₦airaland Forum

LadySarah:
Sharrap!!
When You were putting the tip and hammering away,Where was ir own reasoning?

She is pregnant and it is urs
Go and refister her for antenatals...

No mind the 'prick' instead of him to start planning for fatherhood he is here taking census of mature people.

Even Abba Kyari the true president had to meet the envoy.

You are losing confidence in your self, you see you as not good enough for her. You may end up telling her and ask for the separation your self or your sinking your self may cause you to exhibit unpleasant attitudes or even sink into depression or lead to the wrong crowd or taking a wrong decision so that your fears would consequently befall you.

I hope your wife is supportive because you need to tell her as many times you are struggling with your shameful act so that she can continually reassure you of her forgiveness. It seems your love language is word of assurance, you need to be repeatedly reassured of her forgiveness till you get it that the slate is cleaned of your sin.

Nothing is wrong with you, you are only once bitten, twice shy. I found your fear is sex because it was the big problem before. You seem to see only sex in relationship and nothing else, probably why you push people away. I will advice you get to know your self better first. Dust yourself up, you are no longer the 24year old still finding her feet, you have grown better.
When you understand yourself enough, you will be able to identify who can give you what you are looking for and what you can give in return instead of doing trial and luck which you obviously don't want to risk again. It is ok to start slowly and carefully with one who can be patient for you to know yourselves first rather than with one wants to jump into sex immediately because you are in relationship.

Know you firsts, your fears and how to overcome them and then your destination having in mind that you have to make a move to get there. Stick around here a lot too you will learn lot to help you.

colestephan86:
People are funny , how can they say they got nothing. What about the disappointment they got. Isn't that something?

It is something than nothing.

Flier:
He is an idiot,there is nothing bad in sharing with the needy during the festive period
He is playing with his second term

Ambode that did not play with his second term by giving you guys, where is the second term guarantee you people gave him?

faithfull18:
Was just saying any way. Humans can be unpredictable no matter how long you have known them.

Believe not this malice attitude could have been unpredictable.

goodgirl2409:
That’s is just the truth. Learning to accept the reality.

This isn't the truth and you know it somewhere in your heart.
The wise ones who saw his very "unmarriageable" traits despite his monies for marriage left him. Now you and other young ladies should know that a well to do man marrying late likely has intolerable red flags.

faithfull18:
And his character seem to have changed

I said it in the other thread, she never courted him, those who did left his ass till he turned 35 only for OP to fall victim.
And unfortunately, she sort advice here, if it was family section, I guess experience minds would have advised her to scrutinize his characters more than just a hidden wife.

Why won't they exhibit xenophobic traits after eating this.

Most likely OP didn't court him.

State your location let someone take up the business of supplying pap to your area.

Most sons need this training repeatedly to get the point in their adult life.

The weakness lies also where the strength is. If you have the push to go with your talent, you would build tower of babel again. Those who have the push don't your kind of head, God does it to compensate all.

Working might frustrate you the more because you will be pushed both when you don't want it, consequently you wont deliver well. The key thing is getting the balance. If it does not yet bother you that your mates are ahead, it will someday when not only your mates are ahead but your juniors are far gone plus the time is far spent.

Having the knowledge of your great resource and accompanied tendency to lay back will help you major on the former and minor on the latter if you consciously remind yourself often. You can grow your business by relying on people with the push or drive. You bring the idea or vision and let them run for you; this too, I know is not so easy for your kind but it is doable and it will help. But the surest solution is to go back to your maker, hold him tight. He will not only open your eyes to see the things to do and how to do them, he will strengthen you to effortlessly do them and you would be surprised how far you' v come because you would see on ground the things you only used to see in your mind yet you wont feel an energy left you.

crackhaus:
Two points deserving of an applause. I hope the OP pays attention to them.


Correct me where I'm wrong:
You are a natural introvert who acts extroverted in some social situations to mask your introversion.

Only someone who has learnt to keenly observe the world (immediate environment) around them and consciously adapts to it as at when needed, can come up with those points.

Introversion is not negative trait, but if by heavens will, an introvert is born and lives in a society that is mostly extroverted, it's best to know exactly what social situations require extroversion then adapt accordingly, in comparison to those situations where it would be perfectly okay to remain reclusive.
One cannot just be reclusive all the time every time. Even a natural extrovert ought to have moments for bringing their extroversion down a notch.

Flexibility always trumps rigidity when it comes to social & human interactions.

I will start with this, i have a saying that when you greet strangers, you may be entertaining your angels unaware; oftentimes we pass strangers without greeting only to meet a problem in front and then realise the solution may be with strangers. Some of the strangers may not respond well because we didn't acknowledge them earlier.

