours.

You're obviously being abused and before you deny it, remember that abuse isn't always physical. It's quite possible that you might have a unique talent for getting yourself into untenable situations but his job is to correct, assist and encourage not heap insults on you. I'm sure you're probably telling yourself that you love him and that he'll change if you learn to make less mistakes. You're perfectly entitled to delude yourself if you want but I'll say this: He's not going to change, he's going to wear down your already failing self esteem and you'll get to the point where you'll no longer be able to imagine leaving him anymore. I might be overreacting of course but there's a clear difference between pointing out someone's mistakes and hitting them over the head with it. In the end, the decision is yours. I have a feeling that you'll continue to take the abuse though

Localchampion:
When you have a boyfriend that doesn't help during the time you are down, what should you do?
When he's down, I try to help, but when I'm down. He would see reasons to blame me, or abuse me in some ways and claim it's not abuse but the truth
For instance, he would say ''you don't think'', ''

It makes me cry that I have no one, I literary have no one
Can someone who treats you like that actually love you?
I believe that he's only with me because he's already with me and don't wanna break up.

Telling me he loves me and doing things in contradiction makes me feel he doesn't

This bloke is literally blaming an owl cos he dropped out of school and was careless with his money. It's just a bird bro. A beautiful bird nonetheless. Your troubles are your own not some dumb bird.

Dididrumz:
There was a time this bird would not leave my window.

For months it kept coming at night and would stay for hours.

When I stare back at it for a while it would fly away and come back.
I was never comfortable with it's presence until a whole lot of bad things started happening to me and I got really scared.

Lost huge sum of money.
Almost lost my dad.
Dropped out of school.

But las Las, I dey alright now.

True. Except this one is not goodbye sex. As far as I know, they've never been together. She just thought he looked cute and wanted to sample the goods.

lefulefu:
that one na normal thing nau..why should it surprise u.its the rave these days for a number of ladies before they get married they have one last hot sex with their ex.especially when they still have feelings for their ex they do it.they call it goodbye sex .

geraldinai:
Thanks for all your comments and advice; they are all worthwhile. I'll definitely work on my weaknesses.
To those that chose to insult and call me names, thanks for your contributions too.

I'm an introvert too like you but I'll tell you right now that your attitude would have pissed me off. I assume you like compliments, some attention, some stimulating conversation. Well guess what, we guys like all those things too. I particularly like a woman who can carry on an interesting conversation. I don't care much about social media but replying me in monosyllabic answers really bores me and makes me think you are not interested in talking. Don't change your personality for anyone but try to put more effort in your next relationship. Sometimes just being the first person to say hi can mean a lot.

Guy let's forget about what she did and focus on what you did wrong.
1. Emotional blackmail- you should not have had sex with her that same night after all that. She basically just gave it to you to keep you quiet.
2. You still don't like her
3. You will break up with her which will lead to her sending one very strong curse your way. Trust me it's something emotional girls like this do often especially if you were the first.
4. I just blame the poor girl for choosing such a lame and obvious method to manipulate you.
5. I wonder why you are still asking if she's a cheat considering you were her first.
6. You will misbehave in future, she will seek advice from the work guy, he will seduce her. Afterall no more pesky virginity issues.

