₦airaland Forum

No. Don't ask me why.

...

Have you heard of love language? yours is words of affirmation.

Saying thank you is not a big deal but is for you because of who you are. For as long as your wife dont fill it, the void will always be there. When you meet another woman who is appreciative with words/words of affirmation you may find yourself helplessly comparing her to your wife, drawn to her. What you'v gotten so far is not enough, you need to get her to speak the language to you while you learn hers and speak it too. It is why you havent gotten used to that part of her after 8years and you might still not get used to it because that part of you will remain empty.

As for your wife, she is quite taking you for granted knowing that you will still be your kind self no matter what. Her main problem is that she doesnt want your head to swell, but when she sees you want it badly, the pride in her wont make her open her mouth to say it plus she doesnt know how to say thank you hence she goes for other appreciative gestures like the food thing, her personality and upbringing also must have contributed to her being like that. If she get to know how much it means to you, she will adjust. Goggle love language, more importantly buy the book titled love language by Gary Chapman, its the magic wand you are looking for.

udmydearest:
thank u very much dear. Ur advice is so striking, infact am swinging into action by next week. Thanks once again......

You are welcome my dear, sometimes all you need for the way to open is a strong will. You may not find it easily the first time, but if you know what you are looking for and are persistent enough, you will surely find. Good success girl.

Nice one op! many people have not even heard of love language or dont know their love language yet it might be the one thing that will turn around their relationship for the better. I also like the quote attach to language touch.

Point of correction, touch as a love language is not exclusive to the married, kids also have the language.

From the way you talked about leaving, it seems you have a place in mind. If you dont have any in mind, start looking for friends or relative that can provide a roof over your head because you can manage 22k on other needs. When you find a place, you should not move at once, spend a week or two and go back home to spend a weekend or week repeatedly before the final moving; This will help you have a feel of the life outside and also tell whoever is at home that you still have a stake there.

It seems you are soft hearted, i would have said stay back and wait for the woman chasing you out, your poor sister will likely take your place, so when you move, add private lessor, business or any good means to up your income.

Honestly i dont know what to make of the said parents. I think it is the wanting to be modern, allowing their kids make their own choice regardless of it been bad. Majority of the today parents are very laid back on discipline and morals, it is even worse that the spiritual leaders they look up to are not better. During this last summer break, i had a Sex talk with the pre-teens in a particular Church, all the kids where well dressed except for one girl with a killer bum short. I specifically cautioned her not to wear it outside her house again only to find out she is the pastor's daughter few days later.
Though not an excuse,some of raped children wore provocative dresses that triggered images in the mind of the paedophiles, sometimes, it is one wore days before the actual rape.

Laraiboluwaji, i want you to know you captioned and killed it with your William Shakespear quote.

Ayolight, i couldnt possibly have left, i'm always with you.

Hope kano foundation gave you a specific time for their next step? You dont have to say the exact time though.

I had to add this because you say the real owner will see it.

No doubt the wife is displaying some immaturity but i dont think the brother is all blameless. Here is it, some women can overlook the faults in their man as long as he can provide for them, talk about 'covering the shait with leaves and picking the udara beside it' but dont find it funny to put up with his excesses with no money or something to console or comfort themselves. The brother may not have to dish her his ego as before on half filled stomach, not forgetting his joblessness/insecurities may have magnified the ego as is usually the case.

Also, the girl may have never experienced such lack before, as such not know how to cope especially with her dad's refuge nearby. I can imagine brother remind if not order or shout at her to cut down everytime she uses stuff and she will be like the rats in my dad's gets better.

The solution is not in giving her outright ultimatum lest she goes back to same situation that made her leave initially or even refuse to go home, then they divorce and make their daughter pay for their immaturity.

He should talk with her first, make her realise she is hurting him, ask of his faults in the issue and be willing to amend, be patient with and assist her to learn to manage in lack because its not easy to cope when the person does no what it means to lack before, not especially when there's alternative. At the end of the talk, gently but firmly give her the ultimatum.

God will give you victory and take all the glory, Amen.

ayolight, hope light is better now?

cococandy:
60 in 3yrs while still married seems much.

