₦airaland Forum

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See how you have made a fool out of yourself again. Claiming that, as a real man, the obligation of finding a woman is completely mine does not logically imply that I whoré around. And like I said, you are a boy. So if you bring a girl home to mommy and daddy and they refuse to give their consent, then you will dump her. What a backward culture.

PAGAN 9JA:
you are a fool aswell.

My dear pagan, you are the fool. So you begged and grovelled before mommy and daddy so they can provide you a woman? Silly boy.

Afam4eva: Maybe i should go to church one day and claim my right to preach on the alter. There's an extent to which your right can take you. The man has a right imposed on him either by nature or popular wisdom. The woman should not try to take that away from him just as he wouldn't take the woman's own unique rights. Can the woman claim the right to have a penis? Let her stick to what she was given and stop trying to take another person's role. And i don't know why people always see the female role as being tantamount to slavery. It's not anybody that's born to be a leader. I know a guy that says he can't be the owner of the business or even the head of a managerial position because he's talented at being a follower. It's only someone who's an oliver twist that will want to assume numerous responsibilities especially if someone is already handling some of these responsibilities.

If indeed the man has a right imposed by nature, then he surely will not have this problem. Comparing a woman trying to claim right to having a penis to that of naming her child is absolutely nonsensical, and I am sure you know that. How can it be nature if we are arguing about it? There was a time that men were lords over women, but that time is fast coming to an end. We are not cavemen anymore and we live in a time of equality. A man does not own a child. They both do. The mere fact that the husband is helpless in this situation completely destroys your "nature" argument, for it were nature, then one cannot change it.

Afam4eva: Some of you think marriage is a place where you go to claim right.

Isn't that what you have been doing all along? You claimed that the man is the head. You talked about marital roles. You have been advocating for the man's rights in almost all your comments; but heavens forbid that a woman have her own rights. The child has a first and last name given by the father; but if the mother wants to give the child a middle name, then she is "claiming rights." The child must speak the father's language, but if the mother wants the child to speak her own language too, then she is "claiming rights." I detest how women's rights in Nigeria do not matter.

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Haba. Let's not resort to that.

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If a man will hate his own child because the child doesn't speak his language, then the man does not deserve to be a husband or a father. Since when did the love of a child become conditional on the language the child speaks?

pDude: It is very simple.

Stop speaking yoruba to your husband's son.

So she should stop speaking her language to HER own child? Wetin person no go hear for NL.

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The yabbings too much. I feel sorry for the guy. What I will never understand is why people are much more comfortable sharing their marital problems with everyone except the person they are married to. I have married friends whose marital problems I know way more than their spouses. It amazes me! Talk to your spouse. Don't fight them. Don't nag them. Don't be passive aggressive. Sit them down and have a civilized conversation.

chineloSA: Woman breadwinners in Nigeria?

No, once I financially take over the responsibilities of a man, then to me he is my wife. Even if I earn less, he still needs to honour his responsibilities.
I wouldn't take over a mans responsibility, as I would be denting his ego. He will eventually go and look somewhere where he is useful.

So according to you, it is money that makes a man. Thus whoever earns more in a relationship is the man!

Afam4eva: There can never be equality in marriage the way you mean it. That's where you live, in their attempt to make marriage equall, they keep running into problems that lead to divorce. The reason why most of our parents have been married for decades is because they respected each other's role and not try to usurp the other person.

And what about in Nigeria? We have many marital problems as other Western countries. I lived in Nigeria till I was 19 and so many women in Nigerian marriages are not only unhappy, but they cannot escape their prison because of societal disdain for divorce. It is easy for you to hold your position because you are a man.

If a woman told me that she was the head of our family because some god said so, I'd be pissed too. God did not appoint any roles to anyone. They are all societal constructs.

chineloSA: I am a self proclaimed feminists, but I am against woman turning man into their wives

A woman is married to a man and therefore takes after his surname, so man should not be deprived of that last right that is left for them please.

Yes we are equals, but he paid the bride price, provided shelter and name to be used for that house. So please, this is Africa.

There is no equality in the Nigerian culture; in particular, there can be no equality if a bride price is paid. Where I live, you simply marry anyone you want to. You don't buy them. How can you claim equality if you are paying?

thorpido: He should have married an esan lady if it is all about him.Once you choose to marry outside your tribe,you should accommodate the other side too.I didn't marry from my tribe and I understand the children will pick up their mother's language too and I don't mind.

GBAM!

Afam4eva: Is it now a competition. If this happens then the woman is bound to win. Esan cannot win against Yoruba as the latter is spoken by wayy more people and they also live in the SW.

My brother, it is not a competition. A man does not have the right to tell a woman not to speak her language to her child. Speak your own, I speak mine. If it is not a competition, the man wouldn't try to enforce his language on his child.

@divine2043
Let the woman speak Yoruba to the child and let the man speak Esan to the child.

@OP

If there is one thing I hope that you have learned, it is that you should never ever bring your marital problems to obodo Nairaland again. See as dem don yab your husband finish.

@Afam4eva

I actually wish that my father had taken this man's stance. My father did not even try to teach us Esan. He only took us to his village twice. I am 28 years old and I have only been to my village twice. I felt more at home when I arrived in the USA than when I arrived in my hometown. And why is that? Language. The conversations with my grandmother and relatives were very awkward.

If I knew the man, I would advise him to let his children spend vacations in his hometown. I have a Nigerian American friend who speaks Igbo almost perfectly, as judged by my Igbo friends. And he said that spending his summers in Owerri, for 16 consecutive years, really helped him.