I wouldn't say paragraph 2 is correct but its more like 3. Funny enough i still falter once in a while. Experience has made me master the point you RIGHTLY made. My mum though an introvert as well but with grounded life experience would ask immediately i enter the house especially if i have been away for a while; did you greet this or that person on your way here? cos she knows my person. It used to be do it to prevent a no answer but i now do it wilfully and sometimes hear her voice in really difficult situations because i have seen that the advantage far out weighs the disadvantage. This is more for the OP, I still sometimes report myself to introverts who are better in that area just to unburdened. Sometimes i know they may not help but they always do cos i may pick a word or two from their scolding or praises of themselves plus at least i have relieved my heart. I also admire and learn from very successful introverts that will enter a place and know the right words to say to the gateman to the little child running around the place to the teenager or youth around to the old woman sitting by the corner till he gets to his managing director friend waiting for him. He wouldn't stress himself much the day he will need their touch in return but most importantly he made someone feel relevant.

An introvert is that one who doesn't want to be noticed in just any place but the silent way he sneaks speaks out loud, the quiet way he walks in the street attracts attention and the arts he has mastered to hide; the world has mastered to look out for him because unknown to him hiding have become routine. He must therefore stop running because more people than few yearn to have a feel of him.

Hey Crackhaus, you are also one who wants to know more about this, correct me if i am wrong.

QueenSekxy:
What you said is true.
I have outgoing friends, but I really do not want to be too associated with them cos I feel they are not towing my path in life
My problem is how to start greeting and showing interest in people.
Thanks for your help too.

Get someone who you can open up to so that the person can constantly drum it into your mind such that you hear the person's voice when the need arises even when the person is not there. Also this person shouldn't be judgemental so that you can report yourself any time you falter in other for the person to continue pushing you. You will need to tell the person your and if need be remind occasionally to prevent being judgemental or giving up on you cos we are humans.
How's your mum helping?

QueenSekxy:
Lol. You are a good woman.
I pray that my husby wouldn't be the out going type, though most times, I enjoy going out in my mind and fantasize alot about what's gonna happen in that place, and even try reminding you About going to that place, but once it's time, I will develop cold feet and start giving gazillions of excuses.
I have a big wedding tomorrow, have been disturbed by my family and friends, I was happy that atleast, I will visit somewhere since last two weeks but now, I have started developing cold feet.

It is sure going to affect you sooner or later as you fear but the good thing is that you want to be better. Its an introverted way worsened by an enforced isolated or restricted growing up or background. The issue is not greeting as someone up there was encouraging to continue but that you avoid people who you may in the future need their help or they may need yours which definitely will cause problem. I call the hiding, ostrich approach cos the bird buries its head in sand to hide from problem forgetting the big body is in the open. The moment you start avoiding being noticed you get noticed faster cos you are the one who didnt do what others did. I tell you with certainty, more people than you know has noticed you.

The problem is that if you can comfortably do without people, some people need some things you have therefore will become problem .As for 'hernis' if not now that comfort zone may crash some day. A major disadvantage with the attitude is that you bereft yourself from some growth, information, warmth etc you could have gotten from people.Trust me, you could have gone higher than second best position in 300l but for the attitude.

Way forward is to get close to a good friend who is sociable and learn how to relate cos you want to improve but you dont know how. Take it from me, you will meet people who really want to associate with you not necessarily closely just to express their like for you and the only way they express it is by greeting if you dont return the warmth you will become an enemy.

Dionne005:
I forgot to mention I told him about a friend of mine that recently told me he was adopted. I told my BF about it and he was feeling sad and said why would they tell the boy he was adopted. That's cruel. They should have just told him he is was their son and kept it at that. I said what's wrong with telling people they are adopted? He said in his country we try to make sure everyone has a father and mother. No one goes without even if it's not their mother and father. We take care of everyone.

Believe whatever you like; he has not told you the truth. He played you mentally with the feeling sad 'act'.

Dionne005:
Thanks for being logical! Good thoughts! Yeah I have thought that things may have happened at a young age! As far as proof that he is or ain't 29....what else can I look for besides papers and what not. Black don't Crack but he don't look older. The girl looks too old to be our child. But like you said...he could have had her very young by mistake. I had talked to him about her calling me mom. I said I'm too young for a high school girl calling me mom. He said out of respect we call our seniors mom. And I have seen him do it myself. Yal she look too grown for me and I'm too young period. People already think I'm younger than what I am! Anyways I asked to be called Aunty. He said yeah that's fine but when we get married she will call you mom. I said I MIGHT be more understanding by then. I asked how would his mom feel about her calling me mom? How does the girl feel?

Your last questions has what you need to know. The girl and mum can never be comfortable with her calling you mum if they truly are mum and daughter with your boyfriend as their son and sibling respectively.

Dionne005:
I met all his Nigerian friends in America and they are all our age or younger. We just all young folk. It just wouldn't make sense. When I first met him I actually was afraid he was too young. Not a minor but simply too young for my taste. So I know for a fact he is not older, if that's what you're trying to say.

Ok.