But you're right that may be the case.

I see young boys with goals of 'bedding' 20 girls in a year, with an underlying factor of conquest and fun of different faces, shapes, sizes- 'varieties' as they call it. Then it grows bigger into an habit that challenges their prowess that inspired them in the beginning.

That may not be the case!

cococandy:
60 people?
He's a sex addict jare.
That one pass cheating.
He needs psychiatric help (not just a counselor) and must go meet a psychiatrist if he wants the marriage to continue.
Give that to him as a condition.
They have all sorts of addiction therapy these days so he may be able to find help.
I don't believe he's a horrible person who wants to keep punishing you because he confessed by himself and promised to work on it.
That's the sign of a repentant person.
But staying married to him means living in fear of stds because for now he can't help himself.
So weigh your choices carefully.
If you want to stay and help him work it out, you have to protect yourself.
If you don't want to stay, no one can blame you.

Make una stop dis sex addiction thing before e start, no be only una watch film. So the more the partner the surer its addiction.

A nympho is one who want it everyday, even a nympho can have self control by wanting it always but with one woman. Not when a man has has allowed his lack of self control to grow bigger, he is passed as an addict. There's a clear difference between habit and addiction.

The man may/may not be an addict. The details provided here is not sufficient to conclude.

Madam, shebi dem don tell you make you leave your Mil to mind her business while you mind yours.

iwatch:
no mind them. They are so many and against her. I don't even care whatever the so called "secret" is. If any of them never do bad since dem born dem or even in the last 3 months, make dem stand up!

Be careful, you just might be talking to thesame person in different monikers.

Did you remember or noticed a guy on B'osisi thread that said a girl he is going out with for sometime is getting married and has not told him, is on thesame thread, he is the one. He has not forgiven her for putting him at the bottom of plan b list. Yet when herz said suitors are too many they were angry.

Chai, na God save herz sai she dumped his broke azz, na only food wey he buy we no hear word, we would have seen her nude pictures had she ended up with him.

As for the rest haters that have not posted even imaginary food picture before, shame no catch una- talk about 'move forward make others see road, no; oya commot road make others pass them still say no'.

Do you know and understand your personality? It is affecting your attitude so that your attitude to life is not possitive and somehow things dont turn out possitive. When you understand your personality, you will know when where and how to develop a great attitude to life. You have great strengths but there lies your weaknesses. When your strength gives you those wonderful ideas, they can succeed as in or beyound your imaginations but when challenges on your way to that success comes, that your weakness beside the great strength squashes it, then back to square you go and your negative attitude grows bigger than the one that aided the last downfall. Work on your attitude, you cant go forward if your mind is going backward. More importantly draw closer to God, he holds the magic wand that brings this transformation with ease.

Ma'am Tearoses, i trust you are following from behind the screen. The Almight God rules in our affair!!

ayolight:
goodnoning. someone talked abt writtin to governor. I ve done dat but u all knw I can't discuss it here. but d truth is it has not yeided result. tnks. I ve sent Stella a mail. but no response.

Our prayers are with you and we are using all options. Optimall said you should give her your email.

Aminat508:
CC:


Agarawu23
daniels(m), Sapphire06(f), mta003(f), dahaz, esteria(f), GHoJes, ShirelleBaby, Philistine, coldwater(m), wildchild1, AwesomelyMade, omenkaDONSMITH123(m), Aliru, LaurelP(m), tunergy(m), eherbal(m), smuth(m), YOLOHOMMIE(m), Omotayor123(f), joseph1832(m), Kimoni, tola9jaa, Mcweber(m), dre11(m), moshood1993(m), chukyjones(m), Izeeq, midolian(m), Canme4u(m),

You are amazing!

Donald3d:
Light this is a small extension of my love to you,more love coming up from me ,pls is there any facebook page to help spread this faster,i know nairaaland is a great place but trust me facebook will have a wider reach,we can run it here and on facebook,attached is a banner i designed for the lovely baby.I am praying for you Light,Gods hand will transform you and make you whole in Jesus name,Amen.

ayolight
naijadeyhia
funjosh
olu4life
onegai
GHojes


*MODIFIED- Do i have the permission to create a facebook page for Light ,i need the Nairaland family to give me a go ahead ,i will paste the link here all i need is the go ahead.Thanks

God bless you, we are in support of it.

According to medical report, this baby is susposed not to live up to 1year but she lived beyound the finish line before her condition was detected because she came to live. You dont want to know all that her mother in her bare twenties has gone through to see her child live from the link above.

As we recieve our pay few days from now, please spare 1000 naira for this fighter of a baby.
This case has been verified by moderator mynd4. Time is limited!! Thanks!

seunkeji5:
help save baby light

Paste here the one you copied from the new baby thread by herniolar.

@Aminat508, I celebrate your effort, i thought donald3d and naijadeyhia are working to design a poster for the purpose, though we have to explore all options still let there be uniformity.

For the records, this case has been verified by a moderator-mynd4 and confirmed by some nlders.

pmc01:
There's no need pleading with Mr. eun to allow this on frontpage. Our individual efforts can make a difference. Let's raise awareness on the matter as much as possible by making this link our signature and urging other frequent front page commenters like Introvert, LadyF, CR77 and others follow suit.

Other users with large followership in Politics and Romance sections should be pleaded with to make the link their signatures.

Also, those on twitter and instagram who follow the 'celebrities' should bring this to their awareness and see what can come out of it, especially in this era of them giving 'dashing' people money for school fees. The likes of Japheth Omojuwa and the other 'social media activists' can help raise this fund in 48 hours.

In short, I'm advocating we take this as a personal campaign and put the awareness on every social media till it becomes a national project, even beyond Nairaland. I already activated this as my signature.
Now, can I get someone to start a twitter hashtag #helplightshineagain or #thatlightmayshine

Please, let's act now.

Please repost this on the family thread, let us make some noise, noise attract people and helps and ideas. As it is, this is weekend and there are quite a number of threads on fp that has brought people to the family thread but people who would love to help are discourage by the large amount, silence there or are lazy to click the link. But if we make them realise it is achievable with all hands and that there's workable plan on ground, everyone including those who never thought it possible will key in.

At all lets post and repost in the other thread, let this fire not go down.

ayolight:
Light in a happy mood

Have given donald the pictures?

naijadeyhia:
Working on it. Have been emailing back and forth with the designer.

Weldone!

ayolight:
TNKS
I really dnt knw Wat d banner ll look lyk, but I knw it ll need pic so can I send d pic here nd u copy it frm here.
so other necessary tins ll be sugessted by d house.
funjosh
naijadeyhia
olu4life
onegai
GHojes.

Get any of her fine pictures to serve as the before, then use the one she has plasters on as current picture.

ayolight:
gudevn house. tnks for helping to post d neccesarry documents in d family thread. tnks so much.
my mum lost his elder brother yestday midnight. she has been down coupled wit d fact dat I'm strong Dats y I ve.been silent since morning.
tnks so much.

Sorry dear be strong, this too shall in goodness!

That girl still need to grow up, infact you both need to.

You dont know her yet let alone understand her person and i think its same for her. I see the time you both should have used in studying and knowing each other, you use in catching up on kisses, not that i blame you guys much because you seem not to know certain things should be in place before marriage.

She is too clingy and possesive, it may develope into insecurities that may make her suspect your every move, it can also develope to obsession and make her do dangerous or harmful things if she dosent outgrow it. You too sound egoistic, what do you mean talk back to you? And you couldnt drive your point without raising your voice, it start gradually and then become habit. She maybe talking rudely but she is saying something listen. Work on your attitude of not wanting stress or problem, everyday is not christmas, deal with it not running. You never start, you don dey feel headache and HBP, OLD MAN!

Talk to her on what you dont like and listen to her version of you and both should amend. Work on the things i pointed out. Get to know and understand each other beyound the kisses. If it doesnt work now it wont in marriage.

Naijadeyhia any news on the poster?

ayolight dont get tired, post more appeal in the new thread, add the pictures and hospital papers.

@all lets say things in the new thread as it will keep the thread up and the more the posts, the more people will want to know whats happening.