Emescot:
Hello Nairalanders, Redpillers, feminists, elders and judges, I need your help here
It's a long read, please be patient with me
I have this introvert girlfriend, and we've been together since October last year, over that period of time, I admittedly have been a bad boyfriend(she does the calling, the texting, I cancel planned dates and time outs for no good reasons) at a point all that made her confess she was tired of the relationship last December, I used the opportunity and asked that we break up, it didn't go well with her and she pleaded and even threatened to hurt herself if I went ahead with the break up, I reconsidered but warned her that nothing would be the same again(deep down the relationship was boring cos I agreed to no sex till she was ready, as she was a Virgin, she was a cool girl, but my problem was that she was too clingy, and the "touchy touchy" "kissy kissy" kind of girl.
Trouble started when I let her spend the night at my place yesterday, her phone rang she picked the call and was speaking with a male colleague of hers where she started working just 2months ago, during the conversation they didn't talk about anything suspicious as I was hearing them discuss their shift for work the next day, after they finished talking, I heard the guy say "I love you" to my gf and she said "I love you too" with laughter and ended the call....Jesus wept I froze, for 1minute there was silence everywhere, I spoke first, mumu me all I could say was "I hope you know I heard that" she replied immediately "he is just a friend" I got so angry, I stood up, picked up my phone to leave, and this girl just held me back, held me hostage in my own house with all kinds of begging, pleading and explaining, I was so disgusted I kept pushing her hands away never to touch me, I called her all sorts of names and she wouldn't let go for like 1hr, she wanted to force me to beat her(which I didn't, and will never do) before she lets me walk out of the door, I didn't want anyone to hear us so I sat down and we talked, she cried and said I hurt her blah blah blah, I tried to console her while I was still angry deep down, she got so emotional I we ended up having sex and broke her virginity. Now my question is;
1) By replying the guy with "I love you" while I was there, was she trying to play smart or be open and sincere with me?
2) If she was cheating with the guy, she had the option of not picking the call, why would she risk it knowing it might not end well?
3) I asked for her phone to check her conversation with the guy on WhatsApp and I noticed the guy was the one who had fallen for her, and I also noticed she removed the Love emoji sufficed to his name, I asked her why and she said she didn't want us to have another issue over that again. Is that proof that I am dealing with a clever cheat?
4) We settled, but did I over react by calling her degrading names??
5) I felt guilt and pity after breaking her hymen, should I have just walked away without joining/attaching myself to her in that way??
6) Will it be considered manipulation on my part if i ask to check her phone whenever she comes visiting(I have always considered men who did this as insecure and foolish until now) or will that just make her extra careful?
7) Deep down I know there is something with the guy as I saw in the chat where she wrote of how happy she was when the guy is around at work, now that she lost her virginity to me should I relax and not worry about the guy anymore?
Please I just need answers,and insults are welcomed too.

I don't understand why women are so pissed about this. We no longer live in the 1990s anymore. The world is much crazier now. I knew a girl once who was trying to have sex with my friend just weeks before her wedding. My friend and I helped her receive the delivery for her wedding cake. A former church member found out that his first child is not his and before you start shouting about switched babies, the woman confessed who the father was. I hate cheating so much I don't do it. This makes me really pissed when someone does it then tries to justify it.

I find myself replying to your posts because they are so hilarious. You sound frustrated and I can empathize. Perhaps you should try stepping out of your comfort zone. Try to meet a different set of guys. Perhaps the sort of guys you are attracted to just happen to be dumb. Too much muscle and too little brains. That's an overused stereotype by the way.

Riele:


I keep meeting dumb men because they're everywhere .

Can't quite decide if I should laugh or be outraged! Funny enough, my experience with girls hasn't been very flattering in terms of intelligence. Most girls I meet can only talk about Nollywood, latest music album or BBNaija. No one reads anymore, no philosophical thoughts, no understanding of history or classical arts. Sighs. Maybe we're all just getting dumber by the day.

Riele:
As if there are smart men in Nigeria .

Most of them are dumb .

You said you don't want to leave because she's carrying your child. I laud your nobility in wanting to give your child stability but that lady is not stable at all. Domestic violence goes both ways and while you may not want to admit it, you are a victim right now. Hope you've heard of recent cases of wives killing their husbands out of anger. Call it what you want my brother (love or whatever) but she obviously doesn't respect you one whit. If she did she wouldn't abuse your parents and you. I'll advise you to do your best to get a job or start something because like it or not, a responsibility has arrived. You are obligated to take care of the child she's carrying but I would not advice marrying her if you want peace of mind. Try to grow a pair bro. The first time she locked your shirt should have been the last.

Diligentnigga:
Good morning Nairalanders, I will make this as short as possible and please don't mind my punctuation as I am typing this in a rush

I am a graduate, though unemployed but doing one or two menial jobs to keep mind and soul together

I have this girlfriend I have been dating for almost two years now. We both love each other but the issue at hand is she's a stubborn, anger driven person that insults my parents. In fact hit me sometimes and says all manner of words at me.