@dionne005, do you have proof he is 29 i do not mean the age on papers he showed you. If she is a sibling, he automatically become at most an 'uncle' in addition to big brother. It is not the culture for elder ones to earn the title dad even if they takeover a deceased dad's responsibility. The whole family as someone already hinted may be in it to gain your trust for easy future manipulation.

Your safest bet here is that he had the girl at an early age and do not yet know how to tell you he already has a child.

cole01:
Plz where is it happening,so people had the information and no one talked,abuja peeps I hail thee,,,see how this Lagos guys are dropping informations without even asking....Everyone forming anyhow in abuja

cc Cherishpearl it took place at LEA Primary sch. Kubwa. Information reaching me now says they have shortage of persons in Kubwa. So from now till the election look for who did the training to know where they will meet for the election prep or election morning so that you can be replace with shortages.

cole01:
Please this one no Abuja person is talking,is it dat they've not started in Abuja or nobody wants to talk,pls we're here to help each other,thanks

pls any lead on Abuja,kubwa precisely, thanks in anticipation

And pls can someone state the requirements for the training?? thanks once again

You are very late. Abuja is finishing training today. I cant access the person for kubwa venue cos she is on the training ground now probably writing the test. They usually start by 9 am to 4pm and they started on Tuesday. They only went with the print out which was not used as they manually registered again. Gate crashing was sure. Sorry this is all the info i have.

Happy birthday in advance and may you never know a better yester-years.

Have you thought of helping your sis and it not turning out well? Can you really help you sister? where you able to help yourself yet you vowed to the very present help in time of need who doesn't give useless help like man?

You made a very specific vow; "orphanage or nothing" and God doesn't joke with specific vows. God has done his part, time for you to do yours you consider changing to "orphanage or sister" You may need to see properly Ecclesiates5:4-5.

A lot has been offered you already but i noticed this, you have not yet loosened yourself to the reality of a romantic life. You are still too uptight, i know the SU-ish background added to its seriousness. You are not yet nolstagic about loving and being loved in an opposite sex way. Age and loneliness may jolt you into this reality but it may be late. The last point you stopped at mills and boom taught you to feel a chemistry and so you are waiting for the chemistry sign to believe it has come.

I think in the process of waiting for the right time you shut your system to some of the the things that. are enzymatic to making you experience the chemistry even if you find the right reaction; some of these things are seeing two young people who genuinely love each other and desiring to have what they have instead of passing them of as sinners totally not worthy of emulation, not so exposed to mature and real dating information and consequently not yet seeing an urgency for marriage and thus not too bothered if it comes now or later with no define time.

Loosen yourself, then define or list your realistic desires in a spouse like a woman going to the market armed with the knowledge of things she need to buy lest you may see what you need and not know or take the wrong thing charmingly sold you.

So because he is not expose enough to talk about sex you believed he is a real christain but when he invited you to come with all your property and cohabit without even introduction you didnt see he is not a practicing christain because he will be watching you everyday without touching you, afterall he cant talk sex.

That man is not on same level with you at all. i already know he is way older. End all businesswith him for your own good. you are looking for a partner that will reason and make decision with you but his idea is to make all the decision and hand it to you, you either acept or you are not submissive. You cant handle that man's mentality. That is their typicality and they like going for far your women thinking they will be easier to control.

Job description
Office assistant
Qualification
SSCE
Prefarably a female residing in Gwagwalada.

If interested Call 08051061953.

Amaraokafor:
You and Deemain went dip to really decipher what I really was going through.Although many under stood,but we know it's a man's world.The important to thing is, at least I get strangers who were smart enough to give a deeper explanations to EXACTLY what I felt,It's unfortunate though, it's coming from people who I don't know or ever met before in my life. I smiled in pain when I read Deemain opinion.Nobody is with our flaws.Sincerely contrary to what I envisaged,this thread actually was helpful especially from those who emailed me to give their better judgements.

I thank everyone...May God bless you all.

Cc:IamD18

Add this to the things you need to give critical thoughts to; people may misunderstand your yearning to see him, you may also think he doesn't understand but take this from me and you can use the best possible way to confirm it from him; he knows your wanting to see him is paramount to you, therefor he uses it to punish you for wrong done without you knowing. It is an introvert's number 1 weapon-SILENCE. It is used both consciously and unconsciously. He may be talking normally with you but silently dealing with you. He affirmed it when he said 'is it not someone you have a relationship with, you want to see?'

Seeing that being ignored with the physical presence is so dear to you, get him to promise to make deliberate effort to not use it on you in the future but that he should talk out his hurt. Else, start developing thick skin for the future because if you commit an offence that gets to him, he will carry himself to work in another room, location from home as well as deny sex since he can 'hold body' for long. It is his purnitive measure...(this is assuming you are both working things out).

Thank you.

[quote author=Spicylate post=67633164][/quote]

Spicylate please spell out here the gmail for the private tutor, i need to quickly send it to someone but i cant clearly see what is before the consult.

yvesboss:
I pray that doesn't happen to her cuz that matters is very terrible

Amen to your prayer.