₦airaland Forum

I bet you're 40 and she's just 19. Why won't she address you as sir? She's half your age, bloke.

Haar. What if she refuses to eat together?

tpia1: the only rule would be:

just worship the women, thats all.


most women like nothing more than that.

As in paying obeisance and singing praises to women? And what will guys get in return?

Is there any man on Nairaland who can abide to these rules?

What if she says yes and then lies that she said no. If she doesn't show any resistance, it obviously means she consents.

What is this thing about? Won't change the norm. If a girl hates being fat, let her start a work out schedule and go on a diet rather than staying idle and eating the whole kitchen everyday.

In a situation where females made the rules.

#1. The Female always makes the Rules. This is
necessary because the Male holds the Female
responsible for how everything in his life turns out.

#2.The Rules are subject to change at any time without
prior notification. Notification does occurs, but the
Male has either ignored, misunderstood or forgotten
what's been said.

#3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules. Because
the Male either ignores, misunderstands or forgets
them and never says so.

#4. If the Female suspects the Male knows the Rules,
she must immediately change some of the Rules.
This is done to keep the Male involved, responsive,
and a little bit crazy. Otherwise, life would be
predicable and boring.

#5. The Female is never wrong. Never! Ever!

#6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding which is a direct result of
something the Male said or did.

#7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize
immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

#8. The Female can change her mind at any given point
in time. The Female can do this because she
willingly accepts responsibility for her actions. The
Female also accepts responsibility for the actions of
the Male.

#9. Because the Male usually expects the Female to find
a way to correct what he's screwed up as a result of
changing his mind, the Male must never change his
mind without express written consent from the
Female which is given only in cases where the
female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.

#10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for
any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under
any circumstance which in her sole judgement she
deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any
sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or
upset. The female may, however, give false or
misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. Caring for the Male 24 hours a day gives
her this right. See rule 13.

#11. The Male must remain calm at all times unless the
Female wants him to be angry or upset.

#12. The Female must under no circumstances let the
Male know whether she wants him to be angry or
upset. Some things in life a Male should try and
figure out for himself.

#13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in
bodily harm. Or worse.

#14. The male is expected to read the mind of the female
at all times. Failure to do so will result in
punishments and penalties imposed at the sole
discretion of the female.

#15. The female may, at any time and for any reason,
resurrect any past incident without regard to
temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge,
embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to
demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the
past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense,
deceitful, and/or oafish.

#16. The female may use her interpretation of any past
occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male
has failed to accord her the consideration, respect,
devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed
on other females, domestic pets or barnyard
animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles,
boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are
non- rebuttable.

#17. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-
PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner
of behaviors she wishes without regard to logical
consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
The Male cannot diagnose PMS. However, the Male
would be able to do so if it were a Male problem.
The Male would then have complete disability
benefits as well as total in-house care because of it.

#18. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement,
utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is
subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the
female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons,
extenuations, or rationalizations will not be
entertained. Abject please for mercy and forgiveness
are acceptable under some circumstances, especially
when accompanied by tangible evidence of
contrition.

http://www.shabbir.com/jokes/romance/whorules.html

I hope the same peeps up north that believed the Aussie's revelation about the former COAS aiding boko haram will also accept whoever he names afterwards ...

Even if they're all eminent northerners or top officials of the opposition.

Why are they withholding the names of the sponsors.
From the Aussie's Intel, there's no way the SSS won't be aware of this CBN sponsor since his nephews were arrested months ago and most definitely questioned.

Is this a propaganda or doesn't the DSS have the balls to apprehend this 'ALMIGHTY' boko haram sponsor?

missberrypop5: south America, Asia and Australia follow too

There's almost total blackness in Africa apart from SA. South America, Asia and Australia at least have a few areas with activity.

Simple... Just 24/7 power supply in Nigeria and I'll vote for him up to his 7th tenure.

Below...

Map of the world at night, showing areas with electricity.

Map of the world indicating level of internet access.

Of the 48,000 species of mites, two are known to live on
human faces. And even more than our beloved pets, they’re the animals we spend most of our lives with.

A recent study led by Megan Thoemmes and Rob Dunn
from North Carolina State University in the US looked at a
small sample of American adults and confirmed what had
long been assumed - that 100% of them had mites living on their faces.

"They live in our hair follicles, buried head-down, eating the oils we secrete, hooking up with each other near the surface, and occasionally crawling about the skin at night," says Ed Yong at National Geographic . "They do this on my face. They probably do it on yours."

These worm-like mites, of the species Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevis, were first discovered in 1841, and described a year later by German dermatologist Gustav Simon. Simon found one and extracted it as he was examining his patient’s acne spots under a microscope. "Scientists have since found Demodex in every ethnic group where they’ve have cared to look, from white Europeans to Australian aborigines to Devon Island Eskimos,” says Yong.

In 1976, legendary mite specialist William Nutting wrote, “One can conclude that wherever mankind is found, hair follicle mites will be found and that the transfer mechanism is 100% effective! (One of my students noted it was undoubtedly the first invertebrate metazoan to visit the moon!)