Of recent, I found out she's pregnant this February. Now the issue is she's a finalist in the University as she will be serving this year October, but we had plans of not doing abortion but she's so ashamed of everything and just irrational and saying all manners like what people will say this and that, and I have told her I will stay by her through everything. I informed my mum and my immediate siblings about the pregnancy, they were angry but they were like it's fine sha since she's loved in the family

Now the issue is
1 She's very stubborn
2 she insults my parents at every small argument
3 she's anger driven, yes am anger driven to an extent also but I have never used my anger to do stupid things like hitting her before compare to many times she has Slapped, locked my shirt and punched me.
4 we had an issue last night and it was in public and she was just shouting at me, passers by and onlookers were just amused that why would a lady be like this that she now had to take a big stone and throw at me, though I dodged the stone all because i was gearing her to let's leave the public scene and go home
5 A baby is on the line cos she's pregnant and even if you will advise me to leave the relationship as it's toxic, what about the unborn child.
6 I am currently unemployed and in fact am still at home not yet balanced up well enough, but she has used nags to kill me, saying all manners at me

All insults are welcomed. Please I am in die need of advise thank you.

Witchersunited:
Maybe it's me or somtin

Do people bother to check things

The crisis affects the north more, they kill their own people more than Christians


I'm not a Muslim but Christians over do things


False alarm and panic everywhere, see south west that nothing happens to talking about regional Police, how many people died in South West? Look at the case well and u will see that the vigilante group is a tribal affair, benue that has suffered alot aren't even talking about policing, it's Lagos with only 5 deaths

Perhaps you should live in the affected areas, see your child killed, your wife raped and your home burnt to the ground. Then come back to nairaland and talk about people overreacting. It's easy to sit in the relative comfort of your home and type about overreacting Christians and tribalistic south westerners. I thought a little like you once until my neighbor was kidnapped by herdsmen, until my mother was made to lie on the express way while she and other bus passengers were robbed by herdsmen. When they come for you, there'll be no one to speak for you.

We've all been advising the poor guy to beg or dominate his wife. Perhaps she doesn't like sex with him. OP, search yourself. We all have something that makes us tick. If you're sure you know what turns your wife on, then your issue is complicated. It could also be as simple as her not being turned on. Perhaps you like to slam and sleep. If you're doing what needs to be done and she's still rejecting you, then you are being manipulated and your wife views sex as a form of currency or a privilege to be withheld. Begging won't solve your problem, domination is just another form of rape. If she refused to tell you what you did wrong, my brother leave. I don't condone cheating, so I won't advise you to get a gf. Tell her you are fed up with this entrapment she calls a marriage and follow through on your decision. Punishments should not exist in any form in marriage. Otherwise before you know it, you'll start getting nervous and scared around her because of some perceived offense. Just be sure you are making love the way she wants it. She might be kinky and not want to tell you.

You ladies keep long hair and we love it. Tell me, how comfortable are those braids when you are standing or walking under the hot sun? There's a reason why most African women aren't born with long hair like other continents. The weather will make any guy think otherwise. There's already heat down south and you want us to add some north again? Abeg!

I downloaded GB WhatsApp once and I actually liked the amount of features on offer until I discovered it wasn't from WhatsApp themselves then I uninstalled it quickly. My thinking was simple: I don't trust Zuckerberg (who owns a tech company that cares a bit about it's reputation) with most of my private data, so why should I trust some random developer with sensitive stuff that he can then sell to people such as scammers, terrorists or even identity thieves. No thanks. WhatsApp should not have to threaten you before you do the right thing.

Deicide:
With all this stretch marks

Just out of curiosity, are you an atheist? Cos of ur handle.

I don't believe loyalty has anything to do with sexual preference. Saying that the girl cheated on him because he's weak is not quite accurate. I have a friend who broke up with her bf because he was manifesting traits she could no longer cope with and she didn't want to cheat on him. Cheating on someone is the worst form of selfishness. It says you'd prefer to hold on to that person (hurting them in the process) while having sex with someone else. I don't believe in cheating. If you're doing things that make me sad, I'll try to get you to change. If you refuse to, I'll move on. It's that simple. The guy's still a p**sy though, just like most of the guys abusing him.

Proposed 5 bedroom duplex to be built in Akure.

Seun:

I’m sorry that you feel this way. For most atheists, the objective is to enlighten religious people rather than to insult them. Christians talk about hating the sin but loving the sinner. In the same way, most atheists dislike religion, but they want the best for religious people.


They are not after you. They are after the unjustified beliefs that prevent you from enjoying your life to the max and allowing others around you to do the same.


They are angry with religion, which confiscates your time and money, dictates what you can and cannot do in your life, makes you intolerant, and offers only worthless promises in exchange for all your painful sacrifices.