Afam4eva: The child belongs to both of them but one person makes the difference. Marriage is not a place where you go in to represent your village. it's all about sacrifice! sacrifice! sacrifice! It's a place where you give and not expecting anything in return. There's no federal character in marriage.

If it is not a place where you go in to represent your village, then why does the husband insist that the child learn his language? In this context, there is nothing to sacrifice. The wife is speaking Yoruba to her child. Let the husband speak Esan to his child. Why is the husband relying on the wife to teach his child his own language? Isn't that his job? Is the wife demanding that the husband should learn Yoruba?

Joshthefirst: sir.
I believe if you start speaking the language to the child from a tender age, he'll pick it up. He'll also pick up the local language spoken in his environment. This has been proved in families I've seen.

I'll give this a try. Thank you.

PAGAN 9JA:
stop all this dating c.rap.

tell your parents to get a nice Yoruba girl for you and settle down.

all the americans know is divorce.

I am a man. The responsibility of finding a life-long partner fully rests on me, not on my parents.

Afam4eva: If you love your husband soo much then you should learn his Esan and speak it to your child.

My brother, learning a language is not easy. How do you propose that she learn the language in a Yoruba setting? As long as they live in Yourbaland, the child will not speak Esan. I and so many others are living examples.

Afam4eva: Any husband that allows you to give your child a name from your language to speak your language to the child is just being nice and nonchalant. These are things people should discuss before getting married.

You do understand that the child belongs to both parents. Since so many children have two names, it makes most sense for both parents to choose exactly one of the names. I have a problem with the word "allow." Why would a woman need permission to choose one of the two names of her child?

Afam4eva: These are things people should discuss before getting married.

I completely agree. We think that love will overcome all and refuse to talk about very important matters such as this.

ekt_bear: Heck, I'm in the same exact position as your husband...almost all of the women I date are non-Yoruba, so it is pretty likely when I eventually get married and have kids that they'll view themselves as African American first before Yoruba.

So am I. Since I am now living in America, I have made my peace that my children will most likely not speak Yoruba. I have more chances of meeting non-Yoruba women than Yoruba ones. Even if I marry a Yoruba woman, it will still be hard to teach them the language because of our surroundings. I doubt that the children will want to learn a language that they can only use with two people.

Joshthefirst: My parents are igbo and yoruba.
I only know igbo, and I regret it.

Please ma'am.
Speak both languages to your son.

Human beings even at that tender age(or rather, especially at that tender age) are able to master two languages at a time[sometimes even three. The marvels of the human intellect. God be praised.]

If your child speaks both esan and yoruba, it will be a blessing to him in the future.

It is hard to learn a language from a parent, especially if that parent is the only one who speaks that language in that environment. You learn a language from your environment: school, friends, TV, church, etc. Why do you think that most Nigerians born in diaspora do not speak any Nigerian languages? If you want your child to learn your language, then you have to provide the right environment for them. You cannot stop them from learning the prevalent language in their environment.

Inter-tribal, inter-racial, inter-religious, etc marriages should only be for people with tolerance and understanding. If you cannot tolerate other people's culture, languages, religion, etc, abeg stay in your zone. My father, an Esan man, also banned us from speaking Yoruba, but he woefully failed because we were all born in Osogbo. My mother, from Akoko-Edo, was born in Lagos and we always conversed with her in Yoruba.

I am not ashamed to say that I identify more with Yoruba people than Esan people. It is not my fault. I don't speak the language. Whenever I visit my village, I am a complete stranger and I rely on translators. So many people underestimate the power of language. It is hard and somewhat embarrassing to claim that you are from a tribe when you do not speak the language therein. Interestingly, I have a patent Edo name, but I act and speak like a Yoruba man.

deejay_harry1: BROS, som people dey complain say her picshure no gree them shi.t, u still com carry am commot here?? chaii.. why evulz na

My brother abeg no vex. The thing just surprise me as I see say the person wey create this thread worwor like this.

E be like say she dey find handsome bf, so she come create that useless theory. Most of the fine gals I know dey hook up with fine bobos.

T3 @_@ Amo:
Just like there are handsome men out there who are not players and good guys. Men like to generalize a lot[/color]. [color=#770077]Why not see for yourself whether the "beautiful" lady is good, instead of judging her already as a certain way. Character is not limited to looks. Anyways "birds of the same feathers" flock together. If you attract certain type of women, you should clearly look inwards and see why.

Humans like to generalize a lot.

@OP

I saw the picture on your profile. I hope it is not you:

Modified: I was told that I could be banned for posting her picture, so I removed it.

Christianity and confusion. You guys argue about tithes. You argue about how to interpret scriptures. You argue about the Trinity. You argue about freewill. You argue about the role of women in the church. Now you are arguing about dancing. Why are Christians so divided?

fuckluv: Old man dey claim 27yrs grin shocked
But why is it that some people felt ashamed telling their real age? sad

olabode89:
This your english carry weight o! 'Felt ashamed'. Na wa o

To those who say women cannot drive, I agree with you. To those who say women can drive, I also agree with you. In fact, I agree with everyone.

Hopefully someday white people will start to wear Afro extensions, darken their skin--not tan--, and attempt to speak one of our tribal languages.

Justeenaleo: In my belief these two are not subjected to d same punishment...thrs punishment for each but it's based on ur own level of sin,d bigger d sin d bigger d punishment

I am looking at it from a Christian point of view. If we are talking Christianity, then all sinners will go to hell. This is a fact, and not subject to debate. I don't know how Muslims view this.

jamesbridget13: The option is not complete oo @ Op. What about d men who get this women pregnant?

He did not make the choice to kill the child. Abortion has always been a woman's choice.