Something else they found was that while 100 percent of the adults they searched had face mite DNA, only 70 percent of the 10 to 18-year-olds they tested had it. "This fits with what earlier studies had shown - the mites seem to become more common with age,” says Yong . "They’re rare on babies, more common on teenagers, and universal in adults. No one really knows where we get them from. But the fact that some teens aren’t colonised suggests that we pick up these creatures throughout our lives."

http://pda.sciencealert.com.au/news/20142908-26088-2.html

chiefinalowo: Military in 2014?
South Africa should intervene ASAP.

It happened in Mali, Egypt and Thailand and nobody intervened. Lesotho is a sovereign state. Any direct intervention will mean war.

Wow! Even Ebonyi state performed better than all the southwest states apart from Lagos which obviously secured its position due to the presence of Igbos and Niger deltans in that state.

And some people will always claim that the Yorubas are the most intelligent tribe in this country. I laugh in Swahili.

mathefaro: you mean the children ain't defenseless when they are not in the school, playing around, traveling from one city to another all in the name of holiday? Please you guys should look beyond the revenue part and look at how this move will affect the academic lives of these children who we claim are the future leaders.

Just one month extension will affect the academic lives of every Nigerian student? The end of first term can still be extended and all the schools will still meet up. The second term can also be elongated. This is not any major problem.

The only people complaining are private school proprietors that won't be getting schools early. This doesn't affect teachers or pupils.

pyx: interaction is not only in the schools, markets n all other sectors should be shutdown

Do kids roam unmonitored in markets? Do they aggregate in large groups in other sectors? Are they exposed to a high percentage of possibly positive persons for long hours in markets and other sectors?
The answer is NO!

What are these teachers ranting about? They think they know better than our health experts on how to control the spread of Ebola.

Opening schools will likely cause the kids of primary and secondary contacts to spread the virus to other pupils.

Neduzze5: Lolz... That's why it's not good to count your chicks before they hatch.

I'm sure these people have made plans of what they are going to use the September term school fees for and now, it has been pushed forward.

Sorry for them sha

There's nothing like September term. Students and pupils don't pay fees monthly. The teachers will still get their pay because the pupils and students will pay the full school fees whenever school resumes.

Not even remotely funny.... Cats don't cook.

Jahniece: I rili dnt understand d Nigerian govt... Hw can they say a primary contact evaded surveillance? Y wasnt he quarantined in d first place n y didnt d Minister of Health make it known earlier on dat a primary contact evaded surveillance Now, we possibly cant say the two cases have only come in contact wit 70 pple in 1mnth... Which way Nigeria?

God help us overcome dis dreaded times

That shows you how incompetent our government is. This scenario arises when critical offices and positions are given to people that have certain 'connections' rather than to the qualified ones that merit such posts.

#8. Girls hate facts, are not always smart and most times prefer being lied to.

Just when we were about to let out a sigh of relief about the containment of the Ebola virus.

Why will someone intentionally harbor the virus, evade surveillance and go about spreading the infection? To me, that shows the person is a terrorist with an agenda.

Is this ECOWAS staff also a Liberian?

Just when we were about to let out a sigh of relief about the containment of the Ebola virus.

Why will someone intentionally harbor the virus, evade surveillance and go about spreading the infection? To me, that shows the person is a terrorist with an agenda.

Apatheist: Comedy: The Wrong Boy - Willy Russell
Bloodthirsty - Flynn Meaney

Adventure / Fantasy:
Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer.
Lord Of The Rings - Tolkien
A Song Of Ice And Fire - G R R Martin
The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis [Christian allegory]
Earthsea series by Ursula K. Le Guin
Kresley Cole - Immortals After Dark Series
Blue Bloods series - Melissan Cruz
Dark- Hunter series by Sherrilyn Kenyon
The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
Incarnations of Immortality - Alexander Pierce

Science Fiction :
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne
Journey to the center of the earth - Jules Verne
Animorphs by K. A. Applegate
Battlefield Earth by L. Ron Hubbard
The Beast Master by Andre Norton[there's a movie about it, I think]
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series by Douglas
Adams [funny]
Children of men- p d James
Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Will add as I remember.
Might have mixed the genres up.

I wanna read all these novels. Where can I get the Ebook for free?

A girl isn’t mysterious. The way you think and the way girls think are just a wee bit different. Women are more compassionate by nature and are more forgiving. Guys, on the other hand, are more aggressive and violent, and hold on to grudges for a lot longer. Just because men and women are different in the head doesn’t make women complicated confusions. It is pretty frustrating though, when a guy just doesn’t take the effort to understand a girl better.

To help you understand a girl and her mind, here are 23 things girls wish guys knew about girls. It’ll definitely help you understand the girls in your life better, and they’ll appreciate you for the nicer guy you’d become once you know these things too.

#1 The staring game. Girls don’t like being stared at, unless we’re reciprocating to your stare by staring back. So the next time you’re sitting at a coffee shop trying to catch a girl’s eye, look at her a couple of times. If she seems disinterested and doesn’t lock eyes with you, let her be. She’s not interested in you, and you boring through her brain with your x-ray vision won’t change her mind.

#2 Staring at other girls. If you’re on a date with a girl or spending time with your girlfriend, try to avoid staring at other girls. And if you can’t help yourself, take a quick, casual peek at the girl in the next table and avoid looking at that girl again. Trying to exchange eye contact with another girl is disrespectful and insulting to your date. When you’re with your new girlfriend, don’t flirt or compliment another girl about something you haven’t complimented your own girlfriend at some point of time before. It’ll upset her, because she’ll assume you’re more fascinated by the other girl. If a cold shoulder comes your way after that, don’t assume that your girlfriend is too complicated to understand. It’s just your big foot that’s stuck in your mouth that messed up this time.

#3 The special days. Yes, we may have more special days in our lives. But that’s only because we try to make every other day feel like a special occasion that’s worth celebrating. If you can make the effort to remember our special days and plan for it in advance, we’d only fall more in love with you with every new special occasion. And don’t forget anniversaries and birthdays, that just hurts a lot more than you think.

#4 Shave encounters. We take a lot of effort to look our best for the special guys in our life, even if it takes an hour a day to look perfect. But sometimes, when we’re feeling really comfortable in love or on a lazy weekend, we could let go now and then and overlook shaving our legs or grooming the little bits of hair here and there. Yes, hair does grow on girls too, as surprising as that may seem. So don’t make a big deal about it. Be nice to your lady, and wipe that mortified expression off your face when you see your girlfriend’s unshaven legs. And really, pulling your own pants up and comparing the length of your leg hair with her leg is so not funny!

#5 We love talking about feelings. Almost all the time, as humans, what we say isn’t always what we mean. So instead of just using our imagination to decipher harsh words, accusations and sweet words, girls like talking about it. Have a warm conversation with a girl, and it’ll definitely bring her closer to you. After all, all girls think a great conversationalist is an excellent catch.

#6 Chivalry is not dead. Many girls may not like to wait for a guy to hold the door open for them or pull a chair back for them all the time. But it’s definitely a nice feeling when a guy treats a girl chivalrously when he’s on a date with her. We find it very uncomfortable to be with a guy who doesn’t understand basic courtesy, especially when all other guys around know how to behave and treat a woman with respect.

#7 Cuddling and spooning. This is just as important as sex. For a guy, penetration is sex. But for a girl, penetration is just penetration. Sex is pre-intimacy, penetration and a bit of afterplay. Sex is an emotional connection for women. When you have sex with your woman, make love to her and spend time with her, not just while having sex, but at all other times too.

#8 Shopping sprees. Girls love shopping. It’s like therapy and it makes most of us feel good even when we’re feeling down. So instead of behaving like a stereotypical male who pretends like he hates shopping, join us now and then. It’ll be fun, and we’d really appreciate it if you could help us pick the stuff that looks great on us.

#9 Our girl friends matter. The opinions of our friends matter, and we take them into serious consideration. So if you’re trying to impress a girl or win her over, pay attention to winning over her friends too. If you can win over her friends, you’re already half past making her fall in love with you because her friends will turn into your evangelists.

#10 Trust a girl with her hands. Girls are more dexterous and have better hand skills than men, so trust her when you need to pull a splinter out or jiggle a key. I could go as far as saying girls better drivers too *based on statistics* but hey, we won’t go there now!

#11 Don’t beef up. Girls don’t always like brawny men who can’t reach around and wipe their own ass. A bulked up hulk may awe other men but they almost always never impress women. To a girl, machismo doesn’t always mean bulky muscles.

#12 We fake it. Now and then, we fake it to make you feel better even if we’re not having the orgasmic scream of our lives. But that doesn’t mean you should take it easy in bed, and avoid trying new things in bed. Even if we don’t always say we want something better in bed, we do drop a few signs later to let you know you could have done better. We’re not trying to puncture your ego, we’re just trying to help you get better in bed.

#13 Fair and square. In a relationship, we want the same rules to be applied to both partners. If you don’t like us talking to a particular guy or don’t want us to go out on a ladies night, the same rules should apply to you too. Don’t try to control us and on the other hand, do whatever you like. It’s unfair and we’d never be happy in a relationship that’s biased.

#14 Funny guys. We love humor, in any way you can bring it, just as long as it doesn’t hurt us emotionally or physically. Girls are always drawn to guys who have a sense of humor. If you’re not a funny guy, memorize a few jokes. We’ll love you anyway!

#15 Revenge. This is more of a warning than a thing girls wish guys knew, but it’s important for you to know this nevertheless. A guy may use brute force or throw a punch to get his revenge. But a woman’s mind doesn’t work that way. A girl always gets her revenge psychologically. So if you’ve pissed a girl off and she’s smiling at you, you have every reason to be afraid… very afraid!

http://www.lovepanky.com/men/understanding-women/things-girls-wish-guys-knew