Its really disturbing that a self proclaimed aetheist feels its his duty to repeatedly slam my religion just because he feels it is false. Religion is all about belief and faith. Jesus didn't give us the xtian religion, he gave us the xtian faith. We built religion around that faith to help us nuture it. Since religion is a man-made construct, it is to be expected that there will be some imperfections in it. On a separate level, aetheism can be interpreted by some to mean a lack of the courage required to place one's belief in something that cannot be seen. The prevalence of aetheists on nairaland these days can be seen as an outlet for guilt and uncertainty.

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johnydon22:


People look at results of slows causalities and term them accidental in that way connoting sudden causality or at least using a tone that insufficiently represents the effect in question.

Johannes Kepler a brilliant astronomer was observing the surface of the moon with his telescope, he could see moon craters which are perfect circles on the surface of the moon, he was moved with excitement and he concluded.

"The moon craters are depressions rather than mounds, Such perfect geometrical formations as such accurate circles cannot be an accidental effect of uncharted nature rather is a trade mark of intelligence"

In this conclusion for the cause of moon craters kepler arrived at a closure that Moon craters must have being made by intelligent being on the moon, it cannot be natural, it is too a geometrical perfection to be natural.

Now we have realised that Kepler is wrong, Moon craters are perfect geometrical depressions correct but they are not results of intelligence but rather chaotic natural agents.

A rock of great speed colliding with the surface of the moon would create a local explosion perfectly symmetrical in every direction thus birthing perfect circles on the moon.

So inability to deduct natural process only betrays the persons inability, it does not in any way limit the said process to be outside the confines of natural process, inability to comprehend the natural process behind sexual reproduction does not in anyway just like Kepler mean this is not utterly natural it means you are unable to comprehend this process.

First natural impression is not necessarily correct most times are quite very naive, you may look at sexual process and fail to grasp the natural means this was achieved but that only betrays the darkness of your mind.

Natural process mostly are never accidental as i like to put them, possible effects should not come as a surprise.

It is a consistent development and interloping of unceasing causalities with time birthing complex systems and effects that you witness today, it did not happen over night (As accidental in the basic sense connotes) it's a painstaking natural process that consistently spanned through very long duration of time.

Sexual process most likely evolved from asexual means, dividing into daughter cells by a single cell was the first means of reproduction by single cells on earth and this process still can be found in many organism. '
The very process of sexual reproduction i like to say is not accidental, it is a possible biological result in the abundance of natural causes and effects abound, an effect of millions of years of consistent evolution in cellular reproduction.

In the course of cellular evolution, two different cells fusing to form one organism is not unheard off (this in fact is the very point of origin of sexual reproduction)

Examples: Mitochondria has shown to operate from different gene codes from the rest of the cells therefore is consistent with the idea that mitochondria was a free living organism before being incorporated into the cell.

Cells are basically complex, multi-cellular beings are even more complex system, evolution of single cell organisms gave rise to multicellular organisms and the effects of multicellular organisms are as a result of the intricate functional system of cells working as one entity therefore the effects drastically would be more intricate, different and far more efficient.

Sexual reproduction is not an accident, it's a natural process that consistently arose from billions and millions of years of cellular evolution.

I don't believe in accidents. Everything is ordained by a Superintelligence (God). Even the Big bang. Scientists have finally admitted the influence of a higher power behind the scenes. It has been discovered that the big bang happened only once and if the inclement conditions had been just a tiny bit off, the universe would not have existed. Considering this and the unique nature of the genetic code led them to conclude that such precision and accuracy could not possibly be a result of coincidence. The odds would be equal to finding a specially marked grain of sand out of all the grains of sand in the world in just one try. There are no accidents, Just plans so immense our minds can't begin to comprehend them.

Its very confusing when I see people asking for a second dose of Buhari when d man can barely finish his first term. Its even worse when I see people talking about Atiku. We Nigerians have short memories, we want to develop yet we keep cycling through the same set of leaders for the past two decades. Our erstwhile military leaders changed uniforms and continued their political dynasties unhindered. Come 2019, we'll soon be given a choice btw the Bad and the Worse. Yet we'll still feel the need to pick. I haven't voted in the last few years because I haven't seen anyone worthy of my vote. Perhaps I'm one of the remaining few who have chosen not to believe the lies of democracy any longer